|Reviews for A Hoenn adventure|
| Koten123 chapter 1 . 4/6/2012
I like it, but add more description so we aren't attacked by barren lands and nothing but people. This story has the means of being great but there are some things that need to be worked out
| Farla chapter 1 . 1/9/2012
Capitalize your title properly.
It's okay, four letters.
["Now which one shall I pick." Said Zack. ]
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned or "Hello." he grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it." And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You're relying way too much on just dialogue to move your story. You need more narration. Also, more commas would help.
| Deleted200 chapter 1 . 1/8/2012
Looks good, but try to add some description instead of just a barrage of dialogue. Look forward to reading more!