Reviews for Our Piece
CelestialxXxAngel chapter 6 . 7/30/2014
Interesting story you got here.
Mind if I send OC too? I'll send the OC with PM.
Goddamned Ninja chapter 7 . 2/20/2012
Name: Yoshitoki

Age: 51 years

Physical Appearance: He is a slim, seven-foot man with fair skin and dark blue (almost black) hair that is wild and unkempt. He wears a blue and black samurai gi and geta sandals. Loose bandages are wrapped around his shins and ankles. He has prominent cheek bones and a lantern jaw.

Hero/Villain: Undecided, searching for a lord to follow

Occupation: None, Occasionally hunts bounties to stave off death

Affiliations (If relevant): Samurai of Wano (former), Wandering Ronin

Personality: Humble and quick to blame himself for when things go wrong, he will occasionally get into arguments with others when they deny that the problem is his fault. He is actively polite and chivalrous, going out of his way to show respect for women and children. He is rather ADHD, often forgetting things or becoming distracted and has problems with staying still. He tends to walk into doorframes because he forgets how tall he is. Occasionally, he will start singing about mundane things, like ladles or walking, without realizing it. He is extremely fearful of death and is deeply ashamed as his fear prevents him from seppuku and atoning for fleeing a battle in which his allies and previous lord died. He hasn’t used his sword in five years out of dishonor, using martial arts and the sheathed sword as a bat to defend himself and the defenseless. He will only wield his sword in the service of his lord.

Back Story: Once a samurai of Wano and in the service of his lord, one day he ran from battle and hid, watching as his allies and lord were killed and desecrated. He left Wano in shame and has since wandered the world, searching for a purpose and atonement for his failure.

Dream: To serve a lord with honor

Devil Fruit (If character has): None

Powers/Abilities: He wields 黒い星 [Kurohoshi] (Black Star), a nodachi to fit his height. It is various shades of gray in color and has tattered black wrappings on the hilt. Instead of a standard hand guard, it has two curves that resemble shark fins that are parallel to the blade. The fin closer to the hilt curves towards the blade and is positioned on the edged side of the sword. The second fin starts where the first ends and on the opposite side, curving away from the blade. He has limited knowledge of medicine and cooking, having lived on his own for a long time. He is not very good in straight swordplay, having developed a style that revolves around Iaijutsu.

Iaijutsu – Crimson Wave: he shoots forwards and strikes in a matter of seconds, drawing and sheathing his sword in the time it takes to blink. Blood trails after his sword after his attack.

Iaijutsu – Crossing the River: he steps and draws his sword, swinging upwards with the force to split a river in two.

Following Technique – Returning Home: while his sword is drawn, he steps past his enemy slightly while simultaneously cutting him, shifting straight into sheathing his sword.

Iaijutsu – Following the Stream: he lurches forward and uses his sheathed sword to knock his enemy’s defenses away before drawing and striking at their exposed stomach.

Iaijutsu – Blue Wave: he draws and sheathes his sword at high speed, the speed creating a shockwave that cuts at long range.

Iaijutsu – The First Day of Travel: stepping forward, he draws his sword and uses the motion to spear at the enemy.

Following Technique – The Second Day of Travel: he ducks in and spins, creating a whirlwind of motion. He moves forwards, his sword varying up and down during the spin.

Secret Technique – The Night of the Second Day: either following from The Second Day of Travel or as an Iaijutsu, a quick swing of his sword shrouds his movements in darkness, allowing for disclosed movement.

Secret Technique – The Final Day of Travel: either following from The Second Day of Travel or as an Iaijutsu, the speed of his swing cracks time and allows him to strike twice in the same moment. The attack puts extreme stress on his body and overuse could break bones.

Other traits: He tends to stare inadvertently.
Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin chapter 7 . 2/13/2012
Sounds like a plan.
MewStar0013 chapter 6 . 1/31/2012
Hey ya! Here! I wanna give ya some help so that this story can move along! I've got two Warlord ideas and an arc idea that could be useful!

First Warlord

Name: Tera K. Felionia

Age: 25

Physical Appearance: Dark blue hair that reaches her back with the top of her bangs wounded and formed on the sides of her head to look like cat ears. pale skin and narrow green eyes. Slender and tall. Usually wears a green blouse with a dark blue skirt, a white coat with tiger print cuffs, neckline, and hem on the coat. The coat also has a long part at the end of it that looks like a white tail. Also wears white boots and has black lines painted on her face to look like whiskers.

