|Reviews for Ricochet|
| Book 'em Again chapter 2 . 5/24
Okay, I’m not quite sure why you use so much italics. At first, I thought it was to designate two different time lines, but now I’m not so sure. Especially since you have both the dreams and what I think is present day both in italicized. If there isn’t a clear reason, you might want to consider vastly cutting back on them, because they make the text a little harder to read, as you have to focus more to concentrate on the text.
However, another device you use that I think works very well is your use of short scenes. It contributes to the sense of urgency. Especially, at the beginning of this chapter as you cut from the wonder of why the milk is left out to the cat, back to Jimmy as the reader slowly realizes that something is wrong.
You do a good job of showing the state of their relationship that as Jimmy is looking at Coop’s chest and trying to deny his feelings that he ends his thoughts by admitting that he chance to walk away was long gone. Jimmy knows he can’t deny what he feels even as he tries.
The socks wives tale, added a nice touch of realism to your tale. We know that this story takes place in a different time period, but little things like this remind us and helps us more fully see the world they are in. So nice touch.
Huh, I find it funny that the cowboy cop is into classical literature. Guess everyone is more than what they seem which is a big part theme of what you are dealing with in this story with these two love affair. I appreciate seeing it in other little ways aside from the major one.
Jimmy’s and Coop’s fight when he wakes up is an interesting one. Mostly, because it shows that Jimmy isn’t the only one lying to himself. It’s quite clear that they are talking about everything but the elephant in the room even as the fight shows that they d o both deeply care about the other.
This chapters ends with more words of wisdom from Coop as they reflect on their curse as Jimmy calls, but Coop reminds him they are experiencing something that most people never get to know. It is definitely making me interested about how this relationship came to be.
| Book 'em Again chapter 1 . 5/24
Coming over from the Reviews Lounge. I watched Cold Case quite a bit a couple years ago and I think I remember a little about this episode, but am a little shaky on the characters so forgive if I mess something up.
I like how you introduced Jimmy with that domestic disturbance call. You show that he is sweet kid, but smart as he realizes that by controlling his emotions he can control the other people around him.
Jimmy’s thoughts on Coop provide a good contrast of the two men. We know who’s the calm one, whose the crazy one, the family man, the womanizer, the by the book cop and the cowboy. Yet, underneath it all you effectively you hint that Jimmy knows more before stating it. Yet, but the end of the scene you manage show that the tension in the relationship isn’t because of their differences – as one might think at the beginning of the scene – but by the fact they are too close, too similar in a time when they couldn’t be open about their sexuality
“We’re the lucky ones, remember.” What a powerful line. Jimmy is so fearful while Coop is so sure. While, Jimmy seem to struggle with his public face as shown by his thoughts on his struggling marriage, Coop seems to have fun with his public persona while confident in the fact that his love is real and meaningful and right. Again, you show a lot with contrasts and it continues to be an effective device.
| darkaccalia520 chapter 39 . 5/19
I love that you've continued the Joe scene. I love how torn Joe is about McCree's confession and how he's trying to figure out what he should do while Serge is a hollow shell next to him. I'm sligtly confused why Joe wouldn't feel sympathy for him anymore. Is it because how drained the Sarge is now and that he's not fighting back? I don't know; I personally still feel bad for him. That's a helluva situation. I can't wait to see how that progresses.
The scene with Father Mack and Elizabeth was lovely and it shows how well Coop is doing. I also loved the flashback between Mrs. Cooper and the doctor. I adore that she pushed to know the truth about Sean and if things were worse than they seemed. But I'm also thankful that the doctor told her that he never expected him to get that far, so it's awesome that he has.
For a while, I wasn't even sure Sean was going to make it. Honestly, I'm still not, considering where he keeps going, but I also love that he has to sort a few things out. But still, the scene where Liz takes his hand realizing that he wasn't dying if she had anything to say about it was lovely.
