Reviews for The Call
rockyroad69 chapter 1 . 7/5/2015
Okay, Art here. I'm not as proficient in the fandom as I was 5-10 years ago. :p

Anyway, I can see this is simply a set the stage/plot prologue, and I liked how while the plot moved in a sense - it didn't actually move either. The dreams did indeed begin, as the chapter names suggests - I think you did very well with the descriptions, and it does set the dark, dreary mood of the scene, especially with this line [locked in siome crypt buried beneath all the oceans of the world].

I liked how you kept up the mysterious feeling throughout the scene, always putting the voice behind Hikari's situation and her uncertainty and fear slowly building up as the darkness doesn't let up. It just kinds of heightens the tension up when she goes [I want to wake up] only to be replied with [some other time], I can't help but think what would happen the next time it happened.

I think you handled the aftermath very well, especially when she double-takes to look for her digimon, something she did in the dream, for added security, I suspect. It's nice how you touched on her uncertainness and fear, not really jumping to her wondering what it meant - something many writers do, which really drops the suspense at times.

And I think goes without saying that anyone would have a sleepless night after two "nightmares". Anyway, I must say, the suspense is quite rife, especially with how you ended by revealing that the other chosen children have also heard them too - thus the name? The Call? So many questions, a very good stage set, and it makes me excited to read the next chaoter.

About your A/N at the start... as a FFN writer, ouch! XDXDXD

See you soon,
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 12 . 7/4/2015
I like the relevant Lovecraft epigraph at the head of this chapter!

What with Horusmon, Bastemon and Nefertimon all together, there's quite an Egyptian air to this combat; I don't know if that's coincidental or if there's a link in past canon events...
Bastemon's characterisation is definitely very cat-like: the way she yawns, blinks in surprise, gallops over the rooftops and then simply sits and waits for her prey to come within leaping range while completely ignoring the fate of her supposed allies ;-p
The glaring confrontation between the two cat-Digimon in the final sentences is very feline, too.

I'm not sure if Nefertimon's initial destruction of the wall is a deliberate ploy here to distract her opponent and enable them to reach the other two, or whether (as I suspect) it's a genuinely failed attack which ends up giving her the inspiration. At least underground they are protected from attacks from above...
I found it a bit hard to visualise the events after she and Hikari break through the wall; when Nefertimon "faced in the general direction they had come" and Hikari looks at the hole in the wall, it sounds as if they have turned round to defend against Bastemon's following them in. But after specifying in detail first that the Digimon looked back over her shoulder and then that she turned to face the way she'd come, the story then talks about "burning through the walls ahead of them" without ever saying that they turned round to head inwards again, although obviously at some point they did!

If there are a whole load of Dark Towers actually concealed under the buildings, they're going to be almost impossible to locate. (This also tends to confirm something that I was getting increasingly suspicious about: this empty and apparently derelict town isn't an existing place abandoned by its inhabitants who "left long ago", but must have been created from scratch as a trap. There's no way that the Dark Towers could just have appeared out of thin air a few hours earlier with an ancient town built *over* them!)

"There was no other way": this is a bit cryptic. It sounds like an apology for killing(?) the Witchmon, but if so I'm not sure how it functions as a response to Miyako's fear that "it really has started again": was she hoping that this time they could avoid outright confrontation with their opponents?

It seems bit of a coincidence that Nefertimon happens to run into and destroy no fewer than three Dark Towers underground simply by heading blindly straight towards Miyako - presumably she and Hikari don't change tactics deliberately to seek them out at this stage, when they know that Miyako is in trouble and needs their help as soon as possible?

I like this combat scene, which feels a lot more fully-realised than the early ones back in chapter 4 and 5 - perhaps because it's more physical action and less of a sense of people playing card attacks against each other.
Master Edge 2 chapter 2 . 7/4/2015
Ok, just finished this chapter, and I have a nit-pick.

"He seemed to be. I don't know if I should be worried or not. When I saw him holding my Digivice I thought he was going to take it, but he said…" This could have been followed by the expression Ken hosts, or where his eyes fall as his sentence falters. It would make it feel a bit more natural for Davis to push on him for the information.

