|Reviews for Different Eyes|
| xXFrostKittenXx chapter 4 . 6/18/2014
I know this hasn't been updated in forever, but I'm hoping that you'll magically pick this back up if I tell you how amazing it is .; And rest assured, it is amazing. To me, at least. I like the flow and the actual attempt (!) you make at grammar and spelling, and the team dynamics are interesting so far.
But dropping this has left questions, like what the goals of the Syndicate is, how the team will react to having another member, how Haze takes to everything, what actually happened to Salem that included a broken PokeBall, if Verity is actually as cold-hearted and poisonous as Dusk and Pyre believe, and if there's any reason behind the six-to-a-team besides symbolizing a typical trainer's team of six.
Here's hoping for an update. Cheers!
| Johto Gunner chapter 4 . 5/11/2012
I should have reviewed this chapter earlier... haven been as active as I wanted to be recently...
Nicely done and I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I love how you use body language in the story. It really paints a picture... something I really need to work on in my stories.
There seems to be a LOT of friction in the team here. Hell, I can only imgine it'll get worse when the eevee is done changing.
The battle between Pyre and Nathan was very well done. I really liked how you had Dusk explain the differences in their style.
Another thing that grabs me is Salem's amazing perception. She's able to tell so much about a person's traits and personality just by looking at them. If you think about it, if gets to be as good as one of her teammates, it would make her quite the fighter.
The only problem is that I can't help but feel there's a better way for you to indicate that the morphs are speaking pokespeak. prehaps you can italicize them? Other than that, this was a good chapter and I hope to read more.
| Eleni chapter 4 . 5/8/2012
Yay you updated!update again soon,please?
| Pokegirl234 chapter 3 . 4/14/2012
Is just awesome.
Can I suggest a mew for the next chapter? :D
| SolarEspeon chapter 3 . 4/7/2012
This is so good! I like your style and the emotion conveyed. I really cannot wait to read more :)
| R0-S3 chapter 3 . 3/31/2012
Hey, let’s play the ‘Rose suddenly remembers she should have reviewed this forever ago’ game! (I just looked at the other reviews and apparently it’s a good chapter HOWEVER you use big words? As in, using ‘big words’ (...brobdingnagian expressions?) is a negative thing? Oh other reviewer, I don’t know whether to call you adorable and snuggle you or to call you stupid and rofl at you.)
I’ve been reviewing these on a chapter-by-chapter basis, but I just went and re-read the entire thing so I can get an idea of how it flows as an actual story. It’s mostly fine so far because we’re being introduced to the characters and getting an idea of how Team Evil (don’t care that they’re not evil, still gonna call them that. FIGHT ME) is working this whole pokemorphs thing out, so it doesn’t matter too much that the events aren’t super exciting. From the outline you showed me, the next chapter should be fine too, but after that you need to get some excitement shenanigans all up in this bitch. WE WILL DISCUSS THIS MORE OVER SKYPE.
OK, let’s get to the actual story now! As per usual I have COMPLETELY FORGOTTON all the things I talked about when I beta’d it (other than the fact that Nathan and Salem were dicks). Also, I’m in a very talkative ripping-things-apart mood, so that will be fun.
Jack. Jack bro. Jack I could swear I mentioned about the seviper morph. About how if it’s resting on its tail then it doesn’t LOOK devoid of legs, it IS devoid of legs. I mean I guess it could be also have legs. and be. like. sitting cross-legged in mid-air like a magic snake genie or something. But the ‘looked devoid of legs’ line is still stupid. (sharpedomorph is still awesome though. why hallo thar favourite pokemon!)
What does ‘just as much of a boy’ mean I can’t remember if I mentioned this but. what does it mean jack where is the meaning here. what am I supposed to take from this?
I enjoyed the snark between Dusk and Nathan, though. That was fun to read.
“Dusk tells me you’re the reserved by incisive type” wait when did she tell him that? as far as I can tell she hasn’t been apart from Salem since they met.
Nathan is less of a dick now. Well done Nathan! (pee ess I think there should probably be some kind of pagebreak between the ‘let us adjourn’ and the ‘Salem entered the library’)
Salem is also less of a dick! Yay, this chapter is pleasingly free of dickery.
