|Reviews for Shades of Smiles|
| Rainhealsme chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
From what I read, you really seem to have a knack for writing drama between the characters of ElfQuest. Even though I know nothing about them, from your writing I can tell that these characters really care about each deeply. Though, it was a little confusing trying to figure out how these characters connect. I had to read it a second time, but eventually, I got it. At least somewhat. And with such great characterization, I'd really like to read an entire story written by you some day. - xXKiraUzumakiXx
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 7/24/2012
Okay, well I must be honest that I don't know ElfQuest; I really only know what you've told me. But I don't think I need to know much more because your characterizations are so lovely and vivid. In each section, I get a perfect sense of the featured character, their thoughts, their feelings, their motivations. In each section, it might be slightly confusing as to how the different characters are connected, that is until the end. I thought you did such a lovely job with this. Even though I don't know the fandom, I almost wanted to cry because this was so lovely. A truly beautiful piece. Great job. :)
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
I have heard of ElfQuest and generally know its setting, but have not read anything in the fandom. So if I say anything unthematic for canon, please disregard:
I liked the little snippets of this, and the tone, with one possible exception in SPAG, felt appropriately high fantasy. The characters are all suitably different from one another, and you've got a deft hand at characterizing in quick, spare details, which is good. You're not beating us over the head with 'this character acts this way,' and I appreciated that.
I liked the idea of linking the characters through their smiles/facial expressions, but it seems to me like you stuck closer to the idea in the beginning than you did at the end. I'd have liked to see the issue of facial expressions touched on at the end, especially as you end with Bowki, the same character with whom you started the piece. I feel like it might have a little more continuity that way, but it's a matter of taste.
I'd like to see what you do with a plot-driven piece, keeping the same spare narrative; I think it could be very effective.
Hope this helps! SPelling And Grammar (SPAG) below.
it is the smiles he notices most - ungrammatical. 'He notices the smiles most.'
the proud smile, the one - should be plural, as you're talking about multiple subjects.
Sometimes father gets a distant smile. - Would also suggest capitalizing Mother and Father as they substitute proper names like Jane and Bob.
Serrin knows what her recognized - ungrammatical. Is 'recognized' a canon term ie 'her boyfriend'? If so, not ungrammatical, but would suggest a caps for clarity.
black-haired female/has obviously failed
well helped - 'well' doesn't work there. 'much helped' works.
before there are only he and she again, grammatically. Reads a bit awkwardly with the grammar fix, though.
from his parents' hut
I miss him too. - If this is a thought, it should be italicized. If it's something else, tell the reader what it is.
Bowki, who is full of smiles and laughter, doesn't know about that; he knows nothing of these terrors.
'the one where those which are reserved for the ones which doesn't mark time' - should be 'don't' and not 'doesn't,' but you also have too many 'one's here for me to keep track of; clarify
wrapstuff - canon term? feels a bit casual to use 'stuff' instead of 'wrapped cloths' or something, but I think it may be canon.
Bowki turns his head towards her.
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 3/5/2012
Admittedly, I know absolutely nothing about ElfQuest, so I can't really be of assistance in telling whether or not characters are true to canon. But I can recognize good writing when I see it and I really enjoyed this story. It's short but very, very sweet. You have a really nice way with descriptions that make this truly a joy to read. My only complaint is that it is much too short and I say that because I enjoyed it. ( :
Thanks so much for sharing and well done!