Reviews for The Call
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 21 . 7/12/2015
[There was still] is more a continuation than a beginning, and though it's continuing a story, it's also the beginning of a chapter so I'd recommend avoiding the "still". The attempt at strategising goes interestingly - but there are only so many ways one can attack the dark tower or be impeded in doing so, so it's really the new digimon that add the variation. "More than just himself" - makes me wonder if it's the same issue here as with the other two - if the alternate armour evolutions are drawing power from the real digimentals and therefore those armour evolutions are weakened - and yet it's only Lightdramon and not Holsmon or Nefertimon (we haven't seen the other two in a bit).

And we find a hole in the rejuvination powers - or something impeding it. Writing wise, I think it's more effective to focus less on the actual digivolution and more on its effect. While the anime yells out the digivolutions, it's one of those things that don't translate so well on to written media. Particularly since it's bold, it disrupts the flow of text a little and since this is a lengthy fic, it'll get tedious seeing digivolutions illustrated in that manner time and again.

A few odd phrases again, eg. [they continued their helpless watching], [began to sit up, tried to stand] - they seem to beat around the bush to what you want to say, and particularly when you're in a fighting scene where actions are piling on top of each other, the extra words drag the pace.

So they destroy one and wind up with another. This reminds me of an episode of Yugioh as well - destroyed the light half and wound up with the more dangerous darker half. However, you call it a twin - and that's either being presumptious or giving away a lot. If it looks like a twin, that's another story, but actually being a twin means it's not the same data reforming and also means they weren't acting in concort before. And how would Daisuke and Ken, and Paildramon for that matter, know that?

Actually surprised to see the wolf didn't introduce himself. These villains are learning to attack first and talk later, lol.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 20 . 7/12/2015
I'd recommend mentioning the names in the first line as opposed to the second, because the description of the context is made less valuable when we don't at first know who "they" are. This pair is the only one not mentioned in the previous chapter, but honestly that's not a very strong clue. [had searched the entire day] comes out a little flat, compared to the rest of that paragraph. Interesting logic applied there - particularly since they've met Picollomon and faced Tailmon back when she fought for Vamdemon - size is no guarantee to power and yet they've forgotten or ignored it here. Though we know it can't be BlackTailmon because she's in the human world so I wonder what is waiting for them (because I doubt it's nothing, considering the attention to detail and the timing).

Ah, Bakemon. Interesting choice. The Chosen have been exposed to them quite a bit and yet they still manage to overwhelm (sort of - there's not really a sign of them getting overwhelmed, just them fighting them off constantly - small distinction :D).

So instead of focusing on one pair per chapter you've split it into two and included two pairs. It's good in that we get to see more characters/situation but bad in that you don't have enough time to play with things. Like the Bakemon scene - it's a cliffhanger of sorts but a rather weak one and it doesn't give the sense of overwhelming the Chosen's actions imply.

A suddenly tired Lightdramon can't mean anything good. You're certainly going for a variety of alarms here - and the mist which is unlikely to be Witchmon again. But when did Daisuke and Ken get off Lightdramon's back? Also, on the whole, I think you've overdramaticised the language a little. For example, open-mouthed astonishment is quite a mouthful and probably not necessary - it goes without saying that they're shocked and it's repeated often enough as well. I like the ending of that scene: [from no discernible direction, a wolf howled] more ominous and illustrating their current predicament nicely.

[almost fastened itself in Miyako's streaming hair] - since this scene is about speed, that's quite a wordy way to say the hand grabbed and missed. And we have the introduction of new enemies as well. It's a shame to have the "plunge" though at the end of the chapter - implies that they're attacking, when it would've been more fun to wait until next chapter to see their reactions. Since you've gone out of your way to say one is similar to Holsmon's shape, I'm guessing they're armour digimon - that and the familiarity of power they're feeling. Next chapter to find out. :D Or after that. :)
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 19 . 7/12/2015
I love the quote you start off with this time. And the nudge towards the ocean makes me wonder if we'll be seeing the Dark Ocean here.

I find it interesting you used the word "approaching" applying an asymptote/continuum as opposed to the more common "like" which gives a slightly more black and white picture. The perspective is interesting as well, since BlackTailmon is sort of the forgotten part of the entrouge - only Lilithmon is acknowledged at the end, despite BlackTailmon's claws. And Tamachi - though it surprises me that you've written it as is, as though the name is recognised (or I'm reading too much into things again) as opposed to something like "appearing in a place called Tamachi" which shows unfamiliarity. The escort certainly does show something - the distribution of power, the way the humans (or they look like humans anyhow) are in control despite the digimon muscle they use.

