|Reviews for Ricochet|
| Book 'em Again chapter 10 . 1/31
I like how you moved on from the tension of the end of the last chapter/flashback (I beginning to see why you had issues figuring how you wanted to format them). The tension is broken by returning to the norm - the thing these boys are good at and comforting working with each other. The undertone of avoidance shines through and that's good.
Cold Case does touch on how policing was different in the olden days and this story makes it so clear. The boys in trouble for arresting the wrong guy, not the clear police brutality. Though the banter between Jimmy and Coop shows how close they've come - they feed right off of each other naturally.
We knew McCree was a piece of work and we are beginning to really see just how much more. He has his system that he thinks works and doesn't like anyone who upsets his system, nice groundwork for why he reacts so badly to homosexually on the force. He has an order that works - who cares if it is corrupt as long as it works? Your providing reason for his villain and I like it. Nice one.
| Book 'em Again chapter 9 . 1/31
Having Joe note the time passed and then Jimmy run out with urgency shows the roller coaster Jimmy must be on. He wants to go, but he had to stop and wait. And he even cracks a joke trying to make things normal as his concern is still so obvious.
So the truth of what made Coop turn against baseball comes out. A teammate comes out of the closet and loses his place on the team and later his life for it. The guilt explains his coping mechanisms/cover. He brags about girls he doesn't date, but can't bring himself to make the 'jokes' that would make him seem 'normal'. You contrast this with Jimmy who says the same things he hears others say to cover his own buried attractions and marries to try and convince himself he's straight. Great insight into the characters here!
And that last line. You know that things work out but it still makes me shiver.
| Book 'em Again chapter 8 . 1/31
You slowed this down in this chapter, which helped the reader adjust to the shift in tone as you deal some with Jimmy's reaction and Coop's background. Though I'm beginning to notice a theme your chapters are only going through a small amount of real time, which normally I think as dragging things out, but you are using it to develop more into the characters' minds which works.
On to Coop. The baseball comment with the name of the cat had me immediately wanting to know the story there. The thing about entire existence - also makes me wonder about his life choices. Baseball was once his whole life, serving on the police force appears to be his whole life now. Coop's passionately thrown his whole being into one thing to another - maybe a reason for why he's being hit hard with PTSD, he would have given his all there too.
Jimmy's discovers Coop's softer side and his demons and the beginnings of their deeper friendship made me smile. Oh, and I laughed at the monologue line. In a tale with this much angst, it is good to break the tension. It speaks to the good, the lucky times between the bad. Interesting chapter with some nice character development here.
| Book 'em Again chapter 7 . 1/30
You are dealing with a lot of large personalities in this story and I'm starting to get a better sense of how they interact with each other. And none seem to be bigger than McCree whose reactions show a man whose seem his plans fall apart. He is shocked and then quickly yells at anyone who could be seem as making a mistake - he's already trying to make sure that he isn't blamed for this, I see. Yet, he has power based on how no one dares contradict him making Jimmy feel guilty, Coop at fault for being too gunho and everything with Malone.
Speaking of Malone - his angst- those feelings of guilt and inadequacy causing him to question his career choice feel very real. I know I've said that before, but you have a really good grasp on portraying human emotions.
Jimmy, in the midst of his grief, decides to be a good friend to Malone when he could have easily have blamed him for taking him away from Coop made me give a mini cheer. I hope his support of Malone will reap rewards because I feel that Jimmy will soon need all the support he can get.
| Book 'em Again chapter 6 . 1/30
Denial to anger. I like how you are exploring the complexity of grief. Jimmy's hurt, he's in denial and he's also angry and lashing out. The emotions are mixed up and jumbled and feel very real to the reader.
You got very visual there is once they realized Coop was still alive. It serves the purpose of keeping the tension up. There should be relief that he is alive, but there is no time as it is easy to see the characters in my mind trying to stem the flow of blood and save their friend.
So Murphy is putting together the pieces of what happened here. It will be interesting to see who he tells and why. Yet, his thoughts seem very time period appropriate - he hates that Coop got shot but he sees the homosexuality as the reason with this thing could kill you thought.