I love that Jimmy forced Coop to talk about the situation. I can understand Sean not wanting to...but at the same time, it's hard to ignore. Not only that, Jimmy seems to be less out of the loop than Coop. At least that's what I thought until we find out Coop didn't know just how close to death he really had been. I also love the fact that they both are talking about what should have/could have been done. I think everyone does that in the wake of tragedy, but really, no one owns a time machine, so doing that is pointless. But I also love that Jimmy vows to change the future...that no matter, what, he'll be there for Coop. I also feel for Coop, no knowing what the damage for the future is; will be be crippled, etc.? But at least, he'll have Jimmy by his side for it all, which was really beautiful.
I loved the last scene with Joe, and it was very subtle, but I'm guessing his father and Alex are like Coop and Jimmy, if I'm reading that right. And I love that guilt eats away at him as he sees Coop's body being replaced by that of his father's. Wow! What a message, if that's the case. I hope that means he's decided what to do and that he's going to help bring McCree to justice. I hope so and I cannot wait to find out. Well done, dear. :)
One tiny thing:
Alex called, grabbing a seat beside Patrick and slipping his hand into Patrick's.-This seems a bit redundant to use Patrick twice. Maybe slipping his hand into his instead?
| darkaccalia520 chapter 38 . 5/12
I had to come back and find out what happens to McCree, only I'm kind of disappointed he didn't get a beat-down. At first, I'd thought they didn't hear his confession at all, but then come to find out they had. Is it the fact he's their superior or the fact they're waiting for later? Of course, maybe it's best we that someone else handle his comeuppance. It would probably be more satisfying from Serge or from Coop himself. I guess we'll see.
I really loved how the scene played out between Coop and Jimmy. First, it's rather cute that Jimmy's the shy one. I know that he already had a hard time with intimacy for other reasons, but it's cute that he's worried about Danny. But I'm glad that Coop set him straight and that Danny won't even care because he's like them. I think Jimmy's reaction to all that was a bit amusing, but I think it's also helpful to know they aren't alone.
And then it's still amusing that Jimmy still thinks this whole situation is due to bad alcohol. Thank goodness Coop finally tells him the truth, though the news was a bit of a shock, I think...especially when Coop can't tell him where they are. But I love his answer. Yet his answer about how he's been trying to figure things out for two days...well, that had to have been a tad hurtful for Jimmy. It has to have been a very odd feeling to hear someone whose bedside you've been sitting at worrying whether they'd live or die has been off galavanting around doing whatever. Well, I know it's not quite galavanting...it's not like he was partying, but still... And he couldn't talk about it because Coop kept cutting him off, so I definitely felt his frustration.
Yet, Coop's reasoning to it all is understanding. He's been dealing with everything on his own end...perhaps worse than anyone could know because it's his body and he's the one faced with the decision. So the fact he just wants to forget the past and live in the moment is a really lovely thing because, as Jimmy notes, it shows he's changed. He never used to be that way, and perhaps it shows that the experience has changed him for the better because at the end of the day, he's right. It really doesn't matter what happened in the past...what matters is here and now.
So I'm glad they finally got their moment together where Coop could try to forget everything; and I think Jimmy forgot too. I think it's what they both needed...a bit of a break from everything.
Hmmm...I'm really perplexed by Serge's reaction. I mean, he's obviously in shock with it all. And on top of everything, poor Joe...the rookie. I feel bad that he was the one to hear all of this and wishing he could unhear it all. Poor guy! But I can't wait to see where this all goes. Still loving this story, dear. Well done! :)
| darkaccalia520 chapter 37 . 5/12
It's rather surprising how Danny came to meet up with Jimmy. I guess it's a good thing he didn't just appear before him, but it's rather ironic that he ended up in Jimmy's line of vision first rather than the other way around like he intended. And it's rather adorable when Danny goes to find Coop right away...because he can't wait to show him what he's done. I think we forget that Danny died when he was younger, but this...this was a great way to remind us that he's still young by the way he acts that he's so proud of what he's done, just like a kid would do.