Aside from that it was a good chapter. It fits everything perfectly within the canon, something a lot of fanfiction doesn't do. You really go out of your way to describe how the events of the show lead up to this, and I can not wait to find out who's throwing these kids into the grinder again. For a story inspired by Lovecraft, it does it's best to stray from all the spooky and adjective-heavy narrative that make his books difficult to get into for me. So thank you for not going overboard with "Lovecraft narrative." :p

Also, the last part of the chapter gives me a lot of trepidation for the future events the kids will endure outside of the Digital World. When Hiraga said "more direct stuff" I had to stop and think about the implications of that line.

Looks like this is going to be a long read full of development and complex plot. Good. I hope you finish it. Cheers

- Edge
Master Edge 2 chapter 1 . 7/4/2015
Hey, I'm from The Review Lounge, Too Forum. We're having a month dedicated to giving focused input, and our team has chosen your story as it's focus. Just in case you were wondering why this is suddenly getting a lot of reviews.

I want to open with saying that I relate to your preface. I only started posting to FNN in November, and hadn't even touched the idea of fanfiction since I last wrote it in 2005. I'm interested if you post in fiction press, because I do enjoy your prose.

Such as opening the scene by explaining the smell. A lot of writers try to rely on the visual part of a scene, but a lot can be said by the way the area smells. It does a great job of cutting down the amount of time you need to spend describing the situation, and it did a great job of setting the tone.

When Kairi wakes up, it's good that she didn't jump awake. No one does that. It doesn't happen. So I'm really glad you broke that cliche and had her lay in post dream contemplation before she sat up. Small details, but this is a short chapter, and my first impression of your style.

With that said, your use of the Japanese names is very confusing for a guy like me (who watched it on TV back in 1999-2003.) It'll take some getting used to, but I think I'll live. I look forward to see what comes next. Cheers.

- Edge
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 6 . 7/3/2015
Ah, now this is the first chapter where I really got a touch of horror - maybe it's because I didn't watch Digimon as a child (it wasn't around back in Ye Olden Days!) but big battle scenes with characters shouting out the name of their next attack don't do any more for me than reading out statistics from a set of trading cards. Squishy dragging footsteps of a suitor heard but never seen, on the other hand... brrr!

"Koushiro did not want to go to sleep... But, there was no other method of investigation open to them at the moment" - am I reading that correctly? He is deliberately anticipating an oncoming nightmare with the idea that this is their only chance of finding anything more out about their opponent? Brrr again.

"The night was inexorable, sleep inevitable"; a nicely phrased twist that again raises the sense of ominous anticipation.

" Last night he had visited Ichijouji Ken": so the Dark Man is the one who mocks, while Hikari's sinister seaside host must be Sato.
"And so the Dark Man strode grinning through the night": I love this as a scene-closer (it almost sounds like a bit of poetry) - and the "grinning" has the double image of his constant laughter and of bared teeth, i.e. Hell grins open to welcome sinners.

But Hikari's dream is where this chapter really takes off into classic Lovecraft territory. The approaching nightmare footsteps, "heavy, wet and measured", followed by sniffing. The succession of water-metaphors (blind staring windows described as being like the eyes of dead fish, fences that "swim into view", powers that must be "drowned"). The unseen threat that cannot be outrun...
Lexik chapter 3 . 7/3/2015
I can't say I've ever wished to remember a bad dream before. I would say Miyako doesn't have my sympathy for not recalling, but never remembering dreams sounds awful boring. Dreams make sleep interesting :)

Iori's nightmare sounds downright disturbing :x

Taichi -would- want to know the scoop and expect it to be told. Nosy kid ;) Kind of wish I knew more about his living situation with Hikari. Siblings confirmed. I'd wondered about that when he got offhandedly mentioned in the first chapter. Just that they live together in an apartment, though, doesn't really tell me much. . . *Backs up to fish for details* A functional elevator included means they probably don't live in a dumpy one, they're not on the bottom floor (a plus, since less bugs), and they apparently have separate rooms. Removing her shoes as she comes in the door is a hint that a parent may have drummed some manners into them.

