Reviews for PLUCKED
looloolinda chapter 1 . 10/18/2013
i seriously loved that - thank you!
LouiseJLSLFC chapter 1 . 8/2/2013
This never fails to make me laugh, It is definately my favourite one shot. I love all of it, but these are some of my favorite parts:


I nodded. "Yes, thank you. There are signs," I
babbled shyly.

"Signs?" He questioned and I nodded again.
"What are you some sort of new age, psychic

I had no idea what he was talking about. We
stood there looking at each other with equally
confused faces. Just as I was about to mumble
a fast good-bye and run off the front door
swung open, my boss quickly made his way to
my side.

"Bella are you alright? I've never seen you look
so pale." Mr. Cullen's concerned eyes darted
over to the stranger. "What happened?

"Fuck if I know," he said in exasperation. "I was
just standing here when she came walking up to
me talking about forbidden signs and shit. Then
she threw an apple in the air and ran in circles breathing into a paper bag.
"I sex chickens," I bragged shamelessly. "But I
get paid for that. Honestly, I love it so much I'd
sex them for free."

His hand was still on my knee, it was very
distracting. My eyes were drawn down to his
long masculine fingers. No one had ever touched
me like that before. How could they, I'd never
been on even a single date, always scurrying
away before anyone could even speak to me.
When I looked up he had the oddest expression
on his face.

"What did you just say?" his head was tilted to
the side.

What did I just say? I seriously couldn't
remember. Part of me wanted to tell him that it
was too hard to concentrate while he was
touching me, but then he might stop. I didn't
want that.

"Oh sexing chickens," I mumbled shyly once I
remembered. I made sure to keep my eyes off his
hand on my bare skin. It was a warm, sunny day
and I was wearing my favorite denim skirt.
"And you get paid for that?" His mouth dropped

I nodded, smiling proudly.
"Are you fucking with me?" He smirked and again
I flushed.

"No," I shook my head. "I mean I didn't always
get paid for it. I trained with my father for six
months, but I grew up watching my dad sex
chickens so that was really just a formality." My
smile faltered when his hand left my knee.
"Your father makes you…you…do that?" He
looked stunned.

"No, Charlie would never make me do anything,"
I laughed at the thought. "Actually, I begged him.
He wanted me to go away to college, but I could
never leave the farm. Sexing chickens was all
I've wanted to do for as long as I can

"Who in their right mind would pay you to do
something like that?" His eyes widened.
"Your uncle," I explained, still a bit confused by
his behavior. Did he not know anything about
the poultry industry?

He snorted in disgust. "My uncle," he repeated
as though he couldn't believe it.
I nodded. "Yes, and he pays my father too. My
dad's been sexing chickens at Cullen Poultry for
almost twenty-five years. He's an expert, they
call him the Chief." I was bragging about my
father, I knew that, but I just couldn't help it.
"That's fucking disgusting!" He shouted causing
me to flinch.

"Edward!" Mr. Cullen scolded from the doorway.
"Where are your manners?"

He jumped up out of his chair. "My manners?"
He looked so angry. "Do you pay this girl and her
father to have sex with chickens?"

My boss' eyes narrowed. "Perhaps if you
accepted even one of our numerous invitations to
visit through the years I wouldn't need to explain
this to you."

"Well I'm here now, so explain," he spat out at
his uncle with repulsion.
Mr. Cullen glanced at me. "Bella and her father
are Chicken Sexers, which means I pay them to
determine the sex of newly hatched chickens.
It's an absolutely vital aspect of my business."
"So they don't fuck them?" He asked with
complete sincerity.

I gasped. "How could you even think such a
thing?" My jaw dropped in disgust.

"What the hell was I supposed to think? You told
me you have sex with chickens for excitement."
He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.
"No, I did not. I said I LOVE SEXING CHICKENS!"
I screamed louder than I thought my voice could
ever go.
If I copied and pasted my favorite parts, I would just be copying the whole story so lets just say I love all of it :) xx
g licious chapter 1 . 7/11/2013
Loved It !
brenda.warren.1257 chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
well it was great you should consider making it a full story. Bella was sort of easy wasn't she. she made that joke about the farmer's daughter true didn't Edward have feelings for her or was she just another lay
Emerald Eyed Wolf Girl chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
That was THE BEST one shot I have ever read!1 OMG I loved it! :D City Edward is now my new fave! xxx
sugar334 chapter 1 . 6/5/2013
i love ur style of writing...totally love it wit!
AnakinSmom chapter 1 . 6/1/2013
So cute! Glad I visited the farm!
b3j02 chapter 1 . 5/5/2013
Super cute, sweet and funny!

Sorry to hear of your real life troubles. My deepest empathy and sympathy. Yes one person is sick but it really truly affects the whole family. Best wishes!
Darkward Darling chapter 1 . 5/1/2013
This thing cracked me the eff up! I grew up on my grandparents' farm, with chickens, cows, barns, coops, the whole deal. So reading this made me smile. It also reminded me of how all of my friends at college were horrified when I told them about helping my grandma butcher the chickens. She and I would make bets on which ones would jump up and scramble the farthest after having their heads chopped off at the butchering table. Because, they really do "run around like chickens with their heads cut off". And that was normal to me. Entertaining, even. But after seeing their shocked looks and hearing horrified gasps, I realized that 'headless chickens terrorizing the farmyard' tales were just a bit too much for my city friends to handle. ;)
maphie chapter 1 . 4/1/2013
Cute! :-)
terrabella chapter 1 . 2/14/2013
That was fun!
lesocialbutterfly chapter 1 . 12/5/2012
Any chance you'd consider extending? It was hilliarous & Hawt in one go!
LoverboyIsDead chapter 1 . 12/4/2012
They lived happily ever after, right? He didn't pull the old duck and run?
LoverboyIsDead chapter 1 . 12/4/2012
Oh my God, I laughed so hard. Thank you for this, it was awesome.
Ithaca Smartie chapter 1 . 10/23/2012
When Bella said "Lets go faster!" , I think I died from laughing too hard. Awesome story!
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