I like how you ended this chapter with the cops acting like cops. There training takes over. It feels right to me and I suspect it wouldn't take long for Jimmy to put things together as long as he can keep his emotions in check. Another good chapter.
| Book 'em Again chapter 5 . 1/30
You did a really good job building tension in this chapter by having the characters speed up and slow down. They race to the scene, the urgent calls over the radio make things feel fast and urgent but you provide brief moments when Jimmy prays or fingers his medal they slow the story down and remind the reader why we should be worry. They the tension ups again when we are jerked with Jimmy back into the present.
Afterlife scenes are always interesting as everyone has different takes on them. You do a good job of using some common themes (the bright light) but you put your own twist on it as Coop sees the light after shattering his view of a black and white world as he realizes his own life isn't very black and white. Well done.
Jimmy denial is heartbreaking and very real. And Coop's coming felt just a little sappy but no overly so. The description of swimming against a strong current was good. The jump back to life, fits Coop's personality pretty well. The rough landing foreshadows what is coming next, I image. Luckily, I don't have to wait to read ahead.
| Book 'em Again chapter 4 . 1/5
Wow that was an intense, tension filled, emotional chapter that delivered on what you have been building to.
The jumping around in the three character's head can be confusing but it worked here because you have the contrast. Coop's eagerness to get his suspect, Jimmy's worry and McCree's hatred. though Coop and McCree have an eerily similar gung ho attitude to getting their guy that shows the different of the police force at the time, but also how McCree can move from gun ho to hate and the justification to take the law into their own hands. His thought process is positively chilling.
The sudden change in your writing style with the shots (it had a bit of a comic book vibe) was a jarring shift, but worked because it showed just how jarring being shot suddenly must be. You took a risk and it worked.
Jimmy and Coop conversation over the radio was powerful. You can feel the worry and fear and the love. The problem is has me worried if the force will notice it to or will they excuse it as concern over an officer down call.
The switch from "we're" to "we were the lucky ones" is heartbreaking. A simple change means so much. Really good work with this chapter. I'm glad for the chance to get back into this story.
| s chapter 43 . 6/16/2015
Aren't you gonna update?
| Book 'em Again chapter 3 . 5/28/2015
Okay, this is for the real Ch. 2 and 3 ; )
Things definitely make more sense from the get go as the flow is natural – I’m now wondering how I didn’t pick up on the fact that the chapters were out of order.
I liked how you had Jimmy take out his frustrations by snapping at the rookie – very natural and believable. Meanwhile, Coop is falling apart and the scene in the church does a good of showing why. Jimmy is trying to play damage control while Coop already gone too far to keep hiding. This continues the theme of contrasts from the previous chapter quite well.
The hints at the end about Vietnam are interesting. Danny maybe a past lover, died in the war? Regardless, it is clear Nam is important for Coop’s development.
I really liked your take on Sarge. It would have been so easy to just make him a villain, a man without any redeemable qualities. But you humanized him and his decisions make sense in his own mind and make sense for the time period. He’s a father who loves his son even though he doesn’t understand him. The baseball train of thought does a job of showing that this separation goes beyond homosexuality. Yet, because they can’t even talk to each other really, we get Sarge deciding to be the hero Dad and finding a way to fix this in his own way and on his own terms. The ending line of the chapter was perfect – again showing the care of the father along with the complete and total disconnect of who his son really is.
| Book 'em Again chapter 2 . 5/24/2015
Okay, I’m not quite sure why you use so much italics. At first, I thought it was to designate two different time lines, but now I’m not so sure. Especially since you have both the dreams and what I think is present day both in italicized. If there isn’t a clear reason, you might want to consider vastly cutting back on them, because they make the text a little harder to read, as you have to focus more to concentrate on the text.
However, another device you use that I think works very well is your use of short scenes. It contributes to the sense of urgency. Especially, at the beginning of this chapter as you cut from the wonder of why the milk is left out to the cat, back to Jimmy as the reader slowly realizes that something is wrong.
You do a good job of showing the state of their relationship that as Jimmy is looking at Coop’s chest and trying to deny his feelings that he ends his thoughts by admitting that he chance to walk away was long gone. Jimmy knows he can’t deny what he feels even as he tries.
The socks wives tale, added a nice touch of realism to your tale. We know that this story takes place in a different time period, but little things like this remind us and helps us more fully see the world they are in. So nice touch.
Huh, I find it funny that the cowboy cop is into classical literature. Guess everyone is more than what they seem which is a big part theme of what you are dealing with in this story with these two love affair. I appreciate seeing it in other little ways aside from the major one.
