|Reviews for Unexpected Expectation|
| Mimic Teruyo chapter 25 . 1/26/2014
Well, I read it. And I don't mind admitting that I had a good time.
Some positives that stood out: I really liked Reimu and Kanako teaming up, and their interactions with one another were great. Poor Kogasa made me sad. The countdown was a nice touch. As far as evil Sanae goes, yours is truly top-notch. The last three chapters were also excellent. And Mima was absolutely spectacular and every moment she spent in the limelight was a treat.
Parts of the fic were a little unpolished (mainly the way some of the characters keep vanishing and sometimes reappearing, or are brought up without a clear significance), but all in all I had a good time reading this. Your potential is clearly shining through your older works as well.
(Also, lol, this is weird. I've been recently working on a Sanae-centric one-shot which isn't like this fic, but it's not exactly unlike it either.)
| KageNoYoko chapter 25 . 1/14/2014
just oh wow...
that was a headache of a mess of a story. not entirely in a bad way, but there was so much missed opportunity to it.
I will first admit, I had to skip about 2/4 of the story due to the writing, because the chapters were, for reasons unknown to me, hard to read. May have been how you went about it, but I just could not read most of them.
what I have gathered is that Mima betrayed everyone (most likely in the middle of a big battle), took over the scarlet devil mansion (or at least Sakuya, former monster hunter), you finally remembered about Alice and Shinki (who should have been some of the first people on Reimu's mind while they were looking for alliances, especially if she could remember the PC-98 series and Mima.) not to mention Yukari's lack of involvement, which seems ridiculous, considering what Suwako and Sanae were trying to do was to destroy gensokyo, which almost immediately would make it Yukari's business to deal with, along with Reimu. Not to mention her role as one of the most powerful Youkai around.
To be honest, this story was structured a bit badly. evil!sanae and suwako should have been a blip on Yukari's radar from the very moment they began their plans to destroy Gensokyo, since the woman has been shown to know everything that happens in the land of fantasy, and Yukari would have immediately warned Reimu about the threat (thereby getting Suika, and by extension, the Oni, and even further by extension, the earth palace, involved).
Reimu, being friends with them, would have quickly gotten Marisa, alice, Youmu, Sakuya, and the rest of teh scarlet devil mansion involved. Patchy, being a very powerful Magician, would have had encouragement to get involved because of Marisa and Remilia, and that would have meant three of the four most powerful magicians of the windows era would have united against the Moriya shrine's cause.
By extension, Alice would have gotten Makai and Shinki involved, and though it would have meant Reimu (or Yukari), and shinki to talk about allowing the denizens of hell into Gensokyo again (third or fourth time now, I believe), adding another powerful ally.
On the other side, Suwako and Sanae could have easily gotten allies in the celestials (though they might not like the idea of one Goddess becoming more powerful than the rest), and many of the lesser Unaligned Youkai (Team 9, Yuka, maybe the prismriver sisters, not to mention some of the old villains from the PC-98 cast (Sariel, those two doctors from touhou 2 or 3, the entire dream world cast, and quite possibly Mima, if Suwako could promise the ghost her full power again) (MIma wouldn't be told she'd be fighting Marisa, most likely she'd be swayed by Yuka, who could sweet talk her into a rematch against Reimu and Shinki.), and we'd have a pretty even war going on.
Both the Mausoleum and the Myouren temple, not to mention Eientei and the Human village, would likely remain Neutral to the war, since they are trying for peace or being hermits.
The rate at which you had Suwako and or Sanae either guilt, lie, or cheat her way into allies was a bit...lacking, is a nice way to put it. You could have easily made her gaining the allegiance of Eientei and the Myouren temple an entire arc on their own, instead of using the easy way out by simply hand waving it all and offering the rather lame excuse of "Nue power".
The story itself was okay, but there are a lot of things to be nitpicked over, the ending feels sort of rushed, especially for what was meant to be a final battle, and there was far too much hand-waving involved.
I'll give the whole story a 6/10, due to poor storytelling.
The plot could have been great, but it seemed like you were focused on Suwako becoming an unstoppable force. I read a story similar to this one once, with a sudden heel-face-turn in the very middle of the story, which i also couldn't read to the end, due to just how ridiculously the writer went about things. Only that one involved Yuka, not Mima.
please note I'm not ragging on you about the story, I'm trying to point out things about the story that could have been done better in order to make it a better read, and things I noticed personally that could have made the story more interesting.
Having a horde of Oni trying to fight a God would have been hilarious.
The Kappa and the Tengu could have easily gone either way, but I think the Kappa would have sided more with Sanae than Kanako, due to Nitori being friends with Sanae, thus heavy technology for the moriya shrine. The tengu would make great Recon and strike forces, but it's hard to say whether or not they would ally more with Kanako, for being a wind god, or with Sanae, for the interactions she has with them.
| KageNoYoko chapter 3 . 1/14/2014
only problem so far is Yuka's involvement in this whole mess. not to mention Yamame. Both of them seem rather independant, and It stands against Yuka's character to defer to a higher power. I can't see Yuka getting involved in something like this without something to gain from it herself, which I'm not really seeing. Yuka would probably blast anyone that intruded into her garden, and I'm fairly certain Sanae would be unwelcome, being a shrine maiden and all (though I do like the idea that Reimu and Yuka have a sort of ceasefire going on, which may have been written up by alice).
what can I say, I like alice and Yuka interactions, and if those two are friends, then Yuka would have to put up with Reimu and Marisa.
