|Reviews for Moonlight on Steel|
| Willgm chapter 4 . 10/11/2015
That was a nice little short story, one that gave a character I never gave a second thought over (Miyuki- as I've only seen Nanoha) and a character who REALLY DESERVES MORE SCREEN TIME (Satsuki if you couldn't guess) just that and made me enjoy it the whole way.
All and all good job :)
P.s. seems 'the stairs' really did follow you home Miyuki-chan!
| Racke chapter 4 . 2/28/2015
For being only casually invested in both of the series, this is still a very interesting read. The fact that it includes quite a bit of 'feel good'-vibes certainly doesn't hurt.
Pleasant, emotional, a brief Day in the Limelight for two people who could help each other, and with all of the Takamichi family's weird combination of badassery and adoption of strays. I really liked this one.
| Rising Dragon chapter 4 . 4/29/2013
How had I missed this all this time? Sacchin limelight? Yes please! Shame it's already over, I would've liked to read some more.
| MangamanZX chapter 4 . 4/23/2013
Fast paced, suspenseful, intriguing, and funny, I love this story
| Mingyu chapter 4 . 4/9/2013
Nice story! Although now I really need to watch Triangle Hearts...I've only seen Nanoha.
I usually like longer stories, but this one is written pretty well and gives Satsuki some good screen time. It would be interesting to see a meeting between Nanoha and Ciel (or at least more of Ciel, probably my favorite character in Tsukihime), but that was probably the best place to end the fic after all.
I don't think there's much of anything to criticize. Your sequencing and dialog are clear, and I liked your characterization. Thanks for the read!
| bobbo chapter 4 . 12/28/2012
Good thing Satsuki isn't a dead apostle :) wonder why Ciel is attacking her then...oh well, you wouldn't have a story otherwise. In any case, it's nice to see a high quality short story that stands on it's own. All I seem to find are novels and one-shots recently. The only nitpick I have is that in the final scene, Ciel seems too...saccharine when she's talking to Miyuki. Ciel is usually either dead serious or optimistically casual (in the manga at least). What you have is more triangle hearts OVA Nanoha.
| jgkitarel chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
I see you're pulling from Triangle Hearts with Miyuki's familiarity with vampires here.
| Blinded in a bolthole chapter 4 . 3/31/2012
It was a great story. And I absolutely liked it. A pity the rest of the BAA (Back Ally Alliance) did not make an appiarance though.
And of course Ciel-Sempai strikes again!
| DezoPenguin chapter 4 . 3/19/2012
And the stray cat came back! Actually, I liked this resolution to the fight rather well: there was no rational way for Miyuki and Satsuki (as she is) to actually defeat Ciel in a fight; on the other hand, Ciel isn't actually a villain so that she shouldn't need to be fighting until corpses litter the floor.
(When Ciel mentioned that her bosses wouldn't be happy with her, I could only imagine how they would think if she told them about the TSAB-which, of course, she doesn't know about yet, but even so the thought was funny.)
Miyuki's afraid of flying? Is that actually the case in Triangle Hearts 3, or just something you tossed in here for the cuteness factor?
The arrival at the Takamachi home was full of giant fluffy balls of heartwarming. I can't help but feel happy for Satsuki!
Nanoha's exchange with Miyuki seemed a little OOC for her-not the sentiments expressed, but the wry subtlety behind them (whereas Nanoha would just have put things directly and openly, particularly her 10-year-old self). I can only assume that it was an irresistible temptation to set up the great line, "So, when did you become me, Onee-chan?" (which is more of a Hayate or Lindy line, but neither of them would have had any reason to ask it in the first place!). The latter part ("Did you find what you were looking for?") is much more Nanoha-like.
What's rather hilarious is, of course, the stairs *did* follow her home! (In fact, I can see Miyuki introducing them that way: "Ciel-san, this is my little sister Nanoha; Nanoha, this is the stairs.") Ciel's frustration at running into Ninja Mind Shield techniques was hilarious...but Miyuki has a great excuse for getting some revenge on Ciel for the arm simply by...inviting her to a neighborhood party with the Takamachis, Harlaowns, Yagamis, and heck, the Tsukimuras as well, and watch sempai's mind blow.
