|Reviews for My Game|
| SilverWingedGentleman chapter 2 . 8/6/2012
I'm sorry to have taken so long to read this chapter again. I must say that I really enjoyed it, and I'm glad you moved you-know-who to the next chapter instead. It makes this chapter much more clear and finite. I'm looking forward to see where the story continues to go! Good luck Miri!
| 0er0 chapter 2 . 8/4/2012
After a glass of tea I have formulated some opinions. I've got good news this chapter is pretty dern good.
Now there are some improvements that could be made, sure. I'll pm you some typos I found here in a moment. Those don't really matter so much.
Selling points: You have a good interpretation of Joshua and really the Composer in general. The Joshua you have is well described to what he'd actually do. Rather than focus on the new character you focus mostly on Joshua while not making the main character completely lame.
There is as a matter of fact a lot potential. But potential means directions it could take that are great. But conversely there's a chance it could not. Still, potential is a good sign you're moving in the right direction. At then end of the day you'll you've got to tap into that potential, but you got it.
The overall story is shaping itself so I do encourage you not to give up on it. I like your take on the Composer (so much so I'd do something similar) and the Producer. Keep shaping up this story and I think we'll have something really really nice on our hands.
| PieroXVII17 chapter 2 . 7/30/2012
This story has so much potential. I've yet to see a prequel about Josh, and I really have high expectations of this story. I can't wait to read more.
| 0er0 chapter 1 . 1/31/2012
So here are my options: I could A: Be nice and tell you everything to did well. B: Be mean and tell you what you could have done better or C: All of thee above.
What was good: The concepts. The idea of a more gladiatorial style game before Joshua took over. The idea that Joshua fought a tyrant and could very well end up being the same thing later. The fact that there was a choice at the end where they had to pick a player to become Composer. The concepts were the best part of the story.
Honestly there were little things too like Joshua being frail his whole life. How he died is up to interpretation. But one thing was for sure. Joshua at a very young age could see the Underground and confided in Hanekoma. Suggesting that he had a lot of Creativity and Imagination at a young age. I always figured that he alone would kill the Composer, but after actually thinking about it... it does make more sense that he worked in a team. After all, no Composer is weak.
What you could have done better on: To quote an ancient wiseman on the internet, "MOAR!" The whole thing could have made due with some length. Like the fight scene a little longer or more detail overall. I'm one of those word nazi's that likes my stories nice and thick. I could have done with a bigger portion. The lesser of the two things that could improve it would be the dialogue could have been more flavorful in a few spots. Most of it was pretty good, but there was one line in the story that if I were Joshua... I would have kicked my partner in between the legs.
Me: "You can't be Composer, if you can't come up with whitty lines dammit! You're a poet! Quote Shakespeare or something!"
Him: Et tu Joshua?
Overall I liked the story though and it was a quick but fun read with plenty of concepts I liked. I dare say you should get a happyface sticker... *puts on on your forehead* What review would be complete without one.
Good work and godspeed.
| SilverWingedGentleman chapter 1 . 1/15/2012
Nice characterization of Joshua. I never really thought of Joshua as having a kind compassionate side as often I am caught up in his desire to control people's lives. Then again, power corrupts, no?
The opening of the story gives a sense of angst, setting the tone and bringing those who have played the Game into a very familiar scene. I enjoyed guessing at exactly who the character was; to be honest, I believed it was an alternate Neku at first.
The only real problem I had with reading the story was some of the word choices. At one point you wrote "The ability to use so many Psychs, and so well, was nigh unheard of." "Nigh" just sounds a bit strange in the given context. While I am a fan of very vivid imagery and diction, I have to go with George Orwell on this one and say "If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out." I think by removing "nigh", you would still illicit the same feelings, but in a clearer sense. The only reason I point this out is, because it acted like a brake. My reading stopped as my mind had to contemplate what you meant. The only other point would be "his radiance flickering like a cheap candleflame." "Candleflame" I believe should be "candle's flame."
These are just small trivial things however. I really enjoyed your piece and hope to see more in the future.
| Stephy825 chapter 1 . 1/12/2012
I have no words to describe the epic story that's in my screen. Really, I don't know what to say.
It's a nice take on Joshua's past...him being a Player himself before becoming the Composer, taking the chance of being a Reaper as well, only to fail because of his...condition(?), right?
| The Light's Refrain chapter 1 . 1/10/2012
This was a cool little story, very descriptive. So I'm not the only one who suspected Josh was sickly in life XD.
Pardon my possible stupidity, but is Shirou an original char or a char already existing? If the former, you may want to clear that up for anyone confused like me :P.