|Reviews for The Lion in the Sky|
| Stelra Etnae chapter 12 . 5/10/2012
Wow, this story is really good. It's sad that the twins died, but I'm glad that it worked out for the others in the end.
| Sir Frederik chapter 12 . 5/8/2012
I want to cry a little bit. I was still hoping that both twins would be saved, but the ending was awesome anyway. Great job with the story. I was really cool.
| Asarikou-chan chapter 12 . 5/8/2012
So it ended...This is pretty sad to see a story's end. Not a sad end to be truthful. Bittersweet end. The scene when the wolf and lion appeared was very sweet and obviously a nice way to wrap the story up. I can't believe that they had...burned Kouji but still, it wasn't sth that weird from what might happen to him. I guess it is a bit open end regarding the emotions. The rest of the gang, the while world which I wonder if they had even felt what was going on. I mean all these sacrifices shouldn't go unnoticed by humans...or else they deserve what the vulture wanted to do to them. The twins' father. Waaaah, He had regained his two sons and now lost them forever.
Once the title was clear, I was shocked. It was so thoughtful and appropriate"The lion smiled too, but it was a smile purely for them. And if they looked closely, they would have seen the shadow of a wolf's smirk on the face turning further west." That was a very sweet line.
Oh well, how many times you saved them. Umm in Brother, hear me cry, I don't believe that they are still alive and in Knowledge without Force and ummm I don't know but some other fics here and there but you rarely leave them without permanent wounds emotionally or physically and sometimes both.
Anyway, thumps up with this fic! Hehe, I know how annoying ideas can be sometimes...
| Starfire201 chapter 12 . 5/8/2012
Kouji and Kouichi do seem to be your favorites to torture, no doubt about it.
Hell of a story, the way.
| Sir Frederik chapter 11 . 5/4/2012
Woo, the last two chapters were intense. Awesome, but intense. So, around next Tuesday the conclusion will be updated? Looking forward to it!
| Asarikou-chan chapter 11 . 5/1/2012
Kinda strange for a title. The phoenix symbol is far from the vulture's appearance here unless you didn't mean the vulture by this"rebirth"He wasn't dead to begin with.
No one can blame them for giving up after all what happened. Poor kids...They are much more courageous that adults to fight after all this. When I read the story in the beginning I didn't think about Kouji's death as a possibility. I can't believe it till now. KOUJI IS DEAD? I think I started believing it now. And Kouichi, he proved that he has a heart even if he wasn't born with it. If Kouji was killed a while ago, it would be understandable that he turned into that vulture but after knowing him, having a reason to live. I am sure he wouldn't allow himself to give up this easily to the vulture's heart inside him. Yet, maybe he didn't have any other choice. Poor Kouichi!
| arcadiac chapter 10 . 4/24/2012
God, I'm such an idiot. The whole 'Lion in the Sky' thing was about Kouichi having both lion and eagle/vulture blood! That part is clear now.
And woah. This chapter was crazily exhilarating. Well put together. The whole fiasco about Kouichi's genes are covered, but those Renegades sure are nasty pieces of work. Even nastier to me now. And oh God, Kouji. Not Kouji! My heart STOPPED. What's going to happen now? He has Kouichi's heart. I'm dying to find out. Really, I am. This cliffhanger is just too cruel for words.
I wish I can leave a longer review, but there's testing tomorrow and I gotta hop in the tub.
| arcadiac chapter 7 . 4/24/2012
And I thought the last chapter was explosive. Really I'm at a lost for words. Poor Kouichi! His anguish was almost tangible. However, the flow was a bit odd in some places. I had a bit of difficulty grasping what iexactly/i was flying through Kouichi's head. He wanted to die? Then all the sudden he did not want to die? Or does he still want to end it all? His powers are certainly going out of whack. From what I've observed, if a Talent uses his or her power for too long, they'll sneeze blood or something. I also, however, find it hard to believe that Kouichi's little surge of power failed to hit anyone not the slightest. I guess his restraint iis/i effective somewhat.
God, I'm fidgeting in my seat! Must hit [ NEXT ] button!
- Kura. :3
| arcadiac chapter 5 . 4/24/2012
For some reason my review for this chapter got submitted on to chapter six. Apparently I had not finished writing and sending my review while for chapter seven WHILE I read chapter six. Therefore, when I pressed 'review', my message popped up along with all I had typed for it. Thinking would go ahead post the review for chapter five, I clicked 'Submit Feedback/Review'. Nadda. Didn't happen. So this review is for chapter six.
Anyhow: oh shit.
Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. DAMN.
