|Reviews for Vayls read One More Bite|
| 4theluvofanime chapter 1 . 8/9/2015
I adore this series but am confused by way too much here. Where is Jaz? She is Eldhayr after all and I don't think 50 years wouldn't have been much more than a drop in the pan for her. There's no explanation for why you OC is with Vayl and not Jaz. You say "jazz would be in deep trouble..." hinting that she's alive somewhere. Is that not true? Another thing I'm confused about is why you added so much of the book to this. I think you could have gotten the point of the story better with less of the original book getting in the way. Are you planning on adding to this later which would explain all these questions? Just curious.
| lolitathegoddessorca860 chapter 1 . 2/8/2015
| ChibiHako chapter 1 . 3/28/2014
Isn't this contrary to the Rules & Guidelines "Entries Not allowed: 3. MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story. " ?
Also you wrote "He put his stomach around my waist"
I think it's a pity that your fanfic is so short, but consists mostly of the actual book... :(
| Leiria chapter 1 . 2/24/2012
I totally love the Jaz Parks series, so I was totally thrilled to see that there was someone out there who had done a fanfic based on the series. I read your story and I thought that you have a great premise for a beginning, but as a one-shot it's lacking. I also noticed that you decided to quote more of the book than you put in original work, which was rather disappointing. I think you take more time on this and expand on the idea that you have here, this story could become something truly fabulous.