|Reviews for Log of the Grinning Shadow Pirates|
| FiroIV chapter 3 . 7/15/2012
It's really good.
The mystery and comedy go well together.
The dialog is clean and smart.
You've had a lot of time thinking about the characters personalities.
Kaito can use a bit of an edge and reason but he's cool.
Ryan is very fun to read.
Zerje is extremely interesting as a captain character.
Best of wishes in your writing and hope to read more.
| Disciple of Bob chapter 3 . 6/25/2012
*still blushing from the favorite author comment*
Okay, let's take this a bit at a time.
First fight: Pretty good actually. A mimic fighting style is fairly unique as far as I know and could have a lot of potential, and explains his knowledge of Black Leg (though I'm guessing he probably wouldn't know the more advanced stuff like Diable Jambe).
Second fight is good, but is lacking in descriptive text. When Kaito says "Wait, he gets to use a weapon?" I'm still not sure what kind of weapon his opponent is using. That's something that should probably be described before that line to provide context. It isn't exactly clear what's going on during this fight, especially with the Japanese names for attacks (which I've discovered usually require a lot more explanation). Also, is Kaito's wind ability a Devil Fruit? It's not exactly explained or made clear what he's doing.
There's similar problems with the third fight. It's good, but it's difficult to picture exactly what's going on due to the vagueness of Zerje's attacks. I like the concept though. It also seems a bit short and anticlimactic in comparison to the other two, which in general seems odd because the last fight is usually the most dramatic. Also, you should avoid exclamation points in descriptive text (it's hard to explain why, but it just feels off to the reader) and you only slipped into present tense once "he kicks the cannonball right back" but that's at least an improvement. One other nitpick is that it's spelled "nakama."
The last conversation sems rushed, and it's not always clear who's talking, but the final scene is a nice, funny end to the chapter.
Keep going! I look forward to the next chapter.
| skatherhead42 chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
Ok so i'm really impressed with this story so far. Sure the grammar and wording (are those the same thing?) aren't perfect but the characters seem interesting and those battles made it obvious they're all badasses in their own right. Update quick please!
| Disciple of Bob chapter 2 . 6/22/2012
Finally read the second chapter.
This seems to be more rushed than the first. Once again, present tense is a problem (not news) but also there are a few bits where it's difficult to tell who's talking because you have dialogue but not descriptive text with it. Not saying that each piece of dialogue needs that kind of text, but when there's 2 or more people present it's good to insert a "said such-and-such" after a couple lines.
I hope Ryan is more than just Sanji-clone. Sanji's my favorite character in One Piece, but unique characters are better IMO when it comes to fanfics.
Gotta love the cat though. XD
| Disciple of Bob chapter 1 . 6/21/2012
How does this not have any reviews? It's pretty awesome so far. Only read the first chapter and I have to get going soon, so this'll be short.
It's well-written and structured, but there's one major grammar thing. You keep switching between past and present tense. In a work of fiction, you should almost always stay in past tense.
That and there are few certain little logic errors. The big one I can see is this: If Ryan punches a hole in the ship above water in port, how does said ship start taking water when the hole would have to be above sea level? Little stuff like that.
I think a proofreader would do wonders for this story, and you've got quite a few colorful characters with a lot of potential.