|Reviews for Guilty Crown: Sins of an Emperor|
| DukeScarlet chapter 3 . 3/29/2013
Once again, I'm disappointed to see you're sticking very very close to the original scenario. And as someone else said before in another review, you're describing events that any person watching the show should know without changing them whatsoever. Which means useless blocks of text. Describe changes from Shu's POV and don't use the omniscient narrator POV to describe unchanged events.
| DukeScarlet chapter 2 . 3/28/2013
"the pilot of the Endlave from the previous chapter". Whoah there, that's obviously breaking the fourth wall :) ... and you do it once more with "Back to where Shu was in the previous chapter".
Well, that being said, everything else is still following the show for now, but I guess with over 100k words it'll soon divert from the original storyline, at least I hope so. Since you decided to start over form the very beginning I was expecting him to join the undertakers form the beginning or something. You proved me wrong.
Let's see what happens next then shall we ? I'll review the next chapter tomorrow once I get to reading it.
| DukeScarlet chapter 1 . 3/28/2013
"Thanks for reading and for bearing my horrible writing. ". Well, your writing isn't horrible at all, one thing though, when you describe how the camera moves, it's a bit disconcerting. Try describing scene changes in another way.
Also, near the end, you wrote "POV : Shin" instead of Shu.
So far, chapter 1 is pretty much the same as in the anime, but I really like the fact that he looks a lot less like a weakling in your fic than in the show.
| Arcane Alchemist chapter 2 . 3/27/2013
A bit better, you are obviously trying to make Shu a bit different, but for it to be mostly internal right now and not affect the story to much. Hopefully his changes will start to show a bit more soon. Obviously from the pairing and his internal monolog, there will be some more focus on Ayase, which will be good to see (that girl deserves it). My biggest problem so far is you are pretty much putting whole episodes in text, this being mostly unnecessary. At this point the important thing is showing Shu’s differences, and that only needs his P.O.V. Everything that hasten changed, readers probably already know and don’t need to be told again. Stuff like Inori’s time in the “interrogation van” last chapter or Tsugumi in the virtual interface in this one. Unchanged pieces of the story that Shu doesn’t know about or interesting but ultimately unimportant visuals don’t really need to be put down in words. They just eat up words and effort without really adding anything. I hope this continues to lessen in future chapters as Shu’s changes shape the story more and more.
| Arcane Alchemist chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
That was a… disappointingly familiar chapter. You pretty much just copied the first episode while making Shu just the slightest bit less wimpy. I’m going to keep reading, but just coping the actual episodes is a terrible way to right a story. I hope this is the exception that proves the rule as far as your story goes.
| Seta chapter 18 . 3/12/2013
Awesome story so far! I started reading this just after I finished the anime. I like how you've changed Shu a little bit from how he was in the anime. And near the end of the anime I liked the idea of Shu and Ayase getting together. You've really brought out this AU of Guilty Crown well. Looking forward to your conclusion!
| Darkhelios chapter 18 . 1/30/2013
I'm from France so I'm not used with writing a comment in English so I will try to be as simple as possible. And please... excuse me if I make some mistakes.
I read this fiction and I liked it for many reason.
The first one is simple : It's not too difficult to read.
The second reason is that you prefered to center your story around Shu and Ayase in order to do a "new version" of Guilty Crown. For me, I think that version is more interesting than the original one.
You prefered to use Ayase as a principal character instead of Inori. For me, Inori is a... worthless character (I don't like doll-like character or emotionless character...). And you also modified some events (for example : you make Shu use Haru's Void in order to heal Ayase's legs).
So... thank for this fiction.
I hope that you will post the final chapter soon so that I can read it (I'm impatient to see how you will make it end).
P.S : I'm sorry : I wanted to write this message sooner but I couldn't... too many homework to do.
| Exalted Demi-Soul chapter 18 . 1/19/2013
Shu has awakened to the true form of YOUTH! Yosh, Lee let us run around the village 300 times and if we shall fail to match his youthfulness, we shall do 600 laps on our hands..."
[Scene fades out and reveals a beach during sunset as a wave crashes behind them.]
| Exalted Demi-Soul chapter 17 . 12/15/2012
I liked the ending there. I like the additional touches that were made at the beginning of the story and built upon to this point. Because of his determination to be a new self and not like persona Gai created based on the childhood version of Shu.
Wish there were more chapters.
| kaazmiz chapter 17 . 11/21/2012
I like please do more
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
Me...I'm alittle confused by your writing style since I haven't really read something formatted like this before...not sure if its a script, a brief overlay for a movie or what...so my critic would be to try and really focus on the point of view (whose telling the story? An omnipotent god who watches events unfold? A person who was there and who knew the characters? A journal/ Log detailing the events of the characters? Or a person telling their story?) and make it clear to the reader.
Also if the story is being told in 3rd person try not to "tell" the reader what is happening but "show" them by painting a picture using words which string them along deeper and deeper until they hit the plot.
For example you said: "As the scene comes into view, a huge city is seen. It was simply a basic modern city, only with a light house in the middle of it shining its light across in a circular movement."
I would have liked: " The city spanned for miles on end and its buildings towered high above the earth. Lights shone brightly from windows as if multi-colored stars trapped inside a glass prison. In the center a tall building ascended into the skies casting it's piercing purple light around the city.."
Or something to that affect. Try to give us more detail, and more "hints" rather than "this is...(insert thing here)"
| Tiduku chapter 17 . 11/7/2012
Please update soon! I love this story and wish that it was the original.
| Uzumaki Gen chapter 17 . 10/25/2012
Interesting chapter, can't figure out what's going on in Arisa's mind. More importantly, will Gai manage to cut Shu's right arm? Or will Shu fight him to a standstill? Can't wait for the last chapters! How many are left? two or three?
| Horaiken chapter 17 . 10/18/2012
Well This is the first time I've reviewed this fic I think but I would like to say that I do like your protrayal of Shu alot better than his wimpy beta original version. He's not super alpha or anything which is good too. I will say that I hate Arisa/Alisa much more in your fic than in the anime since she has pretty much no reason so have betrayed Shu in this compared to the anime where she was pretty much left alone by him. I do kinda hope that you give her reason for this betrayal 'cause I really want her dead now, much more so than when it happened in the anime .
| BladePhoenix41 chapter 15 . 10/7/2012