Jimmy’s and Coop’s fight when he wakes up is an interesting one. Mostly, because it shows that Jimmy isn’t the only one lying to himself. It’s quite clear that they are talking about everything but the elephant in the room even as the fight shows that they d o both deeply care about the other.
This chapters ends with more words of wisdom from Coop as they reflect on their curse as Jimmy calls, but Coop reminds him they are experiencing something that most people never get to know. It is definitely making me interested about how this relationship came to be.
| Book 'em Again chapter 1 . 5/24/2015
Coming over from the Reviews Lounge. I watched Cold Case quite a bit a couple years ago and I think I remember a little about this episode, but am a little shaky on the characters so forgive if I mess something up.
I like how you introduced Jimmy with that domestic disturbance call. You show that he is sweet kid, but smart as he realizes that by controlling his emotions he can control the other people around him.
Jimmy’s thoughts on Coop provide a good contrast of the two men. We know who’s the calm one, whose the crazy one, the family man, the womanizer, the by the book cop and the cowboy. Yet, underneath it all you effectively you hint that Jimmy knows more before stating it. Yet, but the end of the scene you manage show that the tension in the relationship isn’t because of their differences – as one might think at the beginning of the scene – but by the fact they are too close, too similar in a time when they couldn’t be open about their sexuality
“We’re the lucky ones, remember.” What a powerful line. Jimmy is so fearful while Coop is so sure. While, Jimmy seem to struggle with his public face as shown by his thoughts on his struggling marriage, Coop seems to have fun with his public persona while confident in the fact that his love is real and meaningful and right. Again, you show a lot with contrasts and it continues to be an effective device.
| darkaccalia520 chapter 39 . 5/19/2015
I love that you've continued the Joe scene. I love how torn Joe is about McCree's confession and how he's trying to figure out what he should do while Serge is a hollow shell next to him. I'm sligtly confused why Joe wouldn't feel sympathy for him anymore. Is it because how drained the Sarge is now and that he's not fighting back? I don't know; I personally still feel bad for him. That's a helluva situation. I can't wait to see how that progresses.
The scene with Father Mack and Elizabeth was lovely and it shows how well Coop is doing. I also loved the flashback between Mrs. Cooper and the doctor. I adore that she pushed to know the truth about Sean and if things were worse than they seemed. But I'm also thankful that the doctor told her that he never expected him to get that far, so it's awesome that he has.
For a while, I wasn't even sure Sean was going to make it. Honestly, I'm still not, considering where he keeps going, but I also love that he has to sort a few things out. But still, the scene where Liz takes his hand realizing that he wasn't dying if she had anything to say about it was lovely.
I love that Jimmy forced Coop to talk about the situation. I can understand Sean not wanting to...but at the same time, it's hard to ignore. Not only that, Jimmy seems to be less out of the loop than Coop. At least that's what I thought until we find out Coop didn't know just how close to death he really had been. I also love the fact that they both are talking about what should have/could have been done. I think everyone does that in the wake of tragedy, but really, no one owns a time machine, so doing that is pointless. But I also love that Jimmy vows to change the future...that no matter, what, he'll be there for Coop. I also feel for Coop, no knowing what the damage for the future is; will be be crippled, etc.? But at least, he'll have Jimmy by his side for it all, which was really beautiful.
I loved the last scene with Joe, and it was very subtle, but I'm guessing his father and Alex are like Coop and Jimmy, if I'm reading that right. And I love that guilt eats away at him as he sees Coop's body being replaced by that of his father's. Wow! What a message, if that's the case. I hope that means he's decided what to do and that he's going to help bring McCree to justice. I hope so and I cannot wait to find out. Well done, dear. :)
One tiny thing:
Alex called, grabbing a seat beside Patrick and slipping his hand into Patrick's.-This seems a bit redundant to use Patrick twice. Maybe slipping his hand into his instead?
| darkaccalia520 chapter 38 . 5/12/2015
I had to come back and find out what happens to McCree, only I'm kind of disappointed he didn't get a beat-down. At first, I'd thought they didn't hear his confession at all, but then come to find out they had. Is it the fact he's their superior or the fact they're waiting for later? Of course, maybe it's best we that someone else handle his comeuppance. It would probably be more satisfying from Serge or from Coop himself. I guess we'll see.