...Actually, Ciel and Chrono would probably get along very well. They could talk shop, since they've basically got the same job and are Surrounded By Innocent-Minded Goofballs. _
| JBebe chapter 4 . 3/19/2012
"Stairs didn't follow me home"-Ha! Too bad for Miyuki. This was just a lovely little story, and I very much enjoyed reading it even without any prior knowledge of Tsukihime. Definitely would not mind any sort of sequel.
| yuiseppe chapter 4 . 3/19/2012
Heya! This little fic was a lot of fun to read - I was howling at the line about 'stairs didn't follow me home' :D Nanoha really does seem quite wise for her age! ...or any age, for that matter lol.
Good job :3 Look forward to reading more from you!
| Takeshi Yamato chapter 4 . 3/19/2012
Can we see a sequel? Perhaps one where Nanoha comes across Arcueid? Or Satsuki joining the TSAB?
Or even one where Nanoha, finally learning the full story of what happened, finds Ciel and proceeds to deliver retribution in the form of Massive Quantities of Beam Spam?
Whatever you do for a sequel, I'd really like to see it. :)
Azure Knight of the Raging Tempest
| Chojomeka chapter 4 . 3/18/2012
Beam-chan? I so want to see a follow-up where Ciel meets Nanoha and freaks out at her.
| Belthasar chapter 4 . 3/18/2012
I liked the addition you made to this chapter, thanks for posting it here.
| DezoPenguin chapter 3 . 2/22/2012
You. Shall. Not. Pass!
It is very rare that a character gets to have a truly awesome moment while getting her ass thoroughly kicked by someone who is completely out of her league. Congratulations, Miyuki, you've made the list! Too bad her doing so was so gut-wrenchingly painful; you made it possible to feel every blow, every injury, making it feel brutally savage...and yet Ciel was actually, quite explicitly *holding back* against someone who is, at best, a *slightly* enhanced human. Here's hoping the cavalry (whether it's Satsuki or otherwise) gets here in time or else you might have to do the ol' last-minute genre switcheroo from Hurt/Comfort/Friendship to Angst/Tragedy!
In regard to your Author's Notes points, I'll take them in reverse order:
2. I really had no problems with Satsuki running. Before becoming a vampire she was a complete noncombatant (consider: the heroic rescue that made her see Shiki as her knight in shining armor was getting her out of a locked gym-equipment shed. Her Ultimate Nemesis was a PADLOCK! This is not the stuff of which people who stand fast in the face of Church assassins is made of.), and she has zero experience at using her vampiric powers as well (Miyuki being her first attempted victim). In a "fair fight," Miyuki could easily take her one-on-one simply because Satsuki would be pure speed and strength without even a vague idea of how to fight. Coming back would be the kind of dumb move that, if it happens halfway through the story to supporting characters, gets both her AND Miyuki killed so the villain can show off how evil she is. Which is probably not going to stop her from coming back, but hey, as I said, she's not trained and she's under massive emotional strain; dumb moves out of emotion are in character for her.
1. I actually had a lot of trouble with this at first, and only because you mentioned it in the author's note did I stop and think and reread, thinking about the situation from Miyuki's POV: a super-powered assassin comes crashing into the room by surprise and launches a lethal attack at the person that Miyuki is protecting. *Miyuki* doesn't know anything about Ciel's backstory or the fact that she's nominally a good guy or any of that; she just sees a crazy killer attempting to murder someone whom Miyuki has just invited to move in with her family. That certainly mandates a lethal attack, particularly if Miyuki's combat awareness, chi senses, etc., are telling her she's up against someone with the training, magical power, and killing instinct of, say, Signum. The only flaw is that Miyuki got to see the scene between Satsuki and Ciel first, which made it plain that the two knew each other and that quite possibly Something Else was going on, something that demanded a certain delay to figure out what was happening before she started trying to kill people. That's a bit of a red flag.
Here's hoping that the rewrites and extensive editing don't delay the final too much, considering how you're leaving us on the edge of our seats after this one!