Explosive chapter! Kouichi and Kouji finally meet. Their confusion at seeing one another was delicious to soak in. How crazy! The fact that Kouichi's mark was on his face drew me in as well. I couldn't quite follow your description of it, so I just drew my own. If there was something relevant about it let me know, and I'll go back and try to think of a visual for it.
You drop hints everywhere in your stories, particularly in the character's musings. If readers were to really pay attention to the subtle clues and hints the characters drop, they'd be up the wall. I'm pretty sure if I read over this story a second time, everything will become clearer and I'd notice things I never noticed before.
I've compiled a list of Kouichi's abilities. Or at least the ones I noticed:
- Something Armageddon-y. Probably a combination of all his powers
- Teleportation. Snazzy. ;D
- Blood blades. Just like it sounds? He can make them out of his blood? Woah. Some kind of molecule-compressing ability? You know, to turn liquids into solids? He's right up there with Tommy.
- Lasers. Red ones. Schyeeaa.
- Changing iris color. Not quite a power, but it's something he can do.
- Darkness manipulation. Well DUH, Kura. Apparently he can use them to make shields and lasers and whatnot.
You've been dropping loads of hints alluding to what a fucked up childhood Kouichi has. I'm pretty sure this, or some of it, will become clear in the very next chapter. I can't wait! Based on all of this, apparently he was experimented on for quite a while. And somehow this ties in to Tomoko and her mother (Kouichi's grandmother). By the way, what happened to them as well? I'm curious to know.
Onto Chapter 7 I go!
| arcadiac chapter 6 . 4/24/2012
Uh-oh. Looks like they've ran into the Renegades. Chiaki, Teppei and Katsuharu's situation is so tragic, particularly Teppei's. So Katsuharu can control plants, huh? Why did I think he can control steel? Am I mistaken? Hmm.
I'd say Takuya's best bet is to go against Katsuharu. But it's raining. That boy is doomed.
Izumi stands a decent chance against all but Teppei. Is it odd that I'm using the Pokemon system? No? Lol. Flying against Water and Plant-types. She needs to aim for Katsuharu.
- Kura. 3
| arcadiac chapter 4 . 4/24/2012
God, my reviews are getting sloppier and sloppier; in particular that last one. Bear with me.
Oh, so that's who that little boy was! I was wondering the entire time. He seemed so random. But now I know, and I'm happy. Yes, Gotsumon's relationship with Kouji was very amusing. He was one of Kouji's morality pets, I suppose, one thing that elicited the changes we saw in him. (:
While we are on the topic of Kouji's characterization, he is pretty accurate. The lone wolf's begrudgingly affectionate attitude towards Satomi is too adorable. He's trying to open up to her. I can actually relate personally to how Kouji feels about his situation, and I also find myself connecting it a little to 'The Chained'. For the personal aspect, my own mother passed recently. 'The Chained' deals with forgiving Kousei for what he's done (obviously). Of course, Kouji was a baby when his mom died, so he doesn't remember much about her. Still, there's a void there nonetheless.
And wait, I just realized: there are three mothers? You have their biological mother who died giving birth to them, Tomoko: Kouichi's mother, and Satomi: the twins' stepmother. Jesus.
On yet another note, I almost thought the twins were going to run into each other on Kouji's little walk, but a part of me reasoned it was still too soon for that. Something tells me you're going to be more dramatic about it.
Kouichi's little sentiments was as emotional as it was poetic, in a way. Great job. I can just imagine him swaying on the stage. Kouichi would look nice dancing. Anyone would. I love the little interaction with the kids, too.
There are some typos here and there. I counted maybe three:
'Scam then.' - was the supposed to the scram?
'Autumn' isn't capitalized is it? Or is that some kind of symbolism? Minor, [i]minor[/i] thing.
Can't find the last one. Don't sweat it!
| Asarikou-chan chapter 10 . 4/24/2012
*Shakes head...stammering...wide eyes...slapping myself then...it is not what it looks, is it...b-but...that stabbing, that thumping. K-Kouji..
I just read the title while reviewing(The vulture of death)...why do I feel it is true that he is gone but...maybe from the others perspective it is different. I mean... Heck, who am I kidding...Waaaaaaaah! I didn't see that coming. At all! I am so lost to even think about Kouichi's cute ears or the first few paragraphs or Katsuharu's "second thoughts or even the coming title*crying in a corner*...
| arcadiac chapter 3 . 4/24/2012
Takuya and Izumi's little banters were both heartwarming and amusing. They act just like typical kids, even with though their powers set them apart. I also find myself adoring Takuya in this story. He's so endearing. (_) Wow. I'm barely older than any of them (Takuya, Izumi, Kouichi, Junpei ..) and I get a very strong mothering feel when it comes to them. At any case, Takuya and Izumi's relationship is spot-on. I'd love to see some Kouji-Takuya interaction pretty soon. It amuses me how Izumi is driving Takuya crazy, and Takuya is the one driving Kouji up the wall. It really depends on perspective, I guess. I'm sure Takuya is just as annoying to Izumi, as likewise. Junpei still has that crush on Izumi, I see? How cute. They all love each other.