Lol, reading without knowing much has a way of making me hone into little details to piece together stuff. You've left a few little things to snatch at, but I do find myself wanting to know more :P

*blinks* Well, an earthquake in the real world after the mention of a Dark Ocean in certainly suspicious.

Lol, can't open the fridge. Yep, not having arms or legs would be inconvenient. I think a paragraph break after that protest would probably help with the flow, though. :)
Lexik chapter 2 . 7/3/2015
Ah, the mini update on Takeru's mother and her unusual job makes me feel like I know what's going on. I consider that a good thing. Doubly helps that I actually know who Takeru is ;)

The passage of time before Ken arrives and the other kid's unease reads a bit on the boring side. Too much passive narration has a way of doing that. Ken's entrance proper is nice and to the point though, and I enjoyed seeing his thoughts on the midnight visitor. Kid seems like he has a good head on him :)

Heh, and this is why it's a good idea to finish off things that redefine the meaning of evil instead of sealing them away. Sealed things come back. Always D:

Ngh, well that's a foreboding close. People who are greedy or desperate are capable of terrible things. A proper human doing the dirty work, and looking forward to payment for more hands on jobs isn't a good sign D: Wondering if it's just an evil man or if he's being manipulated since the evil Digimon from the first season had a skill kit designed to corrupt good hearts.
Igenlode Wordsmith chapter 2 . 7/2/2015
Igenlode here from the Review Lounge Too. Disclaimer: I've read up quite a bit on the original Digimon Adventure, but only the outline of Adventure 02; and I've never actually seen a TV episode.

"if his mother asked what they discussing" - N.B. I think there's a typo here: should it be "what they *were* discussing"?

Given that Ken was the one who called the meeting, I wasn't clear why he would be expected to be the last to arrive - unless this is is a reference to the character's canon tendencies!
The other thing that puzzled me was why Natsuko and Haruhiko would get called "Digimon critics": their role doesn't seem to be that of critics in either the sense of delivering critique of an artwork or the sense of making hostile comment on someone's activities, and in fact they seem to be more "Digimon representatives" or defenders. This may be an issue with translation from the Japanese, though...

After Hikari's dreams of the previous night it's not surprising that she is subdued at the meeting - or that she reacts strongly to a mention of strange things happening at night! But I notice that she doesn't actually tell anyone of her experiences, even after Ken describes his... and nobody at the meeting mentions Dagomon, although Hikaru and Takeru both privately conjure up his name.

"Was he... human?" It seems quite unlikely that anyone normally 'human' could vanish out of a room in the blink of an eye. Unless he had the powers of a Digimon to somehow help him do so?

So the voice in Hikaru's dream was an actual real voice that can talk over a mobile phone, not just a manifestation of some kind of Elder power in her mind. For some reason that makes it even more intrusive... (And yet despite being able to walk in her dreams, it apparently doesn't know her real-world address yet - whereas the 'man' in Ken's bedroom presumably did. Unless it came out through the terminal without knowing where the terminal actually led!)
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 6 . 7/2/2015
This chapter felt particularly short somehow. As an aftermath, the first half provides a good summary while pushing the timeline forward before it became too meandering, but the last part – Hikari’s dream – felt more like an interlude. Perhaps it’s the lead-in from the first half: you raised the dreams of the older six, so that was something I was interesting in seeing and sort of expected from the lead-in. Hikari’s dream seemed to work better in its own chapter where you’d have a bit more wriggle room and wouldn’t have to worry about how it fit in with the rest of the chapter.

The end of the first scene made for an interesting conclusion: a game of strategy where the board must first move beyond its opening scene. Koushiro is a good character to pick for that reflection: he is quite good at recapping facts and you’ve captured the reiteration of the dreams quite nicely with them, and the inevitable conclusion that arose – they simply don’t have enough to go on and therefore they can only wait.