Also, I want to know exactly what is going on with the books here. It would make sense for them to administer a standard reading test at some point to get an idea of the morph’s ability (so that those like Salem and Nathan can just start reading right away, weaker readers can be given assistance, and wild pokemon who never learnt can learn their letters if they want), but it doesn’t seem like they did that because Salem says she hadn’t read anything in a while.
I remember my reaction to Verity’s opening statement was originally something like ‘good Verity best character well done for calling Salem out on her dickery’. Now it’s more along the lines of ‘wait did Jack remember to change Salem’s interactions but not Verity’s statement? oh now WAIT yes Salem actually was still kind of a dick’ which is good, because it means that Salem’s interactions are now something that Captain Autism thinks are totally OK whilst being kind of obnoxious from a non-Asspie perspective. So it’s less ‘Salem is a dick’ and more ‘Salem just doesn’t care about human social norms’, which I think is closer to the catlike indifference you said you were going for.
Still think that avians shouldn’t have breasts. Still think that the ‘all morphs basically function as mammals’ thing is stupid. Still think that if breasts are going to be a thing then Salem should have multiple pairs.
Other than that! This brings up things to think about. If Verity hates having breasts so much that she binds them down, why isn’t Team Evil (who have otherwise done everything they can to make the morphs happy) giving her an operation to remove them or to reduce the size to something she feels comfortable with? I theorise that there is some kind of minimum adjustment period where the morphs have to get used to their new bodies before they have any other alterations made, because there might be things they complain about purely based on the novelty and once they’ve got used to them they’ll be fine with it.
I’m kind of wondering ‘why bandages’ though. Breast-binding can cause serious injury to your chest, spine and lungs (and also makes it harder to breath if you do it wrong)! If Team Evil is letting her bind, then they should give her an actual binder so that she can compress her breasts safely because no seriously binding with bandages is one of the more dangerous and damaging ways to do it. In all honesty, a boob job would probably be far safer and less likely to leave her prone to randomly collapsing because the bandages are crushing her lungs and she’s not getting enough oxygen into her body.
Verity honey you are my favourite and I love you but if Salem was ‘a stray for several seasons’ that might explain why she doesn’t have ‘the naivety of most ex-domestic morphs’. I mean OK maybe her survival skills might not be as great as someone who was wild forever, but still. She didn’t spend her entire life being pampered, just most of it.
Still love the interaction between Verity and Dusk. Still love Dusk not knowing what ‘malevolent’ means. Still love the fact that Verity is the most reasonable and respectful character we’ve met so far.
| Rai Science chapter 2 . 3/15/2012
Loved this chapter - the dream sequence was great - glad you got it right after so many tries - and the introduction to Dusk - you know I love her. She's definitely my favorite for the time being.
| Moriko no Hikari chapter 3 . 3/15/2012
I've just really noticed, we've got a Meowth, a Sneasel, an Ampharos and a Skarmory. That's almost all Johto-native species, so is that which team they are?
| Applecrow chapter 3 . 3/14/2012
The dialogue in this chapter seemed to flow better in this chapter than the last. My only real issue with it was that the dialogue passing between characters seemed to do more showing than telling. An example would be the conversation between Salem and Nathan. I would have preferred to learn those things about Nathan gradually as the story went on from a narrative perspective. It took the fun out of reading Nathan's portion because I learned everything from Salem. Now, if that had happened later on once the reader got to know Nathan a little more it might have been more interesting.
Salem and Verity had an interesting conversation and it didn't seem to fall for the same trap her conversation with Nathan did. Dusk was also super adorable when confronting Verity.
The sneasel's eye twitched in contempt. "I won't play this game with you," she shot back with considerable fluency. "I don't need to know what 'malevolent' means to see you're a slippery bitch."
This is a really amusing segment and just told me a lot about Dusk's personality. The dialogue has gotten better. Truly. 3
(You had a few spelling errors and a couple of punctuation errors, but still very good considering you went without beta. Very nice. I am looking forward to more.)
| Applecrow chapter 2 . 3/14/2012
Okay, let's get this thing started.
