Reviews for The Call
Canuck90 chapter 96 . 12/19/2015
Nice chapter. As usual the imagery is rich and full, and the use of the senses in portraying Hikari's surroundings was quite well-done I thought. The phrase "time measured only by the fall of a few intermittent tears" was quite powerful in reinforcing the perception that time doesn't seem to pass in this place of captivity.

Hikari's fear of the Dark Ocean is made all the more palpable with the fog and waves reappearing - a nice reference to Episode 13 of 02. Sato describes that sensation as her "sinking", which works on a number of levels, and it's made even more terrifying when she can still sense those waves despite her eyes being shut. Her confusing of the word Ia for "no" in Japanese is a neat little linguisitic tidbit too.

The use of "ascetic" in describing Sato also seems quite apt, now knowing his almost single-minded dedication to the dark cause he has given himself over to and the ruthlessness with which he pursues his goals. Near the end it seems like there's a little hint to his backstory when he says that once upon a time he wouldn't have done what he is attempting to do now. It'll be interesting to see more of that revealed.
Canuck90 chapter 95 . 12/8/2015
It's been too long since I've reviewed! What with life getting in the way and all, it's nice to get back into this story and pick up where I left off.

The very first sentence where Hiraga feels as if he had never really awoken from said dream almost sums up the entire nature of the antagonists' powers. Once again it's a subtle little reference to Cthulhu and the mythos surrounding him.

I do like the characterization of Anubimon that you've been steadily building up in this story. It's based off the card lore but I can appreciate how you manage to weave that lore into the story itself and make it relevant at the same time.

A minor quibble but it seems there may be a typo at the part where it says "In a room of vast in dimensions". Other than that though I feel as if the castle itself is a reference to something - maybe the one from V-Tamer, maybe something else... is there a particular scene from which Demon's castle draws inspiration? Also, this is the first fanwork I've seen to actually make use of the Elder Sign, and it seems that in this story it's a symbol of magical power rather than what it originally means in the Lovecraftian narrative.

Once again bringing the card lore and the WonderSwan canon into Demon's backstory makes it all so much deeper and richer, so that's good to see, as is the interpretation of why he only brought 3 of his followers with him into the real world that time. It would be interesting to see him carry out his plans, particularly if he manages to obtain the copies of the Seed implanted in all those children. With so many possibilities, it's hard not to think that Demon may come back stronger than ever before. The scary part is that he wouldn't even need to defeat the Chosen to obtain that power as these children are vulnerable and have only just obtained new partners...
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 125 . 11/10/2015
That's a classic way of disposing of your antagonist, of course - have him conveniently fall over a cliff while attacking the heroes, thus absolving them of any charge of actually killing people :-p
It felt more satisfying from my point of view than a lot of your other 'big boss' defeats, though; instead of things just escalating to insane power levels and then the ultimate undefeatable monster inevitably getting defeated anyway (because everyone who goes up against Our Heroes is going to lose), the characters here are all stripped down to their bare starting point, as Sato acknowledges: "How low we both have sunk, Chosen Ones". After all the armies of monsters that have been at his command, he's reduced to stumbling around the ruins in a battered state with a gun, like any common thug, while the children have nothing more than Baby-level Digimon attacks and their own small bodies to throw at him. And Baby Digimon can't stop a determined adult man, let alone a bullet...

So having them succeed in blinding him for one crucial moment seems a fair enough solution.

Hikari's decision to sacrifice herself is genuine, I think (she has no expectation of miraculous survival), but it has the effect of awakening the 'other self' that we have seen before and thus defending her against the need to surrender.

typo: "but with both hands he managed to life it" (lift)

"It was at that moment that Daisuke collided with Hikari" - I was a bit taken aback by this since I'd been under the impression that none of the Chosen Children had been able to respond... but reading back, I note that you took care to specify only that *many* (but not all) of them were rooted to the spot and unable to act!

"He had essentially tackled her at the waist" - 'essentially' seemed a bit of an odd word here. (I think you may have meant 'effectively' or 'in effect', but on reflection I feel that you don't really need this sentence at all; all that is important is that Daisuke collides with Hikari and that they fall to the ground together, and you've said that before and after.)