[Soon the valley's flat floor] - seems a bit pointless to put a timeframe here, since an unknown period of time has passed before this and nothing of note has happened (it's more retrospection) before the starting point of the new period. And we have digimon on both sides - the timing makes me wonder if a) there are digimon supporting the cause and attempting to destroy the Dark Towers too or b) the whole thing was staged to gain the trust of the Chosen.

Pegasusmon/Takeru's scene was appropriately short, but Daisuke's and Ken's seemed a little sparse. I don't really see why it's easier for them to find dark towers - I would think it's hardest because they haven't got the most limited mobility out of the three when stuck in armour forms. And there's a lot of information in that paragraph - sort of like a summary. I'd say you have the space to expand on that a little, especially with the scene itself so short. Not so much so so that it eclipses the main focus of this chapter, which seems to be the encounter with the enemy, but a little more substance wouldn't hurt. :)

Sato and the Dark Man certainly come out quite different, character wise. There is a fluid barrier between them, and yet there's some unspoken agreement/trust as well. It'll be interesting to see how that plays out, and the whys beneath it all as well.

Nice description of the Octamon's constricting! Giving us a tidbit of how the two felt before adding the extra information that fit it into the context. Would like to know what places the acid caught though - it'll affect how he moves in the later chapters. And ominous last words. Looks like we're preparing for a lengthy fight period again.
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 45 . 7/12/2015
"Whatever sacrifices might have been made to dye the bones red" - that's an interesting (and chilling!) suggestion.

SkullSatamon's major weakness is clearly the arrogance that caused him to allow his opponents to evolve in the hopes of getting a good fight, rather than simply finishing them off in their rookie forms when he first gets the chance: the classic Evil Overlord error! On the other hand, it's good tactics to force a fight in an area where any overspill will demolish buildings and threaten thousands of humans; I'm surprised he hasn't already used that threat, since he obviously has no interest whatsoever in keeping humans from harm. But he falls for Garudamon's 'challenge' instead of taking the chance to finish her off when he has the opportunity, and thus throws away this advantage.

"he was converted into light himself, shrinking, and falling to the ground" - I'm not sure there ought to be a comma after "shrinking" here; if that's what you intended to write, it should probably be "and fell to the ground", otherwise "shrinking and falling to the ground" would make more sense to me.

"I'm not interesting in those weaklings yet" - typo

It's rather rash of Baalmon to drop Daisuke *before* maiming him; presumably he feels that shooting the boy while he is in his grasp carries too great a risk of accidentally hitting his own legs into the bargain.
XV-Mon doesn't seem to have been very damaged by taking direct bullet-hits to the chest several times in Ch43...

I like the description of a successful attack "met only with derisive laughter that changed his expression from elation to confusion": this conveys neatly that they simply aren't even managing to scratch Baalmon even when they do hit him, and are totally out-classed.

We still don't know *why* the Chosen Children are to be captured alive, though it can't be for any good reason :-(
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 40 . 7/11/2015
I have to admit that at this stage I'm having trouble keeping tabs on what's going on and who's who: in this chapter we've reverted again to the fight that was going on in Ch34 *before* Sora intervened, since when she has left and intervened again in another combat to rescue Jou from NeoDevimon, and Daisuke and Ken have encountered and defeated what appeared to be the walking corpse of Ken's brother... and WereGarurumon and LadyDevimon are still going at each other. At this point I've completely forgotten what the original context of the attacks was :-(

"You know," she said, "you may have had a chance if it wasn't for that human" - this sounds odd to me; I think it ought to read "you might have had a chance", for consistency of tense.

"Why are you still here?" A good question, really, since WereGarurumon is fighting a rearguard action to keep her from capturing Yamato: the boy is of no help to his partner (if anything, his presence is a hindrance), and he is wasting the time for escape that Were Garurumon is buying him :-(

"That boy last night didn't quite satisfy me. Kicked off too early" - whatever the rationale for capturing the Chosen Children is, I suspect it's not anything as straightforward as the pleasure of simple torture and killing...

