Reviews for are you aware the shape i'm in?
LIVEalittleLOVEsome chapter 1 . 10/1/2012
Whoa, I reread this two times and it's just really good. I don't even know what to say, the flow and tone and tge metaphors and Lucy and their messed up relationship was just done so nicely and written so well. Pretty amazed right now, but that was really good.
marniemadden chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
wow, this was so perfect, my creys. omg. i loved how broken lucy was, and your metaphors are perfection, and the lyrics you used as inspiration, omg. also the quote at the beginning.

can i be you or?

but yeah. this was my favourite.

"I never let it go to waste, handwriting your name in large blocks of cursive on the wall like a pattern that only you would be able to decode if you ever took the time to come and see the mess you've made of me."

your writing is ridiculously beautiful and even though i don't particularly like lucy/scorpius i really loved this fic. you have a serious talent, please don't ever stop writing.
all these ghost towns chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
This is absolutely unbelievably gorgeous.

I read a lot of fic, truly - it must be said - and I have read a lot of fic that makes me claw at myself when overcome with feelings, but this one? Takes the cake, the parade, and the whole damn city of feelings.

You are the mayor of Ruiningmylifewithfeelsville.

In all honesty, just thank you, thank you for writing this.

It's insane and your talent is insane and ugh. Perfect.
Gamma Orionis chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
I liked that there was a certain dry humour in the narration, like the line "I smoke. I subsequently waste three seconds thinking about quitting smoking.". A few lines like that stopped the piece from being too overwhelmingly miserable or melodramatic. I also liked the brokenness of some of the sentences, because they give the whole piece a sense of almost "falling apart" - like Lucy's just barely managing to hold herself together, if that makes sense. Very nicely done, I think.
keep my issues drawn chapter 1 . 1/13/2012
Wow, this was flawless. I've never read any if your writing before, but I loved this.

I /love/ your characterisation of Lucy, she's so /broken/ and feeling hopeless and depressed, and you wrote that so well, how she was sort of detached from her situation, and just couldn't give a fuck anymore.

Beautifully written. Scorcy is my guilty pleasure at the moment, and I have a funny feeling I'll never stop loving this ship.

Never stop writing. :')
kingslayers chapter 1 . 1/11/2012
HOPE. OKAY. So. I imagine you've gathered how flawless I think this fic is from my ridiculously incoherent PM, and the fact that I nominated for the Morgan Le Fay awards for Best Lucy fic but I totally owe you a review - my PMs and reviews haven't been working recently, and I've been like, FUQU FF I WANNA REVIEW HOPE'S AND AIMY'S FICS AND REPLY TO THE PMS FROM AMY AND JOSEPHINEE but nope, FF makes me wait until I get my iPod back (that's today, btw) so maybe it's something to do with the computers in my house? Idk. IRRELEVANT. Sorry. 2.30 am. I'm rambling. :L

Okay. Flawlessness of fix review time now.

Fucking hell, Hope, I adored it. Lucy was just so ajdhxjsh and just so idgaf(unless you're scorpius malfoy, that is) and she was such a flawless character and you totally pulled off the first person present tense AND CAN I JUST SAY THAT HER THOUGHTS, OHMYGOD. Her thoughts reminded me of a mix of Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower, the general personification of idgaf-ness, and this utterly flawless and unnameable quality that was just so /lucy/, and completely finished off her characterisation.

"I smoke. I subsequently waste three seconds thinking about quitting smoking."

idek but that line seems to sum up half of Lucy and I don't even know how because I get such a complex reading off her like she's fucking 7-dimensional and how the hell is one line meant to sum up half of that but it totally does and it just gives such an idea to Lucy so we're set up for her character from the start of the fic, and that's just so great, Hope.

The blood-vodka-coffee sequence gives this layer to her, that suggests that maybe she's a little lonely, maybe she's a little broken, maybe she's vulnerable and maybe she's just a bit scared of living without her routine.

"Quitting life seems plausible.

Almost as plausible as quitting smoking, but not quite."

Merlinfuck, Hope, that's such a flawless line. It seems to be in the same vein as the first line about quitting smoking, but not quite because it discusses quitting life and that should make us sad and should depress the fuck out of people but Lucy sounds so detached from it that it doesn't matter because it's like it can't hurt her and I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it's great anyway.

"somewhere out there there's another me and another you and another world where 'we' could change into 'us'."

