|Reviews for The Definition of Family|
| Woman of Letters chapter 19 . 5/29
Supernatural Fanfiction Monthly Awards Review (May 2016):
For s mid-series story, this stands on its own fairly well. You start with Dean in the difficult position of having shut out the girl he cares for, knowing that he's destined for Hell and wanting to spare her from his "crap," as he puts it. I had not read either of the two previous stories in this series, but I thought you did a good job of introducing Lizzy and bringing her in, and the impetus for her reconnecting with Dean and Sam - losing Lou- was a great way to bring her back in.
You did your job well in terms of getting the reader familiar enough with Lizxy and Lou as characters and in showing just enough of their past with the brothers that I really did feel like I knew them. I was pretty sorry about what happened to Lou, though it made sense in the plot. Kudos on not shying away from difficult decisions with the characters. Poor Sam!
The themes you use here, the way you explore love and trust, through Dean's relationship with Lizzy vs. Sam's with Lou, and the comparison between the girls' sisterhood and the brothers make this more than your run-of-the-mill Supernatural romance. Dean's immediate reaction, to freeze Lizzy out, was the logical Dean response, and you portrayed her pain at his actions very well. The change in their relationship between the first chapter and the last was so vast. It made some sense that it would happen with the intensity of the situation with Lou followed by the intense search for a way out of Dean's deal. It would have been nice to see that develop more gradually, over time, rather than be told at the end of their daily phone calls, but that's a small quibble. The story flow was fairly steady and satisfying.
The only criticism I have is that the use of present tense in the story at times jerked me out of it. Present tense is not so easy to write, especially when the narrator goes back to past tense. The shifts in tense were bumpy at times. I also found words missing in the text, which might also be the fault of fanfiction dot net's software glitching. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one.
Nice dream there and a great foreshadowing of season 4.
I really enjoyed this story, despite the occasional bumps in tense and formatting. It's a pleasure to have met Lizzy and Lou, and I look forward to catching more of their adventures.
Woman of Letters
| Cimamango chapter 19 . 5/24
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards: May 2016
This story was exciting and original & there were some really good ideas in there. I thought that Sam and Dean were recognisable and in character throughout. On occasion, the story seemed to leap around a bit & now and again it was a little implausible (for example, Dean's behaviour, while consistent with his usual demeanour towards monsters, didn't seem to adapt to a situation where he knew the person well). Overall, I did enjoy reading this- thanks very much for writing.
| SPNReadingManiac chapter 19 . 5/22
Supernatural Fan Fiction Monthly Awards Review May 2016
Given that this is a continuation of an existing series, there was a surprising amount of repetition over details to the point the narrative was stalled through going over the same information. Careful editing can alleviate problems like this, giving a tighter story and an easier read. Often when there is a lot of unedited repetition, readers will begin skip forward, a result no writer really wants.
In the same vein, with bringing new readers up to date with events detailed in previous portions of an ongoing series, it is more helpful to allow the characters to recall key events during the thought processes of what is happening right now, rather than use exposition to tell the reader what the characters have been through and are feeling. Exposition is best kept to a minimum, to bridge time period or scenes that are not necessary to character development and are used as an aid for forward the plot only. An over-use of exposition, particularly in relation to characters, can drag the pace of a story to a halt and encourage readers to skip ahead.
Point of view changes must be handled carefully, to ensure that readers know exactly whose point of view is being shown. Unconsidered POV changes between characters can make it needlessly difficult to determine who was feeling what and much of the emotions described seemed over-the-top melodramatic, told to the reader instead of shown through the character's view. Changes of tense are also distracting to the reader. When a character is recalling something, in the distant-past tense, it is easier for the reader to follow their thoughts if those memories are shown, as in the scene replays for the character, rather than delivered as exposition. We rarely remember things in a dry summary, but more usually as snippets of moments as they happened to us.
Careful consideration of a thesaurus' use should be every writer's goal. Synonyms do not all have the same meaning and cannot be used interchangeably. For example, ire and anger are not the same. Ire is a type of anger, but usually more subdued, a more sour and passive form of anger. Correct use of punctuation aids the reader in discerning precisely what the writer is expressing. The lack of punctuation can often change the meaning of a sentence, or render it meaningless, requiring the reader to concentrate harder on working out what the writer is trying to say instead of being drawn fully into the story. That constant disruption in reading is offputting.
Detail and description are plentiful, helping to visualise the scenes when they are direct. Dialogue was mostly natural but not consistently characteristic. It was difficult to see or imagine the characters behaving or reacting in the way shown, and the OFC's adherence to anger instead of dealing with situations as an adult seemed theatrical and robbed the scenes of the potential tension inherent in two characters at cross-purposes. It was difficult to see any character growth in the characters throughout the story, despite all they went through.
| CassiWinchester chapter 26 . 3/11
I am literally addicted to your stories right now, as soon as I start one I just favorite and follow because I know how damm good it's going to be! Well, onto the next one!
| Love.Fiction.2016 chapter 26 . 10/14/2015
| Love.Fiction.2016 chapter 25 . 10/12/2015
| Love.Fiction.2016 chapter 18 . 10/12/2015
| GuestLiz chapter 26 . 5/10/2015
Woah! I honestly didnt see any of this coming... This fic had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. Even when i knew the ultimate outcome. Still cant help but feel that thread of hope tho as i read on. Poor Lizzy. She has experienced so much lose, i wonder how she will come out of it all. She is indeed strong but all of the emotional turmoil. Im looking forward to seeing more of a bond forged between Sam and Lizzy. Nothing like what him and Lou had but maybe a sibling vibe going. So much potential! Anyway i loved this fic even if it was a bit darker then the other two and made me wanna ball my eyes out lol you are an amazing writer :) onto the next fic.
| Mary Mab chapter 19 . 1/12/2015
It never seems right how Sam and Dean always survive but everyone else...
| Mary Mab chapter 10 . 1/9/2015
SHIT... ;p ;) ;p
| Mary Mab chapter 6 . 1/8/2015
Is it wrong for me to hope that lizzy overheard them?... ;p ;) ;p
| Mary Mab chapter 5 . 1/8/2015
At first I wasn't sure about these stories but I can't seem to put them down and I totally forgot to review... Sorry but I got to go work... ;p ;) ;p
| SPNFangirl1965 chapter 26 . 9/9/2014
It takes a lot for a story to make me cry or make me hold my breath until my chest hurts. This is one such story. You're a terrific writer. I'm so glad I "discovered" you this week. Have to keep going now. :)
| DanielleMJSH chapter 26 . 8/18/2014
Just finished this story and im a crying mess! On to the next!
| DanielleMJSH chapter 24 . 8/18/2014
Im loving the story! Also im watching changing channels and Gabriel just called Dean hot shot too funny!