|Reviews for Breathless|
| turboowl chapter 9 . 4/6
I am hoping we get another chapter soon. This is a great story and want to see how you end it..Thank you for sharing your work with us
| Shana5 chapter 1 . 1/30
OK...to the 2 creeps that bashed this fic and the whole Duke/Scarlett pairing...GET OVER IT PEOPLE! Just because you are a fan of the comics and her being with Snake Eyes doesn't mean every other Joe fan feels the same way! AND if you actually cared to watch the toon, or the subsequent toons (ie: RESOLUTE) she made her decision...and it WASN"T the NINJA!
All due respect to Snake Eyes...he is a great character, but I was raised on the toon, so I favor Duke. I have great respect for the comic and the S/SE pairing, but I don't know that much about the comic...therefore I don't write in that cannon and if a writer chooses to write something you aren't a fan of...then just don't read it...don't talk about what you don't know...
| Shana5 chapter 9 . 1/30
OK, we soooo need another chapter to this one...I'm dying here! lol
| Guest chapter 9 . 1/5
Hi I have read this story several times I love it please update it again
| NoWhere ManX chapter 6 . 12/12/2013
I swear when I first read the opening sentences, in the back of my head I was hearing, "Let get ready to rumble!"
Although I say that, the argument between Duke and Scarlet is more like a fencing match. The two dart between each others words. I like how Scarlet says she was doing her job by saving those people. And did the they have a problem with that? Then Duke turned around and was like the men are his responsibility and his job. And did they have a problem? I love Scarlet acknowledging his point. Which was a good one. I love the fact that Scarlet risked her life but at that same time, after the heroics is over and done with it, don't stubbornly not seek medical attention.
Cute real American hero line btw.
I love when Scarlet joins Jaye and Snake-Eyes the banter between them. I think I've mentioned this somewhere before, but I love witty banter. And I especially love heartfelt ones. You can clearly see in between the jabs at each other that they deeply care about one an other. It's refreshing when stories allow the characters to be 'real' people for once and not just caricatures. I think too many other authors only worry about getting the basics clicked off when they write character's dialogue and don't consider how these people might act around each other and how they get along when they're not in mortal danger.
It's interesting, upon reading this a second time. It seems as though Duke, used Snake's general concern about Scarlet's well-being as an excuse to checking up on her in the infirmary. Clever Top, clever indeed.
"...Duke and Snake at twelve o'clock" Ok, Flint is hilarious! Lol I actually laughed out loud to that one.
Ok, I know Snake is supposed to be pissed at both Lady Jaye and Flint, but the angry letters that he plans to writing to them...My god that's funny. And with a red pen no less. lol Priceless!
But uh oh, looks like Scarlet pressed herself too much and now is going to pay for it. I hope everything turns out ok.
| NoWhere ManX chapter 5 . 12/11/2013
Starting off the chapter, I like how you've delved deep into Firefly's head. Despite the fact I'm not particularly familiar with the character originally, you give such a detailed description of his personality that I know who Firefly's character is. I know what motivates him. I know how his diseased mind works.
Ah, little Tito. You make him sound so sweet and innocent, despite the fact he has dreams of having a large tough gang and plans to toss Rick out on his ear. I always liked narrative that focuses on the mindset of children. It's always interesting how authors perceive younger characters. Especially how their value systems work. Tito, seems wants to be considered grown up to all of his sister's gang member friends, but at the same time still acknowledges that he's a little kid too. Especially when he went to find a place for him to be alone.
I hate the fact you can't copy and paste words anymore on but I'll do the best that I can for this next segment. The series of sentences that begins with, "Oh, Scarlet, please don't do this..." And ends with, "-don't make Duke write that letter," are simply phenomenal! Scarlett, Lady Jaye perfectly captures how hard it would be for both Snake-Eyes and Duke, if (story) Scarlett died in the fire. It's wild because it captures not only the emotions but the motions the two would have to carry out. Heck, even I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see if she'd pull through.
Finally Scarlett makes it out. But it's obvious that she's off and not well. And instead of getting medical attention, she stubbornly refuses. I like how Snake-Eyes performed the hand-slap game as a way of keeping her alert and attentive through the return trip back to base. Very intuitive.
"but two alpha males in an enclosed space, had a limited shelf life." - Great line! Sums up those two perfectly. lol
Everyone's finally home and we get to the debriefing. I especially like the description of Snake-Eyes' testimony of what went down and Duke's difficulty in trying to keep up. That was cute in itself.