The second scene looks quite chunky. I’d recommend breaking up that paragraph. Though it’s not impossibly long by long paragraph standards, it’s made a little stranger by the fact that it’s a one paragraph scene. Since you have multiple characters and settings meshed into it, I don’t think it’d be too tricky to split that into a few smaller paragraphs. Particularly the Taichi and Hikari bit deserves its own paragraph – it’s the lead-in to the next scene.

Third scene: and so we see a bit more about the mysterious antagonists – and once again I’m reminded of yugioh. Interesting how you pick Ken’s visitor instead of Hikari, when it’s Hikari’s dream that ends the chapter. I particularly like the wording “made his first foray into the dreams…” – there’s just something about that that could mean a handful of possibilities or me reading too much into single lines. But always a fun guessing game to play as I read on. I did find though that [And so the Dark Man strode grinning through the night] was rather abrupt.

Final scene: and all the senses get a smack. I love it when that happens, especially in settings that one sense is generally expected to dominate. [As the sounds reached a point directly across from her] – I didn’t think human ears were that attuned to noise, to be able to narrow it down so exactly. That seems more like a sonar thing: bats and whales and such. Or I might be misunderstanding… Comparing the windows to the eyes of dead fish is quite interesting – something often come across in a butcher or seafood stall, and yet creepy in the context of an ocean, particularly the Dark ocean. It sets the mood up nicely – though Sato’s introduction was a little plain this time around. More the line introducing him than his dialogue I mean. [And a voice spoke from the building’s dark interior] does justice to the setting, but not the speaker.

Aww, such a sweet ending. Here’s one to tug the violin strings with, and nicely wrapping up the dream chapter as well. I wonder what I’ll read tomorrow: another Chosen’s nightmare or the aftermath in the waking hours.

Till tomorrow. :)
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 5 . 7/2/2015
Ooh, continuing right along with the fight, and with a tunnel-Lightdramon perspective as well.

[…positioned himself…] suggests he’s taking an awful lot of care. One thing that is lost by words suggesting that is the timeframe. Is the attack really so slow that it gives Lightdramon enough time to become the perfect shield? And if so, why don’t the others move out of the way instead. We see Ken move at least; we don’t see Daisuke move at all. Mind you, I’m being a terrible nitprick here, but I only do that to stories I like and plan on reading to the end so that’s a backhanded compliment from yours truly. :) Also find it amusing you call the D3 a little machine when the original incarnation of the digivice seemed smaller – and yet they’re both smaller than a hand so putting it into perspective that way – the thing you think about while reading… I rather like how Holsmon’s attack fades before reaching its target; it shows the width of the river nicely, and their natural limitations. It may be something they choose to work on. It may not be. It may just be something they’ve taken for granted, being air-worthy – but no way Holsmon had time to fly in close enough and then attack and you capture that sentiment nicely.

[who can move faster than lightning?] Interesting. I’m wondering if I’m reading too much into this or physics is graced a lot in this chapter. The rush that follows is nicely played, though I think the follow up could be slowed a tad to frame that more completely. The questions sort of tumble over one another. Maybe there’s a desperation in there, but it’s as though the Witchmon didn’t even hear the other questions except Iori’s. [But the Witchmon were gone] – I’d say you’ve already established the sentiment in the rest of the paragraph, so there’s no contrasting view to say “but” to and you could omit that word. I love the ending of that scene though. Somehow, Daisuke’s “Huh?” just makes it all the more poignant. And clever placing as well (and are you trying to deviate attention from the Witchmon’s cryptic comments I wonder?)

[Several minutes later] – since it’s such a small timeframe, I wonder if you couldn’t have just showed the transition instead of alluding to it. Considering the buildup of that scene, I’d personally have liked to see more description of the restraint and the food in storage (although the selections probably aren’t as wild as in Frontier). The dialogue is quite interesting here: a good mix of the fatigue from battle, the confusion that’s started from the first chapter and the good old multiple theory party. I particularly like the allusion to the puzzle pieces. Also with the way you’ve worded it, I wonder if there are more pieces the Chosen haven’t yet considered.

