Reviews for In the Trenches
jsq chapter 9 . 3/1/2012
The loss Temperance feels in this chapter is palpable- you did a great job with that. Also, I always used to bring a book to read in church- my mom never minded, though. :)
Some1tookmyname chapter 9 . 2/28/2012
You have the most amazing way with descriptions. This one tugged at my heart especially:

"The visual results were becoming even more developed than her rubbings of the fossils and etchings, and a swell of pride reached around the emptiness of doing the work without her dad by her side."

It was like I could almost see a little cloud of pride wrap around and give her a hug...or maybe I just ate too much sugar today, but that's what I thought of.

I also love what gets her going: the girls. She wants better for them than this rigid, religious pigeon holing. So Brennan, to go to bat for the underdog...for those who can't or aren't able to speak for themselves.

You amaze me.
Some1tookmyname chapter 8 . 2/28/2012
I knew, as soon as the words were coming out of her mouth that she was asking him "Wrong"

I love how sweet and amazing she is with the children, but the rest of it just breaks my heart.
JayBee188 chapter 9 . 2/28/2012
My father is like this blithering idiot. Very similar, really... It's pathetic. I'm atheist, and have been since I was a baby. If you think about it, all children are atheists until they drill that crap into their minds... But I digress. I was forced to go to church, and punished when I had an opinion. They told me things, and I had to parrot their words back, in fear of what would happen if I didn't. I hate religion, but accept that some people use it as guidance. What I don't accept is that most use it as an excuse to start wars and treat others as inferior. I really hope you include Booth in this story- maybe Pops can be a registered foster parent or something. Please? I think I'm over-identifying with this story... Please post soon.
Innogen chapter 8 . 2/25/2012
This story is well written; hopefully things will look up for Tempe soon enough.

On a personal note I just got out of the hospital with orders to stay away from any and all OCD triggers that will put me back there, and a story I know if finished but can't read is one of those.

I hope you get all the feedback you seek. In the future, I wouldn't let on to people that you have a posting schedule because in the last 8.5 years I've been reading stories on I noticed that's taken the wrong way. A chapter exchanged for reviews is seen by the reader as the author holding the next chapter hostage, and so forth.

Like I said, I hope your receive all the feedback you receive. I can't read this story anymore. I was gone over a week and came back hoping for all these chapters, and still suffer from compulsive depression because they still aren't there. Someday I hope to read this, just not now, I guess.

Good luck.

bluemuriel chapter 8 . 2/23/2012
Oh my god. I thought those "Jesus freaks" were okay, except that Temperance had to watch what she said about religion and science. Except for now. That Mr. Davis is on a serious power trip. He thinks he IS god. All this asking permission, and out-of-nowhere hitting you if you don't? Holy crap. Reading this, I had a nervous knot in my stomach, just like our girl.

Also? Her science project sounds cool. I want to see it. :) Thank goodness the parents aren't Creationists, who would disapprove of anything related to fossils...? They're from before the Flood, right.

And: the kids wanted to read Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel, right? I loved that one! :D
Mechabeira chapter 8 . 2/23/2012
I'm a tough nut to crack, but this story is truly gut-wrenching. Very subtle and smart. Bravo!
jsq chapter 8 . 2/23/2012
I loved Temperance reading the books. We got a glimpse of the adult we know- "What did the book get wrong?"- and we got insight insight into some of the things that shaped that adult- the dog who just kept trying to fix all the things that were broken. Then there was the slap. It felt so jarring and discordant, which is just how those things always feel. Really, really well done.
bluemuriel chapter 5 . 2/23/2012
I want to review Ch. 4 and 5 before catching up! My reaction to those two was: It's not faaaaair!

You've portrayed this so well: Brennan having to put up with that little jerk Kyle, and wouldn't you know the foster parents walk in at exactly the wrong time. Then, the fact that they chose to keep HIM instead of her... I can see that it makes sense, even though it's cruel to her. They were blind to Kyle's faults, and had invested time and emotion in him, so they just couldn't send HIM back instead. Sigh.

Also, this part is just one example of the excellent writing: "She wasn't home, wouldn't ever be home. Because she had failed. She had attracted attention and so if her parents came back...when they came back...they would come back to an empty house, or, worse, to a house repossessed and sold to strangers, all because she had not pretended well enough. She'd never been good at pretend."

Those short sentences following longer ones - very effective. Makes the reader want to hug her and squeeze away all feelings of inadequacy!
Some1tookmyname chapter 7 . 2/21/2012
Mrs. Davis seems okay and the children are sweet...which leads me to think this is all going to go very badly at the hands of Mr. Davis. :(

And it kills me that she is so very, very certain her parents would never, ever choose to leave her. It's just sad.

Le sigh. - I expect to say that a lot over the course of this story. It's so beautifully written and pulls on my heart.
jsq chapter 7 . 2/21/2012
Your experience with high school children really shows- what it's like to be the outcast, to be the popular kids, to try to balance being nice with being accepted. High school is so small and in some ways tragic, because it seems so big and its population lacks the experience to know better. Bless all their hearts. Another wonderful chapter. I loved the chance encounter with someone who'd known her parents and how it knocks the wind out of her.
jsq chapter 6 . 2/20/2012
These parents terrify me. There was something sadly comedic about Temperance trying to explain about the statues. LOVE the chapter title.
jsq chapter 5 . 2/20/2012
Heartbreaking chapter. It highlighted a very real difficult that faces foster parents- sometimes in order to parent one child, you can't parent another. I also really wanted to comment on the first section, where she's out in the snow. It was wonderfully descriptive. The writing felt almost cinematic.
jsq chapter 4 . 2/20/2012
First of all, I really appreciate the inclusion of Tiny Tunes Adventures in this chapter. Temperance would be just a little older than me, and I really remember that cartoon from middle school. It just makes the timeline that much more realistic. Now, what I really loved about this chapter were the details that made it clear just how "not home" the Martin house was. Even if it wasn't bad, it wasn't home. Lovely.
Some1tookmyname chapter 6 . 2/17/2012
Oh, that man is EXACTLY the kind of "Christian" who gives other Christians a bad name. Poor Brennan. Trying to do right and still managing to get it wrong through really no fault of her own.

I just can't even imagine being in her shoes, and yet the way you write it all leaves me no choice but to ponder it, just the same.
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