|Reviews for A Very Supernatural Journey|
| Catasauqua chapter 1 . 11/25/2015
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards: Romance/OFC November
The errors I noted were minimal. Misplaced punctuation and a couple of run-on words. These were italics to standard text where there was no space between the words.
This story was presented as Romance/OFC, yet there was no romance. There was Rachelle with her lackeys - Dean and Sam. You may have thought it 'in character' for the brothers to acquiesce to her demands to accompany them to the morgue and, eventually let her act as bait. I did not.
You made Rachelle larger than life - psychology background, medical training, visions, accomplished swimmer, black belt - and you fell in love with your own creation to the detriment of the story. It was now The Tale of Rachelle, Mary Sue Extraordinaire.
I suggest the next OC you create, you tone her down to leave room for the Primary Characters. And if it's another Romance, let us see more than UST on the OFC's part.
| Catasauqua chapter 16 . 11/25/2015
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards: November
This story was nothing more than a vehicle for gratuitous self-insertion. The focus was on Rachelle to the detriment of Dean and Sam. She was, first and foremost, a civilian and I felt their deference to her was out of character.
Rachelle was overbearing and arrogant to the point of unlikability. It seemed as if she were written as a mirror to Dean, complete with pop-culture references and attitude, and it was uncomplimentary to her character. I found Henri's story was much more interesting.
Although there were a few grammatical errors, your story was formatted nicely.
| BlackIceWitch chapter 16 . 11/12/2015
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards Review:
As a light-hearted romping mystery through most female fan fantasies, this worked very well. An ordinary girl swept by the ring of another sentient species, into a parallel universe where a television show is mysteriously real, getting involved in both the case and with the Winchesters. I was a little surprised to see the plot suddenly thicken in Chapter 8 with more POVs introduced and the back story to the ring introduced. While the ring was the cause of the problems, the important part of its history for most of the story to this point appeared to be its pirate connection.
The story played out much like an episode, very familiarly for the most part and the dialogue, description and action sequences were clear and easily visualised. Characterisation of canon characters and original characters was formulaic, not offering a great deal of insight into any of the characters but the focus was clearly on the case and various background plot threads. I can only imagine the difficulties of co-writing all together and getting your ideas marshalled into an orderly and logical plot – talk about test-driving the writer’s room!
| SPNReadingManiac chapter 16 . 11/10/2015
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards Review:
A simplistic adventure story that didn’t have quite the depth or detail to make it an interesting or gripping read. The later inclusions of unnecessary subplots further complicated the story without adding meaning or weight to it. The different styles of each writer were not meshed smoothly enough to make the story flow as effortlessly as it needed to, given that the primary viewpoint was the original character.
Each writer used third person objective in a distancing manner, sometimes switching viewpoints between characters, sometimes switching to an almost-omniscient narrative style with too much exposition, and the end result was that the character of Rachelle became flat and uninteresting, having no voice or personality of her own. It was difficult to care about her worries or anxieties or what might happen to her through the course of the story.
The characters of Dean and Sam were also held back as two-dimensional representations; the third person objective giving no indications of what they were thinking or feeling for themselves, something that the later seasons of the series have made de rigeur but the earlier seasons did not. It was always clear and easy to see exactly what Dean and Sam were thinking about and feeling, through a combination of the better writers on the series and the actors’ performances. Character soundbites from the series were slightly over-used, reducing their impact in a situation that proposed that the characters were real people, with real, rounded personalities. That concept was stated, but wasn't really in evidence.
The later inclusions of other character’s points of view were an unwelcome distraction, and along with their various subplots, it took further tension and interest from the primary characters. Multiple viewpoint stories need to be structured to allow the primary viewpoints the main part of the storytelling, and the secondary viewpoints to add only the information that is vital to the plot. There was more of Henri’s thoughts, doubts, anxieties and feelings than there were of Rachelle’s or Dean’s, which was unsatisfactory and after some time, irritating.