It certainly makes a change to have Hikari and Miyako finding an inhabited area of the Digital World; with the exception of that one undersea city, I think everywhere they've been has been utterly deserted so far.
(Does that imply that the conveniently-named "Arkham" is a real place, though, rather than some creation of Sato's to entrap the Children?)

"an area of the Digital World more densely populated than what they had cleared of Dark Towers on previous days" - "than what they had cleared" sounds rather uncouth to me (as in "the book what I wrote"): "than that/those which they had cleared"?

"the Chosen had wondered why until getting swept up in the rush of battle, after which the situation was explained to them" - I find this awkward, since we then go back to a time before said battle has actually happened: it's like the issue in ch16 where you mention all six children arriving back to the human world in summary, then show them arriving two by two all over again :-(

For some reason I'd immediately pictured "strange dragonish Digimon sweeping defenders from the walls" as swooping down from the air, so it was a bit of a double-take to learn specifically in the next paragraph that the enemy Digimon were unable to fly!

I'm still puzzled by the Dark Towers in earlier chapters that seemed to have come into existence already embedded by ruins far older than they were...

If it was heavily populated areas being attacked to capture the inhabitants, Digimon deliberately moving *into* densely-populated areas in response confused me as a reaction :-(

"Stirring from idle reflections on the battle, Miyako straightened" - this is a bit awkward as a segue, and indeed somewhat confusing since the narration above had already left the subject of the battle for that of abandoned towns several paragraphs ago.

I'm not clear whether all these Dark Towers are serving any purpose save for decoying the children away from the bridgehead into the human world: initially I assumed they were pure distraction and was rather impatient at the Chosen for falling into the trap and putting themselves at risk. But it has been hinted that they are actually serving a function towards sustaining the invasion.

If Millenniumon were still alive, what makes Sato so confident that he would be serving *him* rather than the other way round...? :-p
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 37 . 7/9/2015
There's a welcome contrast of tone at the start of this chapter: Daisuke and Kangaroomon are getting bored of demolishing Towers rather than feeling oppressed by the forest. But this unworried state of affairs doesn't last for long...

"The strangeness of their arrival temporarily forgotten" - is this a reference to the telepathic summons? Unfortunately I don't know if that's strange in canon or not.
("He had the feeling that he had heard it before" did strike me as slightly odd when followed by "they could plainly recognise the voice of Shadramon", simply because I wouldn't naturally equate a feeling that one had heard something on some previous occasion with the feeling that it was the voice of someone you knew well (and had doubtless heard on countless occasions) - from the phrasing I wasn't expecting it to be Shadramon but rather some vaguely familiar enemy!)

It certainly makes sense to split up to cover a wider area... "But the trees went on forever in every direction, unbroken, and nothing walked among them but the two searchers": this is a nicely epic sentence :-)

The Dark Man and Sato are doing rather better in their kidnap attempts this time than previously; up to now it has been more or less a foregone conclusion that the Chosen Children are going to pull some cat out of the bag to win every combat they're in (in fact, in the human world it's been getting a bit obvious that characters introduced as OCs die from Digimon attacks and the canon characters always survive).
Now the enemy seem to have worked out a way to capture people *without* using Digimon combat.

I'm a bit surprised that Shadramon's panic for Ken actually subsides in the aftermath of Daisuke's disappearance... I think the idea is that he is supposed to awaken to fear on his own account, but the impression given is that the double vanishing leaves him less worried rather than more :-(

A Wendigo, I take it!

I'd forgotten that Sora and Garudamon had been summoned to help, so the sudden providential intervention from the air came as as much of a surprise to me as to NeoDevimon :-)

It's an interesting example of a combat between a small and nimble opponent and two behemoths - interesting in that normally in fiction it is the protagonist who is using superior speed and manoeuvrability against larger enemies! And a classic scene where Garudamon tries to hold her opponent's attention away from the last-gasp threat behind, which she can see and he can't...

