|Reviews for Starry Night|
| teacupz chapter 1 . 5/26/2013
finally got the chance to review this sweet and fluffy story. :') eheh, so, first all, great story. I really, really like the idea behind all this and how this is supposed to be taking place after 'Breakdown'. it simply fits and I like how you portray both Pete and Claudia through the conversation, too. you've done a great job, shortly. ;)
some notes about the writing, though, if you don't mind -thanks before and do correct me if I'm wrong, heh-. I love how neat this story is and there's enough balance in paragraph that the format simply welcomes my eyes. there are three general typos that I found -'tarurus', 'genies', and 'then' which is supposed to be 'than' around the description about not needing to speak louder than the crickets-, but three sure is already a few for 1000 words long story. heh. also... these lines:
- it was shining brightly as it continued to reflective the sun's pure light. / about the word 'reflective', since it's written after 'to', maybe it'd be more grammatically correct suppose it's written as 'reflect' instead? :)
- Pete answered relieved it was just Claudia. / as for this one, I just personally felt that the words seem to mix when I tried to read it in my head. maybe adding a comma to make a slight emphasis like what you did in most of the descriptions could be considered. sorry if I'm wrong. -shrug-
- She cracked a smile his response but then fell quiet. / I feel like this sentence is missing a preposition, specifically between 'smile' and 'his'. maybe adding 'at' could be considered? :D
- The star that is has a hint of blue is Castor / it seems like there's a repetition of 'is' in this sentence. perhaps the first 'is' is sort of a typo? again, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. :'D
- Claudia shook her head, "nope." / about dialogue... erm, from what I've learned, even though the dialogue is not placed in front and is connected with a comma to the description, it still has to be started with a capital letter. the only exception when dialogue could be started with a lower case letter is if it's a continuation from the previous dialogue and is connected with description and commas, just like what you did in the part where Pete sings. then again, it's always good to search for more sources about these kind of stuff. thanks for putting it into consideration, though. :)
- Suddenly a small black oval shaped object past not too far overhead. / well, for the word 'past', somehow I feel that a verb -'passed'- could fit the sentence more because of its structure. well, I guess... -shrug-
- Pete finally got be the big brother. / as for this, I believe the sentence is missing a 'to'. ;)
well, that's all that I stumbled upon, I guess. again, feel free to disagree or to correct me if I'm wrong and thanks for simply reading them and hearing them out. heh.
back to the story... I'm... how to say it? well, I guess I'm just amused by how clever and canon and IC the story is. it's just so smart to combine such knowledge of stars with Pete's character that happens to understand it and again made such a warm and family-fluff filled scene off of all of it. I couldn't help but grin when I finished reading this amazing story. fufu.
and despite the nicely interactive and IC dialogues, you also have such great strength in description, proven by the first paragraphs where you're just explaining the setting and making it clear that the story really takes place after 'Breakdown'. all the strings that connect your story and the episode just adds up a lot and sure takes us a few steps closer to both Pete's and Claudia's contemplation after the event.
as for the whole dialogues that are built up of amazing stars knowledge, I just... don't know what to say about it. it all sounds so clever but still Pete-like. I don't have good understanding of constellations or mythology but if I do, I'm sure I'll be more thrilled reading this fic. as for now, I still think all the tales about the stars are very nicely put and enjoyable, though. and the fact that you try to create an interaction between Pete and Claudia rather than making it a full Pete explaining about the stars just makes them even nicer. I couldn't help but to giggle when I read Claudia's reaction to Betelguese. and when Pete was deep in his thoughts somewhere after that and was about to talk to Claudia when he realized she had fallen asleep... that part is just so adorable and sweet. it makes me smile cause Pete, indeed, feels like a big brother there.
also a nice way to close the fic by writing a comparison between the past when Pete was stargazing with his father and the present. the whole story from the beginning until the end is just lovely and nice. kinda like a calming and introspective closing for the episode, although I think most of Warehouse episodes have their either humorous or calming ending after their usually-serious storyline. well, just great job, shortly. :) thanks for writing this and wish good luck on your next stories cause this one is definitely great. heh.
| TTCyclone chapter 1 . 6/18/2012
Aww, how sweet! I love it! :D
| RayenOfDeadStarsAndPlanets chapter 1 . 2/16/2012
I love this. Its so sweet!
| AntarcticLight chapter 1 . 1/25/2012
wow! This story may be short but it was perfect! You really did a great job researching information on stars. It was the detail in it that brought us a little closer to Pete's past and allowed us to get to know him better. He makes a great big brother! I look forward to the next Warehouse story you write!