|Reviews for Stargate: Revelation|
| hmasjackal chapter 28 . 5/19
I've been holding off reviewing for, well years, literally, as I didn't want to negatively impact your desire to write the follow on story. Military fics are few and far between, but...
It's been a while, and it looks like it's not going to happen, so I will now review.
So much potential. You're writing is mostly clear and concise, and your ideas are communicated effectively. And you have a decent understanding of the military (with a few glaring mistakes, but much better than most).
You have few problems with the WAY that you write.
But I'll be brutal. Your OC Mary Sue ruined the fic. A one dimensional super dooper go girl who can do anything, and everything, better than anybody else. And the rules don't apply to her, of course. You're not alone in this. It seems to be de rigueur these days, even, no especially, for military fiction. Every author falling over themselves to see who can have the sooperest dooperest female soldier. You could have left her out entirely with ZERO affect to the storyline.
At least she's not a teenager.
Well, at least we know where you've gone. What was it like writing the Rey character for The Force Awakens?
| Apparuerit Diabolo et Loqui chapter 28 . 12/21/2014
I enjoyed this a lot.
The Amanda/Cam drama however was completely unnecessary.
| doctor chocolate thunder chapter 2 . 5/1/2014
One thing I don't totally get is that the argument of the senators that if we had never used the gate we'd be ok is never countered. It was never countered decently in the show. It should be an easy argument to counter.
| MegaUZI chapter 1 . 4/28/2014
This. Is. AWESOME !
Nothing more to say. Just awesome
(don't have courage to make my own facfic anymore. D:)
| Greg chapter 1 . 4/24/2014
I really enjoyed this story and stayed up waaaay too late finishing it. I was impressed by how well-rounded the characters were which kept it very engaging throughout. I'd love to see a sequel where the Tau'ri lust for revenge evolves in the face of war-weariness and a shifting balance of friends and enemies. Frankly I'd just love to see your characters continue!
Great writing, really enjoyed it.
| Seluecusgmail chapter 28 . 2/16/2013
OMG... this was THE best SG-1 Continuance i have read so far. TBH, i was half expecting (Giving the time that you published this story) something akin of Destiny appearing from SGU, or Atlantis helping out where it could. If i remember correctly, the City-Ship is capable of creating drones. Also, although the ending is perfect i feel compelled to ask of a Sequel. I'd love to see how Earth Forces, with there upcoming platoon of BS's and such (Maybe Dreadnaughts? (U.S. Navy had a few, but i think they're decomished, but were very deadly)), fair against the "Almost" Galaxies large fleet of wraith forces. the USS South Carolina is a very powerful ship as a BS, and having it tagged along with the British Battleship would be a fearsome force of its own.
If you decide to make a sequel, i'll be all eyes for reading it. :)
| StargateFFWriter chapter 23 . 12/23/2012
Those Lucian bastards committing genocide like that! I'm from Massachussetts. I have many realtives in California. Earth, let's go kick the vitality out of the Alliance! Spare the coerced citizens, and pummel the voluntary ones!
| StargateFFWriter chapter 22 . 12/23/2012
Amanda finally gets her revenge to some degree.
Curious why Lt Commander Mike Hutchinson would use 'sir' seemingly formally when he's of the same rank as the Major.
| Burns chapter 28 . 11/28/2012
Ok so there is going to be a 2nd "book" right
| DarthBiber chapter 28 . 11/19/2012
A wonderful, well thought out epic with well rounded characters. I hope you intend to continue, I wish to see the effects of Nano-technology...
| JimBeamer5 chapter 28 . 11/7/2012
Most of the fic is great. And you DID have a good use for the North Carolina. Good!
The only place it falls down, and badly, is this Amanda St. Crowe character. The character is redundant, and its plot arc asinine. Her actions over Earth are TOTALLY unacceptable. A pilot abandoning her post, her mission, her Service, her fellow pilots, to go off on a personal quest is one of the most heinous crimes an Officer can commit. Funniliy enough you got her charges mainly correct, but to have them dropped because "heroes don't get court martialled" is, quite frankly, disgusting. The worst part is, because the way the world is now, that may even be true. Although how any rational person would view her actions as "heroic" as beyond me. And releasing the flight recorder tape? Anybody who hasn't worked with them would not be able to make head or tails out of one.
"People need heroes" in such a disater as this you will probably say. She is not a hero. She abandoned the defense of her planet, her people, in a time of dire need, that's what most people would think, and that's exactly what happened.
As a father I'd be appalled if my daughter deserted her post to go and rescue someone she thought was hot (that's basically it, they aren't even in a relationship). What's the big deal, what difference does one fighter make? Might be the difference between getting the strikers through to the hive ship and the strike failing completely. It can be that close.
The fighter community is small, do you think we would work well with such a person be allowed to continue in our midst? Not. . Trust is the most important thing we have, and we cannot trust her when we need her the most. And Mitchell and Sheppard? What kind of leaders are they? Awful. I'm telling you right now that this would spread like wildfire through the community and they would be actively shunned as a result. Regardless of what "hero" status they would have.
You write well, I'm sure there's a sequel coming, which I will look forward to, but drop this Amanda character. Or at least make her behave like a good officer. Please.
| trekki859 chapter 23 . 10/8/2012
my god man... this... woah. the feels. god i hope that fleet gets there asses handed to them seven ways to sunday.
| trekki859 chapter 19 . 10/8/2012
squeeeee! i love the way that works out! awesome sauce!
| trekki859 chapter 12 . 10/7/2012
awesome sauce! this fic is turning out crazy good! needs more tech talk though, cant wait to seet he new ships
| trekki859 chapter 3 . 10/7/2012
oh-ho! that i didint see coming, but is a totaly possibility. dont quite see how it pertains to the story yet, but good job setting up some big charecter development