Reviews for Pokémon: Twin Tales! Season 1
brianbaltazar45gmail.com chapter 2 . 1/16
This should have been a good story if you haven't stop will goodluck now i wish i can continue this but i am not good a making story
multyfangirl19 chapter 2 . 12/8/2016
Why is there so many Pokemon story's that have been dropped after the 2nd chapter?
multyfangirl19 chapter 1 . 12/8/2016
Now what would be cool is if they got pikachus that were related to a pikachu that their dad had
Guest chapter 2 . 11/13/2016
when is the next chapter coming out?
Kirsty chapter 1 . 11/12/2016
You have the gender mixed up Ash is a boy Coal is a girl.
Kirsty chapter 1 . 11/12/2016
I think you have the gender mixed up Ash is a boy and your character coal is a girl.
Guest chapter 2 . 6/26/2014
I like the concept you should keep it up . :-)
Lizabeth Black chapter 2 . 12/11/2013
Love story very much and love the Ketchum twins so please keep updating more chapters.
Analyn Rockwand chapter 2 . 11/12/2013
PLEASE continue! This is awesome!
Mika the Dark princess chapter 2 . 4/2/2013
lov it
jt chapter 2 . 8/8/2012
update soon please I love the story
Guest chapter 2 . 7/2/2012
Quite adorable. I'd love to see more.
BishiHunter101 chapter 2 . 2/8/2012
y not try this link for clothes? i think it's pritter

art/Fem-Ash-193891589
Farla chapter 1 . 1/22/2012
[Please get up!" she smiled ]

Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned or "Hello." he grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it." And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

[Starter Pokémon ]

You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Downstairs- ]

Don't label scene breaks. This kind of thing should be clear from the narration.

[the only difference being the fact that Ash and Coal were a girl and a boy respectively. That, and ]

Then that wasn't the only difference. Pay attention to what you write.

["Ok! We're headed out now mom!" ]

It's okay, four letters.

When used in place of a name, it's capitalized.

[after Gary's 13th birthday.]

It doesn't make any sense for Gary to be several years older than them. He's not much of a rival if he's competing with little kids, and he's not much of an ace trainer if he delayed starting his journey for years.

["Like I said; Obnoxious, spoiled child. Whose car was that anyways?" Ash asked as she stared back in the direction Gary went.

"Probably one of the Cheerleaders]

Stop capitalizing random words.

If you wanted to follow the anime opening with Oak being out of pokemon, you should actually followed the anime opening with the broken alarm clock instead of having them wake up normally, eat breakfast and go there at the correct time.

["I can't believe I'm doing this, but then again, you are Delila and his children. So maybe you'll be able to handle these Pokémon." ]

And if you didn't want to follow the anime opening, for the love of god don't make your change be a bunch of sueish nonsense about how special they are. Oak did not give Ash Pikachu because he believed in special treatment based on who a kid's parents were. He gave Ash Pikachu because Ash said he would take absolutely any pokemon, no matter how terrible, and begged until Oak gave in. Pikachu was not a super special pokemon, it wasn't something "I would never give out normally to any sort of beginner trainer, what so ever " or any of that. It was just an ordinary pokemon that had a bad temper.
TheBlackSeaReaper chapter 2 . 1/22/2012
loooooooooooove it. cant wait to read more. keep up the good work.
19 | Page 1 2 Next »