|Reviews for My Little Persona|
| Not Anonymus just lazy chapter 5 . 3/11/2012
Simply put, this story deserves FAR more views and reviews. It looks amazing, and feels very well done. Especially your characterization of Twi. She acts very much like I believe she would when faced with such problems. (I.e. Freaking out at being in the "Dark Hour") I can't wait for more! Please, write more! This looks bloody amazing!
| leavingyouforme chapter 2 . 2/6/2012
That long, anonymous comment before this one here was mine, had logged me out. '
Well, that means I get one more chance to say my mind about this chapter. I have said everything, actually, only forgotten to ask - will Igor as a guide appear? And is Twilight going to sign a 'contract' if he is (and to whom does it bind her)?
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/6/2012
We have now met the Midnight Hour 'guide'. - I refrain from theorizing what and who she is for the moment and if she has a relationship to Twilight in any way. It's too early for these speculations. -
She doesn't 'dump' info on Twilight and the reader but makes a running commentary about a world she knows well so she leaves out a lot, because at first she forgets Twilight doesn't understand this is real and then there's no time for long explanations. She also proves again that you're creating your own setting compared to Persona 3. Shadows aren't only overly active during full moons, but also during 'full suns' and eclipses. Their world isn't only tied to the night but also the day or rather the moon and sun - that's why the Shadows are the worst during an exclipse. Both stellar bodies not only in the same area but also in the same position for some moments.
The detail about the 'full sun' makes no sense to me (yet). What is a 'full sun'? The summer solstice? There is also an other detail that confuses me. The voice in the Prologue telling Twilight 'she has been blessed to experience the 25th hour' and the black pony speaking about the 'two hours' (full moons and full suns) seem to possibly contradict each other. Or is the '25th hour' generally that one during which the Shadows are the most active?
There were very few spelling mistakes like some 'to' instead of 'too' "to exhausted to try and piece together what had just happened between her and the mouthball". You kept a good pace with the chapter, just some sentences reading a bit too long but that is likely only my personal taste.
I bet the light coming from Spike's coffin-frozen form is no accident. It could be the normal protection of 'unwakened' but I think the coffins are like in P3 - they are already the protection. Besides the text mentioned that Cassiopeia's shield looks similar to the light that emanated from Spike's coffin. He has the power of Persona, too, just not awakened yet. That's why it felt benevolent to her, because it was coming from Spike who loves her as a friend/sister/mother. Twilight couldn't know this of course, she ran to him in instinct to try rescue him from the Shadow. It's such details about her feelings towards Spike that I can't never get enough of. If/When his potential awakens, I can see her being protective to the point of being unreasonable for some time, when it's clear it can't be avoided that Spike gets involved too.
I've read on fimfiction Twilight is the MC. Unlike in P3 and P4 she's not a blank slate or able to push the Midnight World to the side like the MCs in the games, and your writing shows this: a normal person. She panics, she tries to subdue the panic with the mantra 'it's only a dream'; she freezes several times in fear when she should be running. Now she has her Persona (which Arcana is she?) and may or may not stay the most powerful Persona user among the later team due to her vast magical powers. Or maybe it will be Princess Luna (will she panic when she can't control the green moon?), she's bound to visit in chapter 4 likely and I'm sure she will look into the book like Applejack did.
| leavingyouforme chapter 1 . 2/1/2012
Premise/Summary: Very good. It shows what is going to happen in the plot in the basic outlines, evoking memories back from Persona 3. It's not a re-telling of P3 in FIM however but its own story and plot which simply borrows a few elements. Twilight starts on her own, due to a book, and has nobody to turn to (in the beginning at least) which deviates from the game's opening.
1st chapter: I was right, it deviates from the game. I like the approach you have chosen to introduce and lead Twilight into the Midnight Hour - a magical book that enables certain persons who see (or the actual mechanism for it to happen) the circles to awaken their potential. It shifts in the beginning for Twilight, leading her to the first circle leading her through her mind and soul to the Persona she represents. The pain and nausea following likely mean that her Persona has been jarred loose but it is warring to come to the surface in the normal world. Since there are ten circles, there are going to be 9 more people following. These are all just thesis, however, which the next chapters have to prove right or wrong. I wonder the most about what will be the reason why Twilight can't bring the book to Canterlot- another assumption, but I think she and others will need the book somehow.
In this point the last: Are Twilight's doubts about the stallion needing to go back to Manehatten justified (did he want to awaken her potential?) or is it a red herring?
Mistakes: Only some small mispellings, like here: "It's still in this library somewhere-"
One sentence doesn't quite make sense to me on the other hand: "You know…We'd have a much better time finding the dumb thing if wehelped look." What does Spike mean by that? They are already looking for the book, or does he mean the books' checking out? Or that Twilight should help?
Characters: The interaction between Spike and Twilight, as well as the little of Owlowiscious, was sweet and in-character. Spike's annoyance at Twilight obsession for studying books and her again not realizing she's overreacting when thinking of 'punishments' sound like from the show itself. The same goes for Spike's smugness when Twilight compliments him, he forgetting his damaged recorder in face of the promise of gems, his concern and care for her when he guides her to bed.
| NocturneD chapter 2 . 1/31/2012
| NocturneD chapter 1 . 1/31/2012
*pulls out evoker pistol and aims it at own head, pulls trigger and persona comes out*