Hero/Villain: Villain.

Occupation:Warlord, former sniper

Affiliations The World Government

Personality: Cynical, rude, and haughty. She's a power-mad woman who seeks nothing more than to be the best of the females out of all the Warlords and to be the strongest. Hates pirates with a passion and only has her eyes on power, money, and the best of the best. She's very sneaky and she loves nothing more than to trick people into doing what she wants.

Back Story: Grew up and was kicked out of Amazon Lilly for killing ten of the natives after discovering her Devil Fruit, the Cat-Cat Fruit, Model: tigress. She has had a hatred for those who have high expectations than her and she vows to become stronger so that one day, she could rule her own island on the grand line.

Dream: To become the strongest of the Warlords and own her own island one day.

Devil Fruit (If character has): Cat-Cat Fruit, Model: Tigress.

Powers/Abilities: (fighting style and/or useful skills) Extremely quick on her feet and can pinpoint peoples' pressure points.

Other traits: Has a ball of yarn she messes with when she annoyed or bored.

Here's the second Warlord!

Name: Toni McCain

Age: 20

Physical Appearance: Light blonde hair and deep brown eyes. rather short but still very springy and jittery. Wears a yellow dress with white daisies in her hair. Also wears bangles and anklets and she is bare-footed.

Hero/Villain: Hero

Occupation: Warlord

Affiliations: The World Government

Personality: Hardly speaks since pretty much only giggles and laughs escape her lips. She acts like she has ADHD since she moves around constantly, always laughing and acting happy-go-lucky. She can barely manage three words without letting out a laugh.

Back Story: Grew up on Drum Island and was abandoned by her family when they found out she had ADHD when she was ten. Living on her own, Toni lived in the village were a few people were kind to her, seeing her giggling and hyper-activeness as something adorable. When the village was attacked by a group of wild wolves, Toni surprised them all when she showed her excellent archery skills. When she turned fifteen and the news of her skills was well know, she was asked by the World Government to become a Warlord because no one would suspect she was one with the way she acted and looked. Toni took the chance with a happy smile.

Dream: To make sure that the people she meets always has a smile on their their faces.

Devil Fruit (If character has): None, but is an excellent archer, since she owns the nickname, "The Feisty Bulls Eye."

Powers/Abilities: (fighting style and/or useful skills) Has developed archery skills ever since the age of a teenager. She can shoot from long ranges and she surprises people that she's good at archery because she looks so innocent and go-lucky.

Other traits: Only giggles and laughs, but does speak from time to time.

And here's the arc idea!

The Stolen Reflection Arc- The crew has entered the oddest island that only inhabits caves with the oddest of crystals. Slowly and one by one, the crew members disappear, only to be replaced with creatures that look like. The only difference between them and their doppelgangers is the pupil-less eyes the doppelgangers posses and their twisted and evil personalities. Where has the crew disappeared to? What are these strange crystals in the cave? Where are those cries of pain coming from? And just who is the maiden and fair young man who have no faces?

And that's all I got! If you want any more help, like on the OC's or the Stolen Reflection Arc, just let me know! I love your story and I hope to hear more soon!

This is me saying, Peace!
LunaticSavage chapter 6 . 1/27/2012
Hm. Looks like Sylvia's gonna be stuck in the background for now. But it looks like you still need a musician and a lot more warlords.

Name: Rafael Rouxhughe

Age: 25

Physical Appearance: His hair is short and spiky, a dark red color, and his eyes are a vivid green. Over his right eye is a black eyepatch with a white X on it. His skin is nearly white, and his total height is about 5"10. He's thin, and stands straight and dignified. Normally he wears a crisp white dressshirt with black pants, and a dark blue leather coat with the back reaching his ankles and gold trim all over it. He constantly wears a pair of white gloves and ankle high leather boots, which are more suited for riding horses than fights. He has detailed black Victorian-styled tattoos all along his collar and neck.

Hero/Villain: Hero

Occupation: Pirate, street musician

Affiliations: Rouxhughe Royal family, Revolutionary Army.

Personality: Rarely loses his temper. A very calm and collected guy who can always win an argument. He often makes snide comments about everybody he knows, thus easily annoying most people. He does this on purpose to keep people away from him, since he's actually very shy. Truthfully, sometimes he acts just like a small child. Basically his behavior is that of the noble blood he bears.