The beginning of this chapter was very engaging. I enjoyed the enigmatic flavor of it. However, what made this chapter for me was the introduction of Dusk who I hope has a /very close and engaging/ relationship with Salem. You know, for character growth purposes. :D
The narrative was straight forward and clear. There wasn't a moment when I didn't understand what was going on. The tone was even and intellectual. However, I do have to agree with Chad. Your dialogue needs a little more spice. That will come with time, but your current dialogue isn't bad, either.
| Johto Gunner chapter 3 . 3/13/2012
Huh... The vocab the morphs used in chapter is WAY too smart and sophisticated for my tastes... then again I'm a New Yorker, what do I know about vocabulary?
Seriously though, the idea of Pokemon being able to read... is actually kind of funny, to be honest. I had an image of a feral meowth sitting in her trainer's lap as he read to her. I guess literate Pokemon wouldn't be all that unbelieveable. After all, Meowth from Team Rocket taught himself how speak/read/write, and he was a stray.
This was a good chapter however you use a lot of big words. It's not a bad thing, mind you, just something I'm not used to seeing. Not in Fanfics at least.
I wonder what the last member of the them is.
| R0-S3 chapter 2 . 3/5/2012
Trying to remember what changes I told you to make, but that beginning section makes sense to me so either you made all the right changes or I’ve finally managed to destroy my brain. Both are equally valid options.
Typo on ninth line after the page-break: should be ‘after-effects of the Change’, not ‘after-affects’.
I kind of half-think that ‘meowth’ should be capitalised given that it’s functioning as a name there, but then again if the situation was different I’d be completely OK with something like ‘Stop staring, girl’ or ‘Stop staring, human’ being uncapitalised, so IDEK. (Also, I have the feeling that I mentioned this the first time around. Probably a lot less coherently, however.)
I continue to love how reasonable Team Evil are about everything.
Dusk is still my forever girl. Quick, I need an emergency dose of psychopathic skarmory before I start liking Dusk so much that I become incapable of removing her from the much-vaunted position of Favourite Character!
This was a very high-quality review. My reviews are always high-quality. And extremely sarcastic, apparently, but there’s kind of a limit regarding what I can talk about given that I am a beta-reader and therefore I’ve already bitched about everything bitchworthy to you over Skype.
(One day I will be intelligent enough to find things to bitch about which I missed the first time around, but that day is not today.)
| Brivee chapter 2 . 2/12/2012
Oh boy pokemon puns on my name. how delightful!
The dream sequence was executed very nicely. I really do love the Teddiursa doll parallel you made.
"She padded over, her chest tight. She took a fragment in her paw and held it up to see an alien face stare back; only half pokémon, and only half human. She gripped the shard so tightly her palm bled."
And this too. Very well done. :)
Hm...I think some sections of Dusk's dialogue seem a bit too formal for her personality. Might want to keep a look out about that in the future.
And since you're planning of changing Pariah's name don't forget to go back to this chapter later and edit it.
I like how orderly the entire place is. Very well organized and professional.
And I like how you subtly reveal why she made the choice, without outright stating it. At least it wasn't shady or terrible, but actually genuine.
Nice chapter. Keep it up.
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/9/2012
I like Dusk. It's almost like she's Salem's older sister though I find kinda interesting she's acting so nice right off the bat. Well they are birds of a feather... so to speak.
I also liked the way you had adjust to her new form.
I did notice some minor gammar mistakes (Like affect instead of effect) however, nothing too bad.
The more I read, the more I want to know what Salem's life before her transformation... it seems like it's comming back to her now. What did she break?
Looking forward to chapter three, keep up the good work.
| PlayYourRole chapter 2 . 2/9/2012
Love the length of this chapter, very long. That's always a good thing
Odd dream, Salem was having. But, often I don't even understand my own dreams. "
Ah, Sneasel. I find them cute in a way. :3 Dusk seems like the comic relief, as you know, I usually excel at making people laugh.
Ooh, that wound must have hurt.
I await the next chapter! :D