|Reviews for Unbound Wings|
| SkaterGirl246 chapter 1 . 2/14/2012
Love this story! Im curious about what the story was like before you cut it down. If you still have that copy you should put it up here! I'd definitely read it!
| Kilyra chapter 1 . 2/5/2012
EEeeee! Loved it! I admit, my brain is a little slow this evening and I kept wondering why Carver and Hawke didn't know each other etc. The letter was absolutely perfect and left a big grin on my face. This was great!
| ChampionTheWonderSnail chapter 1 . 2/2/2012
Would love to see you go beyond the Bioware's required word count to flesh this out as you originally intended. Despite the restrictions, you've managed to put in so much detail and build the tension nicely. Maurevar's inner battle with himself and his decision to aid Hawke is very nicely done and makes complete sense.
Love the mention of Elthina's lack of spleen; she's arguably one of the most frustrating characters in DA2.
And...thank you for sharing.
| BrennaCeDria chapter 1 . 1/29/2012
First and foremost: I love this story, and had to supress a slight "aww!" at the end, since I was reading at work and while my office is fairly tolerant of my geekdom, I'd still have gotten some strange looks. :p
You mention in your A/N that you felt like you trimmed too much from the end in favor of building up the background of this story, and while I don't know what you originally had planned for the end, as it stands I disagree. If anything, I'd be interested in learning more about what it was that gradually changed Maurevar's opinions from those of a young zealot into those of a much wiser man. Was it just the general attitude of the Order, or were there specific events that he heard of, witnessed, or even was forced to take part in that reshaped his beliefs?
I like the cameo by Emeric as well; it's hard to tell, but I'm assuming since you describe him as believing in protecting the mages that Olivia is already born, has manifested her power, and is in hiding of some sort.
Out of curiosity, though, is there a reason, even if just in your own head canon, that Malcolm's students kept failing their Harrowing? He did a great job with Bethany (and Garrett/Marian, if applicable) so it seems odd that his apprentices in the Circle would fail so badly-unless this was some prejudice of the templars themselves?
Just a few things I was curious about while reading. As I've said, I love the story overall, and good luck when the results are revealed (hopefully tomorrow)!
| Suilven chapter 1 . 1/27/2012
While I agree with you that the word count may have limited the tension in the second half, I think that the character development in the first half was actually more crucial to the story. Without it, you would lose the meaning behind his choice to free Hawke and, for me, that's the heart of story. So, I think your choice to scale back the second half in order to make the word count was the right one.
Good luck! Here's hoping they announce something before too long.
| Dasque chapter 1 . 1/27/2012
I personally didn't find the ending rushed. Yes, it didn't offer as much detail or introspection as the opening, but it was more important, in my opinion, that the foundation of Ser Carver's character be in place than it was to indulge in a tense escape sequence. The entire scope and purpose behind this story was to depict a templar who was not a fanatic, who doubted and questioned and struggled with precepts of right and wrong. (Which was such a relief-thank you for that.) You managed to do that beautifully here.
| artemiskat chapter 1 . 1/27/2012
Your story doesn't at all feel rushed. I think you managed to get everything out (while respecting the word limit) rather well. Good job and good luck )
And sorry that I am not the person to give detailed concrit, but I did want to let you know that I at least enjoyed the story.
| Clariana chapter 1 . 1/27/2012
Good entry! Love how you have filled in the backstory of Malcolm escaping from the circle.
| mille libri chapter 1 . 1/27/2012
I enjoyed this, but I agree, I don't think the word count helped you. There was a lot more exposition and introspection than I'm used to in your usually action-packed work, and I think your self-review was accurate - the escape part could have used more words and the set-up fewer. That said, however, I really did like your take on the Gallows, on Maurevar Carver, and on the young Hawke.
| Lady Siren Jade Riddle chapter 1 . 1/27/2012
I liked it! :)
I think it adds some realism to Malcolm's escape. I see a lot of people showing the two as lovers or best friends. I liked the background on Carver and how his opinions changed over the years and his sympathies towards Malcolm's fate.
| Isabeau of Greenlea chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
I thought it read very well, Wyl, and your premise was excellent. I liked the sense of fellowship between the more humane templars and the failed Harrowing is a foreshadowing of the increasing problems between the mages and templars.
| Eva Galana chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
What a wonderful look at Ser Carver! Nicely done, and well written. While I think you were perhaps too harsh in your a/n, I agree - the tunnel/escape sequence needed a little more drama. *cheeky grin*
Pulling in the known characters from the game, casting a definitive contrast between templars like Emeric and Carver with Alrik shows that, at one point, many of the templars were more 'human' in their treatment of the mages. It is the influence of those who are harsher - and therefore more open - in their dislike for mages that, so it seems to me, made it easy for templars like Karras and Alrik to become so powerful within the order. And it also explains how someone like Meredith could have succeeded and become appointed as KC.
Your bringing together the 'reasons' for Hawke having to leave Kirkwall were intelligently compiled and put together.
Wonderful! Just wonderful!
| Josie Lange chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
This didn't seem rushed to me at all. I enjoyed the build up at the beginning of the story. We, as readers/players, don't know very much about Ser Carver, so the background was needed and enjoyable. No doubt, he now has a huge black mark against his name for letting a mage escape on his watch. Not only that, but he displayed a compassion that the Order generally frowns upon. They look for those with unshakable faith rather than a strong moral center. Morality can cause one to question why something must be, where blind faith rarely has that sort of "wiggle room."
It didn't surprise me that Alrik killed the apprentice that "took too long." How ironic that his action set the events in motion that would bring his killer into the world. "Killer" isn't the right word really, but true nonetheless.
Hawke was certainly shocked when he realized Carver was letting him go instead of killing him in the tunnels where he could be just thrown away like trash. His head must have spun. No wonder neither of them thought to make the scene look more authentic and less staged!
Who would have thought that the escape of one mage would have such consequences?
I certainly hope this story goes far in the Bioware challenge! It was very enjoyable!