|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Rebirth of Darkness|
| old-crow chapter 20 . 7/26
You're not being consistent within your own story. As of the wand weighing scene, Harry advised Rita that he and Sirius owned the majority of the Prophet. If that was true, there is no way that she would have written the story regarding the love triangle.
The overarching issue that I have with this story is that you stated the initial change - Sirius is free and has a recent, but significant role in Harry's life, then proceeded to retell fourth year as per the original storyline. As of chapter 20, it has begun to feel like you're trying to stuff a square peg into a round hole.
Three examples immediately come to mind.
a) Harry taking divination - there is no way that Sirius would have allowed Harry to take that, or probably Care either. He'd have had Harry transfer.
b) entry into the TWT without a serious fight.
c) letting the issue about Snape ratting out the prophecy, or Barty Jr. being in the castle go. He'd use the power of his newspaper against Senior and Snape. I cannot see how he would allow DD to talk him into simply letting it go.
The point I'm making is it is good fanfiction to clearly state a diversion point in chapter one of a story. You barely did that, but clarified the circumstance of Black's freedom by about chapter 4. It is great fanfiction to allow the effect of the diversion point to radically (but logically) change the story.
Everyone has a first story, but there are no rules stating that you can't go back and make changes after it has been posted.
All the best,
| old-crow chapter 17 . 7/26
As a suggestion, you might consider removing the ANs from your completed stories. Unlike most Storytellers, you're at least not using them to insert clarifying information that should have been embedded into the story. That said, they tend to be describing future chapters and apologizing for the length or content of the current chapter.
There is a sign that is frequently posted in better restaurant kitchens - "If you're not proud of it, don't serve it." I believe that the concept holds equally true to FF stories.
All the best,
| Fast Frank chapter 19 . 7/2
Merechieftainess (a word not in any spell checker, but "chieftain" is)
| Fast Frank chapter 15 . 7/2
I assume that "clashed wonderfully" was an attempt to say "brilliantly complemented".
| Fast Frank chapter 8 . 7/2
Ten points to SlytherinNinjaKnight for proper use of "plethora".
| Fast Frank chapter 7 . 7/2
No silly rendition of a French accent, good!
| PSay chapter 5 . 6/12
This was very well done. I really like the little notes of who noticed what about different individuals. It is too bad Harry's friends won't be able to train with him. I look forward to more of this story. pms
| PSay chapter 4 . 6/12
This is really a great chapter about the match and the people in the top box. I'm glad that Sirius and Remus were able to teach occulmency to Harry. It really helped him when the Veela showed up. I like the way you presented the Ministers. Two very different men. Thanks for writing. pms
| PSay chapter 3 . 6/12
This is different. I'm glad they were able to give Percy a different perspective on his employer. Now he has a different outlook. I look forward to more of this story. pms
| PSay chapter 2 . 6/12
this is very familiar except for the inclusion of Sirius and Remus. I can understand that Molly wants to keep all the kids, kids but Amos is showing prejudice against Sirius and Remus. That is no good. I look forward to more of this story. Is Ginny going to be disappointed in this story? Thanks for writing. pms
| PSay chapter 1 . 6/12
This is a great beginning. I love the interaction between the three of them. thanks for writing. pms
| Iconic-Princess chapter 7 . 6/7
great chapter! the only things that particularly bother me about grammar in this chapter is your use of cottoned on (it should be caught on) and Maxine (it's Maxime)
| Harmonious Cannons chapter 21 . 12/31/2016
This is an excellent story, and you may not read it, but you have got a little mistake here. Frank Longbottom is a witness for the will. And Sirius tells Harry in Chapter 7 that the Longbottoms were attacked in 1982 (which is wrong ac. to canon, btw). Makes the Longbottoms complicit in Sirius' incarceration and Harry's abandonment.
| HarryHermioneEdwardBella chapter 19 . 8/23/2016
nice story so far
| HarryHermioneEdwardBella chapter 18 . 8/23/2016