Backstory: Rafael grew up a very strict life as the second eldest son of Lady Marigold and Sir Rouxhughe. On the island of Littlegreen, as well as the surrounding islands, the Rouxhughe family was known for having the most famous musicians in their history. Rafael was no exception. Though he parents were very loving, he could not handle this strict life and so his parents let him go abroad at age 18. At the age of 20, he destroyed several Navy ships since they had wiped out an entire island allied with the Revolutionary Army. He ended up cutting off a lot of heads. This earned him a 30,000,000 beri bounty.

Dream: To succeed his bloodline

Devil Fruit: None

Powers/Abilities: Fights mainly with his axe, uses hypnosise when necessary and convenient, uses a pocketwatch and violin to do so.

Shield: Spins around his ax in front of him to block attacks.

Wrath: Typical decapitation.

Snake: Easily readable, but effective. A straight line slash from a distance.

Papillon Arpeggio: Short-term hypnosis for use on a wide area. Requires Rafael's violin. Lasts 15 minutes.

Masquerade Symphony: Strongest hypnosis. Takes complete control of the people in an area, but will kill those under the hypnosis. Lasts five minutes. Requires violin.

Persona Scale: Short-term hypnosis for use on a single person. Lasts 10 minutes. Uses pocketwatch.

Diagio Deception: Long-term Hypnosis for on person. Lasts three hours. Rafael himself hyptonizes the victim by lifting his eyepatch. How this works is a secret. Other people must leave. Victim dies afterwards.

Mindless Trance: Last-resort move. Rafael hyptonizes himself and allows him to attack with all his strength. Acts completely insane in this state, and is life-threatening to him. Lasts as long as he's conscious. Will attack anyone, even his friends.

Other Traits: Likes old-fashioned things, collects pocketwatches.

There's a musician, now for a Warlord!

Name: Manu Orion

Age: 38

Physical Appearance: Has dark brown hair, unkempt and held back with various bandannas. His left eye is black and the other gray. His skin is is a light brown and his arms and legs are covered in many scars. He's thin yet very muscled. His clothes usually consist of a dirty white sleeveless undershirt, knee-length khaki sailor shorts, sandals, and a leather jacket tied around his waist. His sword is always by his side. He looks young for his age, and is sometime mistaken for a sailor.

Hero/Villain: Hero

Occupations: Warlord, Captain of the Cliff-Side Pirates

Affiliations: World Government, Shichibukai, Cliff-Side Pirates

Personality: He's very serious, yet at the same time a bite laid back. Despite being a warlord, he's honest, sincere, and kind. He's not blind to the corruption of the Marines, but remains a Warlord for the hope of seeing more true marines like Aokiji and Garp. He's a man of few words, but enjoys laughing. He's a civil pirate, and actually hates pointless fights and such.

Backstory: He started out as the child of an ordinary fisher who of course, caught fish for a living. Often Manu would come on his dads daily fishing trips once he was old enough. But one day, while he and his father were out fishing, a crew of pirates caught them, killed his father for defiance, and made Manu into their slave/servant. He was only 14 at the time. After two long years, he secretly found and ate a devil fruit, then took out, but didn't kill, the crew, which he left to the marines to take care of. Afterwards he decided to become a pirate, to prove that not all pirates were like the ones that caught him. He was invited to become a Warlord when he was 26 and his bounty had reached 289,000,000 Beri, which would be even higher after five years if Manu's bounty hadn't been nullified.

Dream: To prove to the world that not all pirates are the same.

Devil Fruit: Neko-Neko No Mi, Model: Cougar

Powers/Abilities: Fights in his hybrid form, using his speed and strength to his advantage by rushing his opponent from all sides with speedy, powerful moves, and often uses acrobatics.