But unfortunately, it all backfires because Coop's angry. Not surprising, because he thought the same thing I had initially did: that something had to have happened to bring Jimmy there. I know you assured me that's not the case, but Coop can't fathom how else it had happened, so of course, he's angry. I would be too, and it's not a surprise that he's going to handle it the best way he knows how: fighting. But I think I'm glad Jimmy saved Danny. Sure, maybe it wasn't the best way for Danny to spring it on Coop, but he really doesn't know how he did it either...and Coop did ask him to do it, even if he doesn't remember right away. I wonder if that's the result of his black cloud moods as well...where he can't remember things he did/said in the past? But I love how Danny gets his revenge. I think that was the best part of the chapter, for Danny to pull rank and say, “Well, it was your idea and I'm your agent...so you tell him.” LOL!
Ah, but Jimmy's idea is a lot more logical. He's in the midst of a hangover and this is all some sort of prank. Well, it's a rather elaborate one, but I can't blame him for thinking that. It sounds a lot better than, “Hey, I got shot and I keep being pulled into limbo or somewhere to decide if I should live or die...and I asked my agent to pull you in too.” :P And then Coop has to tell him he was wrong about God, but Jimmy can't bear to hear it, especially with the words Coop had said that had given him so much pain. And Jimmy still can't deal with it all.
Another thing I really love is the fact that you seem to have these male characters hashed out so well. I've never really written a slash pairing this extensively, but it's really very different than writing women, I think. Because one thing I just noticed with the fact that Jimmy still can't share certain feelings, even if he loves Coop...that's very different from female characters who usually are finer-tuned to their emotions. And I love that Jimmy still can't admit certain things, even though I think Coop already knows it. I'm sorry if it's not coming out well, but I really appreciate the difference, and I think you've done really well with it.
The scene with Elizabeth was really touching, but I have to say, she's sort of living in the past. I can't blame her because I think it's human nature when bad things happen to sort of blame other people/unseen forces. However, I certainly hope when Serge comes back, she doesn't place blame on him to his face. It's obvious she wishes Coop would have pursued other career choices, but Serge pushed him. However, we know that beneath his tough exterior, Serge is very vulnerable...and if he hears blame from his own wife, I fear that will crush him. And kudos on Serge as well. You know I used to hate him, but now I really understand him more, and this family has suffered so much already, I hope things can get better for all of them.
The scene with Murphy and Joe was a bit ironic, because they're talking about the phantom and hockey and making light of the situation when it quickly leads to something serious with talk of the perp still being at large. But in reality, it's the perp that's the phantom because they can't find him. Not sure if you intended that bit of irony, but I noticed it. And it's sad that Murphy's the one feeling guilty about it all, even if he yells at Joe a bit, being the younger one. So many people have been touched by Coop's situation; I wonder if Coop will realize it, but even if he does, I hope he doesn't pick the guilt up himself.
Ugh, McCree. Seriously, did he really need to throw the gay thing into Serge's face and say that's what got him shot? I'm surprised Serge didn't deck him right there; I think I would have! Hmmm...and he sort of did, only not for the reasons I thought. Does Serge believe what McCree is saying? But he's blaming him for not having a handle on what's going on on the inside, and I guess I can't blame him. The problem is with so many unanswered questions in this situation, no one, not even Serge, knows who to blame.
But this all leads to the confession we were anticipating. Wow...I didn't expect it to come out like that...and it proves that McCree is freaking scum. It's also very reflective of the time period, because in those days, such a thing was just revolting. People weren't as open-minded then.
Poor Serge, though...so stricken with the news, I don't think he knew what to do. But things have a funny way of working out...because of where you mentioned McCree went. I do hope someone gives him what he deserves. Can't wait to see what that is. Well done, as always dear. :)
One little thing:
"This should please you!" said Danny, shooting Coop a pleased grin.-It seems a little redundant to use please(d) so close together, so maybe a different word should be used to describe the grin. Satisfied grin maybe?
| darkaccalia520 chapter 36 . 4/29
OMG, just reading this chapter really threw me back into this story, especially the end. I'm so sorry I let myself get behind, but at least I can catch up now.
