|Reviews for Awakening|
| artalicous chapter 7 . 9/16
Wow, really good written. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing with us. _
| Loner Kid chapter 7 . 12/10/2014
This story is just so perfect! Nice plot, characterization and development, and all the characters are in character! Good job!
| Loner Kid chapter 5 . 12/10/2014
i hate her...
| Tick chapter 7 . 12/5/2013
I like this story. It is not very realistic in its "all became happy and forgiving" part but this is how the whole GTO was made so I think that this fanfic fits perfect to the original story. :)
| Azure-Lines chapter 7 . 9/14/2013
Nice ending man! Again there's not a great deal I can say without spoilers but you've done a great job getting her family involved. Perhaps throughout her resolution that is my favourite aspect and her change in resolve is commendable. I also really liked what was written when she reflected on her appearance this chapter and how different it was to previous times :)
Awesome story dude! You totally have to do a next project on Miyabi and then you'll have covered the full trio! Haha, just kidding but I'm sure it'd make a great read.
Alright man, all the best! Feel free to check out my stories some time you're free on the site :)
| Azure-Lines chapter 6 . 9/14/2013
Haha, ahh Onizuka for the win! I really can't say much about this chapter without mentioning spoilers so I'd rather not. I really would just rather say that I enjoyed the resolution you decided to take. Some parts were predictable and others were very surprising but all in all I'm impressed man! Well done on another great chapter. I also enjoyed reading Chikako explode the most, it really made me feel sorry for her little brother. I must say you do 'angsty' situations the best which usually involve conflict or pent up frustration being released. The three cases in this story being most memorable are Kikuchi's ch2 Miyabi's ch5 and Chikako's ch6.
Nice work like always!
| Azure-Lines chapter 5 . 9/14/2013
"Anything that copied and presented her ugly face in full detail to the world was subject of her intense hate."
Nice line! Very much the mentality of a lot of teen girls who can't acknowledge their inner qualities.
I'm curious as to where you get your insight into the way teen girls tick? Tell me you have a sister or something! Haha, you know too much! (This is a good thing for writing though)
The Anko and Murai bits were great haha I love both those characters and I like the slight change of pace in character attention done through Chikako's eyes. Murai tickling Saeko was also something I never would have pictured it but I found it rather cute actually, those two could make a reasonable couple when I think about it
Loved Miyabi's description as she came in this chapter. This line really sealed her withered appearance man!
"The girl who had once been referred to as the queen of the school had now fallen. She had lost her kingdom and her servants."
BUT! You definitely showed Miyabi was still one strong bitch with that crushing confrontation afterwards! The drama in that one-sided cat fight was intense! Just when I thought the tides were turning in one girl's favor Miyabi entered super-sayabitch-mode! xD Well done though, Miyabi was actually pretty cool in a bad way in the later half of this chapter.
| Azure-Lines chapter 4 . 9/14/2013
woah man, I read chapter 3 and 4, this one is awesome! Lot's of dialogue in this one and well described moments.
I won't name heaps but to give you an idea I really liked these type of lines when Chikako was being bullied in the cafeteria
"The humiliation and embarrassment she felt was so intense she just wanted to sink through the floor."
Also What Miyabi did was ruthless! Nicely portrayed! My interest peaked around that point the most I must say. I also really liked her 'code' in life that you created: The line regarding there are only two types of people in this world...
Cold and harsh but SO Miyabi! Well done.
Still the very best part of the chapter was how you connected the primary school incident and how much weight it carried to the tender moment Miyabi and Chikako shared. You really do feel a sense of betrayal through these flashbacks. I really liked how you did it
Anyway man, going to read some more right now so might review another two in a short while :)
Keep it up champ!
| Azure-Lines chapter 2 . 9/3/2013
Chapter 2 review
Ahh yes you were right. Here we go, now your dialogue is really kicking in more frequently between descriptive paragraphs :) Awesome!
Nice paragraph after the first two lines! In particular because the room arrangements act an interest evoker for your readers early on.
One thing I have to commend is you really give a solid stance of defending Miyabi through your character. Most people hate that character so much, her reasons behind her motives are often glimpsed over or not cared about. It's a fresh element to see your stories told in a perspective more defensive of the somewhat percieved - 'villain' (in the anime anyway). An example where you exemplify this stance is in this paragraph:
- "It's sad to see you have all become Onizuka's servants! I am happy I am still strong and independent. And don't you dare call Miyabi a bitch! Miyabi is a much better person than all of you! She is sweet and caring for the ones who really are her true friends, and she treats traitors the way they should be treated!"
The part which shines out above the rest is Kikuchi's presence in the hotel room scene... You depict his nature and the elements that are likeable about his character a cut above the others. I encourage you to replicate this style whenever you can in various other characters in future stories! :)
I won't spoil what he says by copying his lines into this review. It would steal their thunder when taken out of context. I encourage readers to read that chapter and experience it themselves.