Holy shagallama, girl, there are no words to describe this section. This entire section is flawless, but my two favourite parts of it is that and this:

"When I run out of blood and I run out of tears, there's nothing to do but sit and light a fag and perhaps start giving a fuck and get on with my existence. And yet as soon as I stand up again on my own two feet, I remember you and it's simple to conclude that I'm running out of lighters to light and fucks to give and things to do."

Likeā€¦ fucking hell, Hope, is it possible to buy flawlessness like yours or do we just have to pray to God and hope that one day we're lucky enough to know someone personally that is as flawless as you are?

The line about we into us, ohmygods, there is such a fine line between the two but it's such a big difference and it really adds to a relationship with a character we haven't even met yet and do you know how hard that is to do?

And then she wants to set them on fire for them and it's just such vivid imagery and then his name in her handwriting and he'd be able to understand it if he ever came to see what he'd done to her and then if he could be the one person in the world that loved her then ohmygosh she wouldn't be able to describe it.

And then the bit about blood and tears just adds to just how broken she is even though she seems detached from pain half the time and then the pure gold of that line about lighters to light and fucks to give and ohmygods this part is just hdjdinjsj. It's such an amazing lime and I don't even know why because it's simple but it just sums up everything in a way that just seems so your /Lucy/ and it's gah WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME BRO

"I'm a train wreck without you but you're just a perfectly functioning train without me. It's the black coffee, it's getting to my head. My metaphors never made much sense, nonetheless"

THIS. THIS JUST MAKES HER SEEM RELATABLE ON THE LEVEL THAT EVERYONE HAS SOMEONE THAT SEEMS JUST FINE WITHOUT THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY'D DIE WITHOUT THEM and then it's also not (for me, at least because I've never been in love [only fifteen, so ;)]) because it seems like the love and the hurt go hand in hand are invested in her far more than any of us can truly understand and it's just kinda sad, the way it's so lonely that she loves him and she doesn't know if he'll ever love her back, she just knows she's waiting on someone who's clearly not worth it but she's too far gone to do fuck all about it.

Okay so the bit about cancelling the cancel was ingenious because it linked back to the start and reminded me of what she was like then and even though she seemed complex even then it also contrasts then!Lucy and now!Lucy and shows how much she's grown in a few paragraphs and that is amazing.

And then there's her hoping he'll be there and the corner and he'd be mistaken and then:

"Step forward. Loud noise. Step backward. Bright light. Tension, of the sexual variety. Step forward. Breaking of the heart. Wait."

Idek why but that part just gets me. Tension of the sexual variety is just flawless and the way the thoughts seem really short and choppy, like it's the most basic level of movement, of sexual tension, of thoughts and of broken hearts and it's just amazing, lovely.

The epitome of no is perfection and then aimlessness of history and then he turns and she's so clearly in denial and the table they blatantly fucked on and how she gives in and oh, she can't breathe and holy crap it's just so good.

"The morning hours are a blur. You're faded, but not burned out. There's a distinct difference that I recall you telling me about back when we used to be better versions of ourselves."

That's such a good bit. Better versions of themselves, ohmygods, that kills me because it's just gah displays how they've changed because of each other - or at least, she has - and just that phrasing ohmygod it's so unique and just so Lucy and there's something really distinctive about your writing, did you know that? I think it's the way you string words together to create sentences that seem more 3-d than RL and that just mean more than they should at a surface glance and it's just epic, Hope.

" it's perfect in all the ways except the ways it's not. It's crazy, you, but you're true, and since you're the truest thing I'll ever know I'll tell another lie to make up for all the time we've lost."

sobs how are you so good at this ohmygods perfect except in all the ways it's not idec that you're engaged i want to marry you right now.

And then because he's the tuest thing and she has to lie to make up for it and ohmygods she says she's not in love with him and she's insane because she wants to throw him away but it's like she's addicted to him and I honestly cannot figure out if that was a good decision or not because clearly giving him up leads her to a vulnerable mess but I can't analyse this clearly, it's 3 am, yes, I've spent half an hour receiving already.

And then she tells the truth because "the absence sounds far more appealing this time around" and:

"all a part of your dirty little game that I'd rather not play for fear of losing myself all over again."

That line ohmygod your ending it's just fucking flawless because she is losing grip on herself and reality and ohmyfuck, Hope, this was one of the best things I've read for half a year, good Salazar.