And we end with the Witchmon and the mysterious enemies. Interesting once again, though I did have to read the bit about the Yukimibotamon being sacrificed a second time. It confused me the first time round somehow. The ending is – well, I wouldn’t say it’s a good or a bad one, to be honest, but that’s to be expected in a multichap. If all of them are heart-attack inducing cliffhangers, that’s a health hazard in itself. :D It’s enough to leave an open question for the next chapter – or further ones, to answer though. So on to said next chapter!
Lexik chapter 1 . 7/1/2015
Haha, the honesty in your preface. A guilty pleasure that wasn't really all that pleasurable perfectly applies to my own early fanfiction reading habits. After a couple years, I finally figured out the art of finding stuff that suits me instead of wincing through things that I didn't really enjoy.

Come to think of it, I've never actually read any of Lovecraft's works, but just about everything I've picked up that had "inspired by Lovecraft" tacked on or in it has tickled my fancy.

Anyways, I'm in the middle of watching the first Digimon season still, so please forgive any ignorance I definitely have ;)

Smell as the first sense to expand on is a surprisingly realistic touch. I certainly know that I usually notice smells before anything else. Although, smelling something in a dream. . . *ponders* Hm, yep, that's weird. And the scent being rot and salt definitely sounds unpleasant.

"All the while the voice has been talking she had been attempting to determine where it came from, but could not place it." This line strikes me as very telling and not showing, but the thing is, you've already shown her attempt to figure out where the voice came from. Her questions to the empty street depicted it well. I think this piece would have read stronger if cut down to something simpler. (Such as just the last clause, "She could not place it." Although, that would also require some context rearranging.) Up to you, of course. And whether you're interested in fluffing up your early stuff, seeing as you're over a hundred chapters more experienced now.

Her thoughts as she startles awake are nicely put. Her uncertainty of whether the dream had ended and the furry lump of her digifriend right there at her feet.

Ken's similar decision not to wake his own Digimon companion parallels, and it strikes me as a plausible bravery that's really quite foolish. Except, it's supposed to be just a bad dream of some bad memories. Until it's not ;)

Heh, I don't think anyone would sleep after that.

The world continues to turn, and it's a good symmetry created by drawing back on the first lines written.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 4 . 7/1/2015
And now it’s Tag Tamers making an appearance. It’s a good explanation for why those events were never mentioned in 02 canon, but it also makes them feel somewhat…cold, I guess. If they forgot Ken and those adventures, it wouldn’t take much at all to forget the international Chosen, or Oikawa’s children. It’s just like Koushiro to try and justify something, and in doing so strip it of some emotion albeit by accident. Though I do hope you intend to come back to this; for some reason (might just be want) I’m expecting it to go somewhere further.

The chat doesn’t reveal much beyond what’s said, which is another thing I find quite interesting.

[The D-terminal flew open] – I’d recommend being careful with wording like that, especially in a world where data is more than it appears. Saying as is makes it sound as though the D-terminal is acting of its own violation, and while we’ve seen the digivices do that, I don’t recall any incidence of the D-terminals doing the same.

The description of the town is interesting, but at the same time I feel it’s a little overdone, particularly since the second paragraph takes only a small portion of what the first offered and ran with it. Also, looks like you’re missing a space here: {so it’s true,Ken thought]. The Pukamon comment made me giggle; it’s quite cute to think of one playing with it as though it were a toy. And why is Tailmon’s recognition belated? It seems they stopped quickly enough.

Somehow, the Witchmon remind me of SandWitch from yugioh capsule monsters. Especially the green and red motif. I rather like how you’ve caught the limitations of Lightdramon here, being a landbased digimon – but I wonder, where is Iori? Riding with Takeru or is he with Digmon and also land-stuck? Also curious as to why the Witchmon would confess her most powerful attack – and then use it as an opener. It’s not a common strategy. Maybe its subterfuge, but a part of me wonders if you didn’t just mean least powerful instead.

