|Reviews for Neville and the Mirror of Erised|
| hufflepuffwriter chapter 1 . 2/13/2012
i loved this, it was cute! :)
| whywolfcity chapter 1 . 2/12/2012
This story is simply fantastic. I especially loved the way you captured all the action, and Neville's interaction with his parents. Well, his "parents". I love this story, and your magnificent writing style.
Ten points to Gryffindor. Or whichever house you prefer.
| the music our collisions make chapter 1 . 2/8/2012
I absolutely loved this! I especially love the way you set the scene starting with running from the Carrows. I could sense the panic he felt when he thought someone was in the Room of Requirement with him. And the way you described how he felt when he saw his parents in the mirror was heartbreakingly beautiful. This was lovely to read. Thanks for submitting this.
| Moonlit Lightning chapter 1 . 2/4/2012
This might be, without exaggeration, my favorite story with Neville as the central character that I've ever read. The narration and the dialogue that you wrote for Neville were very true to his depiction in the books, which I applaud you for. Additionally, your descriptions were fantastic, particularly in the department of metaphors and similes; Neville's throat feeling like it "had been cheese-grated continuously" was great, and I actually laughed aloud at the comparison "as angry as a teenaged Mandrake". Neville's realization that the people in the mirror were fake was probably my favorite part of the story; it was both heartbreaking and impressive. Overall, you did a great job as a storyteller.
As a side note, I'm now *really* curious about why Seamus hallucinates.
However, there are a few things you should work on. Make sure to proofread, particularly for tenses (bore a resemblance, not bared) and the difference between its and it's. "It's" is the contraction "it is", so it doesn't indicate possession. Also, remember that when dialogue segues into a sentence end, you should use a comma before the endquote (for example: "I love you so much," he whispered.) Other than those minor criticisms, though, you did a great job.
On that note, I’d like to refer you to a creative roleplaying site called Rocky Mountain International (www. rmimagic .com, but without the spaces). You get to create your own character attending a magical school like Hogwarts and write with other authors- it seems to me like you'd fit right in there. It's a great place to use your great descriptive and storytelling skills, work on things like mechanics, and have a lot of fun in the HP sort-of-universe too. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me!