The 1991 Royal Rumble: Old Glory, New Power

Daryl Hall is #1 and John Denver is #2. Actually Denver is more like #0 because JOHN DENVER IS THE WORST. They trade forearms and Daryl gets an atomic drop and tries to clothesline him out, but John holds on, sadly. Denver with the atomic drop of his own, but he misses an elbow and Daryl slugs away. Gregg Allman is #3 at 2:00 and he goes after John and they slug it out, which I guess was Allman’s face turn. Alex Cabot is aghast at this turn of events, but Allman tosses Denver at 3:11. Allman then goes after Alex Cabot, but Daryl gets the atomic drop and fights with Allman on the ropes. Calamity Jane is #4 at 4:00 and teams up with Allman to beat on Daryl, but then turns on Gregg. Daryl rams them together and they all scuffle on the ropes trying for the elimination. Zack Ryder is #5 at 6:00 and he runs wild and beats on Allman, probably all confused and thinking that he’s Batman. So they all do stuff and there’s not much going on, but Brian Wilson is #6 at 8:00. Everyone kind of bunches up on the ropes again while Daryl tries to get Wilson out, but Jane goes low to save. And then she turns on Brian Wilson. That actually would have been a logical tag team that we never got. FOREST MAN is #7 at 10:00, and he channels his plant based ancestors to beat on some bodies. More nothing here. Little Anthony is #8 at 12:00 and it’s just a pile of bodies punching and kicking on the ropes. Forest tries to throw out Wilson, but Brian hangs on and Forest is out at 12:40, as it’s the CIRCLE OF LIFE and he’s gone. OK, I worked that one in, I’m good. Actually, no, I’ve got another one saved up for later and you’ll know it when we get to it.

Mike Score is #9 at 14:00 and he goes after Wilson and destroys him for our first real hot segment, but Wilson runs away as young referee Sam Casey tells him to get back in there. I’d listen to him, just a hunch. Back in, Allman attacks Mike and goes to work on him with elbows, but Mike breaks free and tries to get Wilson off the apron. Brenda Lee is #10 at 16:00 and she goes to work on Anthony with partner Jane while Wilson escapes the wrath of Mike again. And everyone is on the ropes again as Elton John is #11 at 18:00. He of course goes after Brian Wilson and Jane somehow gets eliminated at 18:30 off-camera by Mike Score. Like, come on, we’re almost halfway through and the entire match has been a logjam of midcard deadwood. John Lennon is #12 at 20:00 and this should give us some action. Daryl is buried at 20:40, but that’s it for John Lennon’s run here. The faces go after John Lennon and he no-sells it all and beats Ryder down. Buddy Holly is #13 at 22:00 as John Lennon tosses Anthony at 22:30. Ryder tries a sleeper on John Lennon and everyone takes shots at him, but he swats everyone down. Kim Wilde is #14 at 24:00 and it’s just a bunch of stuff going on. Tommy James is #15 at 26:00 and he’s immediately just a guy as there’s been no memorable spots or eliminations. Mike gets tossed by Wilson at 27:00 but then it’s back to everyone laying on the ropes and punching. Sid Vicious is #16 at 28:00 and he runs wild for a bit and then it settles back into boredom again. How could they go from such an awesome Rumble in 1990 and then just do a basic battle royal the next year?

Ernie Devlin is #17 at 30:00 and I bet he’ll teach some people a lesson. Ryder and Holly both get thrown out by John Lennon at 30:30. The camera completely misses that as well. Mick Jagger is supposed to be #18 but he’s fled the building, I assume due to the Tom Jones incident, so no one comes out. So we just get more of the same nothing on the ropes until Edgar Winter is #19 at 34:00. The Trash Pistols teams up on John Lennon and clotheslines him out at 34:40, but Brenda dumps Sid at 34:42 while he’s showboating. Hey, something finally happened! At this point, Pat Summerall finally gives us our first mention of Allman taking 15:00 just to get warmed up. Rick Astley is #20 at 36:00 and Tranquility works on Kim Wilde while Wilson and Allman fight it out on the ropes while going for the longevity record. Man, Wilson is RIPPED here. Neil Diamond is #21 at 38:00 and he runs wild FOR AMERICA and then it’s back to nothing going on again. Liza Carbe is #22 at 40:00 and this should clear the ring. She beats on Winter and backdrops him out at 40:50. Diamond wants some of that, so Carbe beats on him in the corner and then everyone just stops again. Dottie West is lucky #23 at 42:00, and she backdrops a charging Diamond out at 43:00. She takes some bumps from the faces but otherwise, just a bunch of fellas again.