It’s an interesting fight so far, and you describe it nicely as well. You focus on the chaos that is the battlefield while following one character, so we readers have a lighting rod so to speak (which happens to be Lightdramon too – all the puns Lightdramon can give…). Looking forward to the next chapter. Hopefully tomorrow. :) Australian times…
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 3 . 7/1/2015
Hi again! Time to continue reading.

This third chapter follows on nicely from the two previous ones. The conversation between Iori and Miyako helps set things in context (so post-movie, okie dokie) as well as drawing us back to the final couple of paragraphs. It’s easy to forget, with the focus on Ken and Hikari, that they’d all had bad dreams that night, and this reinforces that tidbit.

One drawback of the dialogue though is you’re almost entirely dependent on it for that first scene. You do use speaker tags, but they address action more than emotion. For example, with the last line of the first scene “I wish I could remember what they were about” – it’s hard to tell Miyako’s tone. If it was “I just wish…” – that would sound a tad irritated/frustrated or even if wish was emphasised, but a simple “I wish” is more ambiguous and that’s where the reader depends on the speaker tag to know what tone to attribute to the dialogue. On the other hand, “What?” she asked – it’s clear that’s a question because of the question mark so it’s not necessary to add to that. But the first question – “Did you notice anything odd about Hikari-chan?” – was that worried or merely curious? I’ll assume worried on principle, but it really depends on what sort of odd Miyako was meaning there.

Whoops, I thought when you started the next scene with Daisuke and Ken, we’d be following them, but we drop them off instead. That’s quite an interesting way to start the scene actually. You don’t meander on those two enough to say the scene starts primarily from their point of view. Again it’s largely reliant on dialogue, but you’ve played with the words that frame it a little more. The pauses are poignant and helps set, in particular, Hikari’s tone. Taichi’s and Tailmon’s sort of build around her and that impression. I also like the note this scene ends on. Sort of putting the matter to rest, knowing it’ll crop up again in both Hikari’s life and the story. And it ends on the assertion that she’ll tell – but with her tone, who knows. Maybe she was just trying to appease Tailmon. I imagine we’ll see soon enough.

Caprimon for Jun, huh. It’s certainly interesting, particularly for exploring the sibling dynamic, and not a pair I’ve seen before either. Oh, you’re including CD drama verse as well. Are their partners’ canon or was that a choice on your part? And now we have another thing to add to the plot: these earthquakes. Which also makes me wonder (in no particular way) why you chose to start with the nightmares and not several weeks ago with the earthquakes, making the earthquakes secondary to the nightmares. I also wonder how an earthquake that caused minimal damage could be felt across the entire digital world, while knowing it’s the same size as the human world. Soon after that, I wonder why Daisuke picked right then to ask for more details – considering the problem, it was something better done in the previous chapter when everyone was together. Unless you did that on purpose and somebody else is going to suffer for that lack of information, in which case I imagine I’ll come across the scene eventually.

The tone of that last line makes it sound like it’s not necessarily a good thing – which always makes for an interesting ending.
Ultimateblack chapter 3 . 3/19/2015
OH MY GOODNESS! A true to The Japanese Original Fanfic! Finally, someone who shares the same ideals as me. XD Although the Wiki states that the dub is as important and as much as the original, I refuse to acknowledge that piece of work, no matter what. I treat it as a Digimon anime of a different world.

First of all, the characters are, well, themselves. You managed to portray them like their animated Selves and I salute you for that. Secondly, there are no grammar errors. I've read a few good stories myself and this story is going to appear on that list soon.

I am really going to enjoy this :D
sm4567 chapter 119 . 2/1/2015
Really my favourite moment in this whole story, and one of your finest moments in fan fic writing, if I may say so myself/ A lot of stuff going on here, it just keeps on building and building, and I like the way you used all of the lead characters into this.

I also loved the way you used Demon all the way through, and how you handled a lot of the basic thematics of this whole Dark Ocean sub-plot, it really surprises how much thought you put into this.

Overall, it is an interesting tale, and I hope this will continue for a little more.
Keep on writing, TMSmith! Your work rocks big time!
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