"He also saw, in a more unconscious way, YukimiBotamon pop up into the air" - again, 'unconscious' doesn't feel like quite the word I assume you were looking for here. The meaning is, I take it, that he saw the Digimon make her move without taking any conscious notice of it, but I think the reverse of 'conscious' in this sense is 'subconscious' and not 'unconscious' (but in any case I find the phrase 'in a more subconscious/unconscious way' to be a very awkward one).

I'm assuming all the angst over the possibility of Takeru saving his friend by turning Sato's gun on its owner is based around Sato's actually being human rather than Digimon, but it did have a faint air of hypocrisy to me (hence my comments about noticing the so-convenient convention of having the villain bump himself off rather than having the heroes do it :-p) The Chosen Children have disposed of so many Digimon by this point, and so many people have died in the real world, lots of them in horrible ways, that worrying over the morality of shooting a man who is trying to murder you and your friends seemed a bit over-nice at that juncture. The Children have seen *horrors*: they've been through nightmare after nightmare, and had every expectation of being tortured to death. It's a bit hard to go through a war without ever killing anybody 'real'... and it feels a bit of a cheat to be so concerned about this one death. But I would guess that this is a hangover from the child-friendly message of the original anime.

I'm surprised that Sato really dies at this point, actually, because it seems that a lot of clues have been laid leading up to some mystery in his past and I was waiting for a corresponding revelation; his apparent recognition of Hikari's shining identity here is another hint at an untold story which it looks now as if we're not going to get.

Why is a *fifth* shadow a sight of such ill-omen? Who were the four whom he was expecting to see, and who 'left him'?

The rolling of distant thunder beyond the horizon makes me think of Atlantis (or the death of Narnia); has Dagomon's sea been unleashed at last?
kingveemon chapter 131 . 11/2/2015
Dagomon - going where he pleases since 2003...

Anyway good chapter. I can see where are reaching an climax in the story.

I do find myself curious what the DD have left to throw at Dagomon.
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 122 . 10/18/2015
It was rather arrogant of the Dark Man to force someone as powerful as Anubimon into his service simply in order to open gates for him...

Anubimon seems quite unafraid of death; but then of course he is rather more intimately acquainted with it than most people. The Dark Man, on the other hand, seems oddly unconcerned at the ineptitude of his confederate Sato which has allowed the Chosen Children to escape and even to regain their Digivices... while Sato apparently *is* merely human and quite powerless to act against the Children without an escort of Digimon, having sent all his minions off to hunt for the escapees. (It seems a little plot-convenient that the children - who after all outnumber him, even if they are far smaller, and have a powerful Digimon on their side - are equally content to let Sato simply walk away, but presumably as Takeru implies they need to save their limited strength for opponents who do fight back.)

Has Anubimon used his power over deleted data to cause the Digi-Eggs to appear here in the Dark Realm rather than back in the Village of Beginnings? Or is that the work of another power, of which he is simply made aware?

And when Demon discards his garments before gating out of the Dark World to shed the pursuing cloud, is that a necessary element in being able to pass through the gate, a momentary delaying tactic to hold back the pursuit, or symbolic of something greater?

Presumably Takeru and Ken recognise their partners' Digi-Eggs due to having already lost them once :-(

"Where they were gathered the Chosen Children escaped the worst of it, but still sustained a few minor pains as the rubble showered them" - "a few minor pains" seems a bit weak/banal here in the context of all the apocalyptic description going on, e.g. "a flood of surprise and sudden terror, "utter confusion". It's not that I feel the *injuries* are too minor: it's the sudden bathos of the phrase that stands out. Maybe something a bit more poetic, like "...the Chosen Children escaped the worst of it, but here and there the showering rubble still struck home"?

