|Reviews for Intrigue|
| Lyxie chapter 3 . 3/6
Hey there Jason,
Great job on this! I really enjoyed your first three chapters. I can definitely see where you drew inspiration from Into the Woods and made it your own - very nice job on that, by the way - though I also see the Monte Cristo influences.
One thing that you've done that I really admire - and this is really hard to do, especially in fanfiction - is that you've given the world a sense of scope and scale without actually having the characters journey further than a mile or two.
The way you use noble introductions at the ball to demonstrate both the scale of the landscape and the scale of the nobility is great. The Zelda games are wonderful, but the world can feel a little small, almost provincial. You've built what feels like a vast kingdom with culture, tradition, and geography. Well done!
And now, a little advice. You do a really good job of varying the lengths of your paragraphs, but I'd say if you can, vary it even more. Toss out a short one-liner for emphasis, like:
"... Zelda was furious to see how thoroughly he'd manipulated her.
Well. It wouldn't happen again.
As the carriage trundled over the rocky terrain, etc etc."
But above all, make sure you break up those big paragraphs. Especially on smaller screens, it's easy to get lost in walls of text; try to limit yourself to three or four simple sentences per paragraph, or two complex ones, or two simple and one complex... you get the idea.
(This is just a suggestion, by the way, and hardly an absolute. Sometimes you have to have big bricky paragraphs, but IMHO they're like rich, chewy chocolate. Use in moderation.)
I can't even begin to say how flattered I am that Into the Woods inspired you! So glad it led you to writing, and I am eagerly looking forward to see where you go with this. I'm really wondering where you're going with Link's character and how you're going to redeem him. All the conflict is really fantastic - it makes for very fun reading.
Keep it up!
| whosahassa chapter 3 . 2/8/2013
Heya, you haven't given this up, have you? I hope not, 'cause what you've posted so far has already made me nearly crazy with curiousity! (*Slight* exaggeration :) ) But seriously, I really want to know what happens next! Please keep going with this, if at all possible.
| lady chapter 3 . 4/30/2012
I hope you haven't abandoned this story! You have a great plot going so far; I love the interactions between Zelda and Link.
| A Shadow's Lament chapter 3 . 4/27/2012
i loved the interaction between Link and Zelda; you can feel the tension that she emanates! Ohh, I loved it. So formal and refined I immensely enjoyed reading it!
| Anarion Star-Dragon chapter 3 . 3/18/2012
So far I have been greatly enjoying this. I am waiting to seeing how this story is an adventure but I certainly am enjoying the comedy portions of your story in addition to the serious parts. Keep up the good work I eagerly await the next chapter.
| Snowyflakes chapter 3 . 3/18/2012
I love Dumas! He's all about the action! Lol. The Count of Monte Cristo is one of my favorites; a story of revenge at it's greatest.
Anyway, I can definitely see the connection between this and Lyxie's Into the Woods. Link is very secretive and manipulative, although this Link doesn't seem to try or want to hide it. He's very underhanded, a trait that I love about him, and one that really drew me into Lyxie's story as well as yours.
... And messing with Zelda is always fun.
| TheMixKage chapter 3 . 3/18/2012
Whoa! Great chapter man! Sorry I can't write those hecka long, multi-paragraph reviews, but I have to go right now. Keep writing, keep updating! :D
| Amethyst 269 chapter 2 . 2/19/2012
Omg. This story. Eep! It's amazing! Please update it soon! :D You left it on a bit of a cliffy! D:
| C.J.Ellison chapter 2 . 2/13/2012
I knew it.
Oh, also, I feel that I should warn you ahead of time that if you abandon your story now, I will forced to hunt you down.
That is all.
With A Heart Bleeding Ink,
~ C.J. Ellison
| TheMixKage chapter 2 . 2/12/2012
Whoa. Great story thus far man! Continue writing! BTW, did you notice this story's similarity with Into the Woods?
| sippurp123 chapter 2 . 2/12/2012
I am loving this story! Please update soon!
| Anarion Star-Dragon chapter 2 . 2/12/2012
very interesting. I'm liking this more than I did before. I know what it is like to be a college student with this site. I get very busy myself as one. Keep up the good work, in intrigues me.
| Alti'uin chapter 1 . 1/21/2012
Okay, you caught me hook, line, and sinker. Now please update soon. This is a very intriguing story. Your writing is excellent and you have a nice way of pulling in the reader. Link may be a bit OC, but that is not a bad thing either. I love a mischievous/mysterious Link (not to mention, crazy, or sarcastic, or down right awesome, etc, etc, etc). Good luck on no writers blocks,and I can't wait for the next chapter.
| Peindre les mots chapter 1 . 1/12/2012
Oooh, I can't wait to see how this progresses :D. Excellent chapter, and I look forward to future ones.
| Snowyflakes chapter 1 . 1/11/2012
Whelp! I'm excited. I want to read more. Your dialogue is very natural and clever, and through it you've very clearly defined many of the characters. I can't wait for more to see how you further flesh out Zelda and Link as well as your secondary characters.