Other Traits: Never, absolutely never, disturb him during a nap. A sleep-deprived Manu is not a happy Manu.
zealousfreak27 chapter 6 . 1/27/2012
Being cynical, I'm going to say that having two chapters made entirely of submit OC forms and character give aways is slightly misleading. The story is fairly well written with little to no spelling mistakes, but if you wish to hook people to you story, you need to get somemcomtent out there. Be sure to avoid Mary and Gary-sues.
zealousfreak27 chapter 5 . 1/27/2012
Hm, it doesn't seem all that original to have your lead have a devil fruit that a canon character had. It's okay, I suppose. I like the name.
zealousfreak27 chapter 2 . 1/27/2012
Well, Zia is quite a lot how I would imagine what Vivi's daughter would be like.
Guest chapter 6 . 1/25/2012
Name: Portgas D. Vio (short for viola, but she doesn't approve of that name)

Age: 16

Physical Appearance: Long black hair that falls a bit past her waist. Usually in a braid that drapes over her right shoulder. Gold eyes, curvy, thin. Scar straight down from her right shoulder to her right middle finger. wears steel-toed boots, short white skirt, a black t-shirt with long sleeves that go to about mid-palm, a quiver with her arrows, and she carries her cello case on her back next to the quiver. Glasses, some light freckles.

Hero/Villain: Hero, definitely.

Occupation: Self-proxlaimed "greatest-super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot musician EVER.", main pirate crew's resident musician and archer.

Affiliations: previously unknown daughter of Portgas D. Ace, honorary niece of Pirate King Monkey D. Luffy.

Personality: Funny, kind, loud, hyper, hilariously insane, bookworm, sentimental, caring, can be sarcastic, snooty, a little stuck up about her musical genius, a little moody, sometimes mean, accidentally rude, but she always apologises. Is a loner, unless she's with friends or people she trusts, and is an overall fun person.

Backstory: Raised on a small island in west blue, her mother always told her great tales of a father unnamed. Her mother, a previously world-famous cellist, died when Vio was ten. Before she died, she told Vio her father's name and "Be proud of this name, take it, and show the world what you've got. Show them that the blood of Gol D. Roger lives on and remind them that the will of D. continues to rage on." In her mother's memory, she learned to play cello and many other intruments. She also taught herself archery, and has never been beaten at it. Her cello bow doubles as an archery bow. 4 years after her mother's death, her island was attacked and destroyed by marines and bounty hunters, so she harbors a grudge against both. She's just a travelling musician, with her pet spidermonkey (which she met one year into her travels on a jungle island) named Vibrato, when she meets the main pirate crew of this story.

Dream: To find a new family, to find Monkey D. Luffy (if that fits with the plot), and to let the whole world know that the blood of Gol D. Roger is still out there and causing mayhem.

Devil Fruit: None

Powers/Abilities: Archery. She'll swing her cello case at you if you piss her off. She never misses. (this next one can be used if you want, but this ability isn't necessary for her development) She has the King's Disposition(haoshoku) haki, though she hasn't trained in it yet, so she might accidentally knock someone out when angry, which causes her great distress because she doesn't know why they started foaming at the mouth and went unconscious.

Other Traits: Brave. Outlandishly brave.
San child of the wolves chapter 6 . 1/25/2012
I'll submit my character through PM. I hope you don't mind.
San child of the wolves chapter 5 . 1/25/2012
Oh I've had fun reading these chapters so far. I think I'll submit a character.
wolfsrainrules chapter 6 . 1/24/2012
I'm sorry about the spelling errors...U

Name: Skyler Bones (Sky) “The Illusionist”

Age: 19

Physical Appearance:Sky is a 5'8 female with black shaggy hair that hangs in her eyes and reaches her shoulders with matching black eyes. Her skin is lightly tanned, She wears back stonewash jeans with a white wifebeater. She had black combat boots and a deerhide trench coat that reaches his ankles as well as a thin scar that runs over her left cheek.

Hero/Villain: Hero

Occupation: Doctor

Affiliations (If relevant): None at first. Joins your crew later?

Personality: Sky is protective and loyal, but when you make her angry she goes through stages of anger. There's “Annoyed”, “Screaming”, “Silent treatment” then “Calm anger” She loves a challenge for her body or mind. She loves little kids and hurting them in front of her is a sure fire way to get her to “Calm angry” stage where she's liable to kill or seriously injure the culprit. Sky is the “big sister” kind of girl. She gives off a vibe that tends to make her the one people go to with problems. She's willing to listen and isnt afraid to tell you when you've screwed up. She watches out for her friends and won't hesitate to knock sense into them.