And I'm sure this review makes even less sense than Lucy's logic and this fic deserves so much more but I just can't find the words so you'll have to deal with this.

Love it, girl.

Jane x

P. S I was totally stalking the reviews for Caring is Creepy to find yours (I knew you'd have r&red it, it's too epic for you to not have read) so I could get to your profile to review this but I read your reviews and I agree with pretty much everything you said, so you may have changed your mind since you write those reviews, but idec.

Also idek if this is what you were referring to in your a/n to Oprah, but IDC because I saw it and got excited and SOCIAL NETWORK ANDREW GARFIELD JESSE EISENBERG shutting up now okay good bye :)
Dance Elle Dance chapter 1 . 1/9/2012
OMG I loved this so much. How does this not have more reviews?

I absolutely adored your voice for Lucy. It was really unique and quirky. Very nicely done.

Your Scorpius is...just wow. Really nicely done as well.

I hope to read more ScorpiusLucy from you! I think you did the pair justice. It's always lovely to read awesome fics for this pair. Keep up the awesome work!
over-rehearsed chapter 1 . 1/8/2012
I've come to realize, after all of these gazillion times I've read this story in the last few days, that a review that says even close to enough about this story isn't even remotely possible.

Especially as a whole. So I think I'll take it in the sections you broke it down into.

section one;;

I was slightly surprised when I found it was first person, but it's okay because I figured that if anyone could make first person work, it'd have to be you. I was right.

I love how you list out the routine she has and just asdfghjkl

My favourite line in this section would probably be 'Cancel. Cancel that.' and I have absolutely no clue why. It could be to do with anything, but I think it's to do with the fact that it went with the section and her voice so well, and I really have no clue, haha, I just liked it. ;)

Section two;;

Okay, okay, breathe Amy, breathe. Uhm. Well. Just going to say that this part is probably one of my favourite lines in the whole entire story, this section or otherwise.

"Quitting life seems plausible.

Almost as plausible as quitting smoking, but not quite."

Just... Just... ASDFGHJKL how do you do it, and how are you doing these crazy things to my mind i don't appreciate it, ugh, well, actually I do. Just. Well, this line just seems so gorgeous and I love it when one line leads into another I really do and it made me stop and think for a second before continuing and just, gah.

Section three;;


"Sometimes when I cry, I cry for you and the people you know along with the people they don't know, because somewhere out there there's another me and another you and another world where 'we' could change into 'us'."

This line. Just. Can I marry and have babies with this line, or? Like, it took me several minutes of thinking to even understand it it's just so far out of my comprehension and so fucking poetic that i'm sitting here only half comprehending it at all, and that's after thinking about it. I love how completely... insightful your Lucy is in how one line is making me think far more than most people's entire stories do. just. asdfghjkl.

And then the part about her bleeding and writing his name on the walls, etc. it's just... i love how fucked up your lucy is, okay. i love how fucked up she is and i really just want to give her this big gigantic hug but she's a fictional character and i have to remind myself that because you made her seem so freaking /real/ that i just cannot even function.

"it's simple to conclude that I'm running out of lighters to light and fucks to give and things to do."

thisthisthisthisthisthisthis, oh my gosh. forget the things i said about my favourite lines previously, forget them all. This line. I'd give up Darren criss and louis both for this line, actually no i wouldn't, but you get what i'm saying, don't you? Ugh, just... ugh. asdfghjkl

section four;;

okay, can i just take a minute to inform you that i absolutely love the flow of your writing and every theme or point you try to make.

It's strange, as far as lines go, that i feel like this section is basically the point behind the entire thing. Scorpius Malfoy is NOT good for her, he isn't, but she loves him anyway so screw what's good for her, y'know?

"is to pretend I am not the girl left secluded in the dark yearning for someone who's not a someone that's worth it."

I'm pretty sure we've all be there, but not all of us have worded it this beautifully though, so. ;)

I love the bit about the train too, because it's like, it just shows how messed up she is, and feels and how he's completely okay with or without her and it isn't fair but it's how it is. JUST.

section five;;

"At times vodka is hard to resist and I cancel the cancel that I'd put on it from the start."

"and I cancel the cancel that I'd put on it from the start."