I really loved how the scene played out between Coop and Jimmy. First, it's rather cute that Jimmy's the shy one. I know that he already had a hard time with intimacy for other reasons, but it's cute that he's worried about Danny. But I'm glad that Coop set him straight and that Danny won't even care because he's like them. I think Jimmy's reaction to all that was a bit amusing, but I think it's also helpful to know they aren't alone.
And then it's still amusing that Jimmy still thinks this whole situation is due to bad alcohol. Thank goodness Coop finally tells him the truth, though the news was a bit of a shock, I think...especially when Coop can't tell him where they are. But I love his answer. Yet his answer about how he's been trying to figure things out for two days...well, that had to have been a tad hurtful for Jimmy. It has to have been a very odd feeling to hear someone whose bedside you've been sitting at worrying whether they'd live or die has been off galavanting around doing whatever. Well, I know it's not quite galavanting...it's not like he was partying, but still... And he couldn't talk about it because Coop kept cutting him off, so I definitely felt his frustration.
Yet, Coop's reasoning to it all is understanding. He's been dealing with everything on his own end...perhaps worse than anyone could know because it's his body and he's the one faced with the decision. So the fact he just wants to forget the past and live in the moment is a really lovely thing because, as Jimmy notes, it shows he's changed. He never used to be that way, and perhaps it shows that the experience has changed him for the better because at the end of the day, he's right. It really doesn't matter what happened in the past...what matters is here and now.
So I'm glad they finally got their moment together where Coop could try to forget everything; and I think Jimmy forgot too. I think it's what they both needed...a bit of a break from everything.
Hmmm...I'm really perplexed by Serge's reaction. I mean, he's obviously in shock with it all. And on top of everything, poor Joe...the rookie. I feel bad that he was the one to hear all of this and wishing he could unhear it all. Poor guy! But I can't wait to see where this all goes. Still loving this story, dear. Well done! :)
| darkaccalia520 chapter 37 . 5/12/2015
It's rather surprising how Danny came to meet up with Jimmy. I guess it's a good thing he didn't just appear before him, but it's rather ironic that he ended up in Jimmy's line of vision first rather than the other way around like he intended. And it's rather adorable when Danny goes to find Coop right away...because he can't wait to show him what he's done. I think we forget that Danny died when he was younger, but this...this was a great way to remind us that he's still young by the way he acts that he's so proud of what he's done, just like a kid would do.
But unfortunately, it all backfires because Coop's angry. Not surprising, because he thought the same thing I had initially did: that something had to have happened to bring Jimmy there. I know you assured me that's not the case, but Coop can't fathom how else it had happened, so of course, he's angry. I would be too, and it's not a surprise that he's going to handle it the best way he knows how: fighting. But I think I'm glad Jimmy saved Danny. Sure, maybe it wasn't the best way for Danny to spring it on Coop, but he really doesn't know how he did it either...and Coop did ask him to do it, even if he doesn't remember right away. I wonder if that's the result of his black cloud moods as well...where he can't remember things he did/said in the past? But I love how Danny gets his revenge. I think that was the best part of the chapter, for Danny to pull rank and say, “Well, it was your idea and I'm your agent...so you tell him.” LOL!
Ah, but Jimmy's idea is a lot more logical. He's in the midst of a hangover and this is all some sort of prank. Well, it's a rather elaborate one, but I can't blame him for thinking that. It sounds a lot better than, “Hey, I got shot and I keep being pulled into limbo or somewhere to decide if I should live or die...and I asked my agent to pull you in too.” :P And then Coop has to tell him he was wrong about God, but Jimmy can't bear to hear it, especially with the words Coop had said that had given him so much pain. And Jimmy still can't deal with it all.
Another thing I really love is the fact that you seem to have these male characters hashed out so well. I've never really written a slash pairing this extensively, but it's really very different than writing women, I think. Because one thing I just noticed with the fact that Jimmy still can't share certain feelings, even if he loves Coop...that's very different from female characters who usually are finer-tuned to their emotions. And I love that Jimmy still can't admit certain things, even though I think Coop already knows it. I'm sorry if it's not coming out well, but I really appreciate the difference, and I think you've done really well with it.
