Reviews for Wonderful mind games
anonymouse chapter 1 . 6/21/2013
Well, I certainly don't want to make you feel badly about what you wrote. Harshly worded reviews don't really help the author but helpful criticism can improve the quality of a person's writing.

Number one: writing in the first person is very difficult. There were times when the wording was a little difficult to follow. Keep working at it so you can tell the story smoothly.

Number two: try to avoid run-on sentences. There are a few places where an entire block of text is just one long train of thought.

Number three: this felt a little rushed. Just because it is yuri doesn't mean that it need to be all about the yuri. I think this story would benefit from more description so the reader can understand how the two went from fighting over a boy to a lesbian relationship. I also think you missed a plot opportunity with the room being monitored by the safe-house.

I'm sure you know to take these suggestions as one person's opinions. Keep writing. There is no other way to keep improving and I think even the greatest writer will say they want to improve.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
so good.
(Kristal)
Grey Wolf4 chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
Indeed Sousuke and Tessa may well have more in common then they might think all in all a damn good Sousuke/Tessa one shot.
DarkBluePromises17 chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
nice i have been waiting for a yuri fic for this anime and you made it a good one too thanks
Devon Ship'em chapter 1 . 2/3/2012
I have nothing good to say about this fanfic.

First of all, you've constantly misspelled Sousuke's name; it's Sousuke, not Souske. Furthermore, Sousuke does not address Kaname as "Miss Chidori", he just calls her "Chidori", adding the title is not part of Sousuke's manner of speech.

The lemon scene between Kaname and Tessa was also completely tasteless and was obviously written solely for the sake of it. It's not worth writing the first FMP yuri fanfic if you personally know nothing about the characters.