|Reviews for Breaker|
| Moczo chapter 1 . 12/12/2012
*pat, pat* Yeah, the subtext really does write itself. XD
Still, hard to mind when it is attached to such a sweet story. You write a very solid fluff piece when you put the effort in, and this is no exception. Very sweet. _
| Rising Dragon chapter 1 . 2/23/2012
This took me way too long to get around to reading. It was a really good read-nice fakeout with the opening; at first I thought it was some sort of AU.
And yes, the subtext does write itself. I think at this point they can't even help it. :k
| yurimylove chapter 1 . 2/12/2012
A very nice and emotionally moving story. I enjoyed reading it.
| yuiseppe chapter 1 . 2/6/2012
I've always enjoyed moments where Nanoha gets a wake up call (mostly just because in cannon her 'befriending' can get a little over the top), and this was an indirect, but perfectly valid way of going about it.
At the very end, I sensed the potential for Nanoha to go angsty and darkly violent in that 'I will put him away even if I have to soil my hands further' kind of way :P
Luckily we have Fate balancing the angst out :)
| Tear of Light chapter 1 . 2/3/2012
This was a great one shot. Frankly, I was surprised it was only a one shot. I think you could have expanded it into something more. Nevertheless, your writing is awesome as always deathcurse. I look forward to more from you. :)
| Lance58 chapter 1 . 2/1/2012
OMG.. Doomsdale is upon us.. the ultimate weapon of the white devil has be passed on to 20 people.. scary!.. please continue!
| mllhild chapter 1 . 2/1/2012
Thank you for this new one shot.
A Nanoha fanfic about Nanoha, yes you are right there are rather few.
Some things that seems a bit of:
- Nanoha did teach her ultimate spell to a lot of pupils by the age of 18,
while it did take years for Tea to learn it? (In the SS StrikerS 01 Nanoha says that this would be the first time that she would teach someone for a longer while)
- A SLB cast by a random guy did break down a 19 year old Fate this badly? After all she had 10 years of sparring with Nanoha to learn how to block high concentrated mid range energy spells.
- How did this guy trap one of the best TSAB enforcers to shoot her with a slow loading spell like SLB(in the manga it was categorized as F in terms of speed)?
Did you take this "That's all you can do, Nanoha. That's all any of us can do." from Profet's speech in Crysis 2 :P
| DezoPenguin chapter 1 . 2/1/2012
Nice one-shot! I always like stories which feature Nanoha's actions/reputation/etc./etc. getting turned around on her. Likewise, stories which have her somewhat exaggerated sense of responsibility channeled into situations which do *not* boil down to "I am responsible in this situation, therefore I shall now point and fire!" You further get bonus points here because the situation is one where, as an instructor, it is actually reasonable for Nanoha to feel this kind of guilt and responsibility.
The opening dream sequence wins a bonus point because it works that guilt and fear directly into the plot by merging with Nanoha's memories, a powerful emotional connection, and one which also semi-mocks one of the more ridiculous scenes from S1 (in the sense of "hopefully Fate won't take serious damage from impacting the water since the SLB destroyed her protection, and equally hopefully I can dive into the sea, find her, and pull her out before she starts drowning"). Half a point off for lack of originality because the last chapter you wrote, PotB-6, started exactly the same way.
Nanoha and Fate are sweet together, and I appreciate Fate's caring. Though I'd say it's not so much that subtext writes itself as that canon is choked with Ship Tease so that if you write their characterization properly the subtext comes out by itself. Nanoha, especially, is a hard character to write without having her come off exaggerated or cheesy, almost a self-parody, and I like the job you've done with her here. And the role-reversal from their childhood relationship is nice, too (since Fate grew from moe girl into caretaker).
Slight canon problem: Nanoha doesn't know who Fate's attacker is, but SLB relies largely on power that had already been expended during an extended battle to fuel it. So if Fate was hit by a Starlight Breaker, it means that there had already been a battle happening (even if she, Fate, had just arrived) and theoretically someone ought to know about it. It seems like this is a leftover from your initial plan of making it a mystery (in which case there could be explanations in follow-up chapters, such as there having been a battle where the initial TSAB officers were killed, and Fate was a first-responder as backup, but got ambushed and hit before she could see what was happening) but doesn't serve here because it raises questions that don't really matter in the context.
As for your decision to make this a one-shot, I think it works quite well. This would be a valid initial "hook" for a mystery or suspense story (giving Nanoha a personal stake in pursuing the culprit), but as a one-shot it focuses strongly on the character development and keeps the message from being diluted by plot elements (especially since the antagonist would have to be an OC and therefore there's be little canon hook to the plotline, and this isn't the type of character examination which works better over an extended story-I contrast, for example, your look at Hayate in "Crime Never Sleeps," where the extended story length provides more opportunity for you to explore her, *and* in which one of the major antagonists is Auris Gaiz, a canon character herself with in-canon backstory ties to her opposition of Hayate).