|Reviews for One Request|
| Afrieal chapter 1 . 12/5/2012
Great fic thank you for sharing. it was made doubly sad for me as my playlist decided to play Tu tu piccolo iddio from Madam Butterfly while reading it. both the piece and your fic are about saying goodbye and it made me sad and happy at the same time. again thank you for shairng this
| Seb.XCielForever chapter 1 . 7/22/2012
Plz write another story like this one! Plz! Chuz a great author! Plz!
| lvmehtme chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
sniffle ok, yeh im actually crying. that's really sad. i really like your formatting, it makes it easier to read. sniff
| MadnessAndCoffee chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
I didn't care for the beginning or the yaoi
I seriously started bawling after that.
I can't stop reading it.
| ShannySkyGem chapter 1 . 2/9/2012
First of all, I'd like to say this story sounds (near enough) like 'Cantante', a one-shot I read by GoodbyeMyHeart.
After checking the other reviews, my thoughts were correct.
I need to agree with Li, the first reviewer, that you need to revise your writing. Other that, it wasn't too bad, you just need to make it sound more your 'own' than what 'Cantante' sounds like.
Also, the story lacks a lot of detail, so I suggest you look over it, add some more description, correct the grammer, etc.
Please don't take this as a flame. I really only wanted to review to help you out.
| Zephyrius chapter 1 . 2/9/2012
Well, I second what Li said. I think that while there's definitely room for improvement, the fic isn't too bad for a first try
However, as was pointed out, not only was the ending somewhat similar to the one in "Cantante", the summary of your fic also mirrors Cantante's summary. So, yeah...
| Li the Twilight Knight chapter 1 . 2/8/2012
All right... It was a good effort, but there are definitely things that can be improved here.
First and foremost is formatting. Each sentence doesn't need to be on its own line. It can get confusing, especially where dialogue is concerned.
Secondly is the minimalistic description. You've got basic dialogue and actions down, but there is very little to make the characters stand out. No real feeling seems to exist behind the actions. It could be a script, with how bare-bones it is, where any names could replace Sebastian and Ciel's. And unfortunately for your lemon, it has descended into the realm of IKEA erotica. It's like instructions, almost. Very to the point, and again, very little feeling. Just writing, "They climaxed" doesn't really set the tone of what's happening. You could say, "They blinked" and it would have the same impact.
Thirdly, revision! Check your spelling and punctuation, and watch for blatant sentence fragments. You've got a few, like, "A bloody tear and a clean tear slipped." Slipped where? Why?
Lastly, the ending of your story looks very much like the end of a oneshot called "Cantante" by GoodbyeMyHeart, an author I respect very much. I don't know if you've ever read it, but just watch your wording and stuff.
I don't intend this to be mean. You don't have to listen to a word I say if you don't want to. I just wanted to offer some critique.