|Reviews for Ashikabi No Shinobi|
| Guest chapter 5 . 8h
if you do not believe in God it does not mean you should include Jesus in your stories cause that is disrespectful please respect other people's beliefs and religion
| Agato - The Hadou Inari chapter 1 . 7/6
Still sucks and I don't troll I just don't hold back in what I say. Also I wouldn't touch that "book" of yours with a thousand foot pole.
| Trilose chapter 1 . 7/3
I feel like i have just. Been baptised by this glorious. Piece of art i seeiously hope there is a sequal .
| Elemental Ninja 1608 chapter 41 . 6/25
This chapter was so filled with emotions that I couldn't do nothing but feel them. It was wonderful how their plan came into fruition and how Narutonwill train Musubi/Yumi to face Karasuba. But the most beautiful part was the wedding between Naruto and Yukiumi
| Red Death chapter 1 . 6/24
Not a bad start at all...though you have some homonym issues that sort of jump out at the reader. Homonyms are words that sound similar but have different meanings. This may seem like a minor issue, but it isn't. The wrong word used in the wrong place can change the entire meaning of a sentence or paragraph. When a reader is nicely engrossed in a well-written story (such as this one) and they run into a homonym error, it brings the flow of the story to a screeching, crashing halt as the reader stops to figure out what they just read, and what you actually meant. This is something you want to avoid at ALL COSTS. They cannot be left uncorrected.
Some examples from this chapter:
You used STALKS (as in: to hunt silently) where you meant to use STOCKS (as in: "the stock market").
You used WAIST (as in: the middle of the body) where you meant to use WASTE (as in: to discard without using).
You used IDEA (as in: an inspiration or thought) where you meant to use the abbreviation I.D. (Short for IDENTIFICATION)
Thanks for your time; looking forward to the rest of the story!
| ZedZed chapter 43 . 6/23
I'm not sure how the heck you find the time to write such amazing fanfiction but god bless your soul. This story was incredibly entertaining and I had a great time reading it the whole way through. Minor typos ignored, this one's definitely a solid 9/10, if only cause you said that you can do better. Good luck with your endeavors, and idk how many readers you get but it might be worth looking into patreon for some extra cash flow. You def deserve to be making something from this.
| SneakyDevil chapter 43 . 6/22
Interesting...I..I feel like I had read something remarkably similar to thie... A mix of In Flight and TNSP?
| Luna's Meow chapter 4 . 6/22
No sense whatsoever. First, he knows she's behind the forest. Then he doesn't know where she is. I get that, but wouldn't he at least check the forest for clues and track her? Instead of shopping and watching Musubi spar? Naruto wouldn't leave a helpless girl alone in the woods! Then he FINALLY goes to the woods, confirms that she is there, only to leave and decide to rescue her later. So apparently he doesn't really give a shit. Wow. You just made Naruto into the most uncaring, pathetic hero ever.
| Guest chapter 14 . 6/21
Oh dear god. The last line.
| Sekirei no 109 chapter 43 . 6/17
This has to be one of the fanfics in the history of fanfiction. I'd like it very much if you could continue this story.
| leonardobluesummers chapter 1 . 6/15
Seems good, really good, let's see what happens.
| Rongis chapter 43 . 6/11
One of the best crossoovers i ever read and actually loved no cliche idiotic boss battle is the part of the ending that i loved thank you for proving that there are fanfic author that actually take their hobby to the next level
| Wise.sarachi chapter 43 . 6/9
Wow, i can't believe... It over. "Crying" i mean, this story is freaking great than story i ever read, it perfect.
Maybe my review will stay here for very long time.
I hope here will be a next part like this.
Maybe, more from future other author. But.
Thank you author.
| Dastin chapter 43 . 6/3
This is quite the impressive story. I read it in one go. Kinda devoured it really. It could be just cause I was tired while reading at certain points but I did find myself skimming at certain points.
For example all the lemons kinda blended together. Which is fine cause most of them were their first times and to be fair on paper vanilla sex can't get too varied. Maybe it's just cause the tasteful kind of erotica doesn't get my motor going but I only really fully read a couple of them. A simple "and then they made love" would have been enough for me but I suspect I may be in the minority.
The other main example of me skimming was after the tenth or so time that the story went in depth about Naruto's inability to be intimate due to his past I kind of lost interest in it. Don't get me wrong it was well written and I really appreciate character development but I just felt it got reptitive. It was basically the same thing from the previous chapter several times but with the words mixed about. It got too in depth when it didn't have to after awhile.
With those couple of nit picks being said; I really enjoyed the story. Perhaps I'm bias cause Immortal Bad Ass Naruto is kind of one of my favorites when done well. I saw him go from underdog to bad ass in the Anime so it's nice just to start with him being a bamf. I actually have had an idea kicking around for an Immortsl Bad Ass Naruto story for awhile. Maybe I'll actually write it after this inspiring story but I've thought that in the past. I digress.
Also you've convinced me that immortal Naruto X Miya is one of the best crossover pairings. To be perfectly honest I'm not a huge fan of harems(silly of me to be reading a Sekirei fic I know) and would have been just ecstatic with just MiyaXNaruto. Officially one of my favorite pairings.
I'm trying to think of something else... I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I guess I'll just close with my thanks for providing me with such a fun story and say that I'm just about to go take a peak at your original story. Ninety percent sure I'm going to make a purchase even if it's not my cup of tea. Would be nice to repay a good author for the fanfiction they write for once. Till next time!
| RazzleJazzle chapter 43 . 6/2
Great story man. Love to see a well written piece of work come to a fantastic conclusion. Cheers.