"I cancel the cancel"

I'm pretty sure you get which part I'm trying to zero in on here, no? That part is just so flowy and poetic and gorgeous and how do you even do it, hope? like, do you have some secret book that you read called 'the secret to writing well' that you're hiding from all of us, or do you expect me to believe that anyone could be born as amazing of a writer as you? Is that even possible? I'd hate you for it if I didn't love you so much, just. asdfghjkl.

Quick, get me a thesaurus!

I loveloveloveadore how she was hoping he'd be there and then, bam, he was and i was just sitting there wryly like 'what are the odds?' but in a good way or maybe a bad way i don't even know. I LOVE how she asked for a dance instead of an apology because it seems sort of like she's resigned to her fate, whatever that fate is, and knows that she'll be giving in anyway, so she may as well just go for it. idek, bro, idek. it fits in with her characterization and how fucked up she is and everything, like, i don't even know.

Sextion five;;

"when we used to be better versions of ourselves."

I just love that line because it sort of shows just how messed up their relationship is and how messed up they are and how this isn't good for them, but they can't quit anyway. Sort of like smoking. sort of like vodka. sort of like life.

"Would you love me if I'd stayed?"

that line is so beautiful and poetic and just... asdfghjkl, haha

and Lucy talking about losing herself was just so gorgeous and if you can't tell i'm having a hard time describing my love for this story because it's just so...


I don't know, I think the reason I clicked this, other than it being your writing, was because the title was just so breathtakingly gorgeous, I mean, have you read it? Oh wait, of course you have. Like, I'm forever shocked at the fact that some people can just choose a title that so accurately fits the story. I've read it a billion times and the title still fits, it does.


She's just so messed up that it's not even funny. I love it. I love how she smokes and drinks and bleeds for him and still has such a philosophical outlook on life that just sits there and makes me /think/.


he's barely even in the story but every thing lucy ever says about him just sings out his characterization and then his appearance doesn't disappoint. just. He's so perfectly in character and I could see him being this way and it just works, y'know?


I have to say, I love the quote at the beginning, I don't know what it's from, but i just sat there reading it and it made me wonder exactly what the story was going to be about, and then i read the story and came back and read it and it just clicked how carefully chosen this whole thing was, gosh. And then the end song/title song/ description song lyrics, oh dear, they, too, just fit the story so well that i'm sitting here wondering about you and fuck how do you do it, hope?


Do you know how to say flawless in other languages? I don't. Like, I want to say that it was rushed and it should have gone on for ages more just for this selfish desire to want to read far more of this.

This is the sort of story that I wish that every single freaking person in the worls would just read and review because you deserve it and everything. I don't even know what to say, Hope. You are easily the BEST writer I have ever read, and I've read aimy and ellie and all of them, so no, i'm not just saying that to be nice.


This story is: perfect, flawless, excelling, pure, sublime, superb, unequaled,

you are: brilliant, radiant, ingenious, beautiful, gorgeous, magnificent, awe-inspiring, amazing, spectacular, excellent, grand, outstanding, superior, wonderful

I am: amazed, in awe, blown away, astonished, astounded, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, impressed is an understatement, moved, heartbroken but happy to have read this all the same, glad to know you, proud of everything you've done and how you've always been spectacular, but you keep getting better, and just... asdfghjkl. Haunted, stunned, touched.

My mind has been blown by your skills. It's official.



P.s. I said I'd review, didn't I? ;)
lydiamaartin chapter 1 . 1/7/2012

hope. hope i can't. what is this poetic perfection in front of me. you cannot begin to comprehend the emotions this story and your writing inspire in me because ohmyfuckinggod this might be one of the most beautiful things i have ever read. and i've read harry potter, so that's hard. real hard.

i'm not even exaggerating at all, though. just, your talent, give it to me, okay? i want to be able to string words together that are so simple apart but so complex and haunting and beautiful when you write them in a sentence. i can't even count how many sentences in this story made me literally breathless. it's not even funny. but i'll try.

"Sometimes when I cry, I cry for you and the people you know along with the people they don't know, because somewhere out there there's another me and another you and another world where 'we' could change into 'us'."

just. how is your prose so melodically gorgeous, i don't understand the sheer perfection. i'm just so in love with the idea you've brought up here so casually of another world with their happy ending, as if lucy has already spent time thinking about it and she's reached the conclusion that of course there's another world, there has to be another world, where she and scorpius might be happy. and i can totally imagine, thanks to the first few scenes, lucy just sitting or standing, smoking or drinking, and thinking about herself and scorpius and the universe and everything just. she's such a refreshingly original lucy, and it's insane how much of a picture you can paint in just one line with simple words, not even huge pretentious words like i've seen some writers try to use unsuccessfully. just small, simple words that mean so much strung together. gosh, it's legitimately brilliant.

