|Reviews for Grin and Bear it|
| ZianaSue chapter 5 . 7/7/2014
When will hiatus be over? I would oh so love to read the rest of the story..please and thank you!
| 13AkiraKuranXIII chapter 5 . 8/4/2012
Very interesting! I can't wait to read more!
| Lupinesence chapter 5 . 3/24/2012
Cool chapter, sorry this is so late but I somehow missed the update (silly me).
Dumbledore becoming minister is rather terrifying and I can't imagine Kingsey is too happy being kicked out like that. Can't wait to find out what happens next :)
| danniperson chapter 1 . 3/3/2012
Here I is, as promised ;)
Okay so right off the bat, not a fan of first person point of view. It's really hard to work with and especially if you intend to change point of views at any time, it works more naturally in third person. First person is hard to read and not much easier to write. In itself it doesn't come across being too bad, but since we did discuss that last night I figured I'd bring it up :P
I do like the use of language. Especially as it's Snape's point of view at first, it certainly seems like his kind of language. You use words like happenstance and diligently, which is a good step above what some people write, like they don't own a thesaurus or a dictionary. To me using words like that makes reading more interesting instead of sticking to a third grader's vocabulary! So yeah I might tend to leave a list of words I liked ;) Also, staircase is one word. "...and I climb the spiral stair case to the top where I pause." is there.
Also in this sentence "I can hear the Headmaster speaking calmly to an irritated female, females, Molly and her only daughter." I feel like maybe the whole "female, females" thing was maybe an attempt to be like "a girl...oh wait I hear another one, so that's more than one..." or if you just weren't paying attention and it came out that way. But if you were going for the former :P I feel that maybe some distance between the words would put that across better. Like "I can hear the Headmaster speaking calmly to an irritated female...*females* (some sort of emphasis here), Molly and her only daughter." or "I can hear the Headmaster speaking calmly to an irritated female, or rather females, Molly and her only daughter." or even "I can hear the Headmaster speaking calmly to an irritated female. *Females*. Molly and her only daughter." Cause right now, the way it is, just comes off as kind of odd to me.
Also in "I narrow my eyes on the spot for I recognize the tell-tale signs of some sort of invisibility.", telltale is one word like that, without the hyphen. I suppose you could hyphenate it and it might still be right, but it is one word and I think it looks better without it.
There's also a few times where I feel the sentence is off. I won't point them all out, but here's at least one example: "I slowly reach my hand out and attempt to grasp at the invisible person(s), to my surprise it's Potter with his infernal cloak." which I feel would be better as either two sentences, include a semi-colon instead of a comma, or even put ", and to my surprise"
I've noticed quite a few grammatical errors like that. I've seen worse, but it wouldn't hurt to have a beta look over it to fix things like that :)
Also what I said about the "Female, females" thing could be applied here: "What I know for sure is that I was called up here to locate the boy, no, man."
I do really like what you put for Severus's chambers xD Of course it couldn't be anything obvious with him, and I like how you made that out.
In "I gesture for him to proceed me he freezes for a moment..." you probably want more like "to proceed before more" or "to precede me", as I think you probably meant the latter word.
Also Ginny's full name is "Ginevra" not "Ginnerva", unless you just wanted to fuck with her name on purpose ;)
Also Harry calling Molly *Molly* kind of bothers me. It makes me think of stories where he does it on purpose because he lost respect for her or whatever, but to me it still feels kind of odd, like even if he began doing that, he'd still call her Mrs. Weasley a lot because he's used to it, and especially since Snape referred to her as "Mrs. Weasley", but it's not a big issue. I can understand why he's call her that, but at the same time it doesn't really feel right to me atm.
Loopholes is one word.
I feel like I'm trying to beta your story right now xD If your beta doesn't want the job maybe I should do it :P lmao!
Anyway, back to the review...
Harry's use of language bothers me a bit. It seems like he's trying to sound...idk a bit too smart? Like his use of the word utterly. "Utterly confused" when I feel like Harry might aim more towards something like "really confused" or something. Then the way he describes the events, it's more like...It's more like something that should be more of the author's words than the character's, if you know what I mean? Like some of what he says just doesn't sound like the sort of thing a person describing an event would say. Like I would never say "so I ran at someone in blind rage" or anything. Then some of the other details just feel...TOO detailed for someone telling a story. If you wanted to include all of it, I would think maybe doing a flashback of the moment would pull this off better.