I like the way that even in the midst of a battle we can still hear distinctly the Dark One's sardonic humour and Demon's bellowing grandiosity. And I love the evocative description of the attacks here: "Gulfmon's nether mouth gaped wide", "a new voice emerged, musical, deep and solemn"

"a few large islands of rubble-strewn ground still remained suspended in midair" - then I'm assuming the Children are safely on one of those, since they're principal characters and principal characters never die of coincidental side-effects off-screen :-p
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 118 . 10/16/2015
It looks as if the side-effects of Demon's attack are physically destroying the old monastery to a degree that will give the Chosen Children an unanticipated chance at escape... although Pharaohmon's awareness of "pressing business" suggests that he has at least some idea of what is going on :-(

They are of course lucky that none of them have been injured at all in the disintegration of their cells - Miyako seems to have had a particularly narrow escape of it here, with the crushing of a Digimon that was actually attached to her at the time.

I'm surprised that her cell door had been left open all this time, as the others who received 'visitors' seem to have had their doors only briefly dematerialized for the purpose; I wonder if this was in order to enable the earlier illusion of escape to which she was subjected. It does feel a little too convenient... on the other hand, it's odd from a storytelling point of view that the first prisoner located by Anubimon was one whom he had to detect and tunnel in to reach, rather than the one whom he could simply walk in and free! Of course in reality there is no guarantee that he would reach the 'easy' one first, but from a plot point of view one somehow expects that if the way has been left open for him then it would have been set up in order to provide a convenient low threshold for the start of a mass escape. (Not entirely sure that's making sense.)

I note that Miyako doesn't appear to have the same insight into Anubimon's 'basic goodness' that Hikari did (her cautious reaction is that his apparently unthreatening appearance is no guarantee of anything) - I wonder if this is linked to Hikari's manifestation of powers of Light?
Come to think of it, given her horrific experience the last time Hikari and a friend supposedly turned up in her cell and unlocked her handcuffs, I'm surprised Miyako is so accepting of reality...

"the strange coincidence if it was a coincidence of his returning powers" I'd taken it for granted that it was the Dark One's distraction that had enabled Anubimon to use his own powers once more; there seems to be a suggestion here that in fact an outside benign power may be taking an interest.

I like Iori's very logical conclusion that explanations that endanger future survival are therefore a waste of time :-)

"Given the angle and the relative narrowness of the hole in the ceiling, Takeru could not see what Demon was looking at" - it's confusing that after this statement we are nonetheless immediately told precisely what Demon *was* looking at :-(
This story has never been particularly averse to 'head-hopping' between different points of view mid-scene, but I found that this switch, not only mid-scene but mid-paragraph, was quite disorienting.

"hoping against hope" - we see a lot of Takeru's stubborn Hope in this scene!

So the girls are together and it looks as if the boys are staging their own escape, thanks to the damaged cells...
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 113 . 10/15/2015
"she could not turn to her friends to renew and bolster it. Instead her fear for them sapped what strength she had": so Hikari's priorities for people beyond herself, the very qualities that prompted Dagomon's interest in her, have become a means of destroying her :-(

"the deadness of spirit that made him seem inhuman in a way neither she nor her friends had encountered before" - ironic, given just how many nonhuman beings they have been close to. And yet it seems Sato *is*, or was once, human...

"though still miserable she was spared for a while the sharp pangs caused by thinking. Body, mind, and soul were given up to a dull ache" - a nice analogy here between the physical pains of moving and the corresponding mental sufferings from the emotional beating she has taken... and the numbness of exhaustion in common to both.

It's interesting that she is conscious from the start this time that she is dreaming (even though nothing much happens), as opposed to Miyako's experiences, where she genuinely believed that her friends had come to rescue her and then that she was back in her cell and Ken and Hikari "really were there" (in the form of animate corpses, as it transpired, in what mercifully turned out to be only a dream of awakening).

As Miyako discovered, even here nightmares can be created worse than the reality of captivity in the Dark World :-(

"the room was undecorated and, except for the dead grayness of its atmosphere, unlit" - this evokes for me, presumably intentionally, a flat sourceless background light...

"But there were occasional dim stirrings of emotion in the background of his mind, more inferred than truly felt. Tonight he seemed to himself uneasy" - here "seemed to himself uneasy" becomes in itself an effective and lucid illustration of "more inferred than truly felt" :-)
Sato doesn't actually experience these emotions directly; he has to try to theorise about the sensations and analyse their source in order to work out what sort of response he is in fact undergoing, and why.