"I cry for the people I don't know but the people they do know, because like I know you, they know someone who may just love someone who knows another someone, too."

and again with the poetic prose. i still don't understand. how can your writing be so perfect? i just love the progression of thought here, from her crying about people she doesn't know but the people they do know and her reason why, because it's just so simplistic but so complex, the idea of crying for people you don't know who might know someone, etc. i'd continue, but then i'd just end up quoting it over and over and running around in circles trying to capture why your gorgeous writing affected me so. because it really did, just the sheer melancholy and beauty in her statement and also with the subtle characterization of lucy, too. because you've told us that she smokes and drinks and cries, but you're also showing us that she's thoughtful and intelligent and really has such a unique philosophy on the world and i just love your lucy so much it's ridiculous.

"I wish I could set a building on fire for you, you on fire for you, me on fire for you."

if you haven't noticed, all the lines i'm choosing have something in common - and that's that they're brilliantly poetic and gorgeous and asdjkfghk i need new adjectives. but just. this ought to be published poetry, i am sure of it. i should be dissecting this in english class with my crazy bat of a teacher who should be like "now, ladies, what do you imagine hope means by this line?". because - and i keep saying this but - the poetic beauty of your lines, it hurts. the glory and marvelousness, it hurts. and again, more with lucy's character - am i reading too much into her character or? because every line i come across i just fall more in love with what you're showing us about her, that she's this broken girl who's hopelessly in love and there are just so many layers to her it's /glorious/. she starts off just smoking/crying/drinking, but then you slowly start to unravel her personality and give us these glimpses into her psyche and it's so prettily done i can't even.

and i'm going to stop quoting from that section now because we'd be here all night if i did because it was all gorgeous and haunting and ldsdfkgjhj-inspiring so. moving on!

"If you discover some that I haven't encountered, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know, but either way, please don't let me go."

but how do you come up with such beautiful poetic prose hope i do not understand. it's the rhyming that got to me, because rhyming always gets to me, but it was also just what she was saying and how she was saying it and just everything asdklg. because you've painted such a lovely, marvelous picture of this lucy, and here she is outright talking to the guy she's in love with (well, not "talking", but you know what i mean) and it's so beautiful because she's all matter-of-fact even though it's hurting her to be in love with him and just. her personality. my god, i love your lucy and your writing so, so, so much. it's ridiculous how gorgeous this is.

"At times vodka is hard to resist and I cancel the cancel that I'd put on it from the start."

just have to note this because of the wonderfulness of that "i cancel the cancel" that made me go sdlkfgkhjjhgf (which i've been doing a lot obviously). i just adore how the sentence is so easily poetic and brilliant and idk how you do it. it just flows so smoothly and easily and just. yeah, i'm probably not making any sense, but i hope you get the gist of it!

and oh gosh, i loved the whole scene of them meeting in the bar and how she was hoping he'd be there and he was, by the table where they'd fucked and i'm giggling just imagining what that must have been like. because honestly, you did such a wonderful job with their relationship, even though scorpius is only in the story a bit and it's mostly just lucy reflecting, but i still got a real sense of how these two feel about each other through everything lucy said and /how/ she said becaue obviously your writing is just that gorgeous. but like the detail with her memory of them on a table, and it spirals into how their relationship or pseudo-relationship, whatever it was, must have been like and idk maybe it's just me and my lucy/scorpius-loving heart (shh, don't let the dominique/scorpius shippers know i've semi-abandoned them lol) but i found it so refreshingly complex and dark and twisted but also fun and unique and just dfjhhgffdsa it was just so gorgeous i could cry.

hm, i suppose my only criticism (and you don't have to take it to heart as i think it's been proven i no longer have any idea what i'm talking about tonight) would be the dialogue. it seemed a little weak, but i think it was because everything else was just so inhumanly gorgeous and all the prior lines packed a real punch, one after the other, to leave me breathless, that when the confrontation didn't, i was a bit underwhelmed? but don't get me wrong, i did adore that you kept it short and sweet (well not sweet, but y'know) and then they moved to dancing and then next scene was also asdklgjhh inducing so it's not like it's a huge problem. just something i figured i should mention so this review isn't just a huge babbling mess of "ohmygosh hope your writing is gorgeous" :P

