|Reviews for Redwall: A weasels tale in mossflower|
| TwillyTheMoglin chapter 4 . 2/24/2013
| TwillyTheMoglin chapter 3 . 2/24/2013
I'M reading it...
| Megadracosaurus chapter 32 . 2/14/2013
...this was so good! I wouldn't be suprised if Brian Jaqcues (rest his soul) himself wrote a book like that!
| Megadracosaurus chapter 18 . 2/14/2013
Finally a story were the Badger Lord is evil!
| Megadracosaurus chapter 9 . 2/14/2013
...I think I just found a description of my personal Heaven...
| White Wolf Phoenix chapter 32 . 1/3/2013
I have to say it, despite loving Rinner to death (he really is a sweetheart) my favourite character is perhaps Ruffspike. Come on! He’s so adorably cute, and I can imagine him in my head so clearly.
Favourite moments have to be these:
The little ones using Rinner as a living canvas, using berry juice to form a masterpiece.
The battle at breakfast between the kids, Rudder and Rinner.
And of course, the end.
A happy end after all, with all back together again.
I’m only sorry I am so late in coming to this story, it was a great ride and gave a little bit of everything. Comedy, romance, action and most definitely adventure.
Hats off to you.
| Quaver Ava chapter 32 . 10/16/2012
While reading through this I remarked outloud, "What he needs is more commas!" Granted I like top use commas a lot, but I said that at a point where there should have been a comma. Anyways, onto reviewing the end of this story.
I want to start of that I didn't like how you suddenly had Rinner just decide to leave. For what reasons I assume I'll find out in the next installment of your series, but right now I'm left unsatisfied as a reader in that aspect.
Now for the part about Rudder being the one to tell the story as abyss, that I liked. It showed a certain kind of sadness that she never fell in love again, but was successful in her life. Rinner coming back after the story was told, or most of it that is, was also pretty cool. You could say it was a little cliche but the good kind.
There is one piece of praise I want to hound in you where you'll keep at it. Your dibbuns are perfect. So when you had that random piece with the little rat and his 'thwacka spoon' I just loved it. Also your use of the word woozle is just perfect for some of the accents and funny talk. Now, let's see Daga's gang go up against Lucy's...
Anyways, your writing has improved immensely from the the beginning of this story to its end. There were large portions that felt really cheesy to me and other portions that I thought was very well written in the aspect of a fast paced style. I enjoyed reading this story and laughed out loud on many occasions. Other parts I rolled my eyes and grinned stupidly because of the sheer silliness. Your style is perfect for humor and fun, a good place to always start when writing is your hobby.
Now, you're probably wondering what parts I found cheesy, and I will not lie and say a lot of your story just felt that way. This is my personal opinion, so don't take this to seriously. What I want you to try and do through is practice your more serious writing. You've showed us you've gotten down the humor, and your characters are spot on, but sometimes I want to see some deeper thoughts and feelings than what you've given us. I don't want you to try and change your style at all, because it's dang funny, but I'd love to see you try a small hand at tragedy with a lot of emotional detail. In several places in your story I saw you attempt at tragedy, Skipper and his wheel chair and Rinner leaving Rudder, to name two, but they seemed to have left out a certain emotional pull to them. This I would say is directly related to your detail, but in a fast paced story like this such deep thoughts just don't fit quite as well. So those two were perfectly fine, but I wanna see you try in a different piece, perhaps a one-shot, some deep emotional details and thoughts. (Sorry, a good bit of my writing was inspired by Jade Tealeaf who's a big fan of tragedy.)
Now, for a few questions that could possible make you facepalm because of plot holes.
1. Did Rinner return Martin's sword?
2. Did Rudder and Rinner see the massacre or were their backs to it?
3. Are you using the seasonal age system or the yearly age system, or perhaps a combination of both?
4. Your characters are like humanized version of that species right?
5. Wasn't Wolgreg a badger at first?
6. I'm going to think up some more questions up till ten...
7. No, I'm still think, give me a little more time will ya!
8. Ahah! When you make your characters pant with their tongues hanging out of their mouths does that mean they don't have sweat glans? But then you had them sweating earlier, so is it just for humor's/cute's sake?
9. Do you like boobs? I like boobs. How big are Rudder's boobs?
10. OK, I got nothing...
Well those questions didn't all come out as I thought they would... Oh well!
P.S. I really liked this line. "Whoa! Now look who got hit with the beauty stick! Rune!" Heh heh, beauty stick, XD
| Quaver Ava chapter 31 . 10/16/2012
Mmm, this chapter was slightly hard to keep up with. I don't know if you've started using any kind of breakers yet, but if not, I would suggest those.
| Quaver Ava chapter 30 . 10/16/2012
I like this chapter. It's simple and heart warming, kinda a slice of life. Granted I would have loved to get a little more detail on the chair, but that's the cool thing about fast paced styles like yours is developing into, just enough detail to show us what's going on, and the rest is left to the reader to try and sort out. You touched on Skipper's emotions, and where in other fics I think you should have put a lot of detail into his angry and hopeless state, in this fic the amount of detail was just right. The further I'm reading the more I'm finding myself enjoying your style as it grows. So good job, and only two more chapters left for me to read!
Then I can put Rinner into my Paper Chains story. :P
| Quaver Ava chapter 28 . 10/16/2012
Running through a camp full of cannibal vermin with arrows raining down on you sounds wonderful!
| Quaver Ava chapter 27 . 10/15/2012
Rinner ran through Mossflower. He ran as stealthily as possible,
This first line bothers me... I don't know why, but it does. Perhaps you could have combined the two together into one thought by putting in stealthily before ran. Or you could use a different word that describes stealthy like this one I recently found, surreptitiously. I think that would be the perfect word right there!
Oh and laughing prisoners, good to know they're still able to have a good time right before they're thrown into a stew and eaten. Oh, wait, and used as ransom to get to the rest of the Redwallers so them meanie bad guys can make Redwaller stew.
| Quaver Ava chapter 26 . 10/6/2012
Who shot the arrow?
Also I understand trying to make bad guys having a bit of good in them, no matter how messed up and cruel they are, but the mate thing just didn't fit in the fast paced action. The tears in his eyes and maybe a holler of sorrow/rage for his friend's death would have sufficed. But yeah, those are my thoughts on this chapter, just picking on a little bit of detail.
| Quaver Ava chapter 25 . 10/6/2012
Oh its just another happy and merry-old day in the good land of Mossflower! Why we got names that rhyme and scones to be had! Oh wait, just completely ignore that evil looking fox over yonder with his bow and pointy arrow, oh shoot the arrow's flying, and...
| Quaver Ava chapter 24 . 10/6/2012
I kid you not, as soon as I read "knife throwing contest" the Tava inside of me cheered and did a little skip.
But then she got a sad face because there was knife throwing contest...
Tava: *sniff* *sniff*
The real Tava: *Facepalming...*
| Quaver Ava chapter 23 . 10/6/2012
I love how you have a good bit of parody-like element in with your story. Granted its hard for me to take the mood seriously after that first bit, especially with these short chapters, but still, I like it.
As for Rinner's reaction and shut-up comment, I actually found that very realistic. It would have been nice to have gotten more detail on his lack of confidence in himself but that would have completely been weird to focus on something like that after making me laugh. Get the message off quickly and move on, a very fast paced and respectable style to use.