Anyway, I can definitely understand Serge still being angry. I remember in the last chapter that he had fled the room...and now we understand more: that he can't think of Coop as his son in that state. I can't argue. God forbid I'm ever in that situation, but it would be hard to see one-child like that. But I'm so glad that he found out Sean's doing better now. Even though Serge was a hard nut to crack, I am really enjoying his vulnerable moments. And I'm glad that we get to see more emotion from him.
I always love the scenes with Elizabeth, and I love that through everything, Coop could still recognize her touch, even though he's still pretty out of it. I also love that Jimmy knows that he looks like hell just based on the way she looks at him. Even though he's so dedicated to Coop, he is going to have to pull back and get some rest, whether he wants to or not. I also loved Elizabeth's reaction to the doctor's breathing treatment. That couldn't be easy to watch, but the doctor's explanation was hopeful.
And when Sean goes back with Danny, I love that he can't quite remember everything back in the real world. Still, through it all, I love that he's more concerned about Jimmy than himself. I never thought about Jimmy being plagued with memories. It also makes me wonder how much danger Jimmy is in. Is he close to death? Wouldn't that be a hell of a lot of irony for everything to be focused on Sean and then he ups and dies instead? Not that I am telling you to do that, but it does make me concerned for Jimmy is all when Sean is worried that he might have to go through what he did. And that suggestion was really intriguing. I wonder if Danny will take him up on it.
I really loved the scene with Jimmy and his daughter. It was so adorable how innocent and she is, and you've got that child language down. It's also very sweet how she wanted to take her bandages over to the hospital to help him. That was freaking adorable!
OMG, that last scene... What a kicker! I didn't expect that, and I cannot wait to find out what Danny's going to say...and how Jimmy will react. This was awesome! Well done! :)
A few things:
Clenching and forming his fist into a hard rock and moved to punch the brick wall nearby.-This isn't really a complete sentence. I'm wondering if you meant Clenching and forming his fist into a hard rock, he moved to punch the brick wall nearby?
You heard me damn well!-I feel like there should be a comma: You heard me, damn well!
I don't those guys who got no idea what I'm feeling telling me they understand.-Seems to be a missing word here- I don't (think, maybe?) those guys who got no idea what I'm feeling telling me they understand.
| rhinosgirl chapter 1 . 1/28
Hi, Lilly! Rhino here –hugs- I am completely fandom blind here, so please forgive me any canon ignorance.
Your explanation of “normal” definitely sets the scene for the confrontation that the chapter ends with. I could appreciate how long hours, unsufficient pay, and family responsibilities, coupled with the social norms of the day would be a sure-fire cocktail that is sure to end in disaster.
Once the story starts it immediately clear how Jimmy feels about Coop. Words like “passion” and “hate” and phrases like “heart speed up a few beats” and “nervous energy” give me a picture of a teenager with a crush.
I was confused for quite a while by the sentence part “many a night drinking together had revolved around Coop’s rants of Batman ridiculing and eroding the public’s respect for law enforcement.” I think I finally figured it out though. I finally interpreted it as: many a night drinking together had revolved around Coop’s rants about how Batman was ridiculing law enforcement and eroding the public’s respect for them.
I am intrigued to find out more about the Teddy Burke affair and the dirty money. I wonder how that is going to factor in the events of Jimmy and Coop’s story?
Damn Murphy! I don’t understand his reference to “those bathhouses”, but it is obvious Jimmy does, and whatever that warning meant, Jimmy is now ready to disown the man he loves ( As I said before, damn Murphy! But in saying that, I does seem to me that maybe Jimmy is trying to be the “more streetsmart” person in this situation and do what he thinks is best for their careers. I just hope their relationship survives. –crosses fingers-
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 13 . 9/28/2014
Aside from the usual tense errors and lack of pronouns, there were some egregious problems and typos ("How could he have if").
That said, the exchange between Danny and Coop, particularly the beginning, bounced between normalcy and drama quickly and smoothly. I think I'm finally beginning to get a lock on when this is taking place/what part of this is the present.
