|Reviews for Crazy Boy|
| DBZAF chapter 1 . 12/16/2012
That was so sweet, and just love flustered arty! So cute!
| Socially Awkward Bunny chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
This made me feel warm inside. :D Flustered Arty is always just so huggable!
| hartemis fan chapter 1 . 9/22/2012
great fan fiction. i love hartemis and the band train too! I'm also canadian.
| TrinityFlower of Memories chapter 1 . 8/4/2012
Awhhh! Well written! There was a lot of dialogue and maybe some more details were needed but I really enjoyed it!
| ash1995ley chapter 1 . 7/22/2012
awh! adorable story! - I'm really curious to how Butler reacted to this, though!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/3/2012
You made him so cheeky.
I like it. D
| Snakequeen-in-Norway chapter 1 . 4/11/2012
Awwwww. It went a little fast, but it was cute.
| Israelle ParadiseIsis Hypnosis chapter 1 . 3/31/2012
aww!this was so cute !that's a direct fav! :)
| Kitsune Heart chapter 1 . 3/31/2012
Simple and light, which is nice, but a mjor formatting error here. You need to pair who says what with their actions ine on paragraph. Instead, you have someone say something, and then someone else's reactions in the same paragraph. Such as:
"You care to elaborate?" Artemis waved his hand dismissively.
"Nothing, it's just there's something on my mind..."
"Isn't there always?" Artemis allowed a smile to creep onto his frail lips.
It should instead be:
"You care to elaborate?"
Artemis waved his hand dismissively. "Nothing, it's just there's something on my mind..."
"Isn't there always?"
Artemis allowed a smile to creep onto his frail lips.
It is far easier to follow this way.
| Sophia Scorpia chapter 1 . 2/18/2012
a fun and fluffy read though you could use some help in the grammar department... )
| TheOtherUsernamesWereTaken chapter 1 . 2/11/2012
OHMYGOSHHHHH, I've been dying to read this for like a week x.x but of course -.-" something had to go wrong and the wifi at my house crashed. That was the best story ever! It was so cute, and and.. They kissed :D awwhhh! And it had a father-son moment, those are always interesting. And Butler's liked women? Wow, I'm personally very shocked. I LOVE IT! :D
| wrr0rzxpurrt chapter 1 . 2/9/2012
Awkward. Cute. Nice.
Grammar isn't perfect. That's okay
Seriously awesome for your second shot at this. I promise you
Kinda OOC. Artemis is too... nice, I guess. Maybe my image of him just isn't so good. I don't know. He seems too accpeting and whatnot. I think he'd deny his feelings for a while.
| Ru-Doragon chapter 1 . 2/6/2012
-skips straight to the end and smiles happily, seeing that Holly kisses him- Okay. I'll read this. -hums happily and goes back to start at the beginning- Well, I'll be honest. It was not that well written until the last -does a guestimite measure- third of it. Before that, people weren't behaving like themselves (Artemis still wasn't near the end and Holly was...well, I can accept her behavior just b/c) and the way you had paragraphs set up was totally wrong. Example:
"Oh yes, you've caught me," he said sarcastically. "And I happen to have a thing for hospital jello and needles being injected to be at multiple periods throughout the day, so really, it's just one happy coincident." Holly tapped her head.
"See, me smart." Artemis smiled. (LOVE this line by the way.)
"Yep." Holly walked over and propped herself up on the edge of the bed.
"I got you a present, crazy boy." Artemis sat up straighter in his bed.
"Well, I suppose crazy boy's better than Mud boy-"
This SHOULD be set up like THIS:
"Oh yes, you've caught me," he said sarcastically. "And I happen to have a thing for hospital jello and needles being injected to be at multiple periods throughout the day, so really, it's just one happy coincident."
Holly tapped her head. "See, me smart."
Artemis smiled. "Yep."
Holly walked over and propped herself up on the edge of the bed. "I got you a present, crazy boy."
Artemis sat up straighter in his bed. "Well, I suppose crazy boy's better than Mud boy-"
See the difference? Also, coincidence. Not coincident. Butler isn't stupid, he knows Artemis is in love w/ Holly, or at least has SOME kind of feelings for her. Artemis wouldn't be kept in isolation for months b/c that is HORRIBLE for your mental health. Seriously, it is. Read The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. You'll see what I mean. -shudders- Reminds me sort of Angeline now that I think about it...ANYWAY! The twins wouldn't have been left out in the waiting room that whole time, they would have come in w/ their parents to spend time w/ Artemis. And as much as Butler would refuse to leave, Holly would refuse just as much to be kept from Artemis for months on end. ESPICALLY when he's sick. Stuttering, not something Artemis does. Honestly...I think the reason I like this is b/c it DOES have a bit of humor in it, but mostly just b/c they get together. -shrugs- Sorry. But that's the honest truth. It's just...not a very well written plot? I don't know. They got together. I'm happy. -yawns- It's 1:56am and I'm TIRED. So. I'm going to TRY and go to bed now. Laters.
| Wrothmonk chapter 1 . 2/4/2012
well that was certainly nice. need to brush up on spelling and perhaps grammar a bit but not much honestly.
"Did you just *through* that magazine at me?"
Artemis rolled his *mix-matched* eyes.
I believe you meant mis-matched
| HollyArty foeva chapter 1 . 2/4/2012
I loved the plot and description of the emotions! But "crazy boy" seems a bit under Holly, don't you think? I think that if she somehow changed her mind about the Atlantis Complex being funny that she would call him something more like: "phyco", "maniac", or maybe-just to get under his skin-:"Orion" i REALLY liked it though! I think I'm first review…*blushes happily*