|Reviews for Dragon Scrolls V: Origins-The Listener|
| Doombug chapter 6 . 12/9/2014
you know for a Dark Elf assassin, Listener to the Dark Brotherhood, epic hero of legend Night is pathetically weak
| MadamaVolpe chapter 1 . 8/8/2014
A tweaked version of my own story s/6764055/1/The-Assassin-s-Lover which was published 02-21-11.
| Angelic-Demon96 chapter 6 . 2/1/2014
I love where this is going! Don't listen to 'John,' I have enjoyed this story more than any other crossover I have ever read.
| TheSecondOtherGuy chapter 6 . 10/10/2013
| Katoni Surue chapter 6 . 8/14/2013
This has been an interesting story so far. I do hope that you'll continue working on it and update it soon. I'm curious if you are going to add any romance to this story, or just make it an adventure. I hope to find out!
Hugs & Kisses
| Guest chapter 6 . 7/31/2013
This story is incredibly depressing. It's incredibly cliche that Night has a background of a abusive childhood with hints of rape. Why is it always rape? Why can't it be just getting beaten or something. Seems every story I read with a female protagonist has her being raped at some point. Good lord what is with the obsession with rape in stories these days.
| Nargus chapter 6 . 6/25/2013
Uhh...I dunno. I haven't played Dragon Age for ages, but why don't Dragonborn use her Voice to stop that attack near the end?
| MightyMerlin chapter 6 . 2/1/2013
Just read all six chapters so I am now up to date :P
For your first fanfiction piece, this is very good :) I really like the way you have crossed over the two different worlds without getting bogged down with what is and is not 'canon' and all that.
I also like how you have given Night a personality that is not all bad, yet at the same time, she isn't exactly a nice person either. It means she has got an actual way of speaking and acting, rather than just simply copying the game's lines word for word with a random person/hero/Dragonborn.
As for the flames that you might get, just ignore them, and if necessary, delete them (you can delete anonymous reviews btw :D)
Anyway, nice work so far, will be following this story closely :)
| Lisa chapter 6 . 1/13/2013
I've been reading this fic for a while and I've held back on reviewing. This is because I was curious to see where you would head with it and it needed time to develop before I could draw conclusions. On the whole this fic is quite good. Your writing is smooth and it easily draws you in. I also like Night as a character and your portrayal of the other characters is very good. There are some things, however, that need a bit of attention.
While it might have been put a little more diplomatically John has a point about the need for consistency. Night seems caught relatively easily at the beginning of the story but later on you keep saying how powerful she is. A vampire, assassin, magical etc. To be honest, in many ways the power level of any Nirn being is probably going to be a bit higher than those of Thedas, particularly when vampirism or lycanthropy enters the equation. What you really needed to do was reduce her talents or compensate for them. Maybe templars were called in along with other reinforcements? Or did Night really mess something up? Think about this and then go back and make some key edits.
The second inconsistency that stands out is Night's character with the role she is supposed to play. Neither are bad or wrong. I want you to know that I rather like Night but her background and her nature just don't mesh. She's supposed to be this kick ass hero turned assassin and yet she reacts like someone unhardened by deliberate acts of murder or even just the heavy responsibilities of being Dovahkiin. A great example of this is how quickly and easily she told Duncan everything. Assassins have to cultivate a certain level of distrust and she blurted out her origins like a milkdrinker after their first cup of mead ;). It didn't help how accepting Duncan was of everything. It make things too easy for Night and made the story look rushed.
Night also seems remarkably insecure and vulnerable for someone who has accomplished what she has. In this respect she seems more like someone just beginning their journey into greatness, not someone who has already achieved it. A good example of this is how she seems all to happy to be lead around by Duncan, instead of making decisions for herself. I couldn't understand why she didn't escape or push for more information. We all have vulnerabilities. It's just that the ones you're showing belong to a much younger and untried woman who has never been in an position of leadership. Perhaps it would be better to have Night come to Thedas before she takes down Alduin? As an assassin fresh into the Brotherhood?
The third point I'm going to raise is that you're following canon events a little too closely. A crossover is a great opportunity to depart from the tried and true path and create something new. You've gone to all the trouble of importing a character from Nirn and not just any character. Wouldn't you think they would change events just by their very presence? Have fun with this!
I hope you'll consider the points that I've made. I have done my best to be polite and constructive. This story had plenty of potential and only a few basic edits would improve it astronomically. I was rather disappointed with your reaction to John's review. The way he delivered his criticism was far from polite but there is something to be learned from every criticism, no matter how it's delivered. It's just up to you to go beyond yourself to see from another perspective. It can be the hardest thing in the world to do, but it's worth it to try. Even if you fail, try to remember you can always choose how to react and that generally it's a good idea to do so with dignity. Good luck with your writing.
| Arch-Daishou chapter 6 . 1/13/2013
this is getting GOOD!
| raw666 chapter 6 . 1/13/2013
Well, this chapter was interesting, hope you keep up the good work.
| Angel Davis chapter 6 . 1/13/2013
Okay, first off I would like to start on your chapter! I looked at my phone today while doing my history homework in the Terrell Library (on my campus) and I saw you had an update which caused me to walk very carefully to one of the rooms that is soundproof and promptly scream my lungs out. I was very happy that you updated. I read the chapter and I really, REALLY want to know what you have planned for next.
I read the AN at the beginning of the chapter and felt a spike of confusion until I looked over the reviews. Whoever you are John, next time SUPPORT your flames, because on here if you play with fire I'll blowtorch your face! Anyway I must say that this story does support equally and he was just talking out of his ass.
Third, I would like to congratulate you on handling your first flame very well. I have actually taken down stories or spent huge amounts of time in depression because of some of the things that people have PM or reviewed me.
Anyway, know that your story is amazing and don't let those haters get to you. As always, Love You!
| John chapter 2 . 12/29/2012
I'm sorry, but this is garbage. I'd suggest you take a step back and go over the backgrounds, worlds and abilities of the two worlds (Elder Scrolls and Dragon Age) before you try to combine them within one story. Also, the characterization of this story is poorly thought out and seems to lack any realism. You just seem to be looking for any excuse to have the Dragonborn join the Grey Wardens. Come back to this with a better plot line and a coherent backstory that explains the situation and reasons for the character being in Thedas and a real reason for them to join the Grey Wardens. A little pet peeve here also, the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood wouldn't be caught by a couple guards, otherwise they'd be a poor assassin. Also, they have access to magicka, everyone if Nirn does. That means she could have turned herself invisible, or even used a shout to turn Ethereal. Sorry, your story simply is poorly written and obviously unplanned.
| ARavingLooony chapter 5 . 12/27/2012
Finally u updated hope u do again soon I love ur DBorn personally I am so sick of all the noble kind hearted DBorn's in the ES-DA xover's let's be honest you are in a foreign land not your own u dont know anyone and forced to join an order you know jack sh*t about I dunno about u lot but that would piss me off and make me wanna kill Alistair cuz quite frankly the boy gets on my nerves especially when he tries to get all buddy, buddy later on in the story.
| poroyo chapter 5 . 12/24/2012
ClLIFFIE! Why ?! Anywayz i love this story ! I hope you can update soon :)