"We lie in your old room instead of mine and it's perfect in all the ways except the ways it's not. It's crazy, you, but you're true, and since you're the truest thing I'll ever know I'll tell another lie to make up for all the time we've lost."

and oh gosh more perfection i don't even know what to do anymore. i love how it was perfect "in all the ways except the ways it's not" because again, you show us so much of the complexity of their relationship beneath the surface and i just adored that. because any other couple, it'd be either "SEX YAY EVERYTHING IS MAGICALLY FIXED" or "SEX IT WAS A MISTAKE ANGSTANGSTANGST" but here it was different, it was them loving each other but both of them being so fucked up that it wasn't quite a happily ever after and i loved that so much better than the other two options.

and the the ending, how she didn't say she loved him, she said the exact opposite and actually, i loved the dialogue here, so maybe it was just the earlier scene? i don't even know, but it doesn't matter because the fic ended on such a gorgeous note and it's nowhere near a happily ever after but it's not completely angst and it's a curious mixture of the two but leaning more towards angst. if that makes any sense? at least that's the impression i got, and i may be totally off, because, again, it's late and idk what i'm doing or saying. but seriously, the last few lines were just so beautiful and i kind of hate you because i suck at ending fics but this ending was just so pretty and haunting (i use that word a lot; can you tell i need a dictionary?) and just yeah.

brilliant job, and since I only have about a thousand characters left in this review, i'll stop it here. congrats, you are now the second author to be added to my alerts because everything about your writing is breathtakingly gorgeous, for real. and i love you and keep writing because you are amazing
verity candor chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
Holy shit in a wheelbarrow, Hopey - look, you've got me swearing, what is this, ohmygod.

This is magnificent. I mean, oh my god, seriously. From the opening quote (i just love richard siken, shut up) to the gorgeous ending - omg.

Your characterization was brilliant, and I loved how you used Lucy's POV so effectively. I normally dislike 1 person, but wow. The descriptions of her "routine" and how she copes with this tangled mess of a relationship - and, oh wow, the way you had Scorp there for all of ten lines, and he was still so concisely characterized, that was incredible.

And even better than the actual story and characters was the writing - you cannot understand how jealous I am of your talent, seriously - you manage to make it so lyrical, and just use these gorgeous metaphors, but it's still so ... earthy, and hardhitting - you never let the feelings get lost in the words, and asdlkfjsdklfj. Hopey, this is amazing. I absolutely adore it.
Aebbe chapter 1 . 1/6/2012

I don't even know what to say, I really don't, because this was stunning. I definitely haven't read enough of your writing, because you have an incredible amount of talent. Seriously.

I honestly don't know where to start with this review. I love your stream-of-consciousness style in the beginning, leading us into the story and the characters, and the way the actual 'plot' is really just a snapshot at the end. Your characters are so well drawn - so completely human and flawed, and the way you portrayed that feeling of complete despair and hopelessness is chilling.

I think the main thing I loved about this though is your use of language. It's descriptive, almost lyrical, without being at all over-descriptive or flowery - in fact, it's very down-to-earth. Every word felt perfectly chosen and placed, and your pace is beautiful - it never felt hurried or too slow.

Considering that you say this fic is a mess, I'll really have to read some of your writing that you don't think is a mess, because this was perfect. I'm a horrible nitpicker when it comes to reviewing, and I can't find anything to nitpick at all, or maybe I was just too blown away by it to notice the typos... Anyway, you know how I feel about angst and happy endings, and this broke my heart, but in a good way.

Beautiful, love.
motherpucker chapter 1 . 1/5/2012
okay, what. right so. so like, firstly, what are you even doing, I can't believe this is for me. seriously I'm just going to be rereading this like 24/7 because it was this entire beautiful, chaotic mess and IT'S FOR ME, OHMYGOD. and I should write something for you and it'll prolly suck because this was so, so good, because it made me /think/, and the amount of fanfiction I read these days that are like "girl meets boy problem it gets fixed lots of pretentious word strung together" and I'm sitting here like, what are you even doing. but this. not to mention these two are my favourite couple atm and I'm having serious trouble trying to chose between kaya scodelario and hannah murray for my lucy!headcanon and that is so irrelevant, I can't believe I just brought it up, ohmygod.

