|Reviews for Falling for an angel|
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/24/2015
I love it! So romantic!
| debora diskey chapter 1 . 10/15/2012
this was great!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
I really loved it. Excellent work.
| heatqueen chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
Okay, I like this idea, but I'm going to be a teensy bit tough in the review because I think it has the potential to become a lot better.
What you need to do is take each paragraph and write it out as a story. For example, 'For a while I felt cared for and life was good. Mamoru then fell to Beryl and turned against me.' I would love to have known exactly what happened in more detail. What was Usagi and Mamoru's relationship like when it happened? What changed? How did Usagi begin to realize that things weren't right between them? What sparked the confrontation which eventually led to their break up? What happened in the confrontation? I feel that detail is important here.
Secondly, I'm going to call you out on the M-rated parts of the story because I feel that the language you used was a) a bit obvious, and b) a little too crude. Simply put, parts of it sounded more like a porno than a fanfiction. With sex scenes you really need to be careful that you write them in a way which entices the reader, rather than puts them off.
Third, you need to decide whether you're following the original Japanese version, or the American dub. You used the names 'Haruka' and 'Serena', one name from each. If you're following the Japanese version, the names would be 'Haruka' and 'Usagi'. In the American version, 'Amara' and 'Serena'.
Fourth, in matters of sexuality Usagi wouldn't just randomly be attracted to Haruka. Coming out is a long process, meaning she would probably spend a long time battling that attraction, let alone admitting her feelings for Haruka. Not to mention, if Haruka was with Michiru and then Michiru cheated on her, then Haruka is bound to be heartbroken and not ready to pursue another relationship.
Finally, don't take all this too much to heart or be discouraged by my words - it isn't by any means a bad fic, it just needs a lot of work on it.
Keep writing! :)
| lil joker 1989 chapter 1 . 3/29/2012
This was nice :3
| usagiharuka chapter 1 . 2/13/2012
amazing little one shot. Love this couple I'm glad to see them getting some love. please write some more.