Reviews for DISCONTINUED: A Former Crimean Knight
Lincolnthearcher chapter 4 . 8/29/2012
O.O why have you stopped? Please continue this fic, it's awesome!
FIckerkdn chapter 1 . 8/20/2012
My heart just broke for Rolf, Boyd, and Oscar. I want to kill that Monica woman now for abusing them. This story is wonderful. I'm surprised you decided to discontinue it. The emotions and details are stunning and it all makes me want to see more. Great job with this. :)
TheFreelancerSeal chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
I'd say this has promise. It's true, there's not much to go on in terms of what happened to Oscar and his brothers before they became mercenaries. I don't seem to remember all the things they said their mother did, but it has been a while since I played either Path of Radiance or Radiant Dawn. But I digress.

I like the start. Yes, it was a little harsh, but that's really necessary for the story. It's sad to think that she would treat her family like that, but I guess when money is all you care about, love doesn't come high on the list. You've really painted a good picture of how bad they had it, and how different things were in comparison to Linus.

I really liked the opening scene. It was really well-written. Actually, the whole piece was. I didn't spot any major errors in terms of mechanics, so that's excellent on your part.

In terms of critique, I did find this. I don't want to come off as nitpicking, and if I do, I apologize. When you mention that Monica packed a suitcase, I don't really know if it fits the time period of the games. I've never looked into it, but I don't think that the suitcase was really around in the Middle Ages. I mean it's your story, but when something seems out of place, it may disrupt the flow. Also, while I didn't spot major errors, I did notice places where commas were left out. Like this:

“Linus, so angry he could hardly speak managed to mutter:”

There should be a comma after speak, and I don't think a colon is exactly proper before a quote.

All in all, though, it's a good start, and for someone's first fan fiction, that's saying something. I can tell you worked hard on this. I mean it's not brilliant, but it doesn't suck either. As I said, this story has promise, and I look forward to reading on.
Anacybele chapter 4 . 5/6/2012
Sorry I didn't see this new chapter sooner! I had actually forgotten about the fics I'd been reading. Guess I just have that much fun writing my own, hehe. xP

Anyway, this chapter was just as awesome as the last. I actually felt happy for Oscar for getting the highest score! I know how that feels too, as I once received the highest score on a test in high school out of both of my teacher's classes.

Oh, and the little scene with Boyd was cute!
Gunlord500 chapter 4 . 3/30/2012
I think I owe you one more review, my friend. So here we go...

They might not have had "washrooms" as we'd call them in the Middle Ages (privies might be a better word) but it's not much of a complaint so dont worry xD

Kieran is still great XD

Mathias seems like a cool guy. :D :D

So yeah, good chapter. Keep at it, my friend
Gunlord500 chapter 3 . 2/22/2012
Since you asked, chappy by chappy it is XD

First off, aboot my previous review, remember that in Radiant Dawn at least the classes are called DragonKnight, Dragonmaster, and Dragonlord. Was that just a name, or were they actually flying dragons? I don't remember...according to Path of Radiance they were Wyvern Knights and Wyvern Lords, so maybe it's an inconsistency in the original text. ;o

Anyways, this was a funny chapter XD I loved the joke about Oscar's squinty eyes (I wonder that myself) and the 'genesis' of Oscar and Kieran's rivalry was great, haha. Keep that humor in there, it really livens up the fic :D Be careful about writing Kieran *entirely* in capslock though. He wasn't that excessive in the original games ;
False Narrative chapter 4 . 2/18/2012
Saw you updated, so here I am to review the most recent chapter.

I liked seeing the new room for Oscar and Leon here, especially with you mentioning the creaky floorboards. Very nice. For the most part, I thought it was good, but one thing that concerned me was the mentioning of matchsticks; were those things around in such a medieval setting? I'm too derpy to look, but I don't think there were matchsticks. You might prove me wrong there, as I am being derpy, but oh well.

And as for Leon's dialogue, you do a really good job with it, considering him being a "country bumpkin" and everything. :D

Anyways, seeing some names from the other FE titles was a nice touch, to me. Alan, Mathias... Amelia was the biggest plus, I think.

Seeing what's going on through Oscar's mind about the reality of him resorting to killing was nice and I thought was very in-character, as I don't think he is ever happy about doing such a thing. It's just something that he needs to do, though.

Not all that many errors I did see, but sometimes your word choice is a little odd. Like:

[While the other trainees chatted amongst themselves, huge smiles plastered on their faces...] "Plastered" just doesn't seem right to me. I think maybe "etched along their faces" or something would be better. ;

Good job overall, Archasage.

