Reviews for Dusk to Daybreak
sophia666 chapter 12 . 3/29/2013
Really love this story :) I love Lianne, how all the different facets of her are being developed, and that she's getting to see what she's capable of and who she is. It doesn't surprise me that Lianne would be so determined to help Vania, although I wouldn't have thought Jon and Thayet would allow a dictator to demand one of their children. I love the relationship between Lerant and Lianne, how they support each other and how they refuse to give up on the other. Great writing!
MageNellofGalla chapter 10 . 6/21/2012
GAH! Despite your reassuring words, I'm worried. Very worried. For Lerant. Aaah! Where has he gone! And I can't wait to see what they'll do. You portray feelings very well, have I told you that before? Well, you do. And it's always wonderful.

And I like your last line- simple and blunt, just how I thought it should be. :D

By the time she said, "What's going on?" my face and the computer screen were inches apart and I didn't sit back down until the A/N (where I sighed and growled at the cliff hanger)

No, I don't see any grammatical or spelling errors. :D Keep it up!

Warmest regards,

Nell
Miss Saigon chapter 9 . 5/31/2012
Lianne should probably listen to her inner voice..
MageNellofGalla chapter 9 . 5/31/2012
Oh, the angst! Once again, perfect characterization. I love Vania because I can totally relate to her. The youngest, no responsibility until the elder leaves and it's all on my shoulders. :'( Poor girl. Poor everyone, really.

I'm curious to see what Lianne really /plans/ to do. It isn't like she can go in and assassinate zhir Anduo. I swear they're family (right? Like cousins? Because of Thayet?) and she's not a cold blooded killer. But perhaps protecting your family will drive you to such distances. Gah! I can't wait.

Warmest regards,

Nell

P.S. Er- in the author's note, you sort of cut off your sentence. The more people reading, the... But I get it. 'The faster I'll update' right? hehee
MageNellofGalla chapter 8 . 5/29/2012
-Gasps loudly!- Mithros, Mynoss and Shakith! Lianne! You must think ahead! Don't just headbutt into it without a plan. But of course, she won't do that, will she? She's Lianne. Oooh. I can't wait for the next chapter. I won't review anymore (for tonight, because this /is/ the last chapter and I don't really have a choice)

And I wonder (if she misses them so much), why doesn't she pop in through the fire? Or just stalk them with her gift. But then again, if she does that then maybe she'll make up her mind to go back... and that's not a good path for the plot to go.

Well, I'm sleepy so... G'night! :D
MageNellofGalla chapter 6 . 5/29/2012
Hmph. This is the sixth chapter, right? I checked it several times. Is it supposed to be exactly like chapter 5? This is a bit odd. So I will now skip onto chapter 7. No, wait! I'll go check if the chapter is different on Glake. :)
MageNellofGalla chapter 5 . 5/29/2012
Squeee! They're going! Really going! I've decided that I love your writing style with the many parentheses and grammar rule-breaking. It's so much like poetry. Well, I'm not an expert like poetry but... in my book, this is like poetry! Haha. Don't blame me for rambling, please. It's late at night but I truly /must!/ finish this.

Warmest Regards,

Nell
MageNellofGalla chapter 3 . 5/29/2012
Oooh! Well, I've finally gotten into a comfy spot and started reading Dusk to Daybreak and it's absolutely wondersome! I really wanted to write a fic about Lerant 'rising from the ashes' but I decided not to. I'm SOOO glad that you did! It's so well written! You've characterized all of them perfectly (in my opinion) and although I'm not finished it yet, well, I will -and soon. :D

Warmest Regards,

Nell
Miss Saigon chapter 8 . 4/25/2012
This was great! I don't blame Lianne for not wanting to go back now... she definitely couldn't take Lerant back, who knows what they'd do to him, poor boy.

I put up that story I was talking about, it's called Opals and Fire if you want to check it out ;)

PS. Is there a way to see how many people have favourited/alerted your story? I know there used to be but I haven't used this site in ages and I can't figure out where it's gone to.
Miss Saigon chapter 7 . 4/17/2012
I am enjoying this! I hate you a little bit because you're making me want to post the story I'm working on about Rikash, and Kalasin's daughter. Pretty similar situation.

*add to favourites*
Eaglefire chapter 6 . 3/31/2012
Hmmm... I just read through. There's a lot of good stuff in here. I like the pairing, and there's something to be said for your portrayal of Lianne's inner turmoil. You are very perceptive, and you pull out the ironies of their situations and the angst well without making it seem like the two of them are complaining all the time, which is good.

You mentioned being concerned about cliched bits... I think something that might help with that would be more fleshing-out of these earlier chapters- your writing style changed in this last chapter. Your voice before was much more present, stream-of-conciousness-esque. In the traveling parts, it's almost the opposite- rather than touching upon particular moments/thoughts, you are summarizing physical location and movement.

I would encourage you to go back through earlier chapters and add to them- since Lianne is such a prudent person, I believe you would have to work her up to the point of running away. I think first she would have contemplated it and considered it a fool's move. Then, little by little, the reasons to run would pile up- she would think of a way she could actually in fact do it. She would have a solid outlined plan of exactly how... just in case. Then, she would be driven- not only by feelings for Lerant, but more so because she doesn't want her future decided for her- to running- while you do have that moment when her parents talk to her, it doesn't resound- at least, to me, it didn't, which can be a drawback for stream-of-conciousness, flowing, almost 'soft' writing. Against the rest of your prose this would have to be a jarring, sharp moment.

I also think you had a little less attention to detail from the ball when Lianne and Lerant dance together onwards- I don't think Lerant would just up and leave, even if he was crazy about her, although that scene where she acknowledges the family was BEAUTIFUL- that was perfect in character and situation, considering how court intrigue works and Lianne's obvious experience in these matters- to be honest, dancing with him seems more of a calculated slap to everyone else there than the running away, which ends up seeming more like a fun afterthought. I personally would enjoy reading more about the court after their dance together. I would want to see the two of them interact more and more at the palace still, see different reactions, before there was something as dramatic as them kissing or running away together.
Jocat chapter 3 . 2/22/2012
I like the free verse style. I have never tried writing that way. Looking forward to more.
annabelle D chapter 1 . 2/19/2012
This is awesome! I how you wrote it without capitals or anything, kind of like a free verse poem. :)
Jocat chapter 2 . 2/14/2012
Liked it! Please write more.
soweroftales chapter 2 . 2/14/2012
You've got me interested - an unusual pairing. As for the no capitals thing, not quite sure what you are going for there. If you really want to keep it that way though, I’d recommend putting your note at the start of your first chapter; this is the internet and capitals make text easier to read from a computer screen. Also, you tend to lose readers pretty quickly if they think you’re just being lazy, so give them the reason up front. Hope you write more :)