I note that the quality of writing in these combat scenes has gone up a lot since the start of the story: compare the flat recital of "The Digimon, though in pain, were not too horribly hurt, and as they heard the cries of their partners their first concern became getting the children out of the burning rain. This was easily accomplished for most of them, but not for Lighdramon, who could not retreat mid-jump" to the rhythms in a passage like "Yet behind him, she saw something else. The green spines of Zudomon's shell slowly and silently broke the waters of the bay. No sooner had she seen them than she locked her gaze again on NeoDevimon, willing him to focus solely on her, to not notice the suddenly purposeful waves washing below him. "
And I found the casually-dropped mentions of the "three pairs of eyes" behind the mask which "shattered to reveal the horror of his face" to be very effective: all the more so because you don't actually describe the demon's face!
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 18 . 7/8/2015
That first sentence really makes the Chosen sound like adults. Which is both sad and unfortunate (from a scene perspective I mean, not the writer/reader one) in that their very title is Chosen /Children/. Since the digimon were able to evolve, I imagine they either a) sensed their partners’ distress in the dreams or b) were able to get a decent rest in. Either way the consequence and sentiment are the same. And interesting how the day – which writing wise lasted far longer than the night – has been eclipsed by said night. A rational split up with the digimon types, but the blanket that covers a large area made me initially think the dark towers made a sort of path, like they did in that episode they discovered the base in. In that case they have potentially stayed together. Actually, there’s nothing saying the blanket is in that sense. I guess I’ll see! Though I wonder if we’ll miss why Hikari was suddenly awoken now that we’ve moved into a new day and a new situation.

Ah, so it was the Dark Man who found Wisemon (and that’s what his little walk was for too). And the relationship between the pair is illuminated a little more as well. The Dark Man appears on the surface subservient, but he’s acted on his own and escaped punishment/detection, which implies he’s either not so loyal to the cause or believes his way of doing things is sometimes better. In any case it adds a hint of conflict for the antagonists beyond what the protagonists provide. And the last line further adds to that – Wisemon will disobey Sato if Sato’s orders contradict the Dark Man. And the Dark Man’s final comment is quite ambiguous – I wonder how Sato will respond to that on a larger scale. Keep a sharp eye out. Obey and just “wait and see” and be usurped in the process.

The organisation of the scenes strikes me as a little odd. Typically, your scenes have flowed into each other even when they necessitate a divider, but these ones are more segregated than that. Part of it is that typically your villain-plot chapters and your Chosen-action chapters have been separate but these are combined. Anyway, we’re back with the Chosen. Daisuke’s logic is interesting but can they really work that quickly, limited as they are? And I wonder whether the older children are with their Chosen in the real world to provide some sort of protection when they are attacked, especially if the Chosen get stuck in the Digital World. The lesser focus on the destruction this time around implies the main fighting will be elsewhere – the human world considering the lead-up, so one has to wonder if Ken has a point and the human world attack will be another distraction as well as a wedge, or whether he’s completely off the mark.
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 30 . 7/8/2015
A nightmare night - and tapping into the archetypes of horror: the endless graveyard and the clawing hand, the bottomless pit and the weight that will not let go, the tombs of everyone we love and the monster that wears a beloved face... I note that both Jou and Yamato are being haunted by their own pasts here.

EDONCANTOE doesn't, at a guess, sound Cthuloid (and yes, I did a Web search on it to see if it was part of Digimon canon!) It sounds more like one of those yacht names that have been created by taking the first syllable of all the family's names, actually...

"He had walked double the distance of what should have been its circumference" - does Jou actually have 'circumference' in mind here? It seems an odd calculation to reckon that he has walked twice as far to cross it in a straight line as he would have walked if he had been circling the entire boundary of the original cemetery. My immediate reaction was to suspect that he actually meant something along the lines of "diameter", i.e. he had walked twice as far as had been previously needed to get straight across and reach the other side.

Whoever composed those epitaphs evidently has a ghoulish sense of humour rather than going for straight-out gore; it feels like the Dark Man's work. (N.B. the mark-up - italics and centring - on Sora and Taichi's epitaphs seems to have gone missing in the text.)

Jou is being sucked down into his own grave, but there's an odd nightmare-rationale to it that makes it recognisably the horror of a dream and not of reality; he isn't really surprised at any of it as things appear and change around him, and the idea of his leg being "mangled beyond repair", for example, carries only a momentary weight before being replaced by the next twist and the morphing tombstone, both equally accepted in dream-logic.

"He was hoping the police or somebody would arrive soon; it had been a while since his last good battle. But when they did appear, it wasn't long before he lost interest" - the implication being that they were no challenge at all...

"had been wandering through the cave for what may have been hours" - as previously, I think this should probably be "what might have been", for consistency of tense.

"There was no reason for his belief, but he didn't question it. It was a dream, of course" - again, the same sense of inevitability and foreknowledge that one gets from nightmare.