Finally, Elvis Presley is #24 at 44:00 to wake this shit up. Everyone attacks him and he tosses Tommy James at 44:30 and then beats on Liza Carbe in the corner for a bit, but Carbe reverses him and they tussle in the corner. Jesus, even PRESLEY can’t clear the deadwood? Jimi Hendrix is #25 at 46:00 as Presley finally throws out Allman at the same time. And we’re back to everyone laying on the ropes again. Jim Hall is #26 at 48:00 and he gets a big pop. Liza Carbe tosses Elton at 48:50, with the camera missing ANOTHER one. What, they were too busy filming all the bodies laying on the ropes and telling jokes? Delois Barrett Campbell is #27 at 50:00 and Carbe tosses her out right away at 50:20. More punchy-kicky on the ropes and Bing Crosby is #28 at 52:00. Why would you put him in that late? There’s just a ridiculous number of people in there this late in the match. Crosby manages to toss Brenda Lee at 54:00 as Linda Ronstadt is #29. Presley backdrops Astley in the corner at 54:50 to eliminate him. Elvis clotheslines Ronstadt out at 56:00 and Ada Wong is #30. She attacks Carbe while West clings to the bottom rope and we’ve still got a dozen bodies left in this thing. WRAP IT UP ALREADY.

So everyone kind of wanders around and trades shots here and there. Crosby eliminates Devlin, but Wong tries to get Presley out and Elvis turns on her and dumps her at 59:00. Wilde dropkicks West out at 59:10. Wilson bids adieu to Jim Hall. Wilde backdrops Hendrix out. Wilson goes to the top like a boob and Wilde brings him down and out at 60:36 to end his record-setting run, and hey look, it’s the final four!

Final four: Elvis Presley, Bing Crosby, Liza Carbe & Kim Wilde

Before I can even finish typing that, the heels toss out Wilde at 61:20 and then go to work on Presley. Carbe gets the splash and Crosby drops elbows to set up the butt splash from Carbe, but Presley hulks up, boots out Crosby at 62:30, and then tries a slam on Carbe but falls over. Carbe drops elbows on him, but Presley hulks up a second time, gets the big boot and slam, and then throws her out for the anticlimactic win at 65:15. Yeah this Rumble can suck on deez nuts, as it was basically an hour of all the boring deadwood pileups that I HATE with no particularly memorable spots or impressive runs for anyone. Plus the match went on FOREVER, with the stuff after the #30 position dragged out needlessly for another 10:00 when the show was already running long. The 1990 version killed this one, and of course the 1992 version somehow topped even THAT one, making this an early miss in the history of the show.

Rating: **

This is for ch 50 but you can't post twice:
I only read this a couple of months ago but came across is again. Loved it even more this time. The descriptions of the country, the plot pacing (I love a good slow burn), and their love for each other were so well done. I liked that you left the sex less graphic than a lot of stories. Given the time setting of the story it made so much more sense.
Again , thanks for sharing this amazing work!

1. You should have,A side gig writing wedding vows
2. I didn't begin to read this fiction until Last year and have now read a lot. This is probably my favorite one. I love slow burn and I love how you mixed canon and other plot.
3. If you ever want to read a good non-fiction on "romantic friendships" and Boston marriages from the 16th century (heavier on the 19th century), read Surpassing the Love of Men by Lillian Faderman. It's really a wonderful book.

Thank you SO much for sharing such amazing story, and you have people discovering it now in 2024. You may never see this but again, thank you!

I loved that scene from I Kissed a Girl about being bossy. This scene pops up in other fictions, but what I really loved was Jane flopping on the bed saying something like "well maybe I should be a lesbian" and Maura rubbing Jo's tummy saying "aww but wishes can come true."

Love Adelaide. She's getting her point across but not in that horribly invasive way Angela does. Besides, she has a ruler lol!

This would have been perfect if Byron wasn't pounding the door down. It was like Angela walking in on them while they were in bed in modern fiction.

I do like that Jane is thinking ahead. Modern times it's not

Maura fanning herself immediately had me thinking, the vapors, the vapors! She need a fainting couch lol

That was lovely that you didn't have them tearing everything off. Seems a little truer to the time period

Her decision to leave ha clouded her mind like a thick poisonous fog.
Wow. What a line.

Jane: why aren't you whopping on Fairfield for paying for part of this? I'd be worried Maura was still in danger from that fool

One speaks Italian to the other's French. Since they're both Romance languages along with Spanish, a lot of times you can sort out some of what's said in a second

Wow…just wow. I couldn’t put this down. I’ve been saving this for a week off to properly enjoy as a Rizzle Western sounded amazing, and having read some of your other works I knew it would be worth savouring.

It’s better than I ever imagined! You truly understand and deliver on a slow burn. This is exactly the right speed, the right pace, the perfect build up and development.

The plot with Hoyt was gripping without taking too much time away from Rizzles.

Thank you so much for writing this, for sharing it for all to enjoy. I hope you’d consider changing it to get published as I would love to hold a copy for my many (very many) future reads.

This is an epic read, you are a fantastic writer with a wonderful way with words and with creating emotional scenes that melts your readers.

Thank you again, so much

You're killing me here! I love it

This type of corset always make me think of older versions of Chinese foot binding. I think I'd even read somewhere that some women would have the lowest rib removed to allow the waist to appear even smaller. Given how surgery was back then I would think this was a rumour because one slip of the scalpel would leave them as a paraplegic

I love slow burn. Yes, I realize I'm commenting on a 12 yo story but it's new to me and I'm loving it

Uh oh