Looks like Kouichi and Takuya meet again, along with a nice introduction on Izumi's part. So it seems as if someone wants a little 'bite' of Kouichi, lmoa. But Kouichi's encounter with the drunk was a little confusing. I think some dialogue on the drunk's part would have helped out a LOT. I know he must have been talking a a LOT to irritate Kouichi one minute and be shouting profanities the next.
Kouichi's fright over what he did to the man was so sad and true to his nature. Despite being the carrier of Darkness, he's sensitive. Or is it this whole "destroy the world" vibe I'm getting from him? He's scared he'll lose control? Because it certainly looks like his powers are a bit unstable. I hope he's not supposed to cause Armageddon or something, but it definitely seems to be leaning that way. Poor babe. On another note, find his 'heart'? What does that mean?
Ugh, why the hell do I ask questions and I'm on chapter three? I guess the questions benefit you in knowing what goes through my head as I read, because it's crazy up there. It's as if for every answer I get, there's a new question. And dude, let me tell you, I'll make a good detective agent.
Chapter Four, here we go ~ !
| arcadiac chapter 2 . 4/24/2012
Woah. These powers are dangerous! It looks like they found the Renegade equivalent to the Digidestined of Steel. He's a nasty one. So glad Junpei was vigilant. I adored the action.
And at the same time, I liked Kouji's section. You're a contemplative writer, meaning you focus more on descriptions and innermost thoughts. Other authors engage the reader using more action and less sentimentality. You seem to use a mix of both, still leaning toward the former, which I like. You sure know how to put together a good narrative.
I can admit, though, that Kouji's part did give me a headache. It also gave me the information I needed, information that's necessary for the story to succeed as a whole. I like to think, to try to tie everything together. The Lion in the Sky seems to have a complicated premise. So it was some accident (a bomb or whatnot) that mutated the parents of these children and caused Talents to come into being. Actually, and I'm going off-topic here, you have NO idea how similar that is to an original story I'm writing at this very moment. It deals with four kids, three boys and a girl, whose father experimented on their mother's gametes before they were born, resulting in super-powered kids. It's so awesome, and I'm pleased to see something similar here.
Now, back to 'The Lion in the Sky'! Kouji's part, as I was saying, cleared up so much for me. In fact I think I have no questions from the last chapter waiting to be answered except Kouichi's origin. Kouji seems to know something was up, but of course it's impossible for him to know unless Kousei spills the beans, which I doubt'll be happening any time before Kouichi and Kouji finally meet.
The situation of Renegades is so sad! I'm sympathizing tenfold, now. Good work!
- Kura. _
| arcadiac chapter 1 . 4/24/2012
This first chapter has a lot of questions reeling around in my mind. I'm almost positive the boy that was running was Kouichi. I'd sure like to know what those Renegades would want from him. I suppose since Kouichi isn't a part of the organization, he's a Renegade as well.
Kouichi's encounter with Takuya was skillfully illustrated. I love how realistic it was, in particular the two's casual interaction with one another. Both have had good experience with the Renegades, but neither of them know it. It was brief. Kouichi didn't forget he was on the run, and Takuya likewise didn't forget he had a job to do. I wonder how good their monitoring system is in terms of checking up on one another. Takuya's watch works like a Walkie-Talkie, huh? I guess that's good. I was wondering what would happen if he got very hurt, since he was all by himself.
Wings and a tail? Woah. Didn't see that one coming. I'd like to know what in particular these mutations do to these kids. They're the first generation of Talents, right? Or are there some adult talents wandering around? Curious. I'm glad they're actually getting trained on the specifications of their powers. Most writers skim over a lot of crucial combat details. Knowing scientific and mathematical things helps when fighting; just like how Takuya mentioned "air rose with heat" or something to that effect that he - very much like him, I'd add - forgot.
I know two (three?) Renegades for now: the Earthquake dude, the girl and maybe Kouichi. I'm guessing they killed their families? How sad. Imagine what that'll do to their psyche.
One last thing - you're European aren't you? Or Australian. Canadian? Something to that effect. I notice you use 's' in a lot of places Americans would place 'z's. It's a characteristic I've recognized recently. I read a lot of European books. Words like 'realize', 'practice', ect. are spelled with 's's. Not trying to be stereotypical, but you guys are often quite gifted at the English language, based on some research I did once upon a time.
~ Reading more! Kura.