And then the gradual conviction that something is wrong: with Takeru, with the whole constantly morphing situation, with the hints of teeth and alien eyes. (I get strong echoes of the horror from Stephen King's "IT" from the end of this scene, with the grip of the little-brother-that-isn't and the invitation to come down below: "I'm down there! Come meet the rest of me!": nasty associations. That last sentence - "He was rushing through the dark in the grip of some growing, melting thing, and soon there was only black, the whistle of displaced air, and laughter" - is chilling.

The *dark* voice and laughter again suggest the Dark Man's hand in this dream...
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 17 . 7/8/2015
He’s nearing exhaustion after arriving at his doorstep? That seems like a vast understatement. [Even Miyako was relatively silent] seems redundant as well, seeing as you’ve said she spoke little in the previous phrase anyhow. I think you meant to reinforce that she’d normally talk a lot, but that’s not quite what I get the impression of when reading that. And the earthquakes make a reinforcement as well – though it wouldn’t have been nearly as effective without that spiel several chapters ago. [It’s over now] reminds me of that episode in 02 where he says the same thing, and then winds up fighting BelialVamdemon with the others. Beyond the fore and back shadowing, it’s nice to have a home scene after all the fight-scene chapters. And Natsuko is having strange dreams as well. So it’s either not restricted to the Chosen or she has a partner somewhere (like Oikawa did).

Interesting with Daisuke’s situation. Also, with the phrasing, you encompass how large an effect the problem, whatever it is, is having on the world as a whole. And I wonder why Daisuke has been exempt. Maybe it’s the same vein that exempted him from BelialVamdemon’s illusion. Miyako’s dream starts off quite interestingly as well – dreaming she’d awoken in her old room does blur the boundary between reality and dream, and it looks like she fell into that confusion by seeking out her partner. [While she had slept, the world had died] is quite a potent line and you follow that nicely with the nudge towards Miyako’s illusion at BelialVamdemon’s hands and overcoming it. So the loneliness had a very different effect now – and the absence of sweets and the utter stillness of everything helps as well of course. It makes for a nice environment, and I particularly like how even nature has stopped moving, in the sense that it responds to there being life on the planet and is a non-existence without it. And even more chilling is the last line of her dream – especially since it doesn’t follow the aftermath.

There still seems to be a relation between the partners of the Chosen and their dreams, particularly Jyou drowning (granted with embellishment), and it leads nicely (in a geographical sense) into Hikari’s dreams. But since we’re talking about same apartment complexes, I would think Taichi (and maybe Daisuke if you think they’re in the same building, although he did already get his mention) would be mentioned as well.

I wonder if the ancient scenery is lending itself to the gods mentioned by Sato before. The setout is interesting; Hikari seems as barefoot as the things chasing her, and the entire scene gives the feel of a dream unlike Miyako’s one, and yet this is the one where there’s another person involved with. […take the chance of…” As the man’s voice trailled off] – that doesn’t quite match the scene that follows, the frustration of being cut off, since it sounds like he drifted off on his own accord and not because he was interrupted. The frustration is quite palpable on the final scene though – and Sato seems to be quite hasty here, rather than calculating and cold as previously. Either he’s already planned for them enduring his attempts or he’s going to slip up at some stage. A bit of both I imagine, since we saw the Lilithmon who agreed to attack the human world and BlackTailmon was also recruited for human world plan. And yet the wording of that final scene still implies haste. Particularly [a third front] as opposed to [the third front] if it’d been meticulously planned.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 16 . 7/8/2015
[followed shortly by Miyako and Hikari] doesn’t seem necessary to say when Taichi talks to the pair as soon as they return, and before the others do. It’s a bit confusing to step back in time when you’ve mentioned the six and their digimon, then we go back to only the two of them having arrived. Also dampened their real-time arrival. I’m curious to know how Taichi was waiting. Pacing anxiously. Doing something and interrupting himself when the gate opened (since it’s his and Hikari’s bedroom). [“Conquering the Digital World,” Ken said] – I find that quite amusing. Not sure of the tone though, whether it’s Ken having stopped beating himself up over the past or it’s a part of that self-loathing. And Daisuke’s sudden epiphany giving way to Miyako and Hikari’s return was amusing, but this time I wouldn’t say it was necessary to be so well timed. For the most part your scenes have played out quite realistically, so I’d recommend varying the timeline on that vein as well. If it’s not the middle of a fight and you don’t want the digimon dying because the timing was missed, that’s one thing, but Daisuke worrying for a few more minutes won’t hurt anything (except Daisuke – thank goodness they can’t glare through fiction worlds). Taichi’s reassurance winds up rather dry as well in that vein.