I like the word barmy :P
Also I don't feel Harry remained skeptical as long as he should have...like maybe mention that until it was all said and done he still had his doubts and was still putting a little effort into the fighting or whatever? to me it seems kind of off, especially with their history and whatnot that it would take a bit more proof to get to that point.
I like the use of the word naught :P
and tizzy :P s'a good word!
I also feel Harry using Tom about the same way I feel about him using Molly, kind of :P Kinda bothers me for the same reasons.
Also the good!Voldy and evil!Dumbles I have little love for, but the premise in this does sound interesting. I'm willing to give those kinds of stories a shot, so it's not all bad. Looks promising so far, but it could use a bit of work.
Also you worried about your characterization of Snape? I think it was done better than most, though sometimes I felt he doesn't come off as smoothly as he should. For the most part, though, you did good with him :)
This is the only one I'm doing for now, it took me so long xD lol! Anyway, I hope it was kind of useful? I did my best with it anyway and i hope none of it sounded rude or anything! Much luck! 3
| Safiiri chapter 5 . 2/24/2012
Very cool story, and I really REALLY hope Dumbles gets what's coming to him :) As painfully as possible for that matter /grin
| franv chapter 5 . 2/21/2012
| cara-tanaka chapter 5 . 2/20/2012
| Nightshade's sydneylover150 chapter 4 . 2/11/2012
| Lupinesence chapter 4 . 1/21/2012
Cool chapter, I kinda want to shake Snape for being so prideful as to not tell anyone. Then again as he said/thought, telling another person would only put them in danger. I'm glad he's better though and starting to have Snarry thoughts ;)
| Lupinesence chapter 3 . 1/21/2012
Blooming heck, Dumbledore is now officially Evil!Dumbledore. Poor Snape, I can't think of how it can get much worse for him at this time. I hope the other teachers hep him out and it was rather careless of Dumbledore to leave Snape to be found in that condition. Questions will be asked!
| Lupinesence chapter 2 . 1/21/2012
Great chapter, definitely a greater degree of manipulation shown by Dumbledore this chapter. I'm not sure if the unsubtlety of it is a sign that he's getting desperate or if he is just so supremely overconfident that he feels he doesn't need to bother with it.
| Lupinesence chapter 1 . 1/21/2012
Cool chapter, love the premise and the mystery with Voldemort is definitely intriguing. I'm glad Harry became aware of Dumbledore's manipulations so at least he's prepared...kinda :)
| Vandr chapter 3 . 1/20/2012
I'm really enjoying reading your story. It's interesting to read an evil!Dumbledore story entirely from Snape's POV. I'm not usuaully a huge fan of first person, but you've pulled it off flawlessly.
I'm enjoying learning more as Severus does, and I've despaired for him as he realised what a mess he was in with the loyalty oath. I liked seeing him tread carefully for so long, trying to gain some independence while hiding what he knew from Dumbledore.
*I am quite surprised though, that your sense of self preservation didn't kick in two minutes ago when you started playing a very dangerous game* oooh, my sentiments exactly Severus. You've shown your hand and everything will get so much harder for you now! That torture seen was excellently written by the way.
With Minerva and Poppy's reactions, I can guess that they will soon be on Severus' side and aware of what's going on. Or will he try to hide it from them so they don't get caught up in it? I'm looking forward to more!
| Puzzle Me This chapter 2 . 1/19/2012
Nice start to a new storie. It's geat to have new flesh in this slash pairing. The writing style is great and the plot idea is fantastic. I love how you came up with the idea of fakeing Tom Riddles death and how he's 'the' good one. I hope you go far with this story. Hope yo update soon.
From Kat xoxo
| LIGHTNSHADOWS chapter 1 . 1/19/2012
I really like the twist that has Dumbledore as the secret "Dark Lord" persona and not Tom. But will Severus heed Harry's warning and try to get away while he still can? Or will he be trapped into doing Dumbledore's bidding?
Can't wait to see what happens next.