Reviews for They're story version 2
Guest 22 chapter 2 . 7/10/2014
It was not the best... I think the description told the whole story, and since you were doing a short one may by you could have added a lot more detail.
Kasumi chapter 2 . 2/18/2014
Great love thsi couple
Melody Amy pond chapter 2 . 1/21/2014
Okay listen I really like this fic. And I know you didn't get much much encouragement from that one person. Please write more. I really like it and so do other people. So continue persevere. And what would Gekkou think if you didn't continue? Tee hee just mull over that.
Guest chapter 2 . 11/13/2013
love it write more
Guest chapter 2 . 9/4/2013
it's good. pls continue :) thank u
Kisarie chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
I TOOOOTALLY AGREE with that statement about the anime. They really need to make more about everyone especially Gekkou and Mirai because they are just a great couple .
And yea. This story is great btw :D
S.A chapter 2 . 10/8/2012
Huuuw i dot know wt to say its intreasting .
EmmaRPG chapter 2 . 5/21/2012
OMGOMGOMGOMG1! THIS STORY! IT'S PERFECT! please continue! i really love it!i really love this face of the sadistic gekkou he have a heart after all 3 ! if you continue this! i promise you make this in cosplay version! 3
Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 5/1/2012
“Well, I know this sucks but just don't tell me.” Did you not read the site guidelines? It clearly says this under community etiquette. “Respect the reviewers. Not all reviews will strictly praise the work. If someone rightfully criticizes a portion of the writing, take it as a compliment that the reviewer has opted to spend his/her valuable time to help improve your writing.”

On top of the fact you don't have the right to say no to negative reviews on the stuff you post publicly, you need to earn the truly good ones just like everyone else on this site through hard work. The hard cold fact is, your writing for both your fanfics is bad. I don't know if it is because you simply aren't trying and/or because you are a young writer.

Your use of POV is bad, but you honestly aren't alone in poor POV use. Chances are, you picked up how to do POV from other badly written fanfics and honestly thought what you are doing is all right writing practice, when it really is not. POV change is always used sparingly. It isn't done at the spur of the moment and the writer carefully picks when and where to use it. The writer also should HAVE to indicate when a time skip happens, or when the POV jumps to a different person. It should be evident in the writing. Newbie writers really should stick to one point of view or even better yet third person until they learn to write stories.

You also misuse flash backs and time skips. You are supposed to sue them sparingly. I'm not sure if I can go into more depth then this, but I do suggest planning out your story from beginning, middle to end.

The last problem... this is the kind of fic we expect from young writers who don't know squat about how a pregnancies work. You don't figure out within a week if you're pregnant and you don't have nausea that soon either. Actually, NOT everyone has nausea when they become pregnant. While a girl can get pregnant having sex one time, it isn't as common as this. Not to mention it is really out of character for Gekkou … the situation that is.
LilyWinter chapter 2 . 4/24/2012
I'm really curious about how this will continue.

Please keep writing~
xAstarotte chapter 2 . 4/7/2012
Nice story. Especially since I'm a HUGE Andou Mirai fan and I really want a season 2 of the Anime just to see more of her...

It's really frustrating how badly the Anime sold, and frustrating that the story in the Anime isn't even 1/10th finished. The story of ItsuTenma itself is actually very complex and would NOT fit at all in a 12 episode Anime (talk about poor space-management).

I wish they'd make a Season 2, 3, and 4 to finish up the amazing story that they screwed up on, and gave Mirai more screentime! :)
KitsuneSenpai18 chapter 2 . 2/28/2012
loves it please keep it up