|Reviews for The Return of the King|
| a certain reading fan chapter 1 . 2/26
Will you update this?
| User 627 chapter 1 . 2/15
I apologize for the previous review I left earlier.
While I critiqued what I didn't like about the story, I never actually acknowledged the things I actually enjoy. When I realized this, I immediately came back to correct that.
I'm sorry for leaving out such a detail that might have left you angry. I can't just say "this sucks" and just leave it there.
Like I said, you're a fairly talented writer and your actions scenes left little to be desired. You're good at writing scenes that just gets the blood pumping. However, I couldn't find myself enjoying the story with all the glaring flaws that it has.
The Return of the King is kind of like Sword Art Online. Visually impressive with great soundtracks and actions scenes, but has the flaw of paying too much attention to the main protagonist.
You're story would've been so much more better if it wasn't just Naruko that you paid attention to. Sure, you throw the bone to other characters a few times, but it wasn't just enough. And even then, Naruko would always show herself to steal the show every time making what they did practically amount to dirt.
Sharing the spotlight never hurts. And giving way for other characters to shine would've made for a better adventure story than what we got. Case in point, if it isn't Naruko or people she deems to be friends, then that character is either a bad guy or not important at all. The fact that Naruko has little to no flaws whatsoever came of as Mary-Suish. It didn't help the fact that she's drowning in self-pity and is rather self-righteous and the story praises her for this flaw.
I would've liked it better if there was a clear form of character development and without the show of too much favorism as too much of the Naruto fanbase shows a glaringly annoying amount of favorism in their stories with all their crappy harem godlike Naruto self insert fics and bashing the characters they don't like with little justification and one sided characters.
I'm not saying you're one of them. But this story was so dangerously close to being one of those.
| User 627 chapter 15 . 2/15
In all my years, I've never really had the guts to say what I finally gathered the courage to say now.
I think that the Naruko you portrayed in your story is a huge hypocrite, a Mary-Sue, and an all around douchebag.
Before you start raging, please let me explain why I think so.
She absolutely despises her father for sealing the Kyuubi into her but praises Itachi for slaughtering the entire Uchiha clan (including those that were just children) comes off as hypocritical. As long as it isn't her, she doesn't care about who sacrifices who all for the sake of her village.
I'll give you some credit at being able to neatly hide the fact that Naruko is a Mary-Sue here. Her training with Jiraiya showed me that you were somewhat aware that she was this and tried to hide it by making her fail the Rasengan once (just once) before getting it right.
She clearly has your favor as the author as mostly everything goes her way and she never lacks any excuse to lash out at others while pretty much screaming "my life sucks more than you so stop complaining!" as what she did with Inari here. The fact that she's drowning in self pity, I wouldn't be surprised if she cries herself to sleep every night.
She's also shown to be rather narcissistic with her dream to become Hokage, or "King" as she would rather call it. Why? Not because she wants to protect people (why would she protect the people who beat her up as a child), but simply for the hell of it. Naruto may have done it for attention, but at least his was actually sympathetic and he actually has character development.
Admittedly, the fact that she's only twelve might have given you an excuse to portray her that way, which would've been okay, but the fact is that she never has any form of character development, so she never really matures to be a proper hero and in the end, she's still the same as ever.
Am I supposed to cheer for an overpowered brat who thinks she's better than everyone else and completely lacks any form of empathy towards any male characters? As shown, she only seems to empathize with girls which suggest this fic is supposed to be yuri.
I won't deny your skills as a writer. You're certainly able to keep us entertained. But I wanted to point out that you show too much favorism to your main character while finding other characters to make look bad all for the sake of making your main character look even better in comparison.
You can deny it and say that Naruko here isn't a Mary-Sue. You can even say she has her flaws. But look at the way she's portrayed. She's always shown to be correct, always shown to be perfect, always scrutinizing others who feel sorry for themselves because she wants to be the only one who does so, and we're supposed to agree with her and think she's cool.
If this is how you enjoy your main characters, then go for it. This will be the first and last time I will ever make this kind of review for you again. While a flawed main character isn't a bad thing, it's one other thing to praise those flaws and portray them self righteously.
Sure, I may have made a Naruko that was a huge hypocrite, a Mary-Sue, and an all around douchebag in my stories, but I did it as a parody and never really portrayed those traits to be outright positive.
But then again, who the hell am I, talking about morality in FanFiction? Go write whatever you enjoy. Just leaving my two cents on this entire thing.
| egwolf65 chapter 15 . 1/5
| Mernom chapter 1 . 12/31/2016
Sorry, I can't read this.
| Guest chapter 15 . 12/30/2016
Really did enjoy your story. I can't wait to see what the storm of the king will lead us in the future of our favorite blonde mini Tsunade
| dasher5000 chapter 13 . 12/23/2016
| celf chapter 15 . 12/5/2016
is this done? or will you come back to it in time to do more after the time skip?.
| RavenAira chapter 15 . 11/27/2016
Is there a sequel up yet?
| Guest chapter 15 . 11/16/2016
Please make a sequel I really love this story.
| Kithrin chapter 15 . 11/8/2016
are you going to make a sequal? good job btw
| Patriot-112 chapter 15 . 10/9/2016
Nice work on this. When's the sequel?
| Mclendenenxd chapter 15 . 9/25/2016
i relly want a sequal this is fucking cool and i want more pleses make a sequal enter the shippudan arc i relly want more
| killerwhalesoul67 chapter 15 . 9/2/2016
Im going to cry if you dont continue
| Nihatclodra chapter 15 . 6/4/2016
Oh what the hell... so I went to check out Storm of the king, and to my surprise it's not a sequel like you implied from your "announcement" but an AU (if you mentioned it being an AU in previous author's notes; most people don't bother reading them except on the first and last chapters, if that)... If this simply abandoned then? Do I really have to read what essentially the exact same fanfic with likely minor differences just to see any hope of reading a King of Knights Naruko after the 3-year-trip?