It's okay so far, but things seem to be progressing fast without much explanation, and my little nuances with Yuka and yamame.
| Scourge From BloodClan chapter 12 . 11/7/2013
Oh my a countdown ? Awesome ! Haven't seen these in quite a while
| Timeskipper chapter 25 . 8/3/2012
Uhm, finished reading the story and I must say... it's a bit disappointing. First, Sanae and Suwako were a little too easily forgiven. Of course they have the extenuating circumstances of being under the control of an evil god, but even then, they acted like real tyrants. I'd expect to see them called out for this a little. Them, and their followers: I would have really liked to see Hijiri scolding Nue and Murasa having to be held back, otherwise she'd probably kill Nue. Plus, even the people who joined them because they were forced seemed a little too loyal after Mima had handed them their asses: see Byakuren. Plus, there have been some potential plotlines who were left unused: GrueHunter has already pointed them out: Deres (who I thought to be Ex-Rumia) and the Hisoutensoku. Plus, Mima's plan was cunning at the beginning, but she took hold of the Villain Ball and never let it until the end, which is sad because it turned her from an interesting villain to a clichèd one. The scene in Sanae's mind was nearly obligatory, but I'd have expected Mima to dish out something a little better than some generic phobias, and by that I mean I'd have expected her to give a "The Reason you Suck" Speech to Sanae and show her that they aren't any different, all while guilt-tripping her with the nightmarish images of the resurrected Moriya shrine.
Last but not the least, since I never seem to be able to give a logic order to my reviews, I gotta quote GrueHunter again: after the Sanae arc, the story started to go at an excessively fast pace. Maybe even before, but I may not have noticed because I was happy that the dog-kicking ended soon.
Well, I should have finished here. Despite what I said now, this fic was a nice read, it only needs some plotholes filled, and then it would be perfect. Not that I'm saying that you should go back to this story and forget your other fics, it's more like wishful thinking on my part. Anyway, bye and until next time!
| Timeskipper chapter 16 . 8/2/2012
Weeeell, this fic was nice up until now: Sanae and Suwako in the first half first creeped the hell out of me, then made me rage multiple times. Nue was a bitch, and I'm still waiting to see her get her karma for what she's done (as well as finding out what the fuck happened to Hijiri and her crew), though it was strange to see her side happily with the revived Moriya mad god... it seems, i dunno... off. Sanae was really a bitch, though we can blame Moriya's legacy for that. And up until this chapter, it's easy to see where your preferences lay (if it wasn't clear enough from your avatar, hehe): Mima's been the most dangerous and yet the most classy and awesome (not every time we see someone bring Yuuka to her knees) but less unsympathetic villain of all this mess. I mean, after seeing Suwako and Sanae merrily slaughtering and torturating both mentally and physically people, Mima seems very kind and reasonable in comparison, while Sanae was more stupid and unnecessarily violent. I like Mima too, but I hope that Reimu will be getting more of the spotlight, since she's one of the few sane people in all this big mess.
Anyway, the story's nice up until now (and you luckily didn't indulge too much in Moriya Team's dog-kicking, since it made me feel veeery uncomfortable... I'm of a faint heart, you know), I'll leave another review when I've gotten to the end of the story ;-)
| TheGrueHunter chapter 25 . 7/27/2012
As much as I hate to do this, I will be brutally honest here: this story was a mess. Part of it was because it was quickly jumping back and forth between different characters/locations without much time to adjust, and another part of it was because the story goes at a breakneck pace and never slows down to give the reader more details or explanations. However, most of it was because there were so many parts of the story that were seemingly forgotten about and ended abruptly.
Deres is brought up once, and seems like it's going to be important, but it's never brought up again. The same goes for the Hisou Tensoku, in which case Suwako goes out of her way to bring Satori, Orin, and Okuu under her control just so she has the nuclear power to use it, but once again nothing comes of it. The next time we see Satori she's sitting in the Palace of the Earth Spirits as if nothing ever happened.
What happened to Harumi? I may have missed it, but she suddenly seemed to vanish from the story as well.
In Chapter 13, the Myouren Temple crew begins to attack Sanae, only for the story to suddenly abandon this whole affair, and never bother to tell the reader how it all ends up. The next time we see them, they are all (including Nue and Byakuren) back at the Myouren Temple as if nothing ever happened (whoah, deja vu). This time, they agree to help and Byakuren even gives a dramatic speech as the Palanquin ship is launched, but all they seem to do is crash the ship, Byakuren says one line to Mima, and then they are forgotten about again.
I realize that I'm being a bit cruel with this review, but I'm only trying to tell you what mistakes you made so that the next story you write will be a lot more enjoyable.
| kinigget chapter 25 . 7/9/2012
All's well that ends well, even with the losses suffered. The world keeps turning, and the new day is just beginning.
You can never really go home again after something like this, but that's half the point isn't it?
In the end, you did well. Congratulations on a story well told.
| kinigget chapter 17 . 7/9/2012
Just be glad Aizen will never appear in Gensokyo. I don't even *want* to think about what would happen.
| kinigget chapter 16 . 7/9/2012
Just how many times are you going to kill Flandre? What did the poor girl ever do to you anyway?
| kinigget chapter 7 . 7/9/2012
I agree, you *should* write more stuff like this. You have a rare talent for mayhem.
| kinigget chapter 6 . 7/9/2012
. . . you are utterly sadistic. I like it.
| kinigget chapter 5 . 7/9/2012
That ending was a good ending. Very good indeed.
This is getting interesting.
| kinigget chapter 3 . 7/9/2012
you know, that author's note has given me an idea: "the twelve days of christmas" Gensokyo style. I wonder if that's been done yet?
| AzurePyramid chapter 25 . 5/3/2012
Nothing can be said since everything is perfect...
But one thing bothers me...
What did Yuuka do all this time..? Surely this is not the expectation she expected when she hears about her master's trip to hell for all eternity...