Back Story: Sky was a street kid, and was taken in 8yrs after living on the street by a talented doctor. The doctor took care of her and when he discovered Sky had a talent for healing he taught her everything he could. He only taught her more after she got her devil fruit, but was an older man and died, leaving Sky to travel around looking for money, food and board. (How she runs into your crew?)

Dream: To become the worlds best Doctor

Devil Fruit (If relevant): Illusion Fruit? (I'm not sure what to call it) but it basically lets Sky get into peoples heads and manipulate their senses so they see and feel what she wants them to see and feel. She can use this to fight people and to dull the pain of her healing.

Powers/Abilities: Sky is a street fighter, so she uses anything she can get her hands on and doesnt really care if its consitered “Cheating” In her words “Either my opponents will cheat or I'll cheat first. So its them or me. I choose me” She's an excelent doctor and sparing partner. She teaches others to watch out for her type of fighting before it really matters.

Other traits: Sky is a smooth pick pocket due to her yrs on the street and has some amazing “sticky fingers” She could rob you blind, even though she hates doing that to people that dont deserve it.
Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin chapter 6 . 1/24/2012
I've got an idea from an arc from "One Piece: Parallel Works" - Kingdom of Eternal Night Arc, where the crew goes to a kingdom of eternal night. The neighboring island is the Island of Eternal Day.

Here's another bio:

Name: Hatori Chidori

Age: 16

Physical Appearance: Has blue hair with an ahoge, black eyes, and rectangular glasses. Wears a white, collared shirt, dark blue jeans, and black sneakers.

Hero/Villain: Hero

Occupation: Fisherman of the Capricorn Pirates.

Affiliations (If relevant): Capricorn Pirates

Personality: He's clumsy, non-descript, and kind of a dork, but Hatori's loveable.

Back Story: Hatori's backstory was as ordinary as he was - He grew up in a fishing village with his family with no major tragedies or triumphs. When Yuki-Rin came by the village looking for crew members, Hatori's parents were all "Let the boy go. He needs excitement." Hatori decided to go to experience some excitement and to break away from his ordinary life.

Dream: To get stronger

Powers/Abilities: Uses a slingshot, like Usopp.
Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin chapter 5 . 1/22/2012
I wonder who this Forrest person is.
Nastalgia chapter 5 . 1/22/2012
Name:Lyon Hawke

Age:19

Physical Appearance: Lyon's hair is black and in dreadlocks hanging down to his neck. He is 6"2 and has green eyes. He wears the marine shirt and scarf as well as black shorts. He also wears a black jacket with a fur hood and occasionally just lets it hand over his shoulders. The jacket has an eagle symbol on the back of it. He also wears goggles on his forehead.

Hero/Villain:Both and if that doesn't work then go with hero.

Occupation:Marine(Lieutenant)

Affiliations:The Eagles, a pirate crew

Personality:Lyon can come off as being serious all the time. He has a rough outer shell but when you get to know him he is very nice and light hearted. However he knows that there aren't very many people you can trust in the world, especially powerful pirates and even people high in the government. He makes a lot of jokes especially in bad situations but always knows when to get serious. Sometimes he is really just out for himself though and may even betray his friends to an extent if he needs to. Mostly if his friends get in the way of his ultimate goal.

Back Story:When Lyon was very young, his father turned from being a marine to piracy. Lyon never understood why because he always felt like Marines were the "good" guys. He didn't see his father again until he was fifteen and he had lost all sense of honor in his turning. The marines attempted to apprehend his father, a man by the name of Simon, but he escaped again after a terrible raid. Lyon met his father where he found out his reason for defecting. Simon gave Lyon his jacket and goggles to remember him by. Unfortunately Lyon was filled with bitter hatred and he swore to join the marines and bring his father in. After four years he quickly rose to Lieutenant but he realized some of the corrupt aspects of the Marines, so he decided to strike out on his own, in the places where Marines had little power so he could bring in criminals.

Dream: To eventually become one of the three Admirals of the marines.

Devil Fruit: In his travels he found the lightning fruit, which he ate, in hopes it would give him an edge over the enemy.

Powers/Abilities:Physically he's very strong so he fights with his fists mostly. Due to the effects of the lightning fruit he can shoot lightning from his body. He can also absorb lightning as well. Lyon, in desperate situations can summon lightning from the sky which can come down in the form of a dragon or he can strike himself to gain more power.

Other Traits: He is what you might call a man of honor. It is something he lives by in almost everything he does.
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