So it is Sato's *duty* to sleep in order that Dagomon can commune with him through his dreams? :-)

"One of Sato's hands curled into a fist and flung itself against the rough stone of the nearby wall" - another disconcerting phrase of bodily detachment; Sato himself appears to feel that this act is nothing to do with him.

"the powers of darkness had done their work continually and, despite the numerous setbacks, done it well" - an interesting reverse-psychology view of the escalating defeats of the opposition over the last few years at the hands of the Chosen Children!

A few more hints into Sato's past and family here: "one of the most important tasks of his early discipleship" probably involved some kind of personal betrayal to make his step irrevocable, though we still have no real clue what "every false hope, and every broken promise" in his assurances to Hikari referred to.

It's tempting to conclude that Hikari's dream about a strange boy likewise lost in the World of Darkness does in fact reflect some external reality: it's not common to dream about people you've never seen before (a true nightmare would more likely feature one of her friends in need of her help), although her being apparently invisible and inaudible to him makes this seem more dream-like again.

I'm guessing that the vast red-eyed thing from below the waves - the mountain on the horizon - is indeed Dagomon, but who Ginjiro, Maeko and the strange boy may be remains entirely obscure...

"She closed her eyes, and they screamed together" - very effective last line!
the-hunger-jaws chapter 130 . 9/23/2015
Oh yeah the big guy has arrived at last. The time has come for the final battle, now let's see if there will be any heroic sacrifices.
the-hunger-jaws chapter 129 . 9/4/2015
YAY! There all together again, but now its time for the final battle.
the-hunger-jaws chapter 128 . 8/19/2015
OOH it seems that the invasion has finally begun, but what will happen next I haven't the faintest idea. The writing is very good, and I hope you have fun writing this. See you later, Cheers.
the-hunger-jaws chapter 126 . 8/12/2015
Hey there, I really enjoy the story you've created. I love the Lovecraftian feel in it and how the writing makes it exciting and mysterious. I'd really love to see how it plays out. And maybe that Cthulhu-like creature will come out and do battle.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 33 . 8/3/2015
Daisuke's unique position as being the one who hasn't dreamt anything amongst the Chosen yet is nicely played up at the start of this chapter - and one has to wonder if his mind is giving him a nightmare to fill in the blank or if it's related to the others. At this stage, that's unclear - but there's quite a bit that's unclear. On the other hand, Taichi is a part of the scene - after the jarring end to his scene previously. I'd say there's a bit of follow-up/lead-in missing there that I'd really like to see.

The play on temperature is quite interesting - it's been subtly present in other settings as well, but here it's really accentuated - and the link to the dream when Sora rubs her arms.

The digimon brought back prisoners? And Hiraga is disturbed - I wonder if this is a nod to his own mortality or the misgivings he featured earlier.

And Hiraga's concern (or one of them) is out of the bag - and Sato's reply is interesting as well. A bit more informative, not particularly relieving (there's a gaping loophole there) - and giving a name to this group.

And Sato knows Mimi's flying to Japan...but in making Hiraga check the flights, does that mean Sato does't know exactly which one or he does and is just making Hiraga do a little more work? Again I have to wonder just how far his influence and eyes, so to speak, stretches. And how far it doesn't.
Lexik chapter 21 . 7/31/2015
My first and continuing thought about Fladramon's weakness is "Oh, he must be hungry." *facepalm* Although, that hint about something else having gotten pulled into the evolution as well implies something else.

Ah, a simple, but smart strategy there with baiting out a hidden enemy by attacking something its supposed to protect. Haha, neither Lighdramon nor the mist wolf's attacks going as planned is a nice touch. They surprised each other :D

The injuries here with the bite marks and the hole punched in Lighdramon is certainly not the first example of Digimon battle wounds you've given. Seems like most of them get injured in one way or another. But anyways, I was thinking, I don't believe the Digimon anime proper (at least not where I've gotten to, and something makes me doubt that'll change much) ever really showed real injuries beyond zappy crackling effects, grunts of pain, and distorted yowling. And evil black data sticking out of them. So both here and there it's kind of left to the imagination to decide what a bad wound might look like, if at all. I wouldn't think they'd bleed, being data and all. Static and code garbling is something I occasionally find myself picturing. Sometimes. Usually my mind digs up just a gray horn or tooth-shaped dent, lol.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 32 . 7/31/2015
And we begin with the allusion of progress. Or possibly real progress - at this point, it's hard to tell and that makes the scene more intruiging. It's the sort one can come back to after some big reveal and read it slightly differently.