- ExposedWiresExposedVeins
Gunlord500 chapter 2 . 2/17/2012
OK, archsage, time for me to give you some more reviews. I'll go chappy by chappy, if that's ok D

First off, I think you can use the dates given in game, so you can extrapolate from them rather than making everything up. According to the Fire Emblem Wiki, Path of Radiance takes place around the year 646. So you might want to change the dates around in this chapter a bit ;

Also, did Crimea have Pegasus Knights and Dracoknights? I don't remember if there even were Wyverns in Tellius...o,o

Aside from those caveats, this chapter was good readin :D I think your assessment of it at the end is mostly correct, but I guess a "boring" chapter is necessary to set the stage, eh? On to the next chappy D
Starship Artisan chapter 4 . 2/16/2012
Man, as soon as I started to reading this story I instantly got absorbed. It is wonderful, and a very good job on your first story! The grammar is near perfect, and the content is very well done. I look forward to seeing where you go with this!
link9753 chapter 4 . 2/14/2012
Very nice chapter, keep up the good work.
Tom-Ato13 chapter 4 . 2/13/2012
Really good chapter here. Amelia? FE8's Amelia? Oh how I wish... I love her so much, she's so awesome and cute and... Anyway, I really liked how you put in the doubt creeping in Oscar's mind. I believe anyone who joins an army, even today, would have those thoughts go through their heads, especially if they just got into basic training. Loved the bit at the end with Boyd, cute as heck.
CrimsonMercenary chapter 4 . 2/13/2012
Hey! Good chapter! I just skimmed through it since I kind of already read it today, but I wanted to throw out a review.

Something I noticed the second time around: Leon's comment about his friend that Oscar reminds him of...that's really interesting! It kind of was a passing statement for right now but I hope it is brought to more light as the story goes on.

Anyway, good story, looking forward to reading more!
False Narrative chapter 3 . 2/11/2012
Now caught up with the story so far. Hope I can leave feedback that's worth something.

I liked Oscar's reaction when he was asked about his eyes; I don't think he would react in a negative way or anything.

Oof... and we finally see Kieran in this fic as a teenager. I liked seeing how light-hearted he's making this read. He seems a lot more bragging than usual, but I might be wrong. He IS younger, after all. (Kinda makes me think who in the right mind raised him to be like that? o.O) I really liked seeing how he went about the tests. Very humorous. (:

The tests themselves seemed a little... off to me. As Elchikaah Haly mentioned, too modern. It is understandable, though, as it can be difficult to write up how knights would be tested in such a medieval time.

And Leon automatically gets bonus points for being Nephenee's brother! That makes him awesome. Not as awesome as Nephenee, but close. :P You did a nice job with incorporating his accent and everything else.

Not much else I can really say, but I look forward to the next. Good job, Archsage!

- ExposedWiresExposedVeins
False Narrative chapter 2 . 2/11/2012
There's not a whole lot I can say regarding this chapter, but I did quite enjoy it and the direction you're going with the fic itself.

I really liked the lil' scene where Oscar's saying his goodbyes to his family, especially with Boyd here. Really good stuff overall.

There are still some errors you're making, but nothing major. Just keep on writing and I'm certain you will make marked improvements.

- ExposedWiresExposedVeins
Elchikaah Haly chapter 3 . 2/9/2012
Oh yes! It's very cool to see another three brothers' story! I thank you for writing this! It's very interesting to see what others can come up for their backstory!

Nice take on Rolf's mom. Even though she doesn't quite look like the woman we see in the game, you sure make her more interesting lol. I wonder why she doesn't like Oscar at all? Maybe she has a change of heart in her life later too. :p

I like how you incorporate some of the Fire Emblem mechanics in the story, because without it, it wouldn't be too Fire Emblem, isn't it? :p

It's also good that you made the third chapter pretty much action packed, and the top of it, add THE GREAT KIERAN in it. It makes the chapter even more fun to read, especially after reading a first chapter with lot of sad and angry moments then a second chapter that seems a bit quiet, lol. Nice to see that Oscar's life is going for the better.

The only thing that bothers me a little is that the whole training thing seems a bit too modern for my taste as it sounds more like a college/university application (is that the right word? D: ).

Also, I know you want to keep this fic more Fire Emblem-ish, but the questions in the exam evaluation seem a bit far fetched and unreal for a fic, as I don't think in real life, speed and the whole one/two hits matter that much. The weapon/magic triangle is good because there's a logic behind it, but some gameplay mechanics are a different story. But then, that might just be me, lol.

Anyway, this is still a very good promising story, and I hope to see more soon! C:
28 | Page 1 2 Next »