|Reviews for Eve's Little Apple|
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/18/2012
update soon , i hope bosley in the dad it would be a good twist :)
| Lexci2610 chapter 3 . 4/13/2012
Please finish - its really good!
| Eve x chapter 3 . 1/28/2012
this stroy is great and i can't wait for you to contiue it. who is the dad of Gloria? and who are those kidnappers?
| LAeyeball chapter 3 . 1/14/2012
Hey XRogue! Sorry I haven't been online recently, and now I am, and just seen your fic! Well... the plot seems quite good actually. Impressed with your boldness! But I hope you don't mind if I mention one or two things? Just trying to help your storytelling if its ok...
I can see you are getting the characterisation...this is really important. Yet also, its equally important to try and work on your settings, build around your scenes, help the reader visualise each scene with additional info. It might seem superfluous at first, but it helps create the atmosphere of each scene. Makes the reader feel like they are there?
I know sometimes when you watch a show, all you might hear is:
!Will do Charlie, bye."
"Bye Eve" and he hung up
Sometimes that is all that is needed. But not in every single instance.
Then for eg
...the next day...
Why not expand on "the next day" ? Think of how to build scenes and make them more appealing to the reader.
Also, if you're telling the story in 3rd person past, try to keep it that way. Mixing participles and present/past can get a little confusing to the reader unless you specifically take the reader to where you intend them to go.
Hope you don't mind this review. Just, I really like this plot and would like to see this fic grow and grow!
Well done so far though!
| Lena chapter 3 . 1/13/2012
i loved reading this, i want to know what happens to Gloria. this chapter ends on a cliff hanger, which gets people to want to read more, but it is also mega annoying as you want to read on. the question that is repeating in my head is: who is Gloria's dad? and does Eve rejoin the angels? i hope you continue to write it and anwser the questions going through everyones mind.
| chickfly317 chapter 3 . 1/11/2012
Great start, can't wait for more, please up-date soon x
| xoray812 chapter 3 . 1/10/2012
update please! thanks for writing a story! im sad that the show got canceled so hopefully people write stories! is it an eve/bosley story cause they are adorable togher
| val-snix chapter 1 . 1/8/2012
interesting start... update soon