Chikako's contrast to Kikuchi is also a strong point of your story, you've highlighted that well too. Also is the incident you've told which took place in the cafeteria between Miyabi and Chikako in the manga or just in your story? If you made it up props to you man, it sounds like it belongs in the actual plot!
Man I almost felt bad for Chikako when Kikuchi was being a badass and trading blows. The dialogue before and including this line is really what reeled my sympathies towards Chikako (which I never thought I'd say because I always hated Chikako! So well done for changing my stance)
[Chikako frowned and began fixing with her things. She tried her best to ignore him.]
The party incident is a prime example of peer pressure, sad to how prevalant it is in real life but well tied in to the verbal exchange for an added realism. Her justification for why she did it is particularly believable.
Woah! Now the Takeshi part really plucked a heartstring for me. Did this happen in the manga or is it your personal twist? Damn good plot progression anyway! My interest peaked around this part.
Woah, woah, and the train wreck ensues! Man Chikako really got given her dues tenfold than she deserved by the end (which I'm sure is what you intended strategically). I don't wish to review this part with particular lines as readers should really just read this part of the chapter, but I'll say it was both brutally sadening yet satisfyingly cool (especially for me since I never gave much a damn about Chikako initially)!
The few bits of dialogue between the boys after your last linebreak is relieving. It is sure to make the readers want to keep reading. Me included. It is a real shame though bro, your second chapter after the first few paragraphs really shines through but your first chapter doesn't possess the same thunder. If you can rework your first chapter one day I think you'd find more people noticing your edge by the second :)
Anyway man, keep up the good work and just keep in mind the strengths in your writing which I've raised and highlighted for you, for your next story.
| Azure-Lines chapter 1 . 9/3/2013
Here we go, a review for chapter one :)
First paragraph; excellently described! Both of these stories of yours that I've read so far begin with sensuous description which deserve merit. I would like to point out though, the opening of your other GTO fanfic had an even clearer canvas painted from the get-go. This one is still great but the other had an artistic flair which I encourage you to replicate (if possible) for your future stories :) The only real reason I say that is because I think though you describe Chikako's reaction to her surroundings brilliantly, but the actual scenery she observes isn't portrayed with the same caliber though: "She opened her mouth in surprise when she saw the colorful landscape. Endless fields of green and blue lay before her..." Though it's really well written, if you added even one more line regarding sandy oceans and tall palm trees it would provide that extra imagery of Okinawa's beauty for your readers :) Your following line is really nice! "The air was filled with the salty scent of the ocean." The audience will BOTH feel and visualize that one! Furthermore when you go on to describe the next few paragraphs there is nothing I would change as I think they're great :)
I also really like this part of the first chapter:
"She missed those days. She had loved all the attention and respect she had got from her classmates. How all the boys had buttered for Miyabi so that she would take one of them out for a date. How all low ranked girls of the class had begged the three of them to take them under their wings."
It's written with sophistication and conveys a great deal for only using such few words. Your readers get a vast picture without risking taking the focus off Chikako. Well done!
My very brief (and perhaps not the most useful) suggestion would have to be, try and incorporate a little more dialogue between the paragraphs where you describe characters :) For example after you had Chikako make a little utterance (which I liked BTW) you went on to have a paragraph describing her thoughts on the old times and even a bit on Miyabi. This is excellent. However now as you begin to discuss Kanzaki (who you also described well) consider throwing in a brief conversation where they (Kikuchi, Murai, etc. with Kanzaki) are joking around perhaps to really exemplify the heap of fun they're having within their own group. Basically I'm encouraging you to throw in a bit more dialogue between the paragraphs here and then which you've described so well :) It will increase the readers pace and add to the eventfulness of the undergoing events. It will also make your descriptions more of a treat if they are more often separated into segments between more dialogue. You're good enough to pull off an entertaining read even without that, but I think your first chapter would improve even more if you did so.
Anyway, I look forward to reading more and will review again later. :)
| Mina Luriya chapter 7 . 5/6/2013
Wow! What a fantastic fic! I can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. It was well written and actually quite relatable. Good work!
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 7 . 1/10/2013
Yay epic happy ending.
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/5/2012
I loved this Chapter. You really get talent in writing!
| R Ruval chapter 7 . 5/22/2012
Wow this is a hell of a friendship fic and I agree Chikako is kind of underused and your portrayal of everyone is nothing short of excellent.
p.s. Saw my review for triviatrap's LH/GTO and his update? Hope I wasn't insulting.
| Bilbo chapter 7 . 5/8/2012
Nice story, haven't seen too much in the GTO section that caught my attention but you did a nice job keeping the characters right, and making sure it had that nice vibe that only onizuka can make.