Eventually Scarlet's rash but heroic actions come to light and looks like there's going to be hell to pay when the other leave and it's just Duke and Scarlet.
Funny enough, I find myself enjoying the parts that didn't play out in the episode more than the actual Canon bits. Seems like there is a lot more personality involved and the Joes aren't just stiff caricatures but actual people. They have their own little quirks, personalities and strengthens. It's good that you're able to keep track of each of their own personalities, I know myself controlling multiple characters can be difficult. You may have your favorites but you don't don't want any particular person to stand completely out from the rest of the crowd. You're able to do it wonderfully and I can't wait to see what else this tale has in store. Good job, hon! D
| NoWhere ManX chapter 4 . 10/9/2013
Ah, finally got another chapter down. Seems everything starts to kick into high gear in this chapter.
I like how in the beginning of the chapter, Snake-Eyes is assessing the potentially threat levels of the kids. Due to their inexperience with the laser weapons and they're wanton recklessness. It's something that shows, how well his mind is still working despite the fact they're in a precarious position. It's a sure sign of a professional at work that he can still keep a level head even when the world's going to shit.
I also like how things suddenly got real, the moment Storm Shadow stepped into the room.
Nice progression of how Lady Jaye and Scarlett, managed to dig up some info on the gang members. It's often overlooked, how a few casual words and a few purchased items can take a person a long way.
It's interesting how well you allowed the scene with the Scarlett, Jaye and the gang members play out. It seemed rather ridiculous in the show. And again, I have qualms about the whole not using self-defense, despite the fact they're kids. Granted, I know that's the route the show went, so you're not to blame, but you make it a bit less ridiculous in retrospect.
The next section has some great action with all of the Joes working together to get freed. And just when it looked as though it might have been a stalemate between the captured Joes with the newly acquired rifle and the rest of the Crimson Guards, the Calvary arrives with a hearty "Yo, Joe!" Great way to end things. Well done, hon.
| NoWhere ManX chapter 3 . 9/26/2013
Of course, this chapter starts on a good note with me. Anything involving Snake-Eyes, will always get my attention. It was interesting seeing him think about his own mortality like that. It's great the fact he does have a good sense of himself, yet, he doesn't take himself too seriously. And you got to love the gratefulness of the kid. Granted, I know that happens in the episode, but even I was a bit annoyed at that. Hey, the guy obviously isn't that bad if he's willing to risk his neck to save yours. I swear kids today!
...I think I've gotten off track.
I was really enjoying the witty banter between Lady Jaye and Scarlett. It really gives us a feeling that not only are the two close, but they're routinely in situations like this. Not to mention I love good banter between characters. When you have an amazing exchange not only does it make you as the reader feel more apart of the scene, but it shows that you the author know the characters and care about getting even their own personal quirks right. Bravo, hon!
| MJ MOD chapter 9 . 8/2/2013
ah, i wonder duke doesn't realize what beachead is doing. at last, scarlett is waking up!
hey, where's the rest of the story?
| MJ MOD chapter 8 . 8/2/2013
*sigh* it's o romantic to read about scarlett and duke. i love reading timber's thoughts.
| MJ MOD chapter 7 . 7/31/2013
to the author: what did you do to your hand? don't let it stop you from writing, tough...
hey, stubborn, DONKEY, shana! thank god the next chapter's already written! i wouldn't have lived waiting for it after such a cliffie!
| MJ MOD chapter 6 . 7/31/2013
when you quote duran duran it dates you. me too since in know what you mean and i love 'a view to a kill', wasn't it used as the them song in a james bond movie?
'let the corporal have it later, on paper, in angry capitals. With a red pen'
whoa! snake is angry! lol and rightly so. now scarlett has fainted she'll never hear the end of it.
| MJ MOD chapter 5 . 7/31/2013
good riddance harper! dreadnocks are cowards. snake calling scarlett stubborn is the pot calling the kettle black. lol i'm sure it's no coincidence the asl sign for stubborn and donkey are similar...
| MJ MOD chapter 4 . 7/31/2013
harper is really stupid. doesn't he realize cobra's "help" will come with a price he might not want to pay? he'll forever be their man.
omg! buzzer has a death wish to be snarky with stormshadow!
| MJ MOD chapter 3 . 7/31/2013
oh, come on! not th twin twits again?! scarlett should have had a torch to seal those two garbage-head in the dumpster and lady jaye could have called the garbage disposal company to take them in. although then the joes would have had problems with greenpeace.