Lol Koushirou, that's not the only eerie parallel but it is slightly different than the parallels with dreams.

[like fighting cancer...] - well, it depends on the cancer. Some are quite slow growing. Viuses is another example you could use - sometimes they go latent like HIV but often they replicate quite quickly.

And now the older Chosen are no longer backbenched - but sounds like they don't think the tide will turn overwhelmingly with that extra help.

Gennai thinks it'll end in a few days. Letsie...there's been about two or three days already taking up thirty chapters - from that, it is possible. And the positive spin is welcome after the downhill slide and barely hanging in there that's been going on lately. Made more prominent by following those nightmares as well.

So Mimi has been dreaming after all. That's quite a long reach - and does a nice job with putting things into perspective as well. A chrome ape...MetalEtemon maybe? If we're still following the patten of trauma-related incidents... It's an interesting description. Far more subjective and that suits the fact that this is a recollection as opposed to a dream at the time.

Mimi's family and situational dynamics are nicely highlighted as well - something I find frequently overlooked in fanfictino but here you explain - the cost, the logistics of flying, her parents' worries illustrated in the digimon world tour arc and them moving to america in the first place...

And we return to a Wisemon scene. So Wisemon knows the Dark One's real name... Interesting. That implies there's either human co-authors, the human is known to the digital world or the Dark Man is not human at all. Quite a mystery to end the chapter with. And a little more knowledge about the book as well. I wonder if these co-authors will play a role.
Lexik chapter 19 . 7/31/2015
Wisemon sounds like a really interesting character :o His little adventure with his book directing the way seemed somehow reminiscent of the children's own journeys. It's bizarre and symbolic. Although, his path is looking to be a dark one.

And I laugh to myself a bit as Sato considers saying something, then decides that what has already been said is sufficient and ends up not saying anything. When villains are not immune to small human quirks :)

The exchange between Sato and the Dark Man in that same scene is a curious one. The puzzlement, the sudden fright, and it's unusual. The involuntary shiver in the leading paragraph builds up to it well, too. I almost wonder what's going through his mind. Guessing strange, twisted, villainy things that I'm happier not knowing, possibly spiced with trepidation and second guessing.

Hmm, maybe it smooths out later, but I'm noticing a lot of telling instead of showing. The odd part is that I have mixed feelings about it. I mean, showing is more immersive writing, but on the other hand, you have this established omniscient narrative perspective. So, in a sense, I wonder if you can work at things in more than one way.

I want to say a fair bit my impression here is found in your use of perfect tense. While most of it isn't technically passive voice, it has a similar flavor of sorts that detaches the reader from the action, but when used in small bites can add lull and strength to the story flow.

Like here, you start losing me a wink on the second paragraph of the BlackTailmon part: "She had come through the gate with Lilithmon and the demoness's subordinates, appearing in Tamachi. They now stood concealed in the shadows of an alleyway, where they were to await instructions." It's just bland narration there without the color and flavor of the experience. I'd suggest building it up to show how the kitty or demoness waits or accenting the anxiety of being in such a foreign environment. Do they take solace in the familiarity of the shadows? Is anyone fidgeting, trying to block out the noise, looking around, feigning disinterest? There's a lot of personality to be found in something as simple as how characters wait.

Or I wonder if you can spin things around and bring out more shape and tone in your narrating. I'm much less experienced omniscient perspectives, unfortunately. But it strikes me as an interesting opportunity.

. . . I hope some of that makes sense. Heh. ;)

Speaking of the BlackTailmon part, the opening sentence works really well: "The first thing BlackTailmon noticed was the noise." It's simple, good transition, and it gets me thinking. Yeah, the human world really is a noisy place, come to think of it, especially those cities :P I don't live in a city either, so I find myself identifying with the sentiment, remembering my visits, and especially orienting myself during the day and trying to catch some sleep at night what with all the rumble and chaos.
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