|Reviews for The Morra Empire Book 1: The Founding|
| Team503 chapter 1 . 3/12
I have to say it. I'm a car guy. A Solstice isn't exactly a dream car (though it may be yours). Morra is likely to go for something like a Porsche Cayman S if he's into spirited driving, or a Boxter S if he likes it topless. They are universally acknowledged as some of the best driver's cars on the planet. Also, a Solstice is mostly plastic bodied though it does use have a steel frame.
Otherwise, loving the story - this crossover concept had never occurred to me, but it seems like the possibilities are, well, Limitless! :)
| Xenter chapter 18 . 2/23
Hmmmm... Aschen? They weren't that advance compared to Earth, only biological weapon is more advance (not by much). Why would Eddie bother with them? Also a shipyard in Dakara is wishful, The Ori destroy any energy signature when they arrived on Dakara in the canon to destroy the wave disrupter weapons (they detect it through the shield), thus Shipyard (probably shielded as well) shouldn't be that hard to detect and destroy.
This look like abandon fic, it too similiar to Galactic Imperium, at least that one, the MC didn't have much moral compass, he willing to let billions dies for the unity of the galaxy, which makes him interesting.
Okay story. Not bad, not good either, so so.
| SEEKER452 chapter 18 . 2/8
that great never thought about add Iron tech to the story thanks Great stories please keep updating. Are you going to crossover over for tech of different reality's and if can list them. Tv show,movies,animes,games?
| tylermech66 chapter 18 . 2/6
I think you should include how Eddie founded the empire and such, building the city. You really rushed past that point, completely skipping it...
Or is it just that that part hasn't been rewritten yet? O.o
| tylermech66 chapter 4 . 1/31
hahahahaha! that last part made me laugh for two minutes! Is this going to be a running gag?
| tylermech66 chapter 1 . 1/31
i like. So, will this guy not completely abandon his homeworld like kevin did?
| Illuviar chapter 18 . 12/26/2013
Very good story!
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/9/2013
Man..i sure hope you don't go spouting B.S about 'Evil and 'Good'
| merchantofam chapter 18 . 8/11/2013
I agree the story was extremely fast moving, so much so that I felt no connection to the main character. If you're going to do a re-write I would recommend the following:
1. Give more detail regarding the technologies Eddie released on Earth. Especially the impact from an outsiders perspective. Btw, that means more realistic time-line for the implementation of technologies. Unless, you have released Gundam level gou-ld analogues, or Stark giving out his schematics for Iron Man than I can't imagine the building of an entire Lunar colony within one year. The ISS, perhaps only because the infrastructure is already there.
2. The interactions between Tony and Eddie were artificial at best. If you must include elements of Iron Man/Avengers/Marvel universe in general, I would ask they be more realistic; Fury and Stark are really paranoid, especially when it comes to new comers who seemingly are developing 'cutting-edge' technology that is out of their sphere of influence. More so when they have no idea how they are accomplishing it. Eddie may be untouchable to the general public and FBI type government agencies, but SHIELD is the CIA of CIA-type groups; i.e. the people that shadows fear!
However, in your story Stark immediately accepts Eddies intentions and revealing of alien technology. Not to mention, Eddie apparently has SHIELD's complete backing.
3. Regarding the SG universe, I understand your inspiration is the Galactic Imperium but the way Eddie gains the Asgard core reads like a copy and paste of the aforementioned fanfic. By the end of Limitless and your version, Eddie seems like someone who plans everything out.
Meaning, he would take care to wipe away any physical evidence of his 'heist'. I am not suggesting harming the SGC people, but having EDI scrubbing all the databanks of visual/audio/sensor recordings about Eddie & Tel'tak. Carter has already heard from Eddie about his supposed previous employer and the symbiote name as well. Therefore it is a simple matter of phoning the Tok'ra and asking about Anran's (sp?) whereabouts and possible last mission. Unless, you want an immediate response from the Tau'ri, I would recommend making it as difficult as possible for the SGC to piece together the puzzle; if nothing else than to build up suspense.
Second, regarding the Jaffa Nation vs Lucian Alliance, Aschen vs. Tau'ri, Tau'ri vs. Jaffa Nation, please flesh out the interactions. Because, I really don't imagine the Jaffa Nation simply allowing access to Ancient technology to anyone let alone the Tau'ri whom they have a contemptuous relationship with.
That is also true for IOC, they would never allow for the trading of Asgard level offensive & defensive with anyone. Remember these guys were the ones willing to unleash the Replicators in the Ori galaxy with nary a thought to the consequences. Especially after the stunt that one Jaffa pulled regarding the Dakara weapon and killing planets fallen to the Ori.
Third, I do like the Imperial Record aspect especially if it has some relationship to the material of that particular chapter. For examples look up Cal Reflectors "Lelouch of Britannia".
4. When doing a spell check or grammar check use your own eyes versus the spell checker, because I found too many typos to count. It is really distracting and makes it an effort to read your story. Remember, most people are probably reading fanfiction to get away from the daily grind, so if they have to put effort just to read, not comprehend, then you will lose readers quickly.
Well...let me qualify that, readers who will give you reviews with something more than "GREAT STORY, UPDATE MORE!" or something to that effect.
Hope this helps.
| gasacan90 chapter 1 . 8/11/2013
Love it keep up the great work
| yo chapter 18 . 8/6/2013
| Chinran chapter 18 . 8/5/2013
Have Lindy go with him the Emperor needs an empress.
| A W chapter 12 . 8/5/2013
Time travel really would be the superior option at this point. He wouldn't have to deal with the asgard, earth or any of those annoyances.
| A W chapter 3 . 8/5/2013
This intro is really long, in theory Eddy could have jumped worlds immediately and then flown the ship to a place with a time machine, set up an empire before the stargate show begins and taken over everything with only token resistance from the system lords.
| thunder18 chapter 18 . 8/3/2013
Great chapter Update soon