|Reviews for Vigilante|
| Syd chapter 3 . 12/15/2014
I'm liking it so far and while I understand this was written before the goth boys' names were revealed, I couldn't help but yell at m phone over the fact that they're names are Micheal, Pete, and Firkle. XD There's no way you could have known that at the time this was written though, so no hate or blame on you.
| TinyHearts chapter 11 . 9/30/2014
I have to say that the beginning of the story developed alright, but as you got to the part where Kenny revealed his identity, it kinda fell down from there. It seemed as though you had only written that part, then made up the rest as you went. I suppose going hand-in-hand with what I've just mentioned, the story also took a turn for the smut side and constantly mentioning that Kenny is gorgeous, which is unfortunate.
Also, an important word of advice... You should really try to keep politics out of your stories, (ie; the abortion segment). Touchy subjects like this can easily segregate your readers who are pro-life, and thus they won't finish your story because you've called them 'pro-life douches'.
I realize you're probably a youngin', but names like "Jasper" aren't really realistic. Your own name, or a name of your friend would suffice - but I'm partially nit-picking now.
| Guest chapter 9 . 3/18/2014
Totaly red's pov
| Guest chapter 7 . 3/18/2014
Jasp has a muisr kitteh
| Guest chapter 2 . 3/18/2014
No sex is allowed
| LittleMissBelmont chapter 13 . 3/4/2014
I certainly DO want you to continue this story. Everyone always makes Bebe seem only partially bitchy which is ok, but I can see both her AND Wendy as full on bitches. As for ideas, I want to see more happen with Jasper and Kenny than just making out and resisting sex. Jasper should kick Bebe's ass and since Kenny has a car, he and Jasper should go somewhere for summer vacation. As for Selena, she's cool but if you like her, why make her stomp out her sister's cig? It makes the readers not like her as much as you do. I do hope this helps, and I've loved reading your fic thus far
| Citrus Bagel chapter 13 . 2/10/2014
You should end this with an epic fight between Bebe and Jasper as well as describe Kenny and Jasper having sex for the first time since they got together!
| 24601 chapter 13 . 5/1/2013
I can't stand an unfinished story. When Javert's Suicide was on my iPod and it ran out of charge I ran to my keyboard and finished off the tune.
First off, it's a nice little story. I have hangups over the earlier chapters because I consider Mysterion holy ground that shalt not be defiled but once I was past the smutty bits I was okay with it.
So, ideas. Bebe has to be involved. Now, clearly she's in love with either Kenny or Kenny's insert metaphor of choice for massive swinging male genitalia here. This will come off as pervy but we're overdue for a smutty bit so that could be incorporated into things.
I mean to say. Say Bebe filmed one of her escapades with Kenny. The whole Red blackmail thong didn't work out so time to improvise. Add a timestamp. And Kenny has to clear himself with Jasper. Shit goes down and Bebe falls off a building and cracks her spine asunder on a railing... No, wait, that's Javert's Suicide again.
But she has to die. Maybe Kenny takes her with him, comes back and all is well.
Alternatively you could wrap up with a wedding, corny though it may be. Or Kenny is going to die so Jasper goes with him not realizing his situation. Or Damien comes back and fucks with Kenny, trying to tempt him away with STONKING GREAT TITS.
Ask me how long it has been since I have known the touch of a woman.
| i88 chapter 12 . 3/29/2013
The characters and dialogue in this are flawless and I'm so happy with Jasper's character development. Please continue!
| K9Train chapter 12 . 10/10/2012
This deffinetly deserves more reviews.
| Invisibleauthor chapter 2 . 7/6/2012
't over dramatise things. The 'just then' at the beginning wasn't quite the right wording if you know what I mean. The description of scenes needs to be longer so situations doesn't seem silly.
3. Good job so far. I'm enjoying it :)
| Invisibleauthor chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Finally i have found a story a heterosexual story with kenny as a main character in it and it has a decent length :D
| All-the-stuff-I-like chapter 12 . 6/22/2012
Amazing story chica continue
| thE blAck SheEp chapter 12 . 6/21/2012
Oh my god bebe is such a BITCH! love your story please write more! :3
| 6747 chapter 12 . 6/18/2012
jasp nice now but bebe a real bitch