|Reviews for The Street Rat|
| Guest chapter 4 . 3/9
Linkin Park- Iridescent. That is my only comment for this chapter. Mainly because one park goes like: "When you were standing in the wake of devastation. When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown. And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying 'Save me now!', you were there and possibly alone. Do you feel cold, and lost in desperation? You build up hope, but failure's all you've known. Remember all the sadness and frustration, and let it go, let it go. And in a burst of light that blinded every angel. As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars. you felt the gravity of tempered grace, falling into empty space, and no-one there to catch you in their arms." Live Raven! Live!
| james.hofstetter chapter 19 . 2/27
Great story, update soon
| MargaritaS chapter 19 . 2/22
interesting so far, im hoping the worst of harrys accent/slang will be fixed quickly, i find it very hard to read (which i suppose is the point) anyway im eager to see where you go with this :)
| Peaceandunity chapter 19 . 2/3
Love the plot line but you have a shit load of errors that make it a wee bit confusing. Try going back and editing a bit
| DarkRavie chapter 19 . 1/29
I like your story and look forward to reading your next chapter.
| emthereble chapter 19 . 1/13
love the new chapter
| ultima-owner chapter 19 . 1/13
Blaise was dealt a bad hand when he was born
| Man of Constant Sorrow chapter 19 . 1/13
Let me start off by saying that this is one of the most beautiful stories I've read in quite a long time, you may find yourself thinking I'm mad or perhaps mistakenly reviewing the wrong story, but I indeed find this story Street Rat, a beautiful story. I believe beauty comes in many forms and is of course all in the eye of the beholder, the beauty of this story comes from its harsh unyielding dedication to truth. People have and always romanticized everything, from piracy,to prison,the wild west, to the medieval period, and most relevant to you homelessness. Its portrayed as being a an adventure, you however have portrayed the ugly reality, the true life of a homeless person, people have these grand notions of their homeless hero being taken under the wing of some once prominent academic and getting a college level education from a fellow unfortunate...uh huh. There is no time for anything not relevant to your basic needs, food and shelter, everything else is a luxury.
People like seeing these happy ending Hollywood tales of a homeless person getting an education, rising up and becoming a millionaire, but that's all it truly is is a tale.
I like that Harry is uneducated and illiterate, I like that he is uncouth and uncultured, it lends credibility to the story. His feral attitude toward others, is not limited to the homeless, just look at kids raised on the Estates such as Elephant and Castle, its understandable, grow up in a bad situation, you adapt accordingly or die.
My dad taught me that the only difference between the man in jail or on the streets and myself is one bad day, that's all it takes. That has shaped my perception to where I treat all people regardless of who they are with equal respect and kindness.
You have a gift for writing Harry's emotions, as I read his thoughts on everyone not living on the street I honestly felt both guilty, understanding, a just a tad indignant. So you put a great deal of gravity into his feelings to actually make me feel emotions relevant to a fictional character.
You know people see what they expect to see, all the signs that he was destitute were there to see, yet no-one made the connection, it took literal mindreading, for his situation to come to light.
I do hope you will have him reconnect with Hermione after he manages to do something in the way of his rude manners and his liberal use of "sentence enhancers" There is just something about those two together that feels right, maybe its because of their earlier meeting in life, I dunno. Also I am a shameless harmony fan, so there's that. Plus I just got this picture of sometime in fourth year Hermione introducing Harry, her boyfriend, to her parents and her father having a near anuerism at the fact that she's dating such a rough and tumble former street "hooligan" with such a obvious lower class accent, and before they leave the house, Hermione makes Harry turn out his pockets, which contain a few valuable Nick backs, Harry apologizes sheepishly, muttering about old habits, Hermione just looks stern for a moment then giggles and kisses his cheek, her father, appalled starts getting hammered mumbling about his princess and where they went wrong. :)
Thanks so much for sharing this realistic and wonderfully written story, I eagerly await your next update. favorited
| mithrilandtj chapter 19 . 1/13
Maybe Raven should be taught his letters on a blackboard, or use pencils
Reading & Writing should be more important at the moment than good handwriting
| Hello360 chapter 19 . 1/12
Hi! I really love your story, it's awesome, but there is one thing I'd like to bring to your attention. And that's Harry's accent. You say it's cockney, but it's definitely not. I can do an okay cockney accent, but whether I can do it or not has nothing to do with whether I know how to do one. I have tried to write it down, and I can't get it perfect, because there are some things you just can't use oletters to explain, but it's easy enough to do s much as it's kind of an inconsistent accent.
Anyway, I'm reviewing offline, but if you want any help with your accent, (which you probably don't if I know most fanfictioners) just PM me. I'm willing. :D
| shelter5 chapter 19 . 1/12
I've enjoyed your story very much. I wanted to say that your writing style has improved in this last chapter. The next part is meant as positive criticism and if you do not want it stop reading now.
In your earlier chapters you spent a great deal of time telling us the thought processes of everyone in the room. Some were unnecessary and for the others...well in story writing it is better to 'show' a reader than to 'tell' them. "Severus sneered at the carbon-copy of James Potter" is a show, it lets the reader make an assumption as the observer of a scene, "Severus thought the boy would be spoiled just like his father and the way he was acting proved it." is a tell, the reader is simply told what to think. Sometime telling can be ok but it should be used in moderation because it will eventually make the reader feel as if they are being treated like a child. Even when they don't realize it reader like to feel that they are 'figuring out' the story.
I almost stopped reading this story two chapters ago; not because I was not interested it characters or plot line but because I was getting very tired of being 'told' what was happening. You plot line was interesting enough that I decided to keep reading and I am so glad I did because with this chapter you have really turned thing around. You are 'showing' again and I found myself reading the chapter and really enjoying a seamless read where I was not pulled back out of the story by editorial issues.
I hope you keep writing and if you are interested there is a very good book called "Self Editing for Fiction Writers" that was given to me by a friend years ago and has been a considerable help in figuring out where I'm going wrong in my own writing. Again, best of luck with your story.
| adenoide chapter 19 . 1/12
Dumby knew Harry will be abused but didn's do nothing. They take a long time to know about Harry's life. Severus make a bad judment about Harry until he become to think as an adult.
| carick of hunter moon chapter 19 . 1/12
A well developed story with a strong story arc that is well written and well thought out
| biblioholic chapter 19 . 1/12
Things to point out:
Anyone being seen to HURT the Boy Who Lived
"...always willing to get stuck in..." (on Herbology) I am confused as to what you were trying to say.
Do consider getting a beta to look over your writing for grammatical and word choice issues.
The story is progressing slowly but steadily. Awaiting the next chapter.
| southern-reader chapter 19 . 1/12
Sorry, but one Hagrid is enough.