Most of the dialogue was naturalistic, but conversations were stilted, obviously aimed toward a conclusion that was reached too quickly. Most scenes were sketched in, providing the minimum of detail to get to the point and move on. In a script, that’s the idea, but not in a book. A script is aided by the vision of the director and what he insists is captured on camera, and by the performances of the actors, to bring depth and detail and nuance through their skill. A book must rely on the writer bringing all that detail and subtlety to the characters, either through great description and clever interweaving of dialogue and action to show the reader what the characters are thinking and what motivates them; or through revealing their thoughts and feelings subjectively, in a closer viewpoint. The writer needs to set the scenes so that the reader doesn’t have to imagine every detail but can take in the description and action and visualise what the writer sees clearly.
Throughout it’s the small details that can help a reader begin to live a story, or continually remind them that they’re reading a story. Presentation is usually the least of a writer’s concerns, but careful proof-reading, beta-reading and attention to those details can allow a reader to immerse themselves in the world of the story, or jerk them from it repeatedly. Giving that attention to final drafts gives the reader the confidence that the writer(s) cared enough to make it as good as they could.
| lovehihere chapter 16 . 2/9/2014
Wow this story was so great! I really love it. Please please write a sequel. xx
| Miss Marion chapter 16 . 6/30/2013
I loved reading this :). Most "transported into Supernatural" ficlets usually piss me off because most protagonists are too screamy, yelling at main characters, sometimes their over-killing usage of swearing gets on my nerves, sometimes its too focused on sex rather than... well, whatever - what I'm getting at is that I truly enjoyed your fic, I think your writing is amazing, you're amazing, and I thank you for this! :D
| Samantha P chapter 16 . 6/29/2013
Oh my god! This is one of the best fanfiction with an OC I have ever had the pleasure to read. My goodness, I couldn't stop reading. I was so tired before I started reading this and the sun will be up soon and I'm thirsting for more. I really hope you were serious about a sequel because I will eagerly await one!
| fangirlfilly1 chapter 16 . 5/30/2013
I really, really loved reading this! I ship Rachelle and Dean, and the plot was good, and I CAN'T WAIT for a sequel!
| xxDevilishxxAngelxx chapter 16 . 4/12/2013
Absolutely LOVED reading this story! You managed to get Dean and Sam's characters spot on :) Please write a sequel, it'll be so interesting to see how Rachelle will interact with the events that happen in season 3. I'm also dying to see Dean's reaction to having her back :D - Sarah.
| Dizzo chapter 16 . 1/20/2013
Oh, this is a fabulous satisfactory ending. Poor old Tyrone finds peace and last, so does Henri and Rachelle's given in to the obvious, I mean, who could possibly let Dean go and go back to living a normal life?
Fantastic job my friends, a thoroughly enjoyable story, and I'm sure Rachelle (the one from this universe) must be totally rapt with it!
| Dizzo chapter 15 . 1/20/2013
Those Winchesters would leave a very big impression; no wonder everyone's confused and depressed!
And poor Dean, he always loses the girl :(
| Dizzo chapter 14 . 1/20/2013
Wow, that was some dramatic and emotional writing - I feel exhausted just reading it.
Poor Tyrone killed in action, but he died a hero's death, and he'll never be forgotten for that, and as for the goodbye between Dean and Rachelle - well, what can I say; Dean would be well worth staying in anoyther universe for!
Bravo - round of applause for this chapter :)
| Dizzo chapter 13 . 1/20/2013
Oh nice try gang, but sooooo not good!
Exciting stuff, great chapter :)
| Dizzo chapter 12 . 1/20/2013
Wow, some excuiting stuff going on here. Great chapter - but can I say how lovely it is to see Sam get some credit for being the gorgous hunk of man he is, when he's usually eclipsed by Dean's shadow (and I'm as guilty of that as anyone!)
| Dizzo chapter 11 . 1/20/2013
Oh nice chapter; it seems poor old Tyrone has got himself a stalker in the office (heehee, poor old Rosy), and I love, love , love ever-so-slightly pissed-off Dean. Niow is it just me or dpes the wizened old dear look just a little bit suspicious?
On to the next chappie ...