|Reviews for Chase Going In For The Chase|
| Pyro-Misa chapter 2 . 9/24
I thinks its cute. Not a strong story line, but I'm definitely not saying it's bad. It's just I've seen this same plot a few times. Still good though, keep it up. :-)
| martian-general-bookworm chapter 2 . 7/25
Usually when I see sexism, it's the women who get portrayed in a damaging light. I'm kinda flabbergasted to see it done so blatantly to guys here. Still Sexism is bad so you don't get points for flipping the trope.
Having Fanboys for a pretty girl is a really popular cliche, but that doesn't make it any less flawed or at least tweakable to a more tolerable level. Not every man within the tri-state area needs to have the hots for Kimiko; not all men have the same taste in women, as believe or not beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. In fact some men may already be in a happy relationship with a woman who has their heart and soul. Some men may not even be into women period. It's fine for Kimiko to have suitors, but there should be significantly less than what you allude to.
The real problem in this fic though is the male behavior. I have guy friends and I've seen them get hot over a lady, while awkward boners have been popped, nobody's EVER lost control of themselves like this. I don't care If Jessica Rabbit gained human form, no one's gonna become a creepy grinning drooling sex zombie, nor will they bang their head on furniture (at least not as hard as Chase did). They will not suddenly revert to their caveman roots and chase the girl down and rape her (is that was the monks were doing? Would Omi even know what sex was? Aren't they all supposed to be celibate!?). Guys do not act like this.
A horny guy may try to hide his boner to conserve his dignity. If that wasn't a problem then maybe he might try and make a few moves on the girl and depending on his social skill and/or the previous level of the couple's established relationship, the encounter could end in success or failure. Depending on where they are they could do an activity location based to get the ball rolling.
And finally there's the characterization in this fic.
We'll start easy with the monks. For one thing they all had the same reaction, which is no fun at all. Even worse was that they all acted like horny zombies for Kimiko which is kinda weird. They see Kimiko all the time. They live together; they've probably seen her in less. I'll admit that Raimundo getting horny isn't really out of character, but like I mentioned before, he wouldn't be a sex zombie. While it might have been a little jarring to see her like THAT, it probably wouldn't completely break their brains.
You could have given all the monks different reactions. Clay could have been super embarrassed, since he was brought up to respect women and stuff, Omi could have been all naive and asked why her robe was so small in the pictures or try to her a lecture on how a proper woman should dress since he's so old fashion, and Rai would just be spending the whole time trying to sweep her off her feet with smooth one-liners, half joking and half serious since he's not sure how he feels himself. Or he could have teased her and asked things like"where is your OTHER training robe? Huh?" and "So, did you use the changing chopsticks or did that robe really come that small?" with the outfit she wore on the calendar.
Then there's Chase; we have no indication that he has any prior interest in Kimiko before that calendar and then once he gets it he goes completely off the rails. He falls in love after a one night stand WITH THE ENEMY WHOM HE IMPREGNATES. And for some reason he's okay with it all because she's hot? I'm not even sure if I could recognize him anymore if the fic didn't keep specifically referring to him as Chase.
For this kind of thing to be believable, a previously established interest should be there. Also, while sex with the person you love most can be the most romantic thing in the world, using sex to find the person you love is a lot less romantic. It can be an interesting starting point, as to finding someone you're physically compatible with, and you can go from there. Chase and Kimiko could have used this as a starting point for a deeper relationship, not a love at first fuck and then starting a family. Which brings me to my last point, a baby is a horrible way to start and hold a relationship. Pregnancy is a huge deal and it changes the parent's lives forever. Getting a girl pregnant without warning is a lot less likely to get tears of joy, than it is to get that guy punched in the dick. Don't do that.
Finally we get to our leading lady Kimiko herself. Out of all the modelling gigs she could pick out for her first time, a sexual calendar is really the last place I would imagine a classy MONK like Kimiko agreeing to. More importantly what kind of Dad hands out porn of their kid? (Who does a porn fundraiser for a CHILD robot toy company?) That kind of thing really only encourages an obsession now that the suitors have a sexy image to fantasize to. It also makes them want MORE pictures, which can lead to stalking (Which in their case would lead to some burns and broken bones but that's still not right). Next she has no pre-established feelings for Chase, which makes the sex scene just a little hard to swallow. She basically falls in love with him because he's hot and is totally willing to become a mother at NINETEEN. She's essentially throwing her career as a Xiaolin dragon away for some guy that got her pregnant without her consent. If she ever does return to her career as a dragon, you can bet she'll be way behind the others. Chase officially took a giant dump on her life goals in one night and for some reason she is happy.
Maybe instead of modeling for a sex calendar, she could model for a some high end fashion company that's CEO is a longtime friend of her father. The High Fashion is pretty risqué sometimes, but it can be very sophisticated and classy, which is how I imagine an immortal man like Chase probably likes his women. Next establish some pre-existing feelings for Chase, it makes the sex scene a lot less awkward. Maybe they've been flirting at showdowns lately? Finally... don't make Kimiko pregnant! You wrote hero be nineteen in this fic, Kimiko is not mentally or emotionally prepared or experienced enough for kids. She still has tons of adventures in front of her and maybe even a new boyfriend, that's plenty. Don't add a baby.
I don't even know if you'll read this, but I hope it helps you in the future if you do.
May your muse never abandon you!
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/14
Best thing ever hard AF ATM
| fireheart chapter 2 . 3/26
please continue i have fallen in love with this story
| anonymous chapter 2 . 8/17/2013
YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE IF YOU THINK ANYBODY WANTS YOU TO WRITE A THIRD CHAPTER OF THIS BULL SHIT
| Guest chapter 2 . 8/2/2013
| LW12 chapter 2 . 7/23/2013
I love it, its was great
| Nicole chapter 2 . 7/4/2013
CUTE MAKE ANOTHER CHAPTER PLEASE
| FirePower18 chapter 2 . 7/4/2013
What I thought of your story it was lovely I loved make a 3rd chapter when they get married and have chase son or daughter plz ;)
| edward swartz chapter 2 . 6/6/2013
You put real passion in this story think you are a good writer and by the way any body else that tries to top this it is gonna be very difficult to do. Awesome story god bless you ,peace out.
| kuromi123 chapter 2 . 5/30/2013
Aww, you awesome Chamiko writer, you XD
| Nicole chapter 2 . 3/25/2013
PLEEEEEEEASE CONTIUNE PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP
| cornell chapter 2 . 12/8/2012
please make a video
| cornell chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
you really need to make a video to this it was so awsome i love it please make a video
| Yolandah-da-Hedgehoggu chapter 2 . 9/25/2012
Ooh continue ive never read a story about kimiko and chase getting married! And having a child... if ya dont want to... do you know another story with that plot?