The scene with Elizabeth was really touching, but I have to say, she's sort of living in the past. I can't blame her because I think it's human nature when bad things happen to sort of blame other people/unseen forces. However, I certainly hope when Serge comes back, she doesn't place blame on him to his face. It's obvious she wishes Coop would have pursued other career choices, but Serge pushed him. However, we know that beneath his tough exterior, Serge is very vulnerable...and if he hears blame from his own wife, I fear that will crush him. And kudos on Serge as well. You know I used to hate him, but now I really understand him more, and this family has suffered so much already, I hope things can get better for all of them.
The scene with Murphy and Joe was a bit ironic, because they're talking about the phantom and hockey and making light of the situation when it quickly leads to something serious with talk of the perp still being at large. But in reality, it's the perp that's the phantom because they can't find him. Not sure if you intended that bit of irony, but I noticed it. And it's sad that Murphy's the one feeling guilty about it all, even if he yells at Joe a bit, being the younger one. So many people have been touched by Coop's situation; I wonder if Coop will realize it, but even if he does, I hope he doesn't pick the guilt up himself.
Ugh, McCree. Seriously, did he really need to throw the gay thing into Serge's face and say that's what got him shot? I'm surprised Serge didn't deck him right there; I think I would have! Hmmm...and he sort of did, only not for the reasons I thought. Does Serge believe what McCree is saying? But he's blaming him for not having a handle on what's going on on the inside, and I guess I can't blame him. The problem is with so many unanswered questions in this situation, no one, not even Serge, knows who to blame.
But this all leads to the confession we were anticipating. Wow...I didn't expect it to come out like that...and it proves that McCree is freaking scum. It's also very reflective of the time period, because in those days, such a thing was just revolting. People weren't as open-minded then.
Poor Serge, though...so stricken with the news, I don't think he knew what to do. But things have a funny way of working out...because of where you mentioned McCree went. I do hope someone gives him what he deserves. Can't wait to see what that is. Well done, as always dear. :)
One little thing:
"This should please you!" said Danny, shooting Coop a pleased grin.-It seems a little redundant to use please(d) so close together, so maybe a different word should be used to describe the grin. Satisfied grin maybe?
| darkaccalia520 chapter 36 . 4/29/2015
OMG, just reading this chapter really threw me back into this story, especially the end. I'm so sorry I let myself get behind, but at least I can catch up now.
Anyway, I can definitely understand Serge still being angry. I remember in the last chapter that he had fled the room...and now we understand more: that he can't think of Coop as his son in that state. I can't argue. God forbid I'm ever in that situation, but it would be hard to see one-child like that. But I'm so glad that he found out Sean's doing better now. Even though Serge was a hard nut to crack, I am really enjoying his vulnerable moments. And I'm glad that we get to see more emotion from him.
I always love the scenes with Elizabeth, and I love that through everything, Coop could still recognize her touch, even though he's still pretty out of it. I also love that Jimmy knows that he looks like hell just based on the way she looks at him. Even though he's so dedicated to Coop, he is going to have to pull back and get some rest, whether he wants to or not. I also loved Elizabeth's reaction to the doctor's breathing treatment. That couldn't be easy to watch, but the doctor's explanation was hopeful.
And when Sean goes back with Danny, I love that he can't quite remember everything back in the real world. Still, through it all, I love that he's more concerned about Jimmy than himself. I never thought about Jimmy being plagued with memories. It also makes me wonder how much danger Jimmy is in. Is he close to death? Wouldn't that be a hell of a lot of irony for everything to be focused on Sean and then he ups and dies instead? Not that I am telling you to do that, but it does make me concerned for Jimmy is all when Sean is worried that he might have to go through what he did. And that suggestion was really intriguing. I wonder if Danny will take him up on it.
I really loved the scene with Jimmy and his daughter. It was so adorable how innocent and she is, and you've got that child language down. It's also very sweet how she wanted to take her bandages over to the hospital to help him. That was freaking adorable!
OMG, that last scene... What a kicker! I didn't expect that, and I cannot wait to find out what Danny's going to say...and how Jimmy will react. This was awesome! Well done! :)
A few things:
Clenching and forming his fist into a hard rock and moved to punch the brick wall nearby.-This isn't really a complete sentence. I'm wondering if you meant Clenching and forming his fist into a hard rock, he moved to punch the brick wall nearby?
You heard me damn well!-I feel like there should be a comma: You heard me, damn well!
I don't those guys who got no idea what I'm feeling telling me they understand.-Seems to be a missing word here- I don't (think, maybe?) those guys who got no idea what I'm feeling telling me they understand.