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 12 . 9/24/2014
There were some noticeable errors (for example "eyeing" is misspelled), and there are few to no necessary pronouns. Also, the timeframe of this chapter is a bit unclear. Where is Coop at the moment?
That said, the bits involving Robin (for me, at least) made this chapter. You have a wonderful mental picture of how cats move and behave, and it does a lot for Coop's character.
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 11 . 9/23/2014
There are a lot of grammatical errors ("what had transpired the day," "had originated from," incorrect italicization of Coop's first thought, etc.) and awkward repetitions that could be spared with pronouns ("Coop," "bottle," etc.).
That said, the sexual tension and its relation to violence were handled well, particularly in the inclusion of the Vietnam line. The shift back into the present was nicely timed: I was just starting to wonder how long the flashback was. Even though this chapter was split into several scenes, the transitions weren't awkward and nothing felt under-explained.
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 10 . 9/21/2014
There were places where your phrasing made your meaning unclear and confusing ("Furious Jimmy had been the catalyst to let memories," "He confirmed his initial suspicions," etc.). The repetition of some phrases ("never arrest Teddy Burke") came across as clumsy and unintentional.
That said, you mixed character descriptions into events nicely ("Now it came to him easier than wanting to smash scumbags across the face with his baton," "how Coop could turn the charm on when he was with women," "The timing of the jab made it too perfect to resist"). Of course, the best part of reading this was watching the dialogue as Coop and Jimmy bounced off each other or whoever else was around.
| Edhla chapter 1 . 6/27/2014
Hi :) Just as an FYI, I've seen Cold Case, though not for a few years, so my canon is no doubt pretty rusty.
I love the way you characterise Malone with the contrast between "timid knock" and what I'm sure was meant to sound like a strident "open up!". Aww. Incredible nitpickery, but I feel "thud" here is the sound resulting from a blow, rather than the blow itself.
"China smashed..." While I'm not totally averse to the passive voice, it's used twice here, which is a little distracting. In addition, so far as I'm understanding it, the POV characters can't see what's going on, so the fact that it's china smashing could only really be a guess.
Wow, how does a grown adult with a license "forget to turn" a car? That's an epic screwup,a nd worthy of a firing, lol.
The section outlining between Jimmy and Coop tends to tell a lot rather than show it, though from the length of this fic you've covered a lot of ground so some shorthand is probably necessary. I don't remember Eileen or, in fact, even know if she's canon; but we're in Jimmy's POV and he's not even identifying his child by gender, so there's obviously something wrong with their relationship. The fact that he sees Coop as a serious rival for his time compared to his own wife also is a big hint that something is really wrong here; staying at home with the crying baby is no fun for anyone, but that Jimmy sees "hanging" with Coop as the same level of importance says loads.
[Hollywood cowboy] You've previously identified Coop as the cowboy type", which is memorable, and makes this stand out almost as repetition.
At first I was a bit taken aback by "I ain't a queer", since while Jimmy and Coop's time together seems intimate, it doesn't seem sexual. But rereading, he's more concerned about what other people are saying/thinking, and self preserving, which makes complete sense.
[But Jimmy knew...] I'd just use the pronoun here: he. I felt the "part of him die" might be a little premature for what we've seen so far, but you know this canon better than I do, and part of Jimmy's emotions might be not for what's happened, but for what he knows might or will.
Great chapter x
| rainy dayz and silver dreams chapter 38 . 6/19/2014
Can't wait to see where this goes next...keep up the good work. Looking forward to reading more once the next chapter goes up :)
| rainy dayz and silver dreams chapter 37 . 6/11/2014
Loved the chapter...and the ending was perfect. Can't wait to read the next one. As always I look forward to this chapters...they always give me a break from whatever I'm doing lol. Good job yet again :)
| rainy dayz and silver dreams chapter 36 . 5/6/2014
I really enjoyed reading this chapter. You did such a great job with it. At first I was sad that Jimmy needed to go home and leave Coops side even though I knew he needed too but when he showed up at the end I was more then happy. Looking forward to the next up date :)