firstly; - THE ROUTINE. this whole idgaf-except-I-do routine with tears and maybe-blood and vodka and then coffee. I was just like, wow. and it was such a way to start a fic, you really just kind of dove into it and I was like, god, how do you do that, because fic beginnings and ending are the harest things to pull off.

secondly; - OMFG well done doing first pov, it's bloody difficult and you pulled it off and just well done, lol, I can't do first pov, it's such a fail when I do it but this whole fic just had such a kind of unforgiving tone to it and I love Lucy I love her.

thirdly; - "almost as plausible as quitting smoking, but not quite." - FAVOURITE LINE and I don't /quite/ know why, it could simply be because of the word plausible being in there, it could be the smoking, it could be the badassness of lucy, idek man, but it was fab, okay.

fourthly; - "because somewhere out there there's another me and another you and another world where 'we' could change into 'us'." okay, imo some others can gabble a whole load of shit that they don't really understand it's just to seem deep, you know, while some authors write these things that ARE deep and make sense when you don't even have to think about it, it just clicks and fits and I get it and you are the latter because the whole "another me, another you" thing was flawless, and "we" into "us" because there can be such a difference between "we" and "us".

fifthly; - "I wish I could set a building on fire for you, you on fire for you, me on fire for you." this line, what was this line. I mean, I GET IT. this whole want to destroy for someone else, and the fire, and the passion behind this line, and the craziness of the line, but it seemed sort of sane because fuck it, we all have crazy thoughts. that line, though.

sixthy; - "I'm running out of lighters to light and fucks to give and things to do." I WANT TO QUOTE SO MANY OF THESE LINES TTO PEOPLE OR ON MY PROFILE OR SOMETHING BECAUSE THIS LINE HAD NO FLAWS

seventhly; - yearning for someone who's not really worth it...idk, we've all done that, that's why I love it. we all yearn for things that aren't worth it, that never have been worth it, never will be worth it, and yet we yearn all the same and idek I just love Lucy and I want to marry her, thanks.

eightly; - I'm a train wreck without you but you're just a perfectly functioning train without me. - ME IN ONE LINE


tenthly; - oh hello scorpius. oh you're going to be sexy now? oh. OHMYGOD. why is he even the way he is and they're at the table where they shagged last time and then they dance and what is air, tension of the sexual variety indeed. ohmygod. flawless scene is flawless, say it's anything less than flawless and I will ennd youuuu. jsyk.

eleventh; - you're faded but not burnt out. - OH LINE OF ALL LINES

twelfth; - ohmygod when she says she doesn't love him because I generally hate when people are all "I love you" in fics so when she said she doesn't and it was just this cruel honesty and everything about it, and how she choked on her own saliva (I'VE DONE THAT NOT ATTRACTIVE IN THE SLIGHTEST LET ME ASSURE YOU)and the bravery it must've taken to tell him and how you can tell they want each other so much but it's poisonous and blah.

thirteenth; - WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF I STAYED OHMYGOD CRYING FOREVER IN A MESS OF TEARS, COFFEE AND BLOOD. what is he even doing why is he like that.

fourteenth; - last line was so flawless, every line was so flawless, I would marry this fic if I could.


lucy; - lucy lucy lucy. she was this mess of chaos and self-destruction and need and want and everything she said, everything, I connected with it all and I felt it all and god, how are you even doing this. everything she said was loaded with emotion and passion and this fic was really and truly haunting, kind of grips you and shakes you and idek. but yes, lucy, I may be in love with her, just everything about her was a complete train wreck and she was so lonely and the fags and the coffee and the tears, and I liked how she cried, I liked how she was vulnerable.

scorpius; - right, walking orgasm much? how could he screw over my lucy and make me still like him. what is he playing at, stupid boy. anyways, he was only in this a bit but you got so much out of the few lines he spoke and we learn so much about him through lucy's pov and I love how he plays games even though it's /horrible/ of him, and the tension of the sexual variety, that too. and how he starves her and knows she'll give in, everything about him is so gah. you simultaneously want her to walk away and shag him.

okay, so i adore you for this. I adore you anyways but. um. can't even believe. this was beautiful, and I'm not saying this because it's for /me/ or because you're like my favourite, I'm saying it cause it's the truth and it's lucyscorpius and it's MINE and I love it and I love you. vodka soda, baby, vodka soda.