|Reviews for Chronicles of the Darcsen Brotherhood|
| Unknown chapter 38 . 2/5
Hang on, when is this getting updated, iv waiting bleeding ages, UPDATE OR I WILL LUANCH A DARCSEN BLITKRIEG (how exactly how i do this though is beyond me)
| Empire MJH chapter 38 . 12/9/2013
Now we head to Fouzen, oh boy a lot of fighting gonna happen
Bring out the Big Guns, please update Comrade
| Unknown chapter 38 . 12/9/2013
Good story but please update i want to know wot happens nest, please
| Spinnerweb chapter 38 . 7/28/2013
Good chapter. I like how you manage to fit the canon characters with the original ones. There were some errors in grammar that if you want I can fix, but otherwise your ideas are very good and that's what matters most.
| Spinnerweb chapter 37 . 7/27/2013
A slightly short chapter, but a good one. I like how you explained Neroh wanting to give a hand in digging the graves.
This part at the end of the chapter is the only one I feel could have been better - it's not bad, but I'd like to give some constructive criticism over it:
- The parts I feel would fit better are written in parentheses in parentheses, compared to the original lines. Also, I went ahead and fixed the (small, I assure you) errors in punctuation
When she saw me, she walked to me and when she was close enough she said, "I guess I was wrong about you, not all (men) are the same. If it wasn't for you, my friend would have died from the Imperial disease. Thank you." (This time it didn't felt like as if she was trying to be arrogant. She sounded very sincere.)
"(You're welcome)," I said. [No one would say 'thank you' to a 'thank you', see?]
"But I won't be foolish; just because I trust you doesn't mean I'll trust any man. I can't simply change (overnight). If you are in any need of assistance, you can call on the Colossal Amazons."
"(I'll keep that in mind.)" [It would be weird to say thank you again.]
As we finished burying the dead, we let their comrades say goodbye and (went) on our way back to the Warhouse.
[(Were) would mean they were already on their way as they finished.]
I hope I helped; your writing has improved a great deal since you started this story. I'm glad I managed to start reading it very soon after it started. This chapter was very good as well; keep it up.
| Spinnerweb chapter 36 . 6/29/2013
This chapter was a squalid hell. I loved it. I wouldn't usually read this kind of stuff, right, because I'm not a fan of sick literature, but you wrote it really well and I didn't feel that way. There wasn't too much of an excess on 'there's blood dripping from everyone' bla bla bla. I like how you write, because it lets me imagine everything in my head, like the Darcsen slaves pulling off their hoods to reveal themselves, not reacting to pain, and what you did, about Neroh only enduring it to stay alive for his friends and family, that was brilliant. This story's going very well and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
I've also noticed that, over time while writing this story, your English has improved a lot and now it's close to perfect. I don't know if that was through writing this story or something else, but you do deserve appreciation for it.
Your story is one of my favourites - no, it's my FAVOURITE - on this site, and I'm really glad that this is one of the few multi-chapter stories I read regularly.
So, yeah, I might sound like I'm flattering you here but I'm being honest.
Just a couple ofthings, though, as constructive criticism:
1. Characters in the Valkyria Chronicles universe don't swear, see. I don't mind it much, but it makes the story a tiny little bit less believable in its setting. The closest the characters come to swearing is, 'hell' and 'damn.' They'd never say, 'bastard.'
2. 'Darcsen' is a proper noun so the D should be capital.
These are just small things though, they didn't hold the chapter down from being awesome.
| Spinnerweb chapter 35 . 6/5/2013
I think you've perfected writing battle scenes (now, if I could do that myself...). The language, the attention to detail like detecting the sniper, the death of soldiers on the good side too ... if the battle scene in this chapter was a picture, it would win an art prize. I enjoyed the whole chapter, of course, but I focused on the battle scene because I was so impressed with it. I could write a thousand words praising it. I cannot get over it. It was like one of the scenes in Saving Private Ryan. I could imagine it all like a war movie.
And to add something else, this story is better than a lot of published literature written by professional authors that I have read. Congratulations.
| Spinnerweb chapter 34 . 6/1/2013
Great chapter; the end was hilarious XD
| Spinnerweb chapter 33 . 4/20/2013
I really enjoyed the similes in this chapter - 'every bullet was like a horse kick'. That's a pretty original expression.
Keep up the good work.
| Spinnerweb chapter 31 . 2/15/2013
I'm glad I took the time out of revising for my exams to read this; it was so romantic! *wipes away tear* The 'she's all yours tiger' line made me smile as well.
Though the adjective for 'seduce' is seductive. As in, 'her eyes were seductive.' Not 'seducers.' Thought it'd help :)
| Spinnerweb chapter 30 . 1/16/2013
Good chapter, once again.
| Spinnerweb chapter 29 . 12/10/2012
I loved this chapter. It was worth the wait.
| Spinnerweb chapter 28 . 10/22/2012
This chapter was great, but just to be constructive there's actually a pretty big mistake at the end.
"No way I can't fail" means "I will definitely fail." It should really be "There is no way I can fail" or "with them by my side I can't fail."
Just trying to help :)
| Spinnerweb chapter 27 . 10/1/2012
This chapter was awesome. I'm glad the wait was worth it.
| Spinnerweb chapter 26 . 9/10/2012
This chapter was excellent; the way Neroh breaks up he fight between the Darcsen and Heaven Arms soldier and that part between Nanah and Neroh was so beautiful *sniffs*