And the dreams are remembered. Ironically, it reminds me of a minute of silence and yet they’re not mourning the dead. They’re not the same children who’d been horrified at the thought of destroying an enemy, let alone actually doing it. And what a creepy dream for Taichi too. I wonder if that’s semblance of his role as leader, even with Daisuke de-facto leading the second group he’s still seen as the overall leader of the Chosen, at least the Japanese ones. I would like to know what made him progress earlier than the last paragraph of that scene though. Again it’s an issue with the emotional presentation of that scene – the fact that there’s no reaction with the first corpse (which can be shown through action even if reflection is less likely since he’s already reflecting) makes the presentation of the others a little more clinical. Its how some doctors would approach patients, not how a friend approaches another friend. It’s the difference between empathy and sympathy – clinical and emotional attachment. Moving away from that vein but staying on the scene, I wonder if there’s something deeper about the methods of deaths than simply being clinically gruesome. Flamedramon Daisuke burnt. Miyako’s partner’s flying forms hanged. Ken with Stingmon impaled etc. Not sure about Takeru and Hikari though. Both of those could be ritualistic, but so could the other deaths. I should probably wait until I get an explanation for that later down the track or I won’t move on. :D

Wisemon huh. Another new guest. I rather like the description here, although it’s a brain-stopper after Taichi’s dream and I can’t help but wonder if it’d be better off in a chapter on its own. The integration of the scenery is once again lovely, and the introduction of the book as a mysterious power as well. Also interesting is how his loyalty isn’t immediately apparent. We have a new player and it’s going to be fun to follow him. I’m half hoping (still meandering at the top of the scene) that you don’t make that clear too quickly. It breaks up the good vs. bad conflict quite nicely with an undetermined third party and an undetermined third party is way more fun than a neutral one. [He needed just enough…] – that makes it sound like he has just enough, not in excess like he appears to with his two orbs. Maybe [He only needed enough…] which implies the excess? [though it never once left his person] contradicts his point earlier about how he’d come back to him if it disappeared, which implies it has left him or been taken from him in the past. Unless you’re making that distinction. [He could not imagine life without the Book] is a gorgeous summary, though the sudden taking off of the book became a little dry in that paragraph.

So the book comes to a man. Since we only know of one group of men in the digital world, it looks like he’s been swept to the Dark Side, so to speak. The last line is an interesting one. Waiting because the book had led him there, or in the sense Tailmon had been waiting for Hikari, or it’s something to do with the man. We shall see I imagine. Or I shall; you wrote the story so I’m sure you know. :)
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 15 . 7/8/2015
Arrived back? I feel like I’ve missed when she left – but it’s an interesting idea to lay out, particularly with the Chosen leveling the town thinking it’s empty forgetting or disregarding the enemies still there. And we get a name as well – and an idea of the Witchmon’s numbers which was implied but I think not explicitly stated in the Akhram scenes? Also shows the Witchmon are natives of Akhram with that, and not recruited from somewhere else. I wonder why baby digimon are required for this connection, if it’s Anubismon on the other side opening the Gate. Something I imagine will be explained later, but is a curiosity nonetheless. The power structure of the enemies is further heightened in that execution – and “Row Five” definitely makes it sound like an execution. Again though, there’s a lack of panic outside the dialogue – she’s protesting like she’s been dragged out of a courtroom instead of to her execution.

And BlackTailmon is relegated to another task, mirroring Tailmon’s one by Vamdemon in a sense. And if that was a diversion, the Chosen are definitely going to reconsider their strategy to handle the threat face to face. My favourite part of that scene is the bit with Astamon towards the end. The dialogue shows the difference in their positions nicely – the defeatist and exhausted Anubismon and the cold Sato. And we have a mention of gods, which’ll make an interesting twist when more are revealled. I imagine they’re not talking about Azulongmon and the others. And now Lilithmon is introduced as well. Honestly not much to say about this chapter. I think in part it’s because the fighting stretched over seven chapters that the players who’d set that into motion took a temporary backseat. Once the villains are introduced in Adventure, they feature quite frequently, either in the Chosen’s thoughts or with little spiels in person, so seven chapters – albeit rather short chapters – is a long time to go without a thought to the orchestrators that have been introduced.

And the chapter ends at night. Time for more dreams I imagine – and considering the day they’ve had, I wonder how that’ll affect said dreams.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 14 . 7/8/2015
And Astamon’s arrogance makes for a return, even before you say it. The way the fight flows from there captures that nicely. And the differences between Daisuke and Ken – Ken focusing on the how, Daisuke focusing on the what/when. And the tide certainly has changed with this battle – but with the title of the next chapter I wonder if there’s something else as well. And silly Astamon to run out of clips like that. I wonder if Ken had noticed that, or was just hoping for the opening while the gun reloaded and wound up with something better. My one concern about that scene is the switch from Paildramon dominating the fight to being swamped with bullets is a little abrupt from both aspects – the only hint is Daisuke saying they’re going to win, which more often than not is a recipe for disaster.

Using catwoman to describe Bastemon can be a little misleading when we’ve got two female cats fighting. And this time it’s Aquilamon with the perfect timing. At least Bastemon didn’t stop and watch the evolution – though she was impressive not to stumble with two distractions like that, particularly since she was struck in the process. The twin voices make a return in this episode as well – they didn’t do that with Paidramon, though I guess Astamon had his mouth full with Daisuke. The ending as a quick blow after that – a bit disappointing from the buildup perspective but realistic, since she’d taken quite a heavy beating. And more physics sneaking in for the finish of that scene.

Final scene: and the angry Takeru makes a reappearance. In retrospect, there wasn’t much in the previous chapter that led up to it, despite Iori’s concerns in the previous one featuring these two. And again a simple finish once they’d obtained the required level – which may explain why Astamon needed no reinforcements but honestly I expected Mephismon to last longer, considering he’d come closer to destroying the pair than his counterparts with the other Chosen. The holy vs. dark motif at work I imagine – and the crippling of the Dark Towers turns out to have no consequence in the end after all. And Witchmon is afraid of Takeru and ends herself instead of answering his question. I wonder when that will come back to haunt him – or Iori. I don’t believe we’ve seen a digimon suicide in that fashion yet (though Arbormon certainly had his chance). Now I’m reminded of Anakin in Star Wars – and the assassin they’d been chasing. After that though, the ending seems a little plain. Void of the emotion that’s built up, and more an effort to coax a continuation after all the fights are finished.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 13 . 7/8/2015
Since the context is constantly changing between the last six chapters, I’d recommend reiterating that first before launching straight into the attack, otherwise you’re relying on pattern recognition (which isn’t wholly reliable in fiction) and/or recognising the Japanese translation of the attack (which may not work on dub watchers). Some of the sentences here drag as well, eg. [formally stationary] doesn’t add a whole lot to the sentence or the scene, and is something you could do do without. The contemplation about Jogress is quite amusing – a catch-22 since they can’t seem to overpower Mephismon and destroy the Dark Towers as they are but they can’t digivolve further because of the Dark Towers they came to destroy. Looks like they may be forced to do the same as the others – both at once kind of thing. And there’s two more necks caught – that makes four so far? This is where I wonder if that’s your favourite grabbing method for fiction.

And Digmon tries to sneak away and do just that (ie. Destroy the dark towers) but that fails this time. I wonder why this group is better reinforced than the other two. Ken and Daisuke had only Astamon to deal with – a perfect level with nothing guarding the Dark Towers themselves. Hikari and Miyako had four Witchmon, Bastemon and BlackTailmon (who seems to have disappeared), but these guys seem to have ten Witchmon plus the Mephismon they summoned. Rather disproportional, so it’s no wonder they’re doing worse than the other two groups in their second chapter. [He began to move towards…] another somewhat apathetic line – it conveys little of the desperation the scene begs for. But the shadows of a crypt rushing to meet a human makes for quite a haunted image.

So Armadillamon survived the shot – by the looks of it anyhow. He hasn’t reverted into an egg. And the twist where Pegasmon reappears in the fight was well written. Everyone is kept ignorant: Mephismon, Takeru and the readers as well. And the Witchmon are dead – whoops, there were five after all. I thought I remembered each of the areas having ten but it’s been a few days so I’m probably mistaken. [Takeru opened his eyes…] – interesting paragraph, particularly considering Takeru’s element and his affinity with darkness, and yet this is related directly to neither. Though I wonder how Takeru drew the idea of the D3s being more powerful – I would think not necessarily. It may just be that the fragment of Mephismon isn’t nearly as much as Apocalymon so his explosion could be weaker. And in the end that’s not what they use the light for, rather they use it similar to how Yamato used his crest in Adventure – to revitalise their Digimon, and to digivolve. And the chapter ends with the Dark Towers out of commission but not destroyed. I wonder if you’re going to make that distinction an important one the next time these two roll around.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 12 . 7/8/2015
And we return to the Miyako and Hikari situation. Miyako’s analysis of the situation is amusing – and that certainly is ironic. While it’s unlikely a skateboard will appear out of nowhere, some other useful object or opportunity certainly may. It also suits a short scene – since the characters are all stuck, all waiting for something. Miyako’s first thought sounds a little apathetic though. Maybe it’s the “wondered” acting as the tag? But if you wanted to show the overlying anger, you could change the question into a statement, for example “She won’t kill me…” as opposed to “Will she?” [Irrationally, but with conviction] is a nice summary of that – and of a lot of the Chosen’s fate in the face of what seems like certain defeat. I’m half wondering now if there’ll be a new evolution somewhere.

Bastemon verses Nefertimon – a very different cat fight than we’ve seen in Digimon (namely the Angewomon/LadyDevimon ones). Nefertimon’s plan is an interesting one, though with where you started the scene one has to wonder whether that was intentional or a side-effect of missing Bastemon initially. The setup of that scene was beautiful – the chaser becomes the chased, the disadvantaged suddenly stumble across something that will help even though it was Miyako who needed the miracle – and in that led to Miyako’s opportunity. And go Miyako! (sorry, I love elbows to the gut. Much easier than punching). Some of your sentences start to get a little wordy, for example [The witch looked up in time…]

Bastemon’s approach was interesting – covering the brief moment of victory completely since it’s her POV in which she approaches. There’s something engaging about hers as well, since you illustrate her thought process with her actions, like [With a running jump… yes]. And meanwhile Nefertimon is plowing through Dark Towers because they’re in her way, not because that was why they came to begin with. An amusing rearrangement of priorities, and of the situation as well, because now Bastemon is the one downed and without allies surrounded by the enemy. Though I wonder why Nefertimon ran instead of flew?
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 29 . 7/7/2015
"Tokyo was overflowing with life, just waiting to end" - that's a chilling phrase to conjure up the demons' viewpoint.
It isn't even personal; right now they're picking random people and killing them in ugly ways to make a point.

"Yes, the door handle was gone" - it was at this point that I read back to the start of the scene and noticed for the first time that Taichi specifically only *seemed* to awake, in other words this whole thing is still a dream... His calm acceptance that the entire city has been replaced by featureless ocean is convincingly dreamlike; it's the sort of freakish alteration that happens in nightmare without ever being questioned.

"still not fully decayed" - in other words, it's pretty decayed :-(
Horrible, horrible, most horrible...

But the Airdramon's fire, apparently, may be real. (Though the fire we're actually told about in the rest of this chapter seems to be in another building, and the "winged man with too-long arms" is clearly NeoDevimon, not any dragon.)

"Outside, he could hear the wail of sirens. That may have been what woke him" - this reads as a slip in the tense; if this is still Ken's reported thoughts it would be something along the lines of "That might have been what had woken him", though it could be an omniscient present-day narrator's comment. The rest of the paragraph both before and after is from Ken's past-tense point of view, though.

"the boy began to dress himself in normal clothes" - that's an odd emphasis; I assume it must mean 'took off his pyjamas and got dressed', but the implication is that Ken had some non-normal clothes (special Digimon robes?) which he'd considered and decided against wearing in this context ;-p

"Stingmon, holding his human partner, began his descent" - Stingmon is rather handicapped by the fact that he is carrying Ken :-(
Presumably this is so that Ken can direct him/reassure people, but it's reducing his carrying capacity, limiting his manoeuvrability and power, and potentially placing his partner in danger if the flames cause him to drop the boy - it doesn't seem the best of choices for a time-critical rescue mission, as witness the near-accident when Stingmon grabs for the falling man and almost loses Ken in the process!

"Ken wished vaguely that the man would stop screaming"/"They're here, Ken thought coldly" - Ken seems oddly detached